RE: What makes you stay here?

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chiaThePet -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/24/2009 11:14:46 PM)
And they took my shoes. chia* (the pet)

Usako -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/24/2009 11:16:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aussiesub07 I mean, if you are a single domme who seeks a relationship on this site and has been here for a long time, what stops you from being interested in all the male subs who contact you, which would be 100s or 1000s? Out of a 100 e-mails a female dominant might get, at least 80 of them will beg for strap ons, or spankings or to worship whatever part of her body. Then if she talks to the 20 that don't, 10 of those will begin to talk about nothing but BDSM once they get their foot in the door. Then the 10 that don't, she might meet and 5 of those will have HUGE flaws in a social setting. Then she may be left with 5 and who is to say those 5 will work long term or not. And I'm being generous to say she'd actually be left with 5 decent submissive males out of 100.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/24/2009 11:21:39 PM)
I have been here a long time, and I do not want a puppy. Otters can have mine. [;)]

DelilahDeb -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/24/2009 11:45:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aussiesub07 I appreciate everyones opinion but for some, I think my question has been misunderstood. In my question I am only meaning the dommes who are single and looking. Not the dommes who are here for other reasons such as forums, catching up with friends, or the ones who are taken etc. <snip> I've been here for a year or so. I am single, a domina, and looking. But. I am not looking for the one and only, I am not here to find the love of my life. Been there, done that, paid the alimony. (Literally.) I am, however, looking. Quite apart from that, I do find the boards a source of information and insight, one way and another. Lady Delilah Deb

UPSG -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/24/2009 11:56:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Usako quote: ORIGINAL: aussiesub07 I mean, if you are a single domme who seeks a relationship on this site and has been here for a long time, what stops you from being interested in all the male subs who contact you, which would be 100s or 1000s? Out of a 100 e-mails a female dominant might get, at least 80 of them will beg for strap ons, or spankings or to worship whatever part of her body. Then if she talks to the 20 that don't, 10 of those will begin to talk about nothing but BDSM once they get their foot in the door. Then the 10 that don't, she might meet and 5 of those will have HUGE flaws in a social setting. Then she may be left with 5 and who is to say those 5 will work long term or not. And I'm being generous to say she'd actually be left with 5 decent submissive males out of 100. Not to be disrespectful, but a sex oriented site, geared toward BDSM, would understandably draw those kinds of emails or PM's, and with a significant frequency. If you want to learn Algebra you don't study English. A person doesn't enter a boxing gym looking for banjo players. I've only thus far PM'd one dominate woman, and I hope I did so with some degree or courtesy, my interest in the PM admittedly was related to the theme of domination and submmision including the sexual component. Fortunately for me I didn't start off with one of those hardcore begging or requesting emails or PM's many of you have talked unfavorably about. And I can understand the tiredness, and unattractiveness of something like that. That said I also understand the male mind - influenced by the hormone of testosterone - and irregardless of their fetish, male sexual arousal is quick, explosive, and can be extremely overwhelimg. Combine that with sex oriented site for BDSM and I understand the logic of the male fetish mind emailing dominate women for sex related BDSM interest and not tutoring sessions in French. In the minds of many males I'm sure, a BDSM geared board is a better place to potentially meet the kind of dominate women they desire, as opposed to an online web forum devoted to Zen Buddhism or recreating chivalry in society. You (plural you) jump your boots in Vietnam, you would do well to expect encounters with the Vietcong.

Alixandria -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 12:05:26 AM)
Back when I was looking I did it strictly through either local email groups or through events. What I was looking for was fairly specific, plus I wanted to get over the "looks" thing without pain to myself. Unfortunately, in an online setting, the fact that I come off as sometimes wicked smart led the fellows to believe that I was also a "babe". Something I most definitely am not. Several experiences where I could see the fellow's face visibly drop when they saw who was actually showing up for the coffee (i.e., not the porn star that they had been fantasizing about), persuaded me that I would never find someone from online. BTW, yes I did brief these fellows that I am an aging dumpy old woman but I expect they thought it was "false modesty". In real life events, at least the looks thing has been resolved before the conversation. For reasons I won't go into here, I stopped going to the events to do my searching. And hence the search has stopped. But I am so in love with the talk here (especially the train wrecks) that here I am. Every so often I get bored, drop out for a few weeks. And then come back for yet more train wrecks. Alix <heading back to the statistics homework she has been avoiding>

