Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Kinda upset.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Kinda upset. Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/11/2006 3:27:26 PM   
nelbot


Posts: 95
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline 		[/quote]

I'd give it a day or two before getting too upset.

A very close friend of mine who I met here at CM disappeared one day -- just like you describe. A few days later she re-surfaced via her external email (not CM). She had to close her CM account because of a stalker.

Now, all you've gotta do is convince yourself your male slave has a stalker.

Hey, it could happen.

Actually, for me, one sign of someone's seriousness is their willingness to get outside of CM and take the relationship offline, via phone, IM, or real life. If someone wants to continue via CM email too long, or only via CM, it would be a red flag to me.
[/quote]

This is roughly what I was going to say... you've been talking for a while he suddenly disappeared today... maybe there is an inocuous explanation. If you don't hear from him for several more days then I would write him off but give it a little time and him the benefit of the doubt--- just don't hold your breathe while you are waiting because chances are it is exactly what you hear- he was not ready for rl and not man enough to say so.

_____________________________

In life there are no winners, only saints and sinners
of pleasure and pain both have their gain for
what is a devil but an angel in bondage?

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/12/2006 10:29:34 AM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry to hear about Your hurt. To do this to anyone is wrong and perhaps is one reason subbies have a tough time getting Dommes to believe them or even answer their postings.

Unfortunately i have had many, many Dommes not bother to reply to my posting to Them and i have been told i write interesting letters by ones who have answered. this is frustrating because even though now i am negotiating with an awesome Domme i have had to search hard, write many, many postings and wait for answers that never came from Dommes who for whatever reason just did not choose to reply.

After so many Dommes not replying at all i am amazed and appalled that ANY subbie would EVER not fall to their knees and immediately post a reply and respond, respond, respond to all future postings from the Domme who did reply.

As for not meeting a Domme after agreeing to.; IMHO , This is WRONG!!! there is absolutely no excuse for this to ever happen short of incarceration or hospital visit.

You may imagine ANY "subbie" who agrees to meet You and doesn't may actually have moved into a RUBBER ROOM with a LOCKING DOOR !!! Hope this cheers You up a bit.

Respectfully,
art


(in reply to nelbot)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/12/2006 10:59:58 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

A very close friend of mine who I met here at CM disappeared one day -- just like you describe. A few days later she re-surfaced via her external email (not CM). She had to close her CM account because of a stalker.

Now, all you've gotta do is convince yourself your male slave has a stalker.
That's kind of funny. I have an ex from a long time ago, who would say I will be there at 8, and not show up until 10 or next day; what used to make me feel better was the possibility he was in a car wreck, and his arms and legs were broken... Unfortunately that never happen, but I revel in the fact that 10years later he still looks/acts distraught that I broke up with him when he sees me. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/12/2006 11:05:06 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I'm sorry you got hurt KCMOLucky. Unfortunately it does happen often. I spoke to someone who flaked just this week; I was going to meet him and see if there was any chemistry, bringing along my sympathetic ear because he'd recently taken down his profile from collar as "all the dommes were fake"...
I hope you will come to feel better, and run into more decent human beings. M


_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to KCMOLucky)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/12/2006 3:05:36 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KCMOLucky

I'm sorry, I just need to bitch a little bit.



Maybe you're quite blameless in this, as your respondents seem to assume. I'm not suggesting otherwise. I do note that we have only heard one side of the story.

Maybe everyone posting their complaints about this cutting-and-running epidemic is blameless. But what is a person to think about someone who just happens to have the same sort of relationship problem over and over and over again? When you see this outside of kink what do you think? Why should your judgements operate differently here?

Maybe one or two of these subs who have ditched you showed no signs before they bolted, but all of them? Are you interacting with the whole person when you hook up with a prospective partner or rather are you interacting with your hopes and dreams regarding that person? If you see the signs you can address them in any number of ways or decide for yourself that things aren't worth pursuing and you can exit with grace. If you ignore the signs, well, you get the idea.

I have hit some bumps in the road over the years. I have had hopes that went unrealized, for instance, with a particular person. I was never ill-treated to the point of having someone fail to arrive for a scheduled visit.

I've certainly never been so crushed by someone I'd never even met that I found it necessary to publically bemoan my fate. Are you investing too much too soon, emotionally? Are your "prospects" getting a whiff of this and deciding against you on the basis that this might represent an emotional immaturity they can't afford in a dominant partner?

