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RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/25/2009 12:08:07 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

First, what is "asshole" to one person may be desirous and attractive to another, and vice versa.

This was my first thought. I've seen many many people that I thought were horrid assholes. Men or women strutting about claiming themselves to be dominant, women or men fawning all over them. I was utterly lost as to why and totally repulsed by the whole show.

It's obvious to me that my taste is not everyone's. Granted I am not interested in a dominant partner, but I do see a few here and there that I admire and respect.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 21

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/25/2009 12:37:00 PM

ODschainedangel

Posts: 69
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline

ass⋅hole

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/ˈæsˌhoʊl/ Show Spelled Pronunciation

[as-hohl] Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun Vulgar.

1.
anus.

2.
Slang.

a.
a stupid, mean, or contemptible person.

b.
the worst part of a place or thing.–adjective

3.
Slang. stupid, mean, or contemptible.
I was married to an asshole for 15 years. So when I seeked a Master I seeked everything that would not make him one. LOL. If we go by the defintion above. I do think we mix up the word for other things, like Confindent,Strict. My Master is one who says if I don't like the rules then I have two choices learn to like them or leave. Simple. He is however someone who shows me in many ways he loves me. He is always there when I need him. He can give me pain but he does it with Love not just because he is bigger, he is Master and therefore can. He has the right to do anything but he also knows having that right don't always make it right. To me and this is just my thoughts an asshole just believes since he has the right to do anything it is only right that he do so regaurdless my feelings. To me an asshole thinks it is ALL about HIM.

For me I must respect the Man before I can submit to the Master. I would not respect an asshole so I could not submit to one. I also need a smart, wise man to submit to and if you notice one of the difintions here says a "a stupid,mean and contemptiable person.

Just my thoughts not saying is anything wrong if the assholes are who you would want to submit to. We are all different and what I feel makes the lifestyle great is we can all know this and disagree with respect to each other.

Angel

< Message edited by ODschainedangel -- 1/25/2009 12:39:12 PM >

_____________________________

Anyone can Master a weak person, It takes a strong Master to Master a strong girl

(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 22

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/25/2009 12:37:17 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdom58

On another thread, someone who seems wise and experienced said:
" I find ... a lot of sub women want a little bit of an asshole, or confuse a bit of asshole behavior with strong dom behavior."
What has been your experience in this regard? If the statement seems accurate to you, why is it so?

I used to want assholes. And that's exactly what I got. For a long time, I equated, or at least confused, assholism with dominance. It took me a few times of repeating the same mistake with the same type of men, to be able to separate it all out.

A guy can be caring, and nice, and be dominant and firm, without having to be a cold, uncaring, disconnected, arrogant, self-serving prick. I know that some submissives want that, and that's fine for them, and for a while it was fine for me too, but now I see that type of behavior as the easy road to dominance when a dom doesn't have any finesse or any other attributes to use. I guess I've evolved a lot too, and now it just strikes me as the lazy man's path, and it doesn't attract me, hold my interest, or garner my submission any longer.

(in reply to wisdom58)

Post #: 23

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/25/2009 2:13:11 PM

felicean

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/12/2008
Status: offline

I have zero interest in a man who's an "asshole" and we all have our own intereptaion of that...but nonetheless...I like warmth, kindness, niceness. Life is hard enough as it is...Who wants an asshole to deal with? Not me!

(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 24

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/25/2009 5:13:06 PM

MasterTslave

Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

I was married to an asshole! I would NEVER EVER EVVVEEEERRR want to be with one again. He took my life and screwed it up beyond belief and has been a jerk to me and has tried to make my life a living hell because I was sick of dealing with his crap. As for my vote, NO DESIRE of an ASS ever again!

(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 25

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/25/2009 6:43:01 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

Yup, that's why I don't want an asshole. It took me years to recover, hell I still am to a degree and likely always will be from the shit he pulled and still does if opportunity presents which is extremely rare. Thank god i got my head out of my ass and got the hell out finally.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to MasterTslave)

Post #: 26

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/25/2009 8:33:42 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: felicean

I have zero interest in a man who's an "asshole" and we all have our own intereptaion of that...but nonetheless...I like warmth, kindness, niceness. Life is hard enough as it is...Who wants an asshole to deal with? Not me!