Usako -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 12:24:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UPSG Not to be disrespectful, but a sex oriented site, geared toward BDSM, would understandably draw those kinds of emails or PM's, and with a significant frequency. If you want to learn Algebra you don't study English. A person doesn't enter a boxing gym looking for banjo players. I've only thus far PM'd one dominate woman, and I hope I did so with some degree or courtesy, my interest in the PM admittedly was related to the theme of domination and submmision including the sexual component. Fortunately for me I didn't start off with one of those hardcore begging or requesting emails or PM's many of you have talked unfavorably about. And I can understand the tiredness, and unattractiveness of something like that. That said I also understand the male mind - influenced by the hormone of testosterone - and irregardless of their fetish, male sexual arousal is quick, explosive, and can be extremely overwhelimg. Combine that with sex oriented site for BDSM and I understand the logic of the male fetish mind emailing dominate women for sex related BDSM interest and not tutoring sessions in French. In the minds of many males I'm sure, a BDSM geared board is a better place to potentially meet the kind of dominate women they desire, as opposed to an online web forum devoted to Zen Buddhism or recreating chivalry in society. You (plural you) jump your boots in Vietnam, you would do well to expect encounters with the Vietcong. 1) It's dominant, not dominate woman. 2) I don't care if this site was about flying monkey lovers, it only takes someone with half a brain to READ A PROFILE and see what the woman is interested in/looking for before messaging her. Some women might be here for just kinky sex and if they say so in their profile then more power to them. But those that don't do not deserve the flood of perverts that spam them because they're too lazy or too horny to read. 3) Maybe if men actually stopped thinking with their cocks and with their brain and used a bit of common sense, they'd have better luck in finding what they wanted. "Oh, this woman is taken and only looking for friendship; better not message her." "Oh, this woman is looking for a long term d/s relationship, I'm not so better not message her." "Oh, this one is looking for play partners, I guess I'll try to message her." 4) AND I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT KIND OF SITE THIS OR ANY OTHER IS, PEOPLE DESERVE RESPECT! And fucking sick wanker e-mail is NOT respectful! Geez. But nooooooooooooooo submissive men just never fucking understand. It's all about them them them them them them. Fucking makes me sick. Even if this was a site for kinky under the bridge sex people deserve some fucking common courtesy. Grown fucking men spamming women about their cocks and their stupid fantasies.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 12:25:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UPSG Not to be disrespectful, but a sex oriented site, geared toward BDSM, would understandably draw those kinds of emails or PM's, and with a significant frequency. If you want to learn Algebra you don't study English. A person doesn't enter a boxing gym looking for banjo players. Combine that with sex oriented site for BDSM and I understand the logic of the male fetish mind emailing dominate women for sex related BDSM interest and not tutoring sessions in French. Here's a newsflash for you: D/s IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX!!! Guess what, it takes a lot more to serve a dominant woman than getting naked on your knees. A lot of what happens in a bdsm relationship has nothing at all to do with what happens between your legs and everything to do with what happens between your ears. If you can't stimulate my mind, you sure as hell can't get me wet. Even if it was just about sex, a random email from some schmuck with a laundry list of stuff he wants done to him is not going to impress anyone. Do you walk around the pub with your dick in your hand? I rather doubt it. There's no logical reason to expect solicitations for sex to go over better on a bdsm site than any other place you might expect to meet a woman. If anyone thinks it is, then they're probably the individuals generating the most frustration and the fewest replies.

aussiesub07 -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 12:30:29 AM)
To what UPSG said, I think for many women either for it to be in the vanilla world or not, sex or the sexual side of BDSM is mostly or only good when it's the women's idea. If its the man's idea, he is guilty of being a person who only wants to use women for sex or BDSM.

chiaThePet -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 12:33:22 AM)
And they have the key to the CB3000. chia* (the pet)

MzMinx -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 12:39:03 AM)
As a dominant on the same continent smiles who is single at this time ... I find their is a significant difference in numbers of males who call themselves submissives or slaves who in my definition are bottoms or fetishists ... in other words they seek a specific activity or bits of clothing to spark their sexual desires, where as I, like many dominant woman seek service as well as the bdsm bits... If I wanted kinky sex or bdsm play with little or no strings I have hundreds and hundreds to choose from .. even in australia where we have a small population.... but a male who sparks my desire to dominate him and who seeks to submit to more than sex play is a little more rare grins and being the fussy feline that I am, I also tend to be drawn to ones I have things in common with outside of kink and D/s .... Getting the right mix of chemistry, location, life styles, desires, etc is not always easy even if you do get a flood of emails every day ... indeed i bet I soemtiems loose soem of the gems online because their writting styles do not engage my attention I have been to the bdsm clubs here .... and met many many in real ... but right now I have other things that have taken my attention and do not have much time for them but within melbourne its a small circle of people, so I do not as such think it increases my chances of finding what I seek ... but I will wander back to socilising at some stage

