RE: What makes you stay here? (Full Version)

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Usako -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 2:10:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UPSG
Well, I'm sure you could find quite a number of people in this world, that would say dominant women involved in BDSM are guilty of pride and vainglory. And I think you read to much into my post. I was only trying to say that it is reasonable to presume men of certain fetishes will be emailing and PMing dominant women on this site with eager requests. I say that because the hormone testosterone has a significant effect on male arousal and consequently on how males pursue the ends to gratifying that. Sure, some of the behaviors involve other factors such as personality, social training, and other things I'm sure. But I really believe one major factor is simply the biological make up of the male.

If a man better learns how most women are aroused and think it can probaly save him some waisted energy and frustration. I think that is true for women too when it comes to the male sex. All the subjective sociological view points in the world won't change the objective reality of the effects testosterone has on males.



Really? I had no idea that testosterone meant a man couldn't use his brain. I guess I missed that lecture in my bio class.

Tt's a simple formula.
Read Profile + Critical Thinking = E-mailing the right woman for what a guy wants.

I didn't know testosterone was to blame for the Turkish dude that messaged me (IN TURKEY MIND YOU) wanting to be my slave and offering to do a list of things, one including allowing me to rent him out as a prostitute. Granted that might be someone's kink but if he had READ MY PROFILE AT ALL, he would see I'm only looking for local and wanting friends first. Now I'm sure if he had used his brain and messaged a woman who's profile hinted at wanting to find a male slave and perhaps rent him out like her whore then he would have a higher success rate.

I don't think this has anything to do with biological make up, it has to do with reading, thinking and common sense.



UPSG -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 2:18:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney
So are you saying that guys are just led by their dicks?  You have no brains and no common sense?  Wow, you sure are selling men short...what a generalization.  Just because they have a hard on that they are not excused from being respectful.

that's like a guy getting off for rape because of the way the woman was dressed.  I don't care if she's naked doesn't give you the right to just take her.  Kind of don't have a very high opinion of yourself if you are saying that you can't override your dick and do what's right....lol

Just because you are "aroused" doesn't give you the right to be rude.

Again, bottom line....you are talking to "people"...not virtual whores on a computer screen.  They are flesh and blood just like you...treat them with the same respect as you want to receive.


Once upon a time, for a very short time, I injected androgenic steroids (as opposed to anabolic). We are talking 3cc every other day I believe it was. I did that for a month or two and tapered off. The physical effects on both body and mind is incredible. When a male is pumping that much testosterone into him his body shuts down producing testosterone (hence the temporary shrinkage of the nuts). Many men on steroids say they have a marked increase sex drive while they are on the orals or injections. Some men prone to rages might even have "Roid Rage" (though I believe that is over-hyped). For me, I never went into rages but I did feel like I could run through walls.

My point with this is that testosterone does effect the human brain.

I'm not saying men can't learn to improve their manners or even grow to understand women better and what they desire or appreciate. I will suggest, however, that a man very aroused or horny from some thoughts, can easily have very narrowed focus and his eagerness be greatly intensified.



UPSG -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 2:22:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako

quote:

ORIGINAL: UPSG
Well, I'm sure you could find quite a number of people in this world, that would say dominant women involved in BDSM are guilty of pride and vainglory. And I think you read to much into my post. I was only trying to say that it is reasonable to presume men of certain fetishes will be emailing and PMing dominant women on this site with eager requests. I say that because the hormone testosterone has a significant effect on male arousal and consequently on how males pursue the ends to gratifying that. Sure, some of the behaviors involve other factors such as personality, social training, and other things I'm sure. But I really believe one major factor is simply the biological make up of the male.

If a man better learns how most women are aroused and think it can probaly save him some waisted energy and frustration. I think that is true for women too when it comes to the male sex. All the subjective sociological view points in the world won't change the objective reality of the effects testosterone has on males.



Really? I had no idea that testosterone meant a man couldn't use his brain. I guess I missed that lecture in my bio class.

Tt's a simple formula.
Read Profile + Critical Thinking = E-mailing the right woman for what a guy wants.

