How much is too much? (Full Version)

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michaelGA -> How much is too much? (1/11/2006 6:20:08 PM)

is it possible for a submivvies to grow weary of searching for "The One"? it seems the road is paved with large amounts of tar (BS) and the journey is full of traps (games).

i have been in the lifestyle for about 10 years, but it's all been online and it seems finding who i am gets to be a daily challenge.

if you think i'm whining, fine...i've heard it all before. but i see it as a frustrated cry for help. it''s hard on fem subs/slaves to find "The One', it's almost impossible for a male sub/slave to find them.

does anyone have any (positive) suggestions for me?



EriaeMelody -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 6:22:22 PM)

quote:

does anyone have any (positive) suggestions for me?


Get off the computer, go meet others within your community.



Slipstreme -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 6:26:21 PM)

It is possible for anyone to become weary in their search for the one, regardless what it is they are searching for. Although sometimes, Ive realized, if you stop searching so hard or steadfastly, sometimes the answers or the things you seek fall into your lap, sometimes literally.

Try cooling off a while, waiting till your reserves are back up and running. But dont give into a weary spirit, just take a load off. Sometimes a break is all you need to get back in the game.

I believe there is someone out there for everyone. When, where and how they will find that one, is individual and unique. There isn't much to guide you there. It will happen, or it won't. But very few people go on their lives without finding the one. A soulmate, or a comrade to rest their lives in.

Good luck my friend, and may you find the Mistress you seek.



mistoferin -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 6:26:29 PM)

Michael,
You state that all of your 10 years has been spent online. Get out man! Go to your local munches, events....meet people face to face. It gives you a completely new perspective and although I am not saying you are going to walk in to your first munch and meet your "One"....or even at your second or third.....what you will do is meet some really great people, make some friends and really be able to start to enjoy your journey. Your "One" will come.....when the time is right.



michaelGA -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 6:26:56 PM)

that's a good idea, if one had transportation. Columbus, GA is not that great of a city for the lifestyle. the ones in it are not receptive to new people as i have been learning.

it seems the only Dommes that are remotely interested in talking to me live in other cities. the ones i can find locally won't give a male sub the time of day.

it would be different if i were female. that is another hard lesson i have learned.



Slipstreme -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 6:30:31 PM)

haha. You think you have it rough? Try being a genderqueer, not so female, furry, into all kinds of things bordering edgeplay, but only randomly submissive (more masochistic than submissive), and only strangely dominant (with an underappreciatated sadistic streak). hehe. Talk about hard. Ah well though, again in all things. If it happens, it happens. See ya around. And Im sure you can find someone.



MHOO314 -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 6:34:50 PM)

Well, here is My story--I didn't date for years, My choice because of the charge and I wasn't sure what I was--then I found out what I was--started searching vanilla---went through maybe 400 profiles to find a few--My side had to be hidden--so I said, nope, bury it--then I found this site after alt.com and bondage.com---200+ profiles and a few subs later, well there is the new boy---yeah took Me forever, but I believe he is the one---so it isn't all on the other side---



michaelGA -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 6:35:39 PM)

yeah, in another city. people here are...pardon me for being so bold...hardasses. there's only one Mistress right here in town that talks to me on occaission, the others are not very friendly at all, not to male subs. maybe i should use my hardening heart and become Dom again as i was when i first got into this lifestyle.



classykindasassy -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 6:52:35 PM)

Hi Michael,

I'm offering my perspective as a coach. I know it will seem counterintuitive at first, but I can tell you after living this myself, and coaching others for the last 5 years, I have an awesome life.

The way your life looks is a result of your own current dominant thinking about it. You generate your own experience.

Example: Someone is hit by a car and rendered paraplegic. He/she has a make-or-break choice about his/her viewpoint. The person can see and create value in the rest of their life from now on, and take on battling the inner urge to be a victim, sometimes moment to moment. OR, they can choose to relate to their situation as a victim and let their ass get kicked in every day by it. They give in to the weakest mental impulses and want to commit suicide. BUT IT IS ALL CHOICE AND VIEW POINT.

