Kinda upset.

Kinda upset. (Full Version)

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KCMOLucky -> Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 2:07:00 PM)
I'm sorry, I just need to bitch a little bit. I met a guy thru here. A really nice 'slave', who seemed to be everything I and my spouse were searching for. He's intelligent, and a little older, had experience, was compassionate, and we spoke a lot, about everything. I really really really liked him! I was so looking forward to him and I forming some sort of relationship, even friendship, if the BDSM aspect didn't work out. So, him and I made plans to meet. He even asked if we could move up the meet date, because he couldn't wait. January 19th was supposed to be the day we met. So, I log in today, and check my emails off and on thru the morning and afternoon, just when I get a chance. Same old, same old... When I get to the second page, where his SN is, it's blacked out. He's closed his account and not even left a goodbye. He didn't even leave a "Fuck off" letter, just dissapeared! I know, it's the same old sob story of a jilted Domme. But damnit, I was just so excited about this ONE. I was SO into him, and anticipated talking to him, and he just leaves like it doesn't make a difference in the world. Don't they people know that us Domme's turn down people every day? And some of them might be serious. We've said "No, thanks, I'm dedicating my time to so and so" instead of pursuing someone else that might pan out, and they completely disregard every email, every conversation, and every shred of concern and care that we have for them. When will they learn that we're people, too? That being abandoned hurts us, too?

Arpig -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 2:19:52 PM)
Sorry for the bum ride. I am certain that it works both ways...a jerk is a jerk, regardless of their status vis-a-vis D/s. I wish you better luck next time.

yourMissTress -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 2:29:07 PM)
I can empathize with you. I have done the same thing spending hours talking with a potential sub and ignoring the rest. Then the day comes that you are going to meet and they don't show up. No phone call, no email, nothing. What they are is afraid, cowardly, and inconsiderate. Honestly I don't believe that any of them mean to harm anyone. In my experience they are simply scared. I have even gone so far with one that I felt a strong connection with to allow him a second and third chance after phone calls (days later of course) depicting incredulous emergencies and accidents. My approach of course is now far different. I talk to a multitude of subs for short periods of time and if I think there may be a connection, I set a date to meet. This way the few that show up are given more time after the meeting and the many that stand me up are thereafter ignored. No 2nd chances, no excuses. While adding to my current family would be nice, I'm in no hurry and having some fun learning about others along the way.

WinterWolf -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 3:18:01 PM)
As a dom, I know exactly how you feel, being left with not even a "fuck off" letter, but it happens daily to me, something that I have realized subs do. I'm thankfull for those that do not waste my time with meeting )having to set a time and have a plan on what to do). My frustration is this. I am a very intelligent black man. I'm a geek by trade, a cook by heart, and a lover of life. So when I take the time to write a potential contact, I read the entire profile for something to start an email conversation. Most don't have much, so many don't get an email. But about 90% of the emails I write go unanswered. These are not 1 or 3 line emails. None of them contain ref's to sex, what I want them to do. I write an email as though I was approcahing a woman in front of her mother, so If I wouldn't say it then, I don't put it in the email. So not only do Dom's have to deal with fearfull subs who only think they are ready, but those who can't even have the respect to answer and say "no - thanks" Feeling your frustration.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 4:34:39 PM)
Yup it sucks. Yup it happens all the time. This is why I do not make special plans to meet someone anymore (I actually rarely meet anyone originally from online these days).

FangsNfeet -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 5:35:37 PM)
Some people dream, imagine, and fantasize only to realize that it's not what they really want when it finally presents itself. Some people just need the ego boost of thinking it was acctually possible for them to have met someone. The reasons can go on and on and on. Fear, lack of confidence, they decide not to cheat on there spouse, and who knows what else. As said before. Best of luck next time. Don't give up. Sooner or later, you'll meet someone brave enough to take what you can dish out.

brightspot -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 5:41:58 PM)
Seems to happen a lot here. No a lot of people really don't give a chit where it leaves you and your feelings. Especially wankers and people who are a bit shorter who are in it to just mess with someone and cause upset in a stranger's life, that's what they get off on. But there are good people out there too, hope one passes your way[;)]. *Brightspot