AMEN to this!!!

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to felicean)

Post #: 27

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/26/2009 1:45:46 AM

pinnipedster

Posts: 217
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline

I think sometimes looking at it from the outside can give one a bad impression. For instance, if I knew a guy who bossed his girlfriend around, said demeaning things about her to his friends right in front of her, wanted her to keep out of his "serious" conversations with other guys, expected her to wait on him hand and foot, etc., I would absolutely think he was a total asshole. If, on the other hand, I found out that she was a submissive who craved humiliation, the treatment was consensual, that being treated that was turned her on, that would be completely different.

I agree there's a big difference between being Dominant and being an asshole, but I know that I've run into the frustration of finding Dominant women who are...well, too nice. Of course I am glad they care about me as a person and don't want to do me any real physical or emotional harm -- but, well, sometimes I wish they'd be a little more genuinely sadistic, I guess....

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 28

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/26/2009 2:47:05 AM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

I definitely am one that would not have an asshole for a Dominant

(in reply to wisdom58)

Post #: 29

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/26/2009 2:47:56 AM

bamagirl4u

Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
Status: offline

I know a couple of assholes--dated a few--and no...I do NOT desire another one. I am a submissive, but I am also a woman with thoughts, feelings, wants and desires. And...I have a brain...

If he is an asshole...well...he will miss all that which in turn means he will be filed in the "asshole" file.

_____________________________

~Don't settle for the One you can live with~~Wait for the One you can't live without.~
~To thine own self be true~~no compromise.~

(in reply to pinnipedster)

Post #: 30

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/26/2009 8:01:12 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I would never be with an asshole. I was never one for the bad boy image and i would not be attracted to one. I was always attracted to the down to earth guys who are quietly confidant. Not shouting to the world look at me i think i am so wonderful.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to bamagirl4u)

Post #: 31

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/26/2009 10:57:34 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I've dated my fair share of assholes. But they actually came across as nice guys and then as colourederin stated....play the victim card later as a way to manipulate. This kind of asshole, I dread.

My last Dominant was actually called an asshole dom by some friends. It had more to do with his play style which was very cold and 'I don't give a fuck if you like it or not.' and the power dynamics of the relationship which were set up with the same attitude in mind really. I think maybe it made people uncomfortable to see me do things they knew I didn't want to do? I'm not sure.

The thing is...you are never with the couple in private or behind closed doors. No one saw him tell me I was beautiful or cuddle me or take me out to dinner. No one sees the fights, makeups, and private moments that are normal in any relationship.

A lot of time I see these women proclaiming they dated assholes as not dealing very well with the break up. After a break up, you may have the urge to say GOD WHAT AN ASS but you should check against the reality of the relationship and your part in it.

I do like a little bit of asshole in my Dominants. Just to keep me on my toes. ;)

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 32

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/26/2009 3:07:59 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster

I think sometimes looking at it from the outside can give one a bad impression. For instance, if I knew a guy who bossed his girlfriend around, said demeaning things about her to his friends right in front of her, wanted her to keep out of his "serious" conversations with other guys, expected her to wait on him hand and foot, etc., I would absolutely think he was a total asshole. If, on the other hand, I found out that she was a submissive who craved humiliation, the treatment was consensual, that being treated that was turned her on, that would be completely different.

I agree there's a big difference between being Dominant and being an asshole, but I know that I've run into the frustration of finding Dominant women who are...well, too nice. Of course I am glad they care about me as a person and don't want to do me any real physical or emotional harm -- but, well, sometimes I wish they'd be a little more genuinely sadistic, I guess....

I'd still think he was an ass to involve his friends unless the two of them sat down with the friends, explained her kink, and got each of their okays to be subjected to it.