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 12:42:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aussiesub07 To what UPSG said, I think for many women either for it to be in the vanilla world or not, sex or the sexual side of BDSM is mostly or only good when it's the women's idea. If its the man's idea, he is guilty of being a person who only wants to use women for sex or BDSM. On the contrary, I'm quite happy for the man to initiate flirting that is likely to lead to sex. *Once I get to know him* and have established a mutual attraction. The problem seems to stem from the fact that men on dating sites, both vanilla and kinky, behave as though the fact that a woman has posted a profile means the woman in question has already given explicit permission to approach her in a salacious fashion, bypassing the usual stages of courtship such as "Hello" and go straight to "wanna fuck?" Just because he's horny doesn't mean she's interested.

Voodali -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 12:45:54 AM)
quote: I mean, if you are a single domme who seeks a relationship on this site and has been here for a long time, what stops you from being interested in all the male subs who contact you, which would be 100s or 1000s? The reason I'm single is that I refuse to settle. I've decided to demand everything I want, not only an excellent slave, but a friend and confidant to whom I am attracted, who is attracted to me and who is compatible with me in the ways that matter. I don't know why fate, or god, or chance or my own shortcoming has made it that I have not found anyone near my geographical location who fits that profile, but that's just how it is. I've "met" several boys who live prohibitively far away who are absolutely charming, but I'm not in a position to travel, and I have yet to have one of them travel to me. I refuse to give up hope though. As far as you boys doing anything wrong...well...some of you do things wrong, things that offend us, or have incompatible kinks, or see us not as people but as a means of fulfilling your kink, but the majority of you simply don't make us feel the necessary spark (through no fault of your own) or live too far away to do anything about it if we did feel a spark. Thanks for asking though, it kind of makes me feel better.

MzMinx -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 12:52:47 AM)
laughs I agree with Sylvere I have no problems with learning all sorts of sexual and kinky desires of a mans over time .... but just like I dont casualy fuck .. I am not interested in just his bdsm kinks .. nor just in his cock ... but in all of him, as I seek a relationship .. not just sex, kinky or otherwise If a man wants casual no strings bdsm and/or sex play .. that is perfectly fine and I do not think a man or a woman is wrong for desiring it ....but its not what I seek, and my profile quite clearly states that and I also repeat it in any initial contacts, so the only time I get a little frustrated is when those who do just want casual ... try and convince me that they are what I seek in order to hopefully get what they want.... so its not about it being my or his idea .. its about haveing matching ideas Within a relationship I love all sorts of sexual play ... and not all started by me either soft laugh but as a Dom I do have a little thing about enjoying control and power .. and love teasing ... smiles so makeing a boy work for his pleasure is at times part of the enjoyment... but I love male sexuality ... but I want to be sexual and intimate within a relationship