Cloudz -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 5:50:22 PM)
Welcome to the club...Now if we could only decide on a motto and an emblem...<grin> Sorry - but it happens all the time.

miticantenslaved -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 6:03:51 PM)
miti is sorry You went for such a ride...but it does happen every day to Dom/me and sub/slave alike...immaturity abounds on sites like these. hugs You in a friendly way...sorry! "But the point is... the point is... the point is we've not been experienced for a lot longer than you." "We've got a lot of experience of not having any experience," said Nanny Ogg happily. [Witches Abroad] ~miti

FangsNfeet -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 8:50:11 PM)
The most important part of this situation is to not let it get you down. Let's say the two of you where to meet somewhere. So he didn't show up. Why let it spoil your fun? Go ahead and order some drinks, buy a nice meal, and flirt with the waiter/waitress. Treat yourself and know that your drive wasn't waisted. Since you are already there, you might as well make the most out of it instead of keeping you head low. Unfortunatly this may not be the last time for this to happen to you. So prepare yourself for an alternative plan to treat yourself with in these just in case situataions. You'll feel much better. I garuntee it.

pollux -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 8:58:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KCMOLucky So, I log in today, and check my emails off and on thru the morning and afternoon, just when I get a chance. Same old, same old... When I get to the second page, where his SN is, it's blacked out. He's closed his account and not even left a goodbye. He didn't even leave a "Fuck off" letter, just dissapeared! I'd give it a day or two before getting too upset. A very close friend of mine who I met here at CM disappeared one day -- just like you describe. A few days later she re-surfaced via her external email (not CM). She had to close her CM account because of a stalker. Now, all you've gotta do is convince yourself your male slave has a stalker. Hey, it could happen. [:D] Actually, for me, one sign of someone's seriousness is their willingness to get outside of CM and take the relationship offline, via phone, IM, or real life. If someone wants to continue via CM email too long, or only via CM, it would be a red flag to me.

KCMOLucky -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 9:12:29 PM)
Wow, thank you all for such encouragment. FnF, I absolutely believe in making the best of a situation. Tonight, instead of staying in like I wanted to, I went out, bought a new stero for my car (super sweet lookin' too), went to the grocery store, and listened to some good music. I'm in a much better frame of mind.[:D] Mitti, that quote is just perfect. Really lifted my spirits. Again, thank you all for such a wonderful show of support. I've taken what each of you have said to heart. [;)] ~Mary

amayos -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 9:12:42 PM)
Ahhh, a post I can relate to. I had a nearly identical situation happen to me a few months ago. I came back from a long weekend only to discover a line through my submissive's screen name (meaning she purged her journal)—all this despite the fact she was slated to arrive via plane in only a matter of days. I was put off, to say the least. Here is the note she left: quote: I'm sure that your increased attention to me over the past few days was intended to keep my fears at bay and ensure that I came to you Wednesday. I suppose it's just bad luck that the weekend came along and I was given time alone in which to think. I could go into a great big explanation of all this, but I know you've gathered my main point from the way I addressed this letter. Bottom line is, I can't come to you. You know as well as I that part of me will always love you, and always ache for you. ...You were quite right when you said in the past that we may have been better off only as friends, but I understand that's impossible now. Please believe me when I say that I wish nothing for you but a long and happy life, and I hope you have everything you want. I'm just sorry that I myself couldn't completely fit into that. Peculiar thing is, she came back on her own. She needed time to make peace with what she was becoming for me, and once she did, was actually able to make the flight and is now a loving and devoted slave in every sense of the word. I am very proud of her for the bravery she showed in reaffirming her loyalty. I know the inner struggle was tectonic. Perhaps a similar thing will happen with this submissive of yours? Sometimes we need to slacken our grip to entice them more steadily into our arms, and once they are there, squeeze tightly. Don't these people know that us Domme's turn down people every day? SO TRUE. Best of luck to you.

veronicaofML -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 9:20:04 PM)
m'Lady........ "I" am damn sorry someone did this to You. THIS is the kinda shit that makes it tougher on those of us that are SERIOUS...AND REAL!!! the kind like ME.......hell I pack and drive to Your door and move in ...all in one day... yeah yeah most aint able to...for whatever pitiful excuse... but "I" am SO real..."I" have driven midwest to west coast in 28 hrs non stop..and was moved in...under 24 hrs...after arrival. same here now...I left iowa...got to wisconsin...and was moved in...under 24 hrs. yeah okay so "I" am EXTREME..........but by the gods "I" am REAL LIFE.......... take care

OscarHargraves -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 9:46:55 PM)
It's a bummer. Sorry.

