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RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 6:27:20 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?


Speaking generally, like on these boards, it really doesn't matter that much
if people "truly" are what they speak to be. But I at this time am not pursuing
anyone either. That would be different and yes there would have to be some "proving".

Now in my real life, it matters to me when this Dom/Domina is going to be
interacting with me on a consistant basis, then if they wanted my respect as
the Dom/Domina they claim to be, yes, they would have to prove it to me in
their behaviors and personalities that they deserve that respect from me, when
this happens I gracefully give them the respect and honor that in my heart and
our relationship they deserve.

*Brightspot

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But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 6:39:53 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gbgirlz2003


Sir? PLEEEEZ. Those titles are conferred on a person by the Royal family of a particular country; how many do you think there are?

A Lord is a well-propertied land holder in some countries...not the USA.

<<<<<<<<snip>>>>>>>>>>>>

Sirs and Lords? Send me a copy of you knighting certificate or the title to your estate.




I tend to agree with you here. depending on the country, I just pick up the phone and get the pedegree of most titled persons who I may meet. Here in good old Aussie, titles dont hold a heap of water with the majority of people. However on the occasions when I do have to attend a function then correct titles are used (which title or honourific used will depend on the occasion and what is required by protocol). However, the use of Sir in conversation with people is also customary. If one is being very formal it may be used if conversing with a person of whom you have enormous respect or you are actually dressing down some idiot at a formal function (I.E Ripping him a new arsehole ~ E.G.: "You sir, are a bloody great fool. I must ask you, knowing you most esteamed parents as I do, if you were indeed adopted and your birth parents were knuckle dragging, peanut eating quadrupeds?" ).



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Master of Bruin Cottage

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to gbgirlz2003)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 8:58:07 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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You don't ask a writer if he's a great author, you ask the readers. Likewise the "realness" of the Domme depends entirely on how she is received by her submissive or submissives. A Sartre postulated in BEING IN NOTHINGNESS, we are defined by others. We are not self defining.

So yes, everyone must earn their status. This is a truism across the board.

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 9:12:34 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		Well, for what its worth, here is my 2 cents worth (I am Canadian, so it will only be worth 1.71 cents for you Americans )....
I am dominant. That entitles me to exactly as much respect from anybody else as my saying I am a brunette, or I am right handed.
----------

I wish more had YOUR wisdom.


_____________________________

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(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 9:16:57 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		I think MD44 has it right. EVERYONE deserves respect until such time as they show me they are not worthy of it. I respect the Slave as much as the Master. I respect the Sub as much as the Dom(me). I don't feel I have to 'prove' myself to anyone and I don't expect any more of others. I DO expect courtesy and respect from those that I deal with or form relationships with (this includes friends, 'pen pals', and even on-line acquaintances).

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Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 9:22:05 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves

I think MD44 has it right. EVERYONE deserves respect until such time as they show me they are not worthy of it. I respect the Slave as much as the Master. I respect the Sub as much as the Dom(me). I don't feel I have to 'prove' myself to anyone and I don't expect any more of others. I DO expect courtesy and respect from those that I deal with or form relationships with (this includes friends, 'pen pals', and even on-line acquaintances).

===========

and even on-line acquaintances).
--

****yeah but YOU are such a sweetheart...it's easy being nice to YOU........


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to OscarHargraves)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 9:33:47 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline 		This depends entirely on the SOP of the dominant, in my opinion. If they demand obedience and respect from the very beginning (as I do), then it is right for a seeking submissive to give that respect and obedience.

Does a dominant have to earn their dominance? I certainly do not. I know what I am, and if a prospective submissive can't read between the lines, they are more than free to go. It is their right to go, and mine to remain what I am. I have nothing to prove.

< Message edited by amayos -- 1/10/2006 9:34:55 PM >

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/10/2006 11:47:02 PM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance?


Should the submissve (he/she/exceptions) put the dominant (he/she/exceptions) through hoops (earn their dominance), should he square dance, should he bowl a 300, should he be able to juggle, should he be able to control a bullwhip to strike within 1/1000th of an inch, should the sub be able to toss a 50lb rock more than 10 feet, take 5,000 hits from a whip, be willing to have anal sex?

Thats up to the sub and dom in question. Seems to me at any rate. Everyone puts everyone else through some kind of hoop, filter, earning ritual whether they think they do or not. Examples can be provided if necessary.

The more you can define what you are looking for, the fewer are that are available to suite that requirement, but at the same time when you find that person. It's a good thing. (I hope Martha Stewart doesn't sue me for saying that).

Perhaps a better question is 'do we fit'? Not: dominant/submissive/slave _for me_ doesn't mean not dominant/submissive/slave _to someone else_.

D (owner of j)

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Possibly.

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 4:16:45 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Smythe


If they don't feel that a self-declaration is enough, they can write me and for a small fee, I'll pronounce them Doms. I will give certificates and have an online presentation ceremony. Then they can get all the subs they want. But wait there's more, if you send your money right now, I'll throw in The Master's Handbook which explains how to spot subs in public and, also, the secret handshake only used by true Doms. Hurry and send your fee so you can check Dominant on the CollarMe checklist.

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For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 4:28:29 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Do I get references with that?