UPSG -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 1:48:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Usako quote: ORIGINAL: UPSG Not to be disrespectful, but a sex oriented site, geared toward BDSM, would understandably draw those kinds of emails or PM's, and with a significant frequency. If you want to learn Algebra you don't study English. A person doesn't enter a boxing gym looking for banjo players. I've only thus far PM'd one dominate woman, and I hope I did so with some degree or courtesy, my interest in the PM admittedly was related to the theme of domination and submmision including the sexual component. Fortunately for me I didn't start off with one of those hardcore begging or requesting emails or PM's many of you have talked unfavorably about. And I can understand the tiredness, and unattractiveness of something like that. That said I also understand the male mind - influenced by the hormone of testosterone - and irregardless of their fetish, male sexual arousal is quick, explosive, and can be extremely overwhelimg. Combine that with sex oriented site for BDSM and I understand the logic of the male fetish mind emailing dominate women for sex related BDSM interest and not tutoring sessions in French. In the minds of many males I'm sure, a BDSM geared board is a better place to potentially meet the kind of dominate women they desire, as opposed to an online web forum devoted to Zen Buddhism or recreating chivalry in society. You (plural you) jump your boots in Vietnam, you would do well to expect encounters with the Vietcong. 1) It's dominant, not dominate woman. 2) I don't care if this site was about flying monkey lovers, it only takes someone with half a brain to READ A PROFILE and see what the woman is interested in/looking for before messaging her. Some women might be here for just kinky sex and if they say so in their profile then more power to them. But those that don't do not deserve the flood of perverts that spam them because they're too lazy or too horny to read. 3) Maybe if men actually stopped thinking with their cocks and with their brain and used a bit of common sense, they'd have better luck in finding what they wanted. "Oh, this woman is taken and only looking for friendship; better not message her." "Oh, this woman is looking for a long term d/s relationship, I'm not so better not message her." "Oh, this one is looking for play partners, I guess I'll try to message her." 4) AND I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT KIND OF SITE THIS OR ANY OTHER IS, PEOPLE DESERVE RESPECT! And fucking sick wanker e-mail is NOT respectful! Geez. But nooooooooooooooo submissive men just never fucking understand. It's all about them them them them them them. Fucking makes me sick. Even if this was a site for kinky under the bridge sex people deserve some fucking common courtesy. Grown fucking men spamming women about their cocks and their stupid fantasies. Well, I'm sure you could find quite a number of people in this world, that would say dominant women involved in BDSM are guilty of pride and vainglory. And I think you read to much into my post. I was only trying to say that it is reasonable to presume men of certain fetishes will be emailing and PMing dominant women on this site with eager requests. I say that because the hormone testosterone has a significant effect on male arousal and consequently on how males pursue the ends to gratifying that. Sure, some of the behaviors involve other factors such as personality, social training, and other things I'm sure. But I really believe one major factor is simply the biological make up of the male. If a man better learns how most women are aroused and think it can probaly save him some waisted energy and frustration. I think that is true for women too when it comes to the male sex. All the subjective sociological view points in the world won't change the objective reality of the effects testosterone has on males.

DrkJourney -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 1:49:42 AM)
First: Usako, Sylvere, MzMinx....Bravo! Very well said. Second: This is not a "sex" site, it's an adult site. If you think D/s is all about your private parts, you need to do some more research. I don't care what kind of website this is, you are talking to people, and sometimes people would like to get to know you a little...hello, how are you...before you go and whip your dick out. You can go to theme oriented sites and theme oriented places it means you want to hang around people that have the same tastes, it means you want to find another that have the same tastes as you do, doesn't mean they want to just sit behind a computer and do nothing but talk about said theme 24/7. I get so tired Domme = whore Just because we are on this site we are no longer women, that you don't have to bother to respect. You can just be as crass as they want in their approach and we are supposed to be fine with that because this is a "sex" oriented site, pretty lame. Being the woman's "idea"? Maybe that's not the problem, maybe you try too much too soon? If a man I just met in either "world" started talking about sex all the time and that's all he wanted to talk about, why would I be interested in him? I don't know any woman that thinks it's peachy keen just to be wanted for sex. Some want just "fun" or something casual....that's cool, go find them...but some of us want the whole package, we want a relationship based in D/s. That takes a little longer to find. Bottom line, don't assume everyone wants the same thing you want. If you bother to read or even scan profiles, and don't just send out spam emails to anything with a pulse, you will see what she is looking for and if it fits what you want. That way if all you want to talk about is D/s, trust me...there are plenty out there that can help you out...but for those that want something different don't try to manipulate them to fit what you want.

BitaTruble -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 2:00:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Usako It's all about them them them them them them. quote: I say that because the hormone testosterone has a significant effect on male arousal and consequently on how males pursue the ends to gratifying that. See what she wrote? See what you wrote? You just proved her point, so I think she read you quite well.

