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The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 3:44:06 AM

Smythe

Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Smythe

_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

Post #: 1

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 4:17:02 AM

MasterRobert1

Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline

In a world where people put Sir or Master or Mistress in front of their names without having any real world experience in either BDSM or D/s; when peoploe think that a few toys and an attitude make someone a Dom/me; yes, a Dome/me needs to earn respect first and foremost.

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 2

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 4:19:58 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

quote:

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance?

No, a person either is dominant or has those traits, or has none.
(I'm a slave and have not only dominant traits, but am sadistic as all hell too *chucklez*)

quote:

Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect?

No, it is not enough.......just because a person is dominant does not automatically give rights to anything, it just means they declared themself dominant.

quote:

Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

I don't think initially it's necessarily something to prove, perhaps my thinking may not be correct here........but i kind of see them as any other person passing on the street. Now if one happens to meet a man/woman that happens to be dominant and both of you are looking for a relationship where you happen to want to live a d/s or m/s type of way...........then yes, eventually 'both' of you need to prove to 'each other' that is the way you decide. This is not a one way streak here. I think that things need to take it's natural course and develop............just like any other type of relationship.

Ok, i know it sounds like a bit of rambling, i am caffein deficient at the moment, so bear with me here *laughs*
It seemed to me to break the question down to answer it, i could not just say one yes or no answer. This of course, is what i think....everyone has their own opinion.

Happy Tuesday!

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 3

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 4:26:38 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance?

A dominant doesn't earn their dominance, they show their dominance. This is done not just by words but by actions as well.

quote:

Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect?

Everyone is worthy of respect. As I once read on a board here (and I'm paraphrasing here), "Nobody earns my respect, they just lose my respect because of what they do or say."

quote:

Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

If they feel they have to prove themselves in my eyes then thats thier self-esteem issues.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 4

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 4:42:14 AM

DelRey

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

quote:

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance?

A dominant doesn't earn their dominance, they show their dominance. This is done not just by words but by actions as well.

quote:

Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect?

Everyone is worthy of respect. As I once read on a board here (and I'm paraphrasing here), "Nobody earns my respect, they just lose my respect because of what they do or say."

quote:

Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

If they feel they have to prove themselves in my eyes then thats thier self-esteem issues.

Very well said.

Use the analogy of a leader. Does a leader graduate to that distinction or is it realized. It is realized by those around him and by himself as a second thought. The first thoughts and actions to lead came natural.

del Rey

< Message edited by DelRey -- 1/10/2006 4:44:00 AM >

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 5

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 4:43:11 AM

gbgirlz2003

Posts: 65
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

It is OK for someone to assert their dominance or their submissiveness; but I get my BS detectors out when they say they are a Master or a Sir or OMG...a Lord?

Listen up morons;

A dominant is just that; a person who has proclaimed his/her natural tendencies.
A Master to me is someone who has EARNED the title. My Master was mentored for two years before he took his first submissive. During that time he was reading, studying, communicating with his two Mentors and playing with numerous submissives under the watchful eye of their Masters.

Sir? PLEEEEZ. Those titles are conferred on a person by the Royal family of a particular country; how many do you think there are?

A Lord is a well-propertied land holder in some countries...not the USA.

So if I get an email from Dom Dan, I am thrilled. Here is someone who is secure in what he is; not trying to "pump up" his ego for the world.

If I get an email from Master Henry, I will immediately ask who his Mentors were and who his current/former subs/slaves are/were. And I will get his references. If he refuses; I know he is a fake. Real Masters are proud of their accomplishments.

Sirs and Lords? Send me a copy of you knighting certificate or the title to your estate.

Now if you are just interested in cyber land, chat away, post away, go away.

_____________________________

One of Master's many sluts

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 6

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 5:51:48 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe
In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Smythe

No one has to prove or earn anything from me. They do however have to form a connection WITH me. They happen to prove their character over time, as I prove mine to them. But I do not approach relationships as some battle ground to be won. It's a journey we take together.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 7

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 6:24:51 AM

sudja

Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Smythe

For me it's not just about them proving that they're a Dom/me but our personal relationship. As such it doesn't matter whether they fit my personal criteria for a Dom/me. If they're not the person I'm in a relationship with, I don't "obey" them, and they get no more, nor less, courtesy and respect from me than I give any other person.

sudja

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 8

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 6:41:50 AM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Smythe

I honestly, dont think so. Either you are dominant, have dominant tendancies, or you arent. It is a personality trait: an irreplaceable part of who you are.

No. Anyone who so much as thinks I shall bow before them has serious issues. It would take someone a long time and a close relationship before I give them my often times random bouts of submission, and on the same token I will not dom someone I don't care about and consider a good friend.

Prove it how? Either you are or you are not in some way dominant. The best way to get my submission is to be my friend, without any pretenses and BDSM expectations. Let me get to know you first and build that trust, but never forget I am a Swtich.

(in reply to sudja)

Post #: 9

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 6:44:02 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance?