I didn't know testosterone was to blame for the Turkish dude that messaged me (IN TURKEY MIND YOU) wanting to be my slave and offering to do a list of things, one including allowing me to rent him out as a prostitute. Granted that might be someone's kink but if he had READ MY PROFILE AT ALL, he would see I'm only looking for local and wanting friends first. Now I'm sure if he had used his brain and messaged a woman who's profile hinted at wanting to find a male slave and perhaps rent him out like her whore then he would have a higher success rate.

I don't think this has anything to do with biological make up, it has to do with reading, thinking and common sense.


My point with testosterone was not that it causes a fetish in a man but that it has an affect on how he pursues his goal to gratify his arousal.





Usako -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 2:27:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UPSG
My point with testosterone was not that it causes a fetish in a man but that it has an affect on how he pursues his goal to gratify his arousal.


Well, I find that a bit sad. I do not blame gender for anything. On a website where people write out profiles to explain what they want, it is not asking a whole lot for someone to read it before contacting a person.

I might blame it on someone being new. I might blame it on someone being overly eager. Hell, I might just think they're a stupid fuck. But I wouldn't blame it on testosterone. I think if they have it upstairs they'll be able to control what is downstairs, that goes for any gender.



MissMorrigan -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 2:46:23 AM)

Because while people resign themselves to never finding their 'mate', they retain a semblance of optimism - even when they have tried to convince themselves otherwise.
quote:

ORIGINAL: aussiesub07
I am only meaning the dommes who are single and looking.



SnowRanger -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 3:42:04 AM)

Oh Miss Morrigan!  My heart aches.

Hello A/all,

Something in Miss Morrigan's post struck a chord with me.  I well know that conflict between reason and hope. 

My current Mistress and I have pretty good relationship.  She gives me good beatings and I give her good massages.  Outside of D/s activities she is a friend that I can explore Indian mounds and theaters  with.  She doesn't want romance or (dare I say it?) sex with me. Neither one of us is what the other ultimately seeks.

I'd like to find a Fem-Dom relationship with great floggings and foot massages and romance and lust and passion and... and... sex!  Oh!  There is another thing I'd like to try on for size.  That love stuff: I'd like to see what that's like.

So why am I here?  See Miss Morrigan's post above.

Hopeful in spite of it all,
Mike
SnowRanger



GoddessTeaze -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 5:39:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Voodali

quote:

I mean, if you are a single domme who seeks a relationship on this site and has been here for a long time, what stops you from being interested in all the male subs who contact you, which would be 100s or 1000s?


The reason I'm single is that I refuse to settle.  I've decided to demand everything I want, not only an excellent slave, but a friend and confidant to whom I am attracted, who is attracted to me and who is compatible with me in the ways that matter.  I don't know why fate, or god, or chance or my own shortcoming has made it that I have not found anyone near my geographical location who fits that profile, but that's just how it is.  I've "met" several boys who live prohibitively far away who are absolutely charming, but I'm not in a position to travel, and I have yet to have one of them travel to me.  I refuse to give up hope though.
As far as you boys doing anything wrong...well...some of you do things wrong, things that offend us, or have incompatible kinks, or see us not as people but as a means of fulfilling your kink, but the majority of you simply don't make us feel the necessary spark (through no fault of your own) or live too far away to do anything about it if we did feel a spark.
Thanks for asking though, it kind of makes me feel better.


First of all , I thought aussiesub07 had a really interesting question. It goes for many of Us out here.
I can relate very well to Voodali's answer really.

I've dated allot of subs, through here, or other Dutch sites,
and No one really did it for Me. I want to feel attracted to My sub.
I've had subs in the past, with whom I build up a relationship,
and I discovered that casual play isn't My cuppa T.
I found this out when I had My Italian sub, for over
3,5 years. Between Uus there was pure passion & Love,
which I want again, in My relationship.

And to be so intimate as with Bdsm I don't want that with just anyone,
Nor do I get anything, out of a casual play, since it cost Me allot of energy & time to do that, and the sub goes home happily,
and that's it. To Me that's so empty.