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If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 4:28:35 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Smythe


I see Dominance in the same way the Supreme Court quanitfies Pornography. You can't exactly describe it across the board, but you know it when you see it. And what may strike you as Dominant may not strike another person.

More than anything, I believe that regardless of how a person identifies themselves, for others, it is subjective. How the personality traits of other people ricochet off of my personal set of traits is what counts. I may react to an individual who identifies themselves a Dominant as a Dominant, but I have also not felt or seen a shread of what I consider dominant in some that self identify so.

So in regular, plain English, I feel that what 'proves' someone is how they self identify is subjective. The man or woman in the high priced fetish gear trying to run the show and calling me 'girl' may be blown off for the man or woman in non-fet gear who exudes what I understand as Dominance.

Make sense?
L

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 7:42:04 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
>exudes<

Bullseye on the word choice.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 3:11:35 PM   
Saraheli


Posts: 178
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline 		You know, it seems to me that you might just have settled the "What is aREAL dom/sub" question inadvertently...again, just my 2 cents worth (2.8 cents for australians...sorry couldn't resist)

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Look so sweet I wanna cry
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Come on, don't you want to try
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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 5:32:58 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

You know, it seems to me that you might just have settled the "What is aREAL dom/sub" question inadvertently...again, just my 2 cents worth (2.8 cents for australians...sorry couldn't resist)


Sorry for any confusion folks....I didn't realise that I hadn't signed her out and signed myself in...ah the tribulations of each having an account

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Ha Ha...Charade you are!

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(in reply to Saraheli)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 7:08:21 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		If she's attractive, knows what she's doing, experienced and interested in me, she can have my obedience and respect right from the beginning.

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 7:29:08 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sudja


quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Smythe


For me it's not just about them proving that they're a Dom/me but our personal relationship. As such it doesn't matter whether they fit my personal criteria for a Dom/me. If they're not the person I'm in a relationship with, I don't "obey" them, and they get no more, nor less, courtesy and respect from me than I give any other person.

sudja



I might argue that if you are in a personal relationship, they have proved themselves to you. If there is no relationship, there is only their claim to be a Dom/me, and that holds no water...rightly so.

Smythe

_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to sudja)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 7:31:32 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline 		slipstreme....off topic....Andromeda???

Smythe

(in reply to Slipstreme)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 7:40:22 PM   
Delvin


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smythe

In your view does a Dominant have to earn their dominance? Is it enough for her/him to simply declare themselves as dominant and therefore worthy of obedience and respect? Or must they prove themselves, in your eyes?

Smythe


1) Being Dominant has nothing to do with what others view but instead is what is inside each of us. Even a bad leader is Dominant regardless of whether they have earned anything to lead. They simple do. Dominant and submissive as the term used to describe Top and bottom within the lifestyle always gets a bit twisted when attempting to define "Dominance". This is a trait in all living things but at no time does any living thing need to earn it, it simple is that way and stays that way for the most part. You either are Dominant or you are submissive. Good or Bad follows right after

2) Blind obedience is best left to the military and even there it causes catastrophic disasters. Respect is really long gone sadly from both sides of the coin, respect to another human being and respect for titles within the lifestyle. Calling someone Sir or Ma'am is not a crime. Being respectful to someone doesn't hurt a single living soul. Now obedience, well, lets remove the whole onlineism and chat/forums where Doms will demand, subs will obey and all is peachy. NO. There is no need to "Obey" someone you are not serving or even considering to serve, but you can still be respectful. This isn't a Dom thing or a sub thing, we all are guilty of it and some of us keep trying while others somewhere get jaded and say screw it, no need.

3) Prove themselves; Well, I think that is the core of a good 90% of these forums yes? Weed out the fakes, the real, the posers and goofs, the shy and innocent and the new and inexperienced. Let’s separate them all, pile them up and then we can pick and choose from the pile we want. Everyone has worth, yet some will set standards at such a level that not even the most dignified Master could achieve that person’s worth in their eyes. Time is needed to view that person you are considering and time will usually, not always, show people for who they are and the proof is taken care of.

Everything is a test on this planet from birth to death and everyone will pass and fail daily. Hopefully some of us will learn and pass more then we fail along the way, but in the end, your own gut feelings and personal wisdom will dictate who is best for you and who you will be obedient to. Sometimes it is hard to accept that it takes time.

D


(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 7:40:28 PM   
DW1961


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		It is my opinion that a person should be treated in accordance with what they say they are until their behavior proves otherwise, be it dominant or submissive. Who is to define what a dominant or submissive is except by their words and actions?

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The Old-Fashioned Way: Earn It - 1/11/2006 7:44:27 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

In my opinion, a dominant is just a person, and it doesn't mean any more or less to the rest of the world except his/her submissive.
I'm wondering what makes a dominant to you, and how you believe/feel he/she should earn the title? M


yes I agree with you about that...a person's dominance is only relevant to their submissive.


I don't think that the title of Dominant must be earned...I guess anyone can call themselves anything. I am mainly rubbed the wrong way by dominants who want to control others and can't control themselves, who expect responsibility and responsiveness from their submissive and do not demonstrate those traits. That's what I mean about earning respect; by being a role model, and by never demanding more than I, myself, would do.

Smythe

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 40
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