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Decollared? - 1/11/2006 1:45:07 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Sooooo what does it specifically mean when you're decollared? The relationship (oddly) is still there but you've been deollared. Does it mean its a free for all when it comes to sin? Like does the bed need to be made? Only if i feel like it? Can i gripe about the toilet paper roll and how some ppl can NEVER seem to fill it? Its like giving me back my freedom, right? Even if he IS still here. No rules. Means i'm not "owned" right? Does that still make him my "Dom"? Or does it not? Does ALL the D/s just zip, zilch stop?

How do you balance a relationship now? i'm sooooooooo confused. Like okay, i'm the "girlfriend" now. So if he's hungry he can go fix it himself? i'm alittle lost and alittle confused.

So ayep, i've been decollared, cos i uh dont care. i'm out for my happiness and MY happiness doesnt include doing being a maid. It doesnt include being walked on. So i, heh, just stopped! Of course, it was offered back (and i know excatly WHY too, with a condition that i start obeying) and is sitting infront of me. Seems like its a good time to re negotiate doesnt it?

i am sad but at the same time, i just want to stick my middle finger up, cross my arms and say "and wot" (my favorite british term used right after my friend was punched in teh face.... and wot?)

Strangely, other then being decollared, EVERYTHING is going swell. i've been drawing all these neat new lines and telling him if he crosses them i walk. My boyfriend has been er.. well great. Doing all the "right" things. Behaving and the like, being really nice and all that stuff. And i just want to beat the living shit out of him (which he offered himself for later tonight)

i refuse to be brought down! Forward March! Yet i am so ungodly sad. And angry. BUT i am pretending it doesnt exsist and thats going swell too! i just keep singing and doing all the little things that make me happy.

The song of the day thats playig in my head........

"the B.... I.... B.... L... E..... thats the book for me...."
(which is really strange as i dont like that book)

Any suggestions wise collarme ppl on where to go and what to do now?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 1:53:45 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Strangely, other then being decollared, EVERYTHING is going swell. i've been drawing all these neat new lines and telling him if he crosses them i walk. My boyfriend has been er.. well great. Doing all the "right" things. Behaving and the like, being really nice and all that stuff. And i just want to beat the living shit out of him (which he offered himself for later tonight)


Sounds like a bit of role reversal. Tell him, with a completly straigh face, to kneel in front of you. See what happens. Might be that he is coming to terms with his own submissive side.


quote:


i refuse to be brought down! Forward March! Yet i am so ungodly sad. And angry. BUT i am pretending it doesnt exsist and thats going swell too!


Sad and angry? At what? At him? At his lack of control? At his refusal to "bring you down"?

My thoughts are with you. *smile*

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 1:54:32 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Seems like its a good time to re negotiate doesnt it?


quote:

Strangely, other then being decollared, EVERYTHING is going swell. i've been drawing all these neat new lines and telling him if he crosses them i walk. My boyfriend has been er.. well great. Doing all the "right" things. Behaving and the like, being really nice and all that stuff. And i just want to beat the living shit out of him (which he offered himself for later tonight)


Well, it seems you already have your answers. I know, not what you were looking for, but...there they are.

I am sorry that things are going so badly for you right now

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 1:56:06 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Sooooo what does it specifically mean when you're decollared? The relationship (oddly) is still there but you've been deollared. Does it mean its a free for all when it comes to sin? Like does the bed need to be made? Only if i feel like it? Can i gripe about the toilet paper roll and how some ppl can NEVER seem to fill it? Its like giving me back my freedom, right? Even if he IS still here. No rules. Means i'm not "owned" right? Does that still make him my "Dom"? Or does it not? Does ALL the D/s just zip, zilch stop?

To me it would mean that the expectations of everyone in the relationship have shifted into whatever they have shifted into (likely a vanilla dynamic)

You are no longer expected to follow the authority of the dominant, but your own authority. The dom is no longer expected to maintain sole authority or discipline and must discuss things first.
quote:


How do you balance a relationship now? i'm sooooooooo confused. Like okay, i'm the "girlfriend" now. So if he's hungry he can go fix it himself? i'm alittle lost and alittle confused.

I'd imagine it would be very confusing at first. I'd suggest you simply take time and allow everyone to make mistakes and be upset and become adjusted.

quote:

Any suggestions wise collarme ppl on where to go and what to do now?