So I've been meeting more and more subs,
and spoke to thousands of them online, and through phone,
by now, and I've met pearls yes, and even there were
feelings back and forth, but then they lived in far
away places, and they had small children,
as I do, although My son is 14, I'm not
going to leave My country for anyone,
because he is and stays My number one.

So to be compatible isn't that simple.
It all has to fit, both has to look the same way,
and want the same things in D/s and in life.

Well aussieboy, that's a true needle in a haystack,
take that from Me. We Dominants aren't in a better position either, because the weed is thick, and as you could have read from other Domina's that there are so many guys out there just thinking with their clit, and hope by empty promisses and all that,
to get our attention, which is a tiring job
on it's own really.

I still believe and MissMorigan said that so very well:
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

Because while people resign themselves to never finding their 'mate', they retain a semblance of optimism - even when they have tried to convince themselves otherwise.

See aussieboy?
I do hope this gives you a better insight to the why's..
How long have you been here looking?

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`




FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 6:23:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Still, you never know, right?  I found out a few months ago that the guy who only sends one sentence emails is a funny, intelligent guy  in person.  The sissy is actually lots of fun, and very sincere.  Neither of them a good life partner choice, but good companions.  I am not a believer in that "someone for everyone" truism, but I do think that there are lots of folks out there who deserve friendship and attention.  So, I stick around
I agree, because it's similar for myself.    I have learned a tremendous amount of information from this site, and I don't mean simply about kink.    I've met some very kool/decent people here.   Among them, a couple of lovely guinea pigs who were awesome, and fun enough to let me have my way, and experiment to find my comfort zone...   Otherwise, I would still be fantasizing about what I might do with a versatile, yielding gentleman.   

I attended a couple of munches, joined a couple of groups, and attended a couple of play parties, because I was horribly shy, and needed someone to hold my hand...  Found that here too...  An incredibly adorable man. *I should send him a note* [:)]
This site has really been the best and only online forum I've been able to stand for any more than a few weeks.

quote:

Besides, I would miss my friends. [:D]
Me too. [sm=alien.gif]   M



PeonForHer -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 6:24:30 AM)

That love stuff: I'd like to see what that's like.

Yep, I could give that a whirl myself . . .[;)]



RedMagic1 -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 6:30:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UPSG
I will suggest, however, that a man very aroused or horny from some thoughts, can easily have very narrowed focus and his eagerness be greatly intensified.

And women have the right to find that lack of self-control unattractive, and use the Block button.  It's quite simple, really. 



PeonForHer -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 6:31:11 AM)

I might blame it on someone being new. I might blame it on someone being overly eager. Hell, I might just think they're a stupid fuck. But I wouldn't blame it on testosterone. I think if they have it upstairs they'll be able to control what is downstairs, that goes for any gender.
 
Usako - and everyone, in fact - does it not work simply to have a standard reply (literally, to be copied and pasted) along the lines of "Read my profile first, then talk to me as a human" - to be sent to those whose initial approaches are entirely kink-related?   I'm imagining it's at least theoretically possible that an over-horny man might just think "Oh, right - how embarrassing" - and change his tone for his second cmail to you.

(I have a feeling that this was another one of my "innocent" questions . . . )



LadyLou -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 6:48:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UPSG


Not to be disrespectful, but a sex oriented site, geared toward BDSM, would understandably draw those kinds of emails or PM's, and with a significant frequency. If you want to learn Algebra you don't study English. A person doesn't enter a boxing gym looking for banjo players. I've only thus far PM'd one dominate woman, and I hope I did so with some degree or courtesy, my interest in the PM admittedly was related to the theme of domination and submmision including the sexual component. Fortunately for me I didn't start off with one of those hardcore begging or requesting emails or PM's many of you have talked unfavorably about. And I can understand the tiredness, and unattractiveness of something like that. That said I also understand the male mind - influenced by the hormone of testosterone - and irregardless of their fetish, male sexual arousal is quick, explosive, and can be extremely overwhelimg. Combine that with sex oriented site for BDSM and I understand the logic of the male fetish mind emailing *dominate* women for sex related BDSM interest and not tutoring sessions in French.