I'm not into sadism, but sometimes I wish that he would express himself clearer. I don't always get from his questions if he wants it done immediately or just in the next day or two. And I need this to prioritize.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to pinnipedster)

Post #: 33

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/27/2009 3:23:26 AM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

I have a dom who is an asshole. I don't care how he treats the rest of the world. My Lord is wonderful to me. I wouldn't change him for a minute, but he's smart enough to be good at it.

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 34

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/27/2009 2:50:11 PM

wisdom58

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline

Thank you, all, for the replies.

If LA is correct that " a lot of sub women want a little bit of an asshole", they rarely identify themselves as such in this thread. There are many potential reason for this that do not challenge LA's observation, but it is interesting that only a few would publicly state here that they want an asshole for a Dom.

A significant percentage of respondents expressed a preference for "all of the above." Meaning, they said the desired a Dom who exhibits asshole behavior to others but not usually to them, or who is an asshole at the appropriate time and place with them but is nice and caring most other times, or who flashes this behavior just enough to remind them that he has it in him but generally comports himself in a more civil fashion. Brings to mind several archetypes describing what men "secretly" want/ find attractive in women, i.e. "the hooker with a heart of gold," or "the Madonna/whore." Seems like a lot of us really do "want it all" and find great thrill in experiencing extreme duality in a single package. Perhaps the abiding comfort of the good/civil side allows us more easily to draw deeply from the thrill of the challenging and unconventional.

Anyway, thanks again for your responses. I learned something or, at least, I think I did.

(in reply to wisdom58)

Post #: 35

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/28/2009 12:13:14 PM

hamster11

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

i once had a Dom tell me that if he wasnt an asshole i wouldnt be interested. funny though cause he made this statement about two years after i had stopped being interested in him. its funny how some Doms see things sometimes.

(in reply to wisdom58)

Post #: 36

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/28/2009 12:16:24 PM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hamster11

i once had a Dom tell me that if he wasnt an asshole i wouldnt be interested. funny though cause he made this statement about two years after i had stopped being interested in him. its funny how some Doms see things sometimes.

it is human to say stupid things afther a relation ends..it is not the "Doms"

(in reply to hamster11)

Post #: 37

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/28/2009 12:21:36 PM

torturedmuse

Posts: 38
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline

<fr>

I have to admit that once in awhile I enjoy when my M is an asshole. I have no idea why it gets my lil motor running, but it does.

Now if I were meeting someone new, I am sure I would probably feel a bit different. I personally don't find so much wrong with the attitude if you have something to back it up. The main issues I have had is with the assholes that have no meat (so to speak) to back up the shit they are spreading around.

_____________________________

~I have been collared since October 6, 2006~

My submission is gift to him, as his dominance is a gift to me.

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(in reply to hamster11)

Post #: 38

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/28/2009 12:31:50 PM

hamster11

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

you are right. it isnt "the Doms". but like i said it is SOME Doms.

(in reply to JustDarkness)

Post #: 39

RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/28/2009 1:49:21 PM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

If I may expound on this a bit.

To me an alpha is a man who is confident, commanding and assertive. He knows his self worth and is comfortable with the world around him.

An asshole tends to be insecure, in order to try to fool others into thinking that he's better then he thinks he is he tends to act arrogent, demanding and aggressive.

To me the difference between the two is really subtle-- upon a brief glance they appear the same, but upon further scrutiny, the asshole demands that people think that he's wonderful whereas the alpha lets his quality speak for itself and doesn't worry about what conclusions others come to.

You just painted the perfect picture of my ex!
I admit to being initially attracted to his asshole behavior because it convinced me he was a "real' man but looking back I can see my own huge insecurities there.
The funny thing is I continually convinced myself during the four long years of us being together, that he really had a soft center but now understand that his softer side was just manipulative and all the more controlling On reflection I consented to the abuse (never physical) but it was continually like crossing a battlefield.
What I got out of it (at the time) was a very close connection with my past abuse issues but on realization of that I was able to gain the strength to end it and get out.

Maria

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 40

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