What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with morning coffee?

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What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear with... - 1/25/2009 10:41:42 AM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
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We all know there are just some things, that when we hear them means we are in for some not so good news.

So, here are a few, with translations, make me cringe when I hear them at the table with morning coffee....

1) We gotta talk.
Meaning: This is the opening phrase for all bad news, ranging from "I threw away your $700 hand made boots because they had a hole in the sole" to "I want to end the relationship."

2) I have been thinking
Meaning: I want to end the relationship

3) 'The sixty minutes news team is waiting in your office.'
Meaning: YOU HAVE BEEN BUSTED, or the company you work for has been busted.
Actually, this never happened to me, but it did happen to my brother in law when he was an accountant at ENRON.

4) I need some space.
Meaning: I have been sleeping with your best friend and his girl friend, but not at the same time.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

Post #: 1

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 10:46:49 AM

purepleasure

Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Whoa... who are you?

Where's the plunger? (some people call this a plumber's helper)

Why isn't the (pet) snake in it's cage?

*knock on my closed bedroom door* Mom, the electric's out.

_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 2

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 10:53:30 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

"Open up! FBI!"
the sound of mischievous laughter.
the smoke alarm.
"Hey, you're out of coffee" especially when said by someone i don't recognize.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to purepleasure)

Post #: 3

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 11:03:58 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Is the house supposed to smell like that?

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(in reply to feydeplume)

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RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 11:33:30 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

"ermmm...about the car...we ARE insured, aren't we?"

"Did I tell you I found that box of super-sharp dress making pins I lost? Yes, they were in the bedroom drawer. Next to the condoms."

"You might want to change the sheets darling. You know I said I had a touch of gas? Well...not quite...."

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 5

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 11:36:38 AM

housesub4you

Posts: 1879
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

Your husband???? You said you where not married

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 6

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 11:40:56 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

So..... it turns out I have Herpes

I'm over Butch but apparently he isn't over me.

So I figured out what was wrong with the car I have been driving it with the E-Break on.

Morale of the Story Don't sleep with girls who need a place to stay.

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(in reply to housesub4you)

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RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 11:46:53 AM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

That beer really tore me up last night. Dont go in the bathroom for 45 minutes atleast. I took a massive dump. It dont smell like roses, thats for sure. By the way how is your bacon and eggs tasting this morning.

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www.starhillcreations.com

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

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RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 11:53:26 AM

calamitysandra

Posts: 1682
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline

Mooooooooooom? In that drawn out, cautious way.

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(in reply to ElectraGlide)

Post #: 9

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 12:16:07 PM

pinkpantherette

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline

OUCH!

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 10

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 12:24:55 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

When I say I have been thinking, It's never going to be followed with I want to end the relationship. IT's usually followed with some task or chore I want Daddy to help me with.

For example, I was thinking, Daddy, that we should move the dresser out of the bedroom and put it in the hallway.

OR I was thinking, Daddy, about rearranging the bedroom, which means Daddy will have to do all the lifting and moving of the furniture in here since I can;t.

Either way, it sure doesn't bode well for Daddy, usually, when I say I've been thinking......

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

We all know there are just some things, that when we hear them means we are in for some not so good news.

So, here are a few, with translations, make me cringe when I hear them at the table with morning coffee....

2) I have been thinking
Meaning: I want to end the relationship

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 11

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 12:34:13 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

1) We gotta talk.

Aylee: What is this "we?" Do you have a mouse in your pocket?

2) I have been thinking

Aylee: It is about time. Keep it up. It is good for you.

3) 'The sixty minutes news team is waiting in your office.'

Aylee: Fuck 'em. They are just shills for the Liberals anyway. Call the cops and have them charged with trespassing.

4) I need some space.

Aylee: Well, you picked a great time for it. People are selling their houses for less than they are worth.

Aylee is NOT a morning person.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 12

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 12:46:15 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I'm thinking, "what's your name again?" would not be good... if they don't know your name, they don't get to stay until sunrise. Sheesh. Everybody knows that, it's in the handbook.

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to Aylee)

Post #: 13

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 12:52:41 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I'm thinking, "what's your name again?" would not be good... if they don't know your name, they don't get to stay until sunrise. Sheesh. Everybody knows that, it's in the handbook.

Cali

Have you read the "The Complete Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook "? Because it explains how to survive this if you are the one NOT remembering the persons name in the morning. I kid you not.
Amazon link to book.

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 14

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 1:08:11 PM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline

Dealing with the honey do lists, I always regretted hearing:

1) You know, we need to use space in the (insert room here) better.

2) I think that we should redo the living room in a nice light maple. (this means the walnut gun case goes to the den, study, or garage)

3) Dont you think the walls are a bit too dark/light?

And there is an effective counter to these three topic starters.

"Well, you are indeed right, and I was thinking, there is a bunch of stuff in the closet that could go to good will, I will take care of that first."

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to Aylee)

Post #: 15

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 1:28:54 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

1) There is something that I've been meaning to tell you...
2) Why does it smell like something curled up and died in here?
3) You know I do not remember saying that....
4) I have to call the bank and check my bank balance...

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 16

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 1:53:42 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

"Mom...is 911 just for the police, or will it get the fire dept here too?"

"Mom...is this a worm or a snake?"

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(in reply to Lashra)

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RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 1:59:20 PM

thornhappy

Posts: 8596
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline

Here's my personal best...

"You have to go home now, my parents will be back soon."

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 18

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 2:08:18 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I hate to tell you this, but.........actually translates to I have bad news and am dying to ruin your day!

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Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to thornhappy)

Post #: 19

RE: What conversation starters do you NOT want to hear ... - 1/25/2009 2:17:54 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

"I don't mean to be ugly , but....."
             means i am going to be ugly and ......

"I'm saying this for your own good....."
               means you aren't doing something the way i want you to do it.

"Bless your heart dear, ......."
           means in the South that you are going to hear something that you won't like.

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 20

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