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RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/28/2009 2:57:29 PM   
sparkyRBF


Posts: 157
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdom58

On another thread, someone who seems wise and experienced said:
" I find ... a lot of sub women want a little bit of an asshole, or confuse a bit of asshole behavior with strong dom behavior."
What has been your experience in this regard?  If the statement seems accurate to you, why is it so?



I like to come back and quote the original post because after reading through the threads i end up wanting to answer something different then the OP.  

I feel that 'asshole' is subjective.   True, it has a set definition.  And i have always found that an asshole is someone who is mean for the sake of it and has nothing to do with 'Domilyness'   A sub can be an asshole just as much as a Dom can. But i think people are drawn to it because of the challenge.  "i'm gonna make the asshole like me whether they like it or not!"  or "i'll be special if i'm the only one s/he likes"   

To be honest, Master can be an asshole, just in the same way that i can go from 'sweet sparky' to '0 to bitch in 30 seconds'.   Master is just as human as i am and has bad days, bad times and i realize that it doesn't mean he loves me any less, he may just not like me so much. 

I don't crave or even like his 'asshole' side but i'm realistic enough to know i'm not the only one who is going to have a bad day.  And i always love him, even if i don't like him from time to time.  

Can't always be unicorns and fairy tales.  (sorry oceanwynds hon)

If we didn't have the bad, would we appreciate the good?

Sincerely

sparkyRBF
happily owned slave of
RedBotttomFarms

(in reply to wisdom58)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/28/2009 3:32:13 PM   
torturedmuse


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sparkyRBF

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdom58

On another thread, someone who seems wise and experienced said:
" I find ... a lot of sub women want a little bit of an asshole, or confuse a bit of asshole behavior with strong dom behavior."
What has been your experience in this regard?  If the statement seems accurate to you, why is it so?



I like to come back and quote the original post because after reading through the threads i end up wanting to answer something different then the OP.  

I feel that 'asshole' is subjective.   True, it has a set definition.  And i have always found that an asshole is someone who is mean for the sake of it and has nothing to do with 'Domilyness'   A sub can be an asshole just as much as a Dom can. But i think people are drawn to it because of the challenge.  "i'm gonna make the asshole like me whether they like it or not!"  or "i'll be special if i'm the only one s/he likes"   

To be honest, Master can be an asshole, just in the same way that i can go from 'sweet sparky' to '0 to bitch in 30 seconds'.   Master is just as human as i am and has bad days, bad times and i realize that it doesn't mean he loves me any less, he may just not like me so much. 

I don't crave or even like his 'asshole' side but i'm realistic enough to know i'm not the only one who is going to have a bad day.  And i always love him, even if i don't like him from time to time.  

Can't always be unicorns and fairy tales.  (sorry oceanwynds hon)

If we didn't have the bad, would we appreciate the good?

Sincerely

sparkyRBF
happily owned slave of
RedBotttomFarms



After reading your post I would agree it's pretty subjective.  Probably what I consider "asshole" behavior isn't what someone else would.  I don't think anyone should ever be mean just for the sake of being abusive, or because they feel like it.  I do like a bit of attitude once in a while, or some self-confidence.  It's not something I would want to live with on a daily basis and it's for sure not something I would find attractive in any man other than my M.

Hopefully that clarifies it and also keeps the asshole dom attitudes out of my bulk mailbox :)


_____________________________

~I have been collared since October 6, 2006~
My submission is gift to him, as his dominance is a gift to me.
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/28/2009 4:52:59 PM   
sparkyRBF


Posts: 157
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: torturedmuse

After reading your post I would agree it's pretty subjective.  Probably what I consider "asshole" behavior isn't what someone else would.  I don't think anyone should ever be mean just for the sake of being abusive, or because they feel like it.  I do like a bit of attitude once in a while, or some self-confidence.  It's not something I would want to live with on a daily basis and it's for sure not something I would find attractive in any man other than my M.

Hopefully that clarifies it and also keeps the asshole dom attitudes out of my bulk mailbox :)



I think i know what you mean, and even when i was saying that Master can be an asshole on bad days i still didn't mean he was being mean just for the sake of it.   Usually his irritation has a rational source.  But it is definitely not something i live with every day.  I would say maybe once ever six months something really gets to him.   The good times grossly outweigh the bad times. 

And i never thought also when reading your post that you felt your M was being mean for the sake of being mean.  Actually went back and re read what you posted because i had forgotten.   Thank you for clarifying though 




_____________________________

sparkyRBF
Happily owned slave
of
RedBotttomFarms

(in reply to torturedmuse)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 1/28/2009 7:36:17 PM   
torturedmuse


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline 		Sorry, I was using your post as an example.  I hope you didn't think I was disagreeing with you or anything like that.  What I appreciated from your post is the thought of "asshole" as someone just being a jerk (basically).  I think that when I consider the term I more mean his "attitude" rather just being a butthead for no reason at all.

I agree we all have bad days and my M is an ass sometimes and it's nowhere close to sexy.  I know that the good days far outweigh the bad though and that's why I just chalk it up to him being human.

When I think of asshole I think of a confidence, a sexiness, an almost erotic domination.  When others think of the term I am sure they just see someone being a regular old creep.


_____________________________

~I have been collared since October 6, 2006~
My submission is gift to him, as his dominance is a gift to me.
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 2/10/2009 6:11:06 PM   
VAcontroldom


Posts: 65
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		I often observe it can be more useful to use examples when words can be interpreted.

