What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee?

What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (Full Version)

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jlf1961 -> What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 10:41:42 AM)
We all know there are just some things, that when we hear them means we are in for some not so good news. So, here are a few, with translations, make me cringe when I hear them at the table with morning coffee.... 1) We gotta talk. Meaning: This is the opening phrase for all bad news, ranging from "I threw away your $700 hand made boots because they had a hole in the sole" to "I want to end the relationship." 2) I have been thinking Meaning: I want to end the relationship 3) 'The sixty minutes news team is waiting in your office.' Meaning: YOU HAVE BEEN BUSTED, or the company you work for has been busted. Actually, this never happened to me, but it did happen to my brother in law when he was an accountant at ENRON. 4) I need some space. Meaning: I have been sleeping with your best friend and his girl friend, but not at the same time.

purepleasure -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 10:46:49 AM)
Whoa... who are you? Where's the plunger? (some people call this a plumber's helper) Why isn't the (pet) snake in it's cage? knock on my closed bedroom door Mom, the electric's out.

feydeplume -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 10:53:30 AM)
"Open up! FBI!" the sound of mischievous laughter. the smoke alarm. "Hey, you're out of coffee" especially when said by someone i don't recognize.

sunshinemiss -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 11:03:58 AM)
Is the house supposed to smell like that?

myotherself -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 11:33:30 AM)
"ermmm...about the car...we ARE insured, aren't we?" "Did I tell you I found that box of super-sharp dress making pins I lost? Yes, they were in the bedroom drawer. Next to the condoms." "You might want to change the sheets darling. You know I said I had a touch of gas? Well...not quite...."

housesub4you -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 11:36:38 AM)
Your husband???? You said you where not married

SteelofUtah -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 11:40:56 AM)
So..... it turns out I have Herpes I'm over Butch but apparently he isn't over me. So I figured out what was wrong with the car I have been driving it with the E-Break on. Morale of the Story Don't sleep with girls who need a place to stay.

ElectraGlide -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 11:46:53 AM)
That beer really tore me up last night. Dont go in the bathroom for 45 minutes atleast. I took a massive dump. It dont smell like roses, thats for sure. By the way how is your bacon and eggs tasting this morning.

calamitysandra -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 11:53:26 AM)
Mooooooooooom? In that drawn out, cautious way.

pinkpantherette -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 12:16:07 PM)
OUCH!

YourhandMyAss -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 12:24:55 PM)
When I say I have been thinking, It's never going to be followed with I want to end the relationship. IT's usually followed with some task or chore I want Daddy to help me with. For example, I was thinking, Daddy, that we should move the dresser out of the bedroom and put it in the hallway. OR I was thinking, Daddy, about rearranging the bedroom, which means Daddy will have to do all the lifting and moving of the furniture in here since I can;t. Either way, it sure doesn't bode well for Daddy, usually, when I say I've been thinking...... quote: ORIGINAL: jlf1961 We all know there are just some things, that when we hear them means we are in for some not so good news. So, here are a few, with translations, make me cringe when I hear them at the table with morning coffee.... 2) I have been thinking Meaning: I want to end the relationship

Aylee -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 12:34:13 PM)
1) We gotta talk. Aylee: What is this "we?" Do you have a mouse in your pocket? 2) I have been thinking Aylee: It is about time. Keep it up. It is good for you. 3) 'The sixty minutes news team is waiting in your office.' Aylee: Fuck 'em. They are just shills for the Liberals anyway. Call the cops and have them charged with trespassing. 4) I need some space. Aylee: Well, you picked a great time for it. People are selling their houses for less than they are worth. Aylee is NOT a morning person.

CalifChick -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 12:46:15 PM)
I'm thinking, "what's your name again?" would not be good... if they don't know your name, they don't get to stay until sunrise. Sheesh. Everybody knows that, it's in the handbook. Cali

Aylee -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 12:52:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick I'm thinking, "what's your name again?" would not be good... if they don't know your name, they don't get to stay until sunrise. Sheesh. Everybody knows that, it's in the handbook. Cali Have you read the "The Complete Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook "? Because it explains how to survive this if you are the one NOT remembering the persons name in the morning. I kid you not. Amazon link to book.

jlf1961 -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 1:08:11 PM)
Dealing with the honey do lists, I always regretted hearing: 1) You know, we need to use space in the (insert room here) better. 2) I think that we should redo the living room in a nice light maple. (this means the walnut gun case goes to the den, study, or garage) 3) Dont you think the walls are a bit too dark/light? And there is an effective counter to these three topic starters. "Well, you are indeed right, and I was thinking, there is a bunch of stuff in the closet that could go to good will, I will take care of that first."

Lashra -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 1:28:54 PM)
1) There is something that I've been meaning to tell you... 2) Why does it smell like something curled up and died in here? 3) You know I do not remember saying that.... 4) I have to call the bank and check my bank balance... ~Lashra

sirsholly -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 1:53:42 PM)
"Mom...is 911 just for the police, or will it get the fire dept here too?" "Mom...is this a worm or a snake?"

thornhappy -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 1:59:20 PM)
Here's my personal best... "You have to go home now, my parents will be back soon."

beargonewild -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 2:08:18 PM)
I hate to tell you this, but.........actually translates to I have bad news and am dying to ruin your day!

kiwisub12 -> RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee? (1/25/2009 2:17:54 PM)
"I don't mean to be ugly , but....." means i am going to be ugly and ...... "I'm saying this for your own good....." means you aren't doing something the way i want you to do it. "Bless your heart dear, ......." means in the South that you are going to hear something that you won't like.

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