Get therapy (wait, I gave you that advice months ago)

Move out on your own and become a stable single mother for at least 2 years before attempting any sort of commitment. There, that's new.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 2:20:34 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Sounds to Me Riotgirl that you have become a Dominant---I'd tell him to go standsin the corner, drop his pants and you will be right with him---snicker snicker--you will adore the feel and smack of the paddle on his ass.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 2:29:03 PM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		Yep, you have a vanilla relationship. He no longer holds the leash so to speak.

Sure you are angry. And sad. that's normal, but you will get through it. Now, you just go about making you and your daughter happy. Then you worry about him, if you want to stay in a relationship with him. The dynamic just became 50/50. There rules for him to follow in the house now, just like you. Everyone gets to pitch in with housework, and whatever else.

If he offered to let you beat his ass. think about it...lol..you may like it. Perhaps another was right, perhaps his being the dominant didn't work, because he's not totally dominant. Or he's too lazy to be 100% dominant. I've seen that happen too.

Good luck, you know where I am..smiles..

Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 2:29:55 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

Sounds like a bit of role reversal. Tell him, with a completly straigh face, to kneel in front of you. See what happens. Might be that he is coming to terms with his own submissive side.


LOL well i did something similiar = ) When he took the collar off, i told him to put it on. AND i did do it with a straight face!

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 2:34:17 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		dear riot girl
SOMETIMES
i have to think of it as
where would i be without all my female x's....
but,
you are really funny.
i always seek out to read your posts.
you are so matter of fact;
how can you be wrong?
point is ;something has to be differentiated; i guess;
means no wedding ring of sorts;
means both are free from the priority of the other
you wouldnt want your new slave ,or top;to see you have no needs ;still being satisfied and served ;in all areas; by the former;
means you smile ;and the most graceful wins,as usual;
if you have a lot of xcollars ;throw an xcollared party; and see what happens;
instead of saying :well ;i never came anyways;
...call it a "funship collar "and never letm' see you sweat;
you dont wanna be known as the "off the deep ender"
never say anything you'll regret,
cause no matter what;
words hurt ;and you cant take words back ;once said.
and...
unless you want the person back in former status ;you can still play cat and mouse (chase games;) to keep the game alive; but ,
dont go to another, if you still want this one;or never ;never admit it;if you do and are asked,about it by the one you want;
cause thats the real reason they always have, to do the same,to you ;they can now always find another like you did,once;
even ,if its in the past....
they think;so -
why not.!?..
you did!!;
so i have to(eventually)...
CAUSE I DEFINATELY: owe you one;etc.....
,esp later ;IF get they mad; they always remember;
you went out;
you cant even mention another name ,not even ,in passing;
you cheated;b.s.
(personally;
i'd fixem' up ,and hold his hat;
its ,another kinda masochistic reject scenario ,
or kick in the stomach ,to me, so 'CREME AWAY',but ,that's ,another leeway story/M-TRIP....)
so keep in mind ;
what you want ;
never give up on your 'goals',for anyone;
its part of you ;
and, never get stuck;
you need someone ,with the same goals ,and, thats certainly not, that special someone who brings you down;
one life ;and it's short;
i know that means little to you now, but;
there are bigger; heavier-collars; to be had ,in the whole farmfield, of ;special - made;COLLARS,out there.
i love your complacent attitude ;
EVEN YOUR USER NAME; I WOULD HAVE ONCE CALLED MYSELF
"RIOT GIRL",
BUT,
your sense of very dry humor is quite intelligent.
personally ;
the one that had the collar can take it and go ;
ONCE THERE'S NO RESPECT(RESPECT IS LOVE)
why WOULD ANYONE WANT, TO pass ,around the same-collar ?!;
some do i guess;
like the same wedding ring?

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 1/11/2006 3:01:13 PM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 2:36:09 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		RiotGirl,

There seems to be so much a person can hide on line behind a screen. I knew not of anything going on with you. But then again I don't really know you, so wouldn't know any of thee signs if they were there. I'm sorry for all your confusions. And the feelings of being lost.