In the minds of many males I'm sure, a BDSM geared board is a better place to potentially meet the kind of dominate women they desire, as opposed to an online web forum devoted to Zen Buddhism or recreating chivalry in society. You (plural you) jump your boots in Vietnam, you would do well to expect encounters with the Vietcong.






This isn't a “sex” site. It is a dating/personal site, geared towards those who are into the various and varied subcultures we put under the umbrella of BDSM and D/s. People have different reasons, priorities and interests for being here, but it *is* a dating site. Not a porn site, though some could be forgiven for assuming it was with the sponsors that advertise on this site.



There is no real justification to assume a familiarity that is not warranted. A lot of men on this site send lewd, sexually (and/or fetish) explicit emails that are not solicited or warranted – it assumes the above over-familiarity. You can reason that these emails are suppose to be expected on a site such as this and that the receiver is suppose to begrudgingly accept the situation, but the 'blame' is not on the receiver of the explicit email, it is on the social ineptitude of the sender.



I take it you haven't read an unsolicited and VERY explicit mail from some self-serving a-hole telling you just how much he wants to eat your shit, smear it all over him, and dribble it down himself............. 5 minutes after you have just had your dinner? Once you have experienced that kind of situation, feel free to proceed and wax lyrical on what the woman on this site are suppose to 'accept, expect and find reasonable'.



oceanwynds -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 6:58:40 AM)

What makes me stay here simply is the message boards. It is a place were I can learn and that is key to my existence. Sometimes it offers me humour, example people whining about not finding someone. If I was going to seek a Dom, personally I would not post a whine. I am meeting other submissives which is a healthy thing for me, since I am part of this lifestyle.

All in all what makes me stay here is because it is a good place to be here and now.



gumshoe -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 7:10:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako

3) Maybe if men actually stopped thinking with their cocks and with their brain and used a bit of common sense, they'd have better luck in finding what they wanted.



The problem is some folks (yes typically male) want what they want too badly.

When someone wants something too badly good judgement takes its afternoon nap. Brains turn into water and starts pouring out the ears.

Maybe if some men were more self-possessed they would actually start thinking straight. Add some empathy for good measure and everyone's better off.



Lockit -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 7:52:32 AM)

Now... I have heard everything.  Amazing.

Finally an excuse for lacks in modesty, social graces, common sense, treating people rudely, inappropreate sexual advances to stranger's, ethic's and honor... They are just men and they can't help themselves because of male chemicals.  Come on... it isn't an awful acid trip.

There are plenty of males that do not need to excuse poor behavior in such a moronic manner and none of us are falling for that shit. 

It isn't seeking what comes natural and above all else... sex... It is simply behavioral or mental health issues that could explain away being a decent human being before acting out sexually with stranger's you treat like mistress-play-toy-whores.

I have always been irritated by that helpless male who needs instruction to live life after reaching adulthood and this I find as the ultimate in helplessnes and foolishness.  What next?  Excusing rape because they can't help themselves?



gumshoe -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 8:16:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Now... I have heard everything.  Amazing.

Finally an excuse for lacks in ...


Actually I was seeking to explain and not to excuse the behaviour of certain folks. I was just trying to make a useful contribution to this thread.

I would agree that there is no excuse for selfish behaviour. There is no excuse for not having some consideration and common-sense.

Okay so my original posting was badly worded. In which case I'm sorry I caused so much offence.


EDITED TO ADD

I would edit the original post, but the edit feature is disabled.






Lockit -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 8:22:52 AM)

It wasn't your post I was refering to darlin...

Edit... the posting I am refering too was far too long to quote.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 8:23:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

Because while people resign themselves to never finding their 'mate', they retain a semblance of optimism - even when they have tried to convince themselves otherwise.
quote:

ORIGINAL: aussiesub07
I am only meaning the dommes who are single and looking.



Exactly.  And SnowRanger, I know what you mean as well. 



OttersSwim -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 8:29:54 AM)

Ah...now the next time I take the last cookie I have an iron clad excuse - "It was my testosterone!" [;)]



gumshoe -> RE: What makes you stay here? (1/25/2009 8:30:09 AM)

Well it does say <in reply to gumshoe> in the bottom right hand corner of your posting.

Ah well never mind. [sm=ofcourse.gif]



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