Wolfie648 -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/10/2006 11:22:42 PM)
quote: I know, it's the same old sob story of a jilted Domme. But damnit, I was just so excited about this ONE. I was SO into him, and anticipated talking to him, and he just leaves like it doesn't make a difference in the world. Keep at it - I've said it before, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year 1 decade, 1 lifetime - whatever it takes. Maybe (not likely but maybe) something drastic happened in his life... D (owner of j)

sweetpettjenny -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/11/2006 3:29:55 AM)
about a year almost 2 years ago i met someone from aol who bcame my master, he seemed upfront and honest...NOT . He literally destroyed many parts of my life , because he is what most call a con man . Not only did he hide a marriage, but lied about his job and most areas in his life. i fell for him and i would have much rathered him play a online game with me than destroying me for a long time in R/l . MY BEST revenge was to stand up brush myself off and meet my new Master who cares much for me , and be happy. It happens to us all on varying levels , just stand up and say im not going to let anyone hurt me like that i will be happy. It works.

phoenixslave -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/11/2006 4:58:27 AM)
i am sorry if it doesn't work out for you. he might be very much wanting it but scared. A dom/me loses a potential slave. A slave loses the sum of their life up to then. The reality of giving up possessions is hard to do. i built a lifetimes worth of artwork, music,friendships, memories. i know the standard line that none of this should matter to a "real" slave. But if a potential Master would put themselves in that place for just a moment. i am not asking that they all take in a slave with all their possessions, just to realize what pause it gives to real people trying to take the big step. It takes a great passion to follow this journey and that passion tugs both ways on a potential slave. As much as we want it or need it, its downright scary. The closer a new one, however motivated gets to the day, the more overwhelming the ramifications become. Some make it through, many don't. i do hope you find one that will.

ZenrageTheKeeper -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/11/2006 10:25:27 AM)
quote: Don't they people know that us Domme's turn down people every day? And some of them might be serious. We've said "No, thanks, I'm dedicating my time to so and so" instead of pursuing someone else that might pan out, and they completely disregard every email, every conversation, and every shred of concern and care that we have for them. When will they learn that we're people, too? That being abandoned hurts us, too? I was feeling bad for you up until this point. You can't exactly brag about how casually you turn others down and then complain about how casually others turn you down. If Dommes are, as you say, in the habit of turning people away on a daily basis, whether before or within a relationship, would it not make sense for the submissive to be exploring possibilities with other Dommes to make sure they don't get completely jilted as easily? Regardless, rejection hurts and I'm sure you will survive it. As always, it just takes time.

truesub4u -> RE: Kinda upset. (1/11/2006 2:00:35 PM)
greetings yourMissTress, I would like to take your posting to make my response. To quote you if I may. What they are is afraid, cowardly, and inconsiderate. Honestly I don't believe that any of them mean to harm anyone. In my experience they are simply scared. I find this statement to be somewhat true. But lets flip this coin. It mostly would seen that it's always the sub/slaves that are doing this. No matter if male or female. But as a sub, I've been on the flip side of this coin. Ignoring for the most part other offers from other Doms to chat or get to know each other better. After spending many hours, days talking to a Dom, setting up after agreeing to a meet. So get all excited, all dolled up, making sure all is perfect. Go to scheduled meeting place. And end up sitting there all alone. getting strange looks because as seated, informing hostess there would be someone joining me. Getting home to see they've deleted accounts. Or simply not talking no more. And or the next day they try to make that it was my fault. I was at wrong place. I tell them.. you said AppleBees... there's only 1 damn Applebees in this town... LOL So this not only happens to Tops, it happens to bottoms as well.

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