I know after my first Master died, I was truly lost. Lost in not knowing what was to become of of me. Being sort of thrown out into the world on my own after so many years with him. (Luckily enough for me and unbeknownst to his family, there was a new Will drawn up with instruction for me and money left to me. Nothing that made me rich. Just enough to live on for a year or two per his say in this Will.) But until I had heard of the Will and it's contents, and after what all he ever told me. I thought I was forever trapped as a slave with a now dead Master. Because I was forever his and no others. In his Will it was stated, due to his death, I would be free to seek out all I wanted in life. In the Will was a contract that I had totally forgotten about. Probably because I was young, stupid and really knew not what it really ment when I signed it.

This contract stated that in the event of a de-collaring, it would be handle as in terms of a divorce. The things brought into the relationship would be returned to said owner, and things gathered during the course of said relationship would be divided. The rest was more or less as he so desired it to be.

I've since then taken and shown this to a few other sub and Doms i've met through the years. And we've all agreed it is something that should be one of the discussions made in the begining of a relationship. Ever sits and discusses what each wants out of the reltionship. But doesn't consider once in the relationship.... what if it should disolve... wwhat happens then. This is something no one wants to consider. But one really should. For the sake of all involved.

I hope that what ever it is you decide to do with this situation, it makes you happy. And also remember this and learn from it as well. If ever collared again.... with hopes of not being de-collared.... but should it happen... how it will be handled.


Edited to Add: this also applies to the D/s side of this. Not just material and personal aspects. If de-collared... it means no more... or it means what ever you 2 decided on at the begining of the relationship that it should mean in the event a de-collaring should accure.

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 1/11/2006 2:39:46 PM >

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 2:38:07 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		It's hard to give advice, as we really don't know each other. I can only tell you what I would do, and how I feel.

I would pack my stuff, and leave a note that said, "You Blew It Jerkoff ... And Now You Can Jackoff!"

He would then be persona non grata.

Look ... you are really pretty and have a nice body. While I don't know you, I bet you are a cool person. So you may have some "issues" ... who the hell doesn't? We all have issues. Some people just have a head so big, they can't admit it.

You aren't that much older than me. Why worry about heavy relationships? Go out and have some fun already! Guys are an easy score ... go out and score a bunch.

(no offense to guys intended)

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 3:00:49 PM   
Saraheli


Posts: 178
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline 		None taken caitlyn, personally I have always been an "easy score"

_____________________________

Lay with me, I'll take you for a ride
Look so sweet I wanna cry
Here in this bed we have nothing to hide
Come on, don't you want to try
MvD

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 3:06:21 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn



Guys are an easy score ... go out and score a bunch.

(no offense to guys intended)


Well, I feel kinda degraded and slutty. I like it.

Bob


< Message edited by DesertRat -- 1/11/2006 3:07:09 PM >

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 3:11:37 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		albatross,
you are so sophisticated logical;
,and,youre funny ,but, PERT,too!,
and, ya; i never thot the guy, or girl ;whatever
could be a "bottom "such luck i would'nt wish on any slave; sub; or bottom;
but ;ya ;
that too may be the reason;
certainly ;even on an acid trip ;if i found i collared somebody; i'd feel pretty g.d.awkward ;and i'd say take the freakin'thing off,and,get the frigg,outta' here!you bet i'd be angry and say you freaking creepo ;insulting my image like that ; so just remove the collar and back away ,from the area...(holding my hand up like quiet down while walking towards them)
get the heck out !,and, never come back ,around me ,again;
geez;i can't be seen,with you,in a freakin'collar you shmoe!. ...
ik!
what if i see someone i know!?...don't you ever think of THAT,TOO?! what about me!?;dont you think that i dont want someone i like; coming around ;seeing you hanging on me wearing a g.d.collar!
oh, j.c.,....
sorry,
but,
i tend to over-react ,when someone tosses me a curve
but if they acted like me to the max on the collar bit; YOU GOTTA BOTTOM
,AND,geez so sorry;BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME.