I try to keep my attitude and approach careful and measured and I keep my standards ridiculously high. Then: stuff happens. Most of it is good. Some of it is amazingly fantastic. Sometimes things don't work out but I have never been treated the way several people are describing as quite normal. I want to politely and sincerely suggest that each of us take a critical look at him or herself.

As a dom, if I learn that a given sub has a pattern of innumerable rejections over a period of years I consider the possibility that this sub is in some way the agent of her own fate. It is almost indisputable that she has poor judgement in one important respect, even if we can't conclude anything else about her. On top of that is there an unstated, maybe unrecognized pattern of behavior on her part that contributes to all these train wrecks? Well, maybe. Do I want to find out the hard way?

Naah.

If I were a submissive reading these message boards and I saw that certain doms by their own account are constantly being rejected, even kind of coldly or fiercely rejected by sub after sub, it would raise a red flag for me. Maybe it is coincidence, sure. But maybe not. And for a dominant to cry in public over this kind of spilled milk strikes me as, well ... hell I don't know. Maybe some people find that impressive and even attractive. Your kink is your business.

For those of you just tuning in to kink I want to say this:

No. This isn't the norm. This is not what you should expect no matter that a dozen or more people may be posting here to say that it is. There is nothing special about me except in the sense that there is something special about everyone and I expect a lot more than what you see described in this thread.

Expect more and better. Act in accordance with your expectations. With a lot of care and a little patience this can be a rich and good experience with few or no regrets.


(in reply to KCMOLucky)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/12/2006 3:42:49 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

She had to close her CM account because of a stalker.


?
Did she not know to use the "block" option?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to nelbot)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/12/2006 4:44:11 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Maybe everyone posting their complaints about this cutting-and-running epidemic is blameless. But what is a person to think about someone who just happens to have the same sort of relationship problem over and over and over again?
You make a good point in that we all have to look in the mirror and see where we faltered, but I'm wondering where you saw any of the respondents saying this happens to me all the time, or has happened to me over and over again? M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/12/2006 8:48:38 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		yeah..yeah..yeah..

maybe...m a y b e...there is more to it..
but "I" doubt it.

"I" have seen and heard TOO MANY stories from TOO MANY dommes telling me the same stuff...male subbies flaking out...
over and over

too many are just not old enough to get away from mommy and what they say and what they do..aint the same.


"I" for one believe Her..

take care


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/14/2006 1:24:29 AM   
Sub03


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline 		maybe a lil off subject but i need to bitch and vent a lil also.......

im really sorry that happened too you KCMOLucky......its amazing how many fakes there are out there.

From the other side.....i was with my now ex Dom for 9 months and only recently when out of the blue He let me go with no warning at all did i realize most of that time was not what i thought it was. One day i was serving Him the next i wake up to an email saying that He has to let me go because He has found another. Bad enough........then found out recently that He does not have another.....only let me go because He put simply wants someone new. Someone less used......a new toy to play with.

He didnt want a sub.....He didnt want a slave, He wanted a fuck toy....a piece of meat to play with every once in awhile. And when He got bored with that one He moved on to another. And He went to great lengths to lie and mislead to get what He wanted. And i am not the first one He has done this too.

So though KCMOLucky you may have been hurt and mislead be happy that it happened now and not months down the road when there are attachments and feelings involved. I wish i had found out sooner.....maybe moving on would be alot easier than it is right now.

< Message edited by Sub03 -- 1/14/2006 1:27:22 AM >

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/14/2006 3:26:13 AM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Someone mentioned : Some get scared and run. As a new submissive, i really really wanted to run. Sure you can do all the reassuring in the world, but at some point, a leap of faith is required to meet, face to face.
Submitting on line, over the phone to Him was sooooooo easy, in comparison to be able to put my body mind and soul where my mouth was - In real life.

I could completely empathise with a sub running away from submission. It takes guts.

little1

(in reply to Sub03)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/14/2006 5:35:55 AM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

She had to close her CM account because of a stalker.


?
Did she not know to use the "block" option?


I honestly don't know. I got a sense it was more that the experience just turned her off of CollarMe entirely. She just got so fed up she closed her CM account.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/17/2006 5:03:53 AM   
MissObedient


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		having a bit of an odd one myself.