DrkJourney -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 2:01:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UPSG Well, I'm sure you could find quite a number of people in this world, that would say dominant women involved in BDSM are guilty of pride and vainglory. And I think you read to much into my post. I was only trying to say that it is reasonable to presume men of certain fetishes will be emailing and PMing dominant women on this site with eager requests. I say that because the hormone testosterone has a significant effect on male arousal and consequently on how males pursue the ends to gratifying that. Sure, some of the behaviors involve other factors such as personality, social training, and other things I'm sure. But I really believe one major factor is simply the biological make up of the male. If a man better learns how most women are aroused and think it can probaly save him some waisted energy and frustration. I think that is true for women too when it comes to the male sex. All the subjective sociological view points in the world won't change the objective reality of the effects testosterone has on males. Well, I'm sure you could find quite a number of people in this world, that would say dominant women involved in BDSM are guilty of pride and vainglory. And I think you read to much into my post. I was only trying to say that it is reasonable to presume men of certain fetishes will be emailing and PMing dominant women on this site with eager requests. I say that because the hormone testosterone has a significant effect on male arousal and consequently on how males pursue the ends to gratifying that. Sure, some of the behaviors involve other factors such as personality, social training, and other things I'm sure. But I really believe one major factor is simply the biological make up of the male. If a man better learns how most women are aroused and think it can probaly save him some waisted energy and frustration. I think that is true for women too when it comes to the male sex. All the subjective sociological view points in the world won't change the objective reality of the effects testosterone has on males. So are you saying that guys are just led by their dicks? You have no brains and no common sense? Wow, you sure are selling men short...what a generalization. Just because they have a hard on that they are not excused from being respectful. that's like a guy getting off for rape because of the way the woman was dressed. I don't care if she's naked doesn't give you the right to just take her. Kind of don't have a very high opinion of yourself if you are saying that you can't override your dick and do what's right....lol Just because you are "aroused" doesn't give you the right to be rude. Again, bottom line....you are talking to "people"...not virtual whores on a computer screen. They are flesh and blood just like you...treat them with the same respect as you want to receive.

UPSG -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 2:04:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan quote: ORIGINAL: UPSG Not to be disrespectful, but a sex oriented site, geared toward BDSM, would understandably draw those kinds of emails or PM's, and with a significant frequency. If you want to learn Algebra you don't study English. A person doesn't enter a boxing gym looking for banjo players. Combine that with sex oriented site for BDSM and I understand the logic of the male fetish mind emailing dominate women for sex related BDSM interest and not tutoring sessions in French. Here's a newsflash for you: D/s IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX!!! Guess what, it takes a lot more to serve a dominant woman than getting naked on your knees. A lot of what happens in a bdsm relationship has nothing at all to do with what happens between your legs and everything to do with what happens between your ears. If you can't stimulate my mind, you sure as hell can't get me wet. Even if it was just about sex, a random email from some schmuck with a laundry list of stuff he wants done to him is not going to impress anyone. Do you walk around the pub with your dick in your hand? I rather doubt it. There's no logical reason to expect solicitations for sex to go over better on a bdsm site than any other place you might expect to meet a woman. If anyone thinks it is, then they're probably the individuals generating the most frustration and the fewest replies. Walking around in a bar with my dick in my hand my evoke some reactions (perhaps physical) that I wouldn't want. If a woman walks around naked in a bar - even though we are often told touch a woman naked in front of you is not a right - might potentially lead to her rape. Whether that be right or wrong the odds for her being raped I will presume goes up. You fly planes into banking towers in New York, the financial capital of the most powerful nation on earth, you might be wise to expect to find Rangers low crawling on your rocky position in Afghanistan. Whether or not you like that American response is besides the point. And apparently, on BDSM sites like this, dominant women are flooded with more eager requests, in what they regard as obnoxious and insulting private messages, than they care for. In a perfect world, I suppose that wouldn't happen. However, I'm just stating I understand how males think, and it would be reasonable to presume many would do exactly what some of you don't like. And yes, there is a logical reason to presume PMing women on BDSM sites will go over better, especially if you're into sissy fetish and the like, than looking for that in other social atmospheres where fetishes like that are extremely looked down upon.

UPSG -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 2:05:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan quote: ORIGINAL: aussiesub07 To what UPSG said, I think for many women either for it to be in the vanilla world or not, sex or the sexual side of BDSM is mostly or only good when it's the women's idea. If its the man's idea, he is guilty of being a person who only wants to use women for sex or BDSM. On the contrary, I'm quite happy for the man to initiate flirting that is likely to lead to sex. *Once I get to know him* and have established a mutual attraction. The problem seems to stem from the fact that men on dating sites, both vanilla and kinky, behave as though the fact that a woman has posted a profile means the woman in question has already given explicit permission to approach her in a salacious fashion, bypassing the usual stages of courtship such as "Hello" and go straight to "wanna fuck?" Just because he's horny doesn't mean she's interested. Fair enough. Very good post.

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