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 1/11/2006 3:29:16 PM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 4:14:04 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds like to me you two just figured out you had the dynamic wrong, and that it should have gone the other way. I agree with MHOO314. Have fun with it. Feel it for what it is worth. If anything. You might just very well be a switch, or need to hold the switch for the time being.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 4:30:48 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Sooooo what does it specifically mean when you're decollared? The relationship (oddly) is still there but you've been deollared. Does it mean its a free for all when it comes to sin? Like does the bed need to be made? Only if i feel like it? Can i gripe about the toilet paper roll and how some ppl can NEVER seem to fill it? Its like giving me back my freedom, right? Even if he IS still here. No rules. Means i'm not "owned" right? Does that still make him my "Dom"? Or does it not? Does ALL the D/s just zip, zilch stop?


I suppose. It's hard for me to envision such relations going to "normal", as they are blandly defined.



quote:

Strangely, other then being decollared, EVERYTHING is going swell. i've been drawing all these neat new lines and telling him if he crosses them i walk. My boyfriend has been er.. well great. Doing all the "right" things. Behaving and the like, being really nice and all that stuff. And i just want to beat the living shit out of him (which he offered himself for later tonight)

i refuse to be brought down! Forward March! Yet i am so ungodly sad. And angry. BUT i am pretending it doesnt exsist and thats going swell too! i just keep singing and doing all the little things that make me happy.

The song of the day thats playig in my head........

"the B.... I.... B.... L... E..... thats the book for me...."
(which is really strange as i dont like that book)

Any suggestions wise collarme ppl on where to go and what to do now?



I suppose there has been a reversal of power between the two of you? That he has failed in being a dominant? This post only begot more questions for me to you than answers for you.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 4:37:04 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn
Guys are an easy score ... go out and score a bunch.

(no offense to guys intended



I feel so dirty. But...Assuming you were being remotely serious, this may not be the best of moves for Riot at this juncture (even though many men would no doubt want her do otherwise).

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 4:42:08 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

Sounds to Me Riotgirl that you have become a Dominant---I'd tell him to go standsin the corner, drop his pants and you will be right with him---snicker snicker--you will adore the feel and smack of the paddle on his ass.


This is not the only piece of advice saying this on this thread - only the first. For that, and that alone, I picked it.

Why is everyone saying it's a role *reversal*? It could just be a role *refusal*?

Simply because he stopped being her owner, does not mean that he's suddenly her slave. There *are* gray areas in life.

Plus - in my experience, simply removing a collar, or taking away the privilege of *wearing* the collar, does not mean anything in the relationship has necessarily changed.

So, long story short - RiotGirl, we don't know *nearly* enough about the situation to make any comments beyond "could be"s.


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 4:44:55 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl


quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

Sounds to Me Riotgirl that you have become a Dominant---I'd tell him to go standsin the corner, drop his pants and you will be right with him---snicker snicker--you will adore the feel and smack of the paddle on his ass.


This is not the only piece of advice saying this on this thread - only the first. For that, and that alone, I picked it.

Why is everyone saying it's a role *reversal*? It could just be a role *refusal*?

Simply because he stopped being her owner, does not mean that he's suddenly her slave. There *are* gray areas in life.

Plus - in my experience, simply removing a collar, or taking away the privilege of *wearing* the collar, does not mean anything in the relationship has necessarily changed.

So, long story short - RiotGirl, we don't know *nearly* enough about the situation to make any comments beyond "could be"s.




Strangely, other then being decollared, EVERYTHING is going swell. i've been drawing all these neat new lines and telling him if he crosses them i walk. My boyfriend has been er.. well great. Doing all the "right" things. Behaving and the like, being really nice and all that stuff. And i just want to beat the living shit out of him (which he offered himself for later tonight)


This is why we say role reversal versus role refusal.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to ImpGrrl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 4:45:46 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		We're working with half the story here. Just a little reminder to everyone.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Decollared? - 1/11/2006 4:57:18 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
Strangely, other then being decollared, EVERYTHING is going swell. i've been drawing all these neat new lines and telling him if he crosses them i walk. My boyfriend has been er.. well great. Doing all the "right" things. Behaving and the like, being really nice and all that stuff. And i just want to beat the living shit out of him (which he offered himself for later tonight)


This is why we say role reversal versus role refusal.


Respecting boundaries and being "nice" is not (necessarily) a role reversal. Offering himself up for a beating - if in jest, it's just that. If serious, there could have been many reasons - the least confusing of which is that he's a masochist, which has nothing to do with dominance or submission.

I'm just saying - I don't see it. And we don't have nearly enough information to say anything definitive.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 20
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