Just got into this as a sub, and met up with a dom at the weekend, not sure what to do now, he hasnt disappeared, and we have mailed, but I am away this week and not sure what happens next.

Any ideas guys?

(in reply to KCMOLucky)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/17/2006 5:39:03 AM   
MistressAlexaS


Posts: 78
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline 		I believe what happens is people have fantasys that they would love to come true, yet they aren't brave enough to actually go through with it. Its exciting to talk about, to think about and envision in the mind but to actually do it is another story.
Don't let it get you down it isnt a negative reflection on you, its just a person who thought they wanted something when they just weren't ready for it.

~Alexa

_____________________________

Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward.
Patricia Sampson

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/17/2006 10:45:00 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KCMOLucky

I know, it's the same old sob story of a jilted Domme. But damnit, I was just so excited about this ONE. I was SO into him, and anticipated talking to him, and he just leaves like it doesn't make a difference in the world.

Don't they people know that us Domme's turn down people every day? And some of them might be serious. We've said "No, thanks, I'm dedicating my time to so and so" instead of pursuing someone else that might pan out, and they completely disregard every email, every conversation, and every shred of concern and care that we have for them. When will they learn that we're people, too? That being abandoned hurts us, too?


I am sorry for your bad experience. I know these are cliches, but I always try to maintain a sense of humour about things -- cause you never know what other people are going to do, especially when you have not met them face to face. A few laughs mixed with tears is a divine self indulgence no one can ever take away from you. Its also fun to talk to yourself about it. This is important, because you're about the only witness around who can appreciate the situation. After you've finished discussing it, let him have it, right there into the air and space in front of you ---- remember ---- the rehearsal diatribe where you always get the last word --- is often better than an actual audience diatribe. MB venting is good. Running yourself down is bad. Being disappointed is good, getting disillusioned is bad. You get the idea.

Be careful, b/c in 52 years, if for whatever reason you go sour, you might turn mean and curmudgenly like Veronica, where your solace and pride reside in no-strings-housework. And you know what V. likes to say, "promises, promises."


(in reply to KCMOLucky)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/17/2006 10:48:26 AM   
MasterHyde


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KCMOLucky

I went out, bought a new stero for my car (super sweet lookin' too)...


Umm, how does it SOUND?

_____________________________

Master Hyde
A self-righteous, poly, dominant, possessive control freak with strong paternal tendencies and a sadistic inner child

(in reply to KCMOLucky)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/17/2006 10:55:23 AM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline 		is it better not to get a "fuck-off" note rather than actually getting one?

just curious?



_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to KCMOLucky)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/17/2006 11:15:30 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Ya know, it's terrible to simply disappear on someone with no explanation whatsoever. It's the absolute height of cowardice. I know because it's happened to me twice in the short time I've been here and once very recently.

I guess in the long run it's good to find out now, before you've invested a lot of time, effort, energy and emotion into someone. It could have been even worse. (at least that's what I keep telling myself).

OK, not that I'm glad it happened to anyone else, but at least I know it's not something I did.

He's a spineless jerk!

(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/17/2006 2:46:49 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		My 2cents worth...

They get scared.
Then you have the players,the kind the does the talk but not the walk.
Sometimes things come up like the wife/husband found out,uhoh....

I do in all fairness have a 3 strikes and your out rule.
Because break downs and deaths really do happen.

Dont give up though....look at some of the Positive Experiences posted here,it can work.



_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/17/2006 3:54:16 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Ahhhhhh dont be upset.

Heres a goodie I got today.

quote:

You are too heavy (weight wise) to dominate me. i prefer a smaller domme.



I guess He thinks a 300 lb 6 ft tall Woman is to heavy for his punnie 245lb frame......( thinks about all the ways Id pick up the sqwirt and twirl him over My head.............. hehehehhe evil laugh

(in reply to KCMOLucky)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Kinda upset. - 1/17/2006 3:58:48 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

Ahhhhhh dont be upset.

Heres a goodie I got today.

quote:

You are too heavy (weight wise) to dominate me. i prefer a smaller domme.



I guess He thinks a 300 lb 6 ft tall Woman is to heavy for his punnie 245lb frame......( thinks about all the ways Id pick up the sqwirt and twirl him over My head.............. hehehehhe evil laugh



I'll gladly hold him down!


_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Kinda upset. Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078