No... either you are or you aren't. Besides which last I checked there was no college course on how to be a Domly Dom... no board of certification.

quote:

Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Everyone must prove themselves in my eyes... I'm not going to take your word for a damn thing until I know you well enough to know I can. I figure the same is pretty much true with everyone else. I can declare myself a dominant all day long... but if my actions, my behavior, doesn't match up then no one would take me seriously (except the very naive perhaps). We all have to prove ourselves all the time, its part of life. Go for a job interview, what do you suppose you're doing there as you explain your qualifications... you're proving yourself. Most jobs start you out on a 90 day probationary period... why... they want to see if you can prove yourself. Its not just dominants, its submissives, slaves, masters, mentors, etc... we all have to prove ourselves through our actions, through what we do, through our behavior.

If someone wants me to take them seriously as a dominant... I'll watch their behavior and judge for myself if I should.
If someone wants me to take them seriously as a submissive... ditto
If someone wants me to take them seriously as a slave... ditto
If someone wants me to take them seriously as a mentor... ditto
If someone wants me to take them seriously as a rapper... forget it, its just noise to me

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 10

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 7:54:34 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Besides which last I checked there was no college course on how to be a Domly Dom... no board of certification.

Now there's a new business venture that would require some balls! The UofD. Professors Padriag, John Warren, and Merc...to name a few.

Raises hand to volunteer for the hands on demo!!!!!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 11

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 7:54:51 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe
In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Smythe

No one has to prove or earn anything from me. They do however have to form a connection WITH me. They happen to prove their character over time, as I prove mine to them. But I do not approach relationships as some battle ground to be won. It's a journey we take together.

I would characterize it the same way. Well said.

- The Ranger

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 8:11:33 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

in this life or vanilla...nothing is handed out like halloween candy.......

everyone has to earn what they get from ME.........coz I am gonna make-em earn it.

"I" don't GIVE anything..."I" play hard-ball.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 13

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 8:43:19 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect?

I think someone who simply declares his dominance probably isn't, and if he expects that is enough to be worthy of obedience and respect he doesn't deserve either one.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 14

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 8:58:16 AM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

This question always rubs me the wrong way every time it's asked regardless of how it's asked.

I think we tend to confuse respect with courtesy and manners. Everyone is entitled to be treated with courtesy and manners. I don't have to have respect for someone to do that - the simple fact that we inhabit the same planet entitles them to that.

Respect is something that develops over time as I get to know someone. If I admire their actions and ethics then I tend to respect them. If their actions and ethics aren't in line with mine then I tend not to respect them. Having said that, anyone I meet starts out in a neutral place as far as respect goes - I don't respect or not respect them yet because I don't them at that point. This doesn't mean anyone has to PROVE or EARN anything. I really dislike the idea of people trying to prove something to me in order to get something (respect) in return. I don't see relationships as a barter system.

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 15

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 9:30:53 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

I think we tend to confuse respect with courtesy and manners. Everyone is entitled to be treated with courtesy and manners. I don't have to have respect for someone to do that - the simple fact that we inhabit the same planet entitles them to that.
========

i guess then we have to agree to disagree.....
"I" am NOT going to give anyone courtesy OR respect if I think they are an ass. male or female. ya gotta earn it from ME. "I" have met too many idiots in this world...
"I"..........have-to.............be able to respect you for me to show you the time of day....if i hate your guts,,dont EVEN ask me for a cup 'o coffee coz "I" aint doing s*** for ya. you can damned well do without and "I" wont care.
in MY world,...you talk about the same planet...as "I" see it..just knowing someone i hate merely exists is enough for me to be ticked...if you are on MY list...dont even look my way...I'm liable to walk over with a baseball bat and I dont care whether ya got your back turned or not...if i am out to get ya,..I'm gonna get ya.
no no m'Lady.........YOU do what YOU wanna do..........but this little gray duck plays by his own rules.

take care

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to MsIncognito)

Post #: 16

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 12:56:31 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Smythe

For me its neither.

Basically he showed who he was, including in relation to me being more dominant as well as there being a connection forged over time.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 17

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 1:28:13 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

In my opinion, a dominant is just a person, and it doesn't mean any more or less to the rest of the world except his/her submissive.
I'm wondering what makes a dominant to you, and how you believe/feel he/she should earn the title? M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 18

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 2:05:42 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Well, for what its worth, here is my 2 cents worth (I am Canadian, so it will only be worth 1.71 cents for you Americans

)....
I am dominant. That entitles me to exactly as much respect from anybody else as my saying I am a brunette, or I am right handed.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 19

RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 6:03:07 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Smythe

To be accurate, a Dominate is anyone who Dominates another or others in any manner what-so-ever.

However

For a Dominant to be recognised as a person to be respected (if you dont respect them then they will have problems in you obeying them unless forced to by law), they need to earn the respect, usually by showing in both word and deed over time that they are worthy of respect and thus obedience. This is even more so in the BDSM Scene.

Just the opinion of a greying, grouchy, gallant, galloping (sorta), gargantuan, garrulous, grizzled, Gorean Grandee Grizzley

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 20

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