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how to be a dom - 1/25/2009 3:37:20 PM

dregen

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/24/2009
Status: offline

I know it's rather vague but I'm fresh to this scene and it seems like something that's interesting but i really don't know the first thing about being a sub or about training sub so I'm just lost. So if theirs any advice that you guys can offer it'd be greatly appreciated.

Post #: 1

RE: how to be a dom - 1/25/2009 3:51:27 PM

Donaldnola

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/29/2007
Status: offline

Well looking at your profile I was woundering what is it you need help with It seams your only intrest in this lifestyle is bondage and blind folds give us more to go on

(in reply to dregen)

Post #: 2

RE: how to be a dom - 1/25/2009 4:16:48 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

First off, what is it about yourself that makes you consider yourself a Dom? I'll let you peek at my answers: I like being in control and feel uncomfortable when I'm not, I love to spank, and I am "bigger" than myself - I like to know what others are doing and how they're feeling. Your answers might be similar or they may be different.

If you in fact are a Dom, then I suggest you quit thinking about Doms and subs and instead think of people, some of which happen to be Doms and some of which happen to be subs (those danged switches just complicate things so I'll pretend they don't exist). Your missions as a Dom are to communicate with a sub and let her know what to do to please you, and to make sure she feels safe around you.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Donaldnola)

Post #: 3

RE: how to be a dom - 1/25/2009 6:52:11 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

(those danged switches just complicate things so I'll pretend they don't exist).

HEY! Thats intolerant! *snort*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: how to be a dom - 1/25/2009 7:04:50 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

Feels her toppy side coming out

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 5

RE: how to be a dom - 1/25/2009 7:25:12 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

Perhaps we can help if you try to explain how you got here - and what your interests are. Other than the ones you list, which have nothing to do with dom or sub. You don't provide enough information to sensibly assist you, or evem have specific questions.

(in reply to dregen)

Post #: 6

RE: how to be a dom - 1/25/2009 7:32:05 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

-=A True Dom’s Credo=-
So often many ask what makes a true Dom, an uber duber super Dom. It has been a long kept secret. Something we have held close to our chest for 98 years since its beginning.

In light of the fact that so many here have been acknowledged as reached uberhood recently, I think we should finally share our secret. We should actually define it in detail and spell it out for those of you that don’t know. I learned it long ago as a boy.

I know my uber brothers will either take my Domly card away for sharing our secret or pat me on the back for finally releasing them from their burden of silence. As funny as it may seem, it is an awesome credo. Some of it is reflected in my profile photo slogans and I truly live by to this day. Hence my continued participation and contribution to these forums since Aug 1st when my vacation from work ended and the time I have to spare for this was cut to almost nothing.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dom Laws

TRUSTWORTHY
A Dom tells the truth. He keeps his promises. Honesty is part of his code of conduct. People can depend on him.

LOYAL
A Dom is true to his family, Community leaders, friends, school, and nation.

HELPFUL
A Dom is concerned about other people. He does things willingly for others without pay or reward.

FRIENDLY
A Dom is a friend to all. He is a brother to other Domss. He seeks to understand others. He respects those with ideas and customs other than his own.

COURTEOUS
A Dom is polite to everyone regardless of age or position. He knows good manners make it easier for people to get along together.

KIND
A Dom understands there is strength in being gentle. He treats others as he wants to be treated. He does not hurt or kill harmless things without reason.

OBEDIENT
A Dom follows the rules of his family, school, and troop. He obeys the laws of his community and country. If he thinks these rules and laws are unfair, he tries to have them changed in an orderly manner rather than disobey them.

CHEERFUL
A Dom looks for the bright side of things. He cheerfully does tasks that come his way. He tries to make others happy.

THRIFTY
A Dom works to pay his way and to help others. He saves for unforeseen needs. He protects and conserves natural resources. He carefully uses time and property.

BRAVE
A Dom can face danger even if he is afraid. He has the courage to stand for what he thinks is right even if others laugh at or threaten him.

CLEAN
A Dom keeps his body and mind fit and clean. He goes around with those who believe in living by these same ideals. He helps keep his home and community clean.

REVERENT
A Dom is reverent toward God. He is faithful in his religious duties. He respects the beliefs of others.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dom Motto - Be Prepared
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dom Slogan - Do a Good Turn Daily
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reference & Source link

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 7

RE: how to be a dom - 1/25/2009 7:34:40 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*snort*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 8

RE: how to be a dom - 1/25/2009 7:56:05 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Hey . . . it's a good credo!

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 9

RE: how to be a dom - 1/25/2009 11:47:10 PM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dregen

I know it's rather vague but I'm fresh to this scene and it seems like something that's interesting but i really don't know the first thing about being a sub or about training sub so I'm just lost. So if theirs any advice that you guys can offer it'd be greatly appreciated.

read here (and on other websites) and talk with subs and Dom(mes)...and especially be yourself and find your own way.
There is not just 1 good way to do it...there are many.

(in reply to dregen)

Post #: 10

RE: how to be a dom - 1/26/2009 12:33:30 AM

masterforRT

Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline

No one can tell you how to be a Dom. You can learn some of it, but in order to be a successful Dom, you have to have grown up as one. Most Dominants out there have shown leadership qualities long before then even knew what a Dom was. The same I believe is true of submissives. I have asked many submissives when they knew they were sub and most say they had an idea by the time they were 12 or 13. I think that most people are what they are based upon how they were raised. yes, you can learn how to hold a flogger, etc., but you can't grow up again.