I'm sitting in a Chinese restaurant with a woman.  I glance at the tea pot.  I look her in the eye.  Slowly and deliberately I say "you may serve the tea now"

To some, telling someone to serve tea as opposed to asking would make me an asshole.  For most of the submissives I have known, it would be considered knowing them well and they would be thankful for having a chance to perform a simple but very nice service in a public place



(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 2/11/2009 7:02:32 PM   
omega1955sjoy


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

This Girl, has a question about whether or not my "ONE" would fall under the catagory of BAD BOY<ASSHOLE or The Alpha Omega Gorean Master who is trying to teach me his ways without really saying anything. Ok here it goes. Unfortunately at this time we live exactly 211 miles from one another which makes it difficult in itself. Yet I am very dutiful, I get up every morn, at 6:30 am < 7:30 am his time and get ready, completely bath ,hair done, make up done, dog walked for blks, coffee made and i am sitting in front of the pc at exactly 8:00 am with out fail on cam. And yes there have been mornings that i have waited and waited and waited and no response period. Total ignore.. Now i am not whinning by no means i am merely asking what the differnence is here ok.. Just like this morn no response no thoughtful offline saying, like i am just not into talking today catch you later or tomorrow. But you see even though i can be a royal asshole at times i would still be thoughtful enough to do that. But he is a Gorean Master and perhaps they do those things.. i am new to the Gorean life as a slave but not as to being a slave i was treated much differently by my last Master. So is it an Alpha's nature to ignore his slave at any given time without warning and not expect her to have some kind of deeply hurt feelings by this behavior or am i wrong to feel this way. I would really like answers here. Please i am at a loss....he doesn't want any emotions or hear any of my issues no matter how simple they are. Like my transmission being blown and i need to repair it. So i guess he would be considered a no-nonsense kind of person right. Just very blatant, and honest, no BS, no issues. Just life the way he wants and needs it. I would still like some advice, please.

omega1955sjoy/srln:654-049-049

_____________________________


owned by omegamaster1955

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 2/11/2009 7:32:09 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Is this a fulfilling relationship for you? What do you get out of the interaction? what level of mental manipulation do you want in your life? Is it "right"? well it seems right to him or he wouldn't do it. but there are lots of schisms in Gorean about if just any man is really capable of owning a slave. The fact that you are posting here rather than on the Gor thread suggests that you want input from outside that dynamic. if that is true, really true, then you have some soul searching to do.  

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to omega1955sjoy)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 2/11/2009 10:04:01 PM   
omega1955sjoy


Posts: 30
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Please the reason why i am posting here is because i understood that i had to join the Gorean forums prior to posting any threads and i saw this thread and i thought perhaps the sisters on here may be of some help on the advice department on my reactions to his ignoring me and is that normal for a Gorean Master. It was a simply question really i didn't mean to on about. But i was just wandering if he was to be considered an a - hole or it was just the ways of a Gorean Master as i stated, i haven't been a Gorean slave that long. And he did give me permission to ask other female Gorean slaves questions if i have any. I am sorry if i offended you in any way. i just really want to learn. And i don't understand why some are making it so difficult on here for me, i have read far worse questions that i have ask here today.
I really want more than anything in the world to please my Master, he honestly fills my heart and soul like no other has ever done and he takes me places in my mind that i never new possible. He is just very strong and powerful and i am still learning his little quirks. i tried posting over the weekend and i wasn't welcomed really, but then earlier i noticed that it said i needed to join so i don't exactly know what is going on maybe you could tell me.

thank you for your reply though maybe we could connect again:

Be well & in peace
omega 1955sjoy/srln:654-049-049

_____________________________


owned by omegamaster1955

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 2/12/2009 6:37:31 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		Ok a simple answer? He could be both. He could be a less than prepared Gorean Master or he could just be a flake. Shunning (being ignored)  is one of the worst, most mentally damaging things that can happen to a person (this is why i asked if you want mental manipulation), but it is possible that he doesn't know that or isn't as commited to the process of bonding as you are.

From the little you have told us about him and what you have told us about you and your feelings, it is impossible to say if he is a Gorean Master, asshole, or much of anything else. What is apparent is that you are NOT happy with the situation, and if you want to know if this is normal for Gor, you need to sign up for those threads and talk to those people.

I notice that no Goean slave has answered your post, and you have permission (only?) to ask them questions, soooo... You are so unhappy/unfulfilled/confused/angry/bored that you are acting out (breaking a rule) and asking for external permission to call him an Asshole.

I hereby give you permission to think he is being a giant asshole and to take some time to decide if your drive to be a slave is best filled through Gorean tradition or one of the other traditions or in a relationship with one or more people who make their own rules.

Feel free to message me on this site if you are still in distress. I will listen *read* and perhaps all you really need is to be heard right now.


_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to omega1955sjoy)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 2/12/2009 8:23:03 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Real men can be doms, assholes only think they are one or the other.

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Desiring an Asshole Dom? - 2/14/2009 1:11:07 PM   
crazyredhead1957


Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Some people confuse domineering with dominant and arrogant with confidant.

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

A guy can be caring, and nice, and be dominant and firm, without having to be a cold, uncaring, disconnected, arrogant, self-serving prick. 

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

There's a difference between asshole and alpha. I like alpha very much and one that isn't afraid to show his softer side………I think asshole gets confused with alpha, dominant, strong, and self assured a lot of times. They are not the same.

 
Agree.  Agree.  Agree.  i like a strong, firm Dominant.....One Who means business and i still feel loved.

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 51
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