(in reply to JustDarkness)

Post #: 11

RE: how to be a dom - 1/26/2009 1:34:17 AM

dregen

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/24/2009
Status: offline

I understand more then anything that this life style isn't something that you getr into and it's like an automatic i'm this or that. I think more then anything at this point I want to learn about it from those of you that in for the long haul get your take on exactly what it is. yes i may have equated this life style with nothing more then bondage and sex but i'm seeing more and more that, those things are but a small part of whats going on.

The reason I know that i can't be a sub and veered more toward the word dom is because i'm head strong like to be in control all the time i don't take orders very well and i'm usually the one that iniates things when it comes down to it weather it be in my personal life or at work. half the things in my profile may be wrong seeing as they may have double meanings that i was not aware of. So witht that said I don't know what i'm into seeing as i'm taking my first steps into something that is completely new to me.

(in reply to masterforRT)

Post #: 12

RE: how to be a dom - 1/26/2009 1:48:59 AM

GravityPro

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/10/2006
Status: offline

I've found a big part of it is getting the rest of your life sorted out. As I have learned to live as an independent adult my self-confidence has allowed me to slide more easily into the dominant role and it seemed more natural. It took me a while to come to terms with my needs, and a lot of ResidentSadist's principles were the foundation of the person I've become. Finding a standard and living up to it, because it's important to have standards.

(in reply to dregen)

Post #: 13

RE: how to be a dom - 1/26/2009 2:03:28 AM

thesugarplum

Posts: 49
Joined: 8/16/2006
Status: offline

Going to post a thread instead.

< Message edited by thesugarplum -- 1/26/2009 2:30:23 AM >

(in reply to GravityPro)

Post #: 14

RE: how to be a dom - 1/26/2009 2:41:34 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dregen

I know it's rather vague but I'm fresh to this scene and it seems like something that's interesting but i really don't know the first thing about being a sub or about training sub so I'm just lost. So if theirs any advice that you guys can offer it'd be greatly appreciated.

Being a dom is not unlike being a hetero, or a male or an oriental or a tree etc. IE, you don't choose to be so much as life chooses *you*. And the fact that you're "lost" on the entire concept tells me you're wasting your time. Water always finds its own true level and that's not the path you're gravitating toward within your own life's evolution - beyond an "interest".

I didn't research or discuss with anyone about how to train my girl(s). I came with an inbuilt "magnet" that attracted me to my complementing opposite (submissive women) and everything I've learnt about "training" is nothing more (to me) than expressing what I want and expect of my partner(s) and putting structures in place to enable us both to attain fulfillment from our individual D or s needs.

Anything you're not internally driven toward to achieve has a shelf life (of interest). And if you do have that drive, then all you'd be asking was for occasional pointers, technical questions and where to meet like-minded others in your area. But the best guide is talking to submissives. Most will be tolerant of inexperience but if you don't have the basic drives and urges to control someone (sanely), they're gonna see right through you.... Still just "seems like something that's interesting" to you?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to dregen)

Post #: 15

RE: how to be a dom - 1/26/2009 9:26:53 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

i'm head strong like to be in control all the time i don't take orders very well and i'm usually the one that iniates things when it comes down to it

That applies to many subs, slaves, anything, really. You need to separate some of these traits, which could be described as standard traits in a young inexperienced male, from the mature control a dom exerts. Having said that, dom is in the soul, and you have not told us about how you emotionally interact with others in general, and women in particular.

(in reply to dregen)

Post #: 16

RE: how to be a dom - 1/26/2009 10:48:49 AM

jakelogan01

Posts: 71
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dregen

I know it's rather vague but I'm fresh to this scene and it seems like something that's interesting but i really don't know the first thing about being a sub or about training sub so I'm just lost. So if theirs any advice that you guys can offer it'd be greatly appreciated.

quote:

I know it's rather vague but I'm fresh to this scene and it seems like something that's interesting but i really don't know the first thing about being a sub or about training sub so I'm just lost.

just be yourself. if you have it in you, that's all you needd. if you don't...oh well...then you don't and you can't buy it

(in reply to dregen)

Post #: 17

RE: how to be a dom - 1/26/2009 11:49:04 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Oh I have one, be yourself people will tell you who to be and what a true dom is rubbish, make yourself happy, the only 'rules' that matter are the ones that you set for your relationship

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to masterforRT)

Post #: 18

RE: how to be a dom - 1/26/2009 12:21:55 PM

LarabysLair

Posts: 156
Joined: 5/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dregen

I know it's rather vague but I'm fresh to this scene and it seems like something that's interesting but i really don't know the first thing about being a sub or about training sub so I'm just lost. So if theirs any advice that you guys can offer it'd be greatly appreciated.

Hi, dregen

I'm a little confused by the topic. Is the question being asked "how can I become a Dominant", or "how can I become a sub" or maybe "how can I find sub training?"

I think the answer depends a great deal on the specific question being asked.

Call me LL

(in reply to dregen)

Post #: 19

RE: how to be a dom - 1/26/2009 3:37:36 PM

SensibleSam

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

BDSM Dominance derives from primate dominance. In most primates the band is led by a so-called alpha male who has exclusive sexual access to the females. In most primate species that dominance is expressed physically, meaning that the alpha male beats on or beats up those who are lower ranked - both male and female. Females respond to male dominance with submission which includes sexual acceptance. In many species - especially urangatangs - females strongly resist sex with any male other than a dominant male.

Alpha human males are also attractive to human females. Power and money are well known aphrodisiacs. It used to be that a successful man was the one who had a private secretary, an executive title, led a battlion in war, or supervised hundreds of people. Think of Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive.

Alpha males are also sometimes known as a "Natural Leader" or a "Take Charge Guy".

Many women's posting have complaints that the guy who they thought was a Dom turned out to be contempible wuss. They were looking for "The Leader of the Pack" and got some pathetic hanger on.

(in reply to LarabysLair)

Post #: 20

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