YOU can make over your own views and create what you want.

Make your life real and live out loud. Get connected in real time. It's your choice.



KnightofMists -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 6:55:13 PM)

very well stated!



seaturtle50 -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 6:57:58 PM)

quote:

does anyone have any (positive) suggestions for me?


Yes, i think that i might. Here it is. Never give up. Never ever, ever, give up. Never. Do not give up! Don't give up. Never ever.

[:D]

Destiny happens in a moment ... in the blinking of an eye.

michael



EriaeMelody -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 7:00:26 PM)

I agree...very nicely stated Classy



littlesarbonn -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 7:04:44 PM)

I'd say take a break and stop looking so hard. That's what I did. It just worth the effort, and it was really turning me into a very negative person.

If I ever find someone, that'll be great, but taking some time away has allowed me to turn into more of an optimist (including seeing the past in a better light than I used to).



yourMissTress -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:01:55 PM)

michael, I am going to be very blunt. You claim to have been in the lifestyle for 10 years, online. That isn't IN the lifestyle, that's outside the lifestyle looking in. Communicating with others here and elsewhere online is a valuable tool. Reading and researching philosophies, websites and other lifestyle literature online is also a valuable tool. But typing in boxes does not equal living.

Are the people in your area "hardasses" because they don't think your online activities qualify as experience? Or because they don't like your attitude?

Or maybe your own confusion of who you are and what you want leaves them not knowing how to take you. I don't get a sub vibe from you, and I certainly don't get a dom vibe either.

Regardless...before you can find THE ONE you have to find yourself. Who are you? Who do you want to be? How can you get there? I assure you that while we Domme's like to train a sub to our own specifications...there has to be something there to mold.

I hope that you will take this with the caring spirit with which it's meant, and if not, maybe it will piss you off enough to make some changes.



michaelGA -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:18:17 PM)

i was collared for about a year in real life, if you could call it being collared as my former Mistress lives in Orlando and i'm in Columbus, GA. this is due to the lack of local Mistresses, regardless of my attitude, they're just not that available here.

i was devoted to my former Mistress all the time i was collared, and i miss that dearly. not that i got any real attention from her anyway.



MistressFire70 -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:33:40 PM)

Someone once said to me, "If you're not happy with the results, change what you're doing." I highly suggest going to groups and meet people in person. Best of luck!

Fire



Sensualips -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:36:28 PM)

My suggestion is to find a local online mailing list for area groups. There must be one w/in a reasonable distance. I would politely introduce myself, perhaps make a few comments as appropriate so that people see you name a time or two. When an event is advertised, I would ask if there was anyone willing to give you a ride. (Be prepared to offer something in exchange and not just leech.) Get yourself to some events, don't worry about scening or playing, and just meet some people. Don't focus so much on meeting a Domme, but just make some acquaintances. You might become friendly with someone who knows womeone who knows a Domme that is looking. Or maybe not, but at least you will have an interesting evening out. It takes time to really be accepted into any group and it takes time to get to know people.

I went to four events (two munches, two play parties) where I did nothing but engage in casual conversation, offer to be helpful, and quietly observe. I have been going to stuff for three months, and while I have met a few "potentials" -- I did not walk in and just meet an ideal partner and ride off into the sunset. (And I am a poly-friendly bisexual switch -- so my options are HUGE in comparison.)

If you don't like the community in your area or just don't like community "stuff" in general, then pass on it. But just realize you greatly decrease your chances of becoming involved in a real life relationship.



michaelGA -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:38:18 PM)

i know that going to local groups and munches would help, that works for people with transportation, not for someone that depends on others to get around.

i must apologize for my demeanor tonight as my depression is at an all time high and i am trying my best to cope with the way things are.



Sensualips -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:43:10 PM)

quote:

i was devoted to my former Mistress all the time i was collared, and i miss that dearly. not that i got any real attention from her anyway.


You say that you were devoted to your Misteress and then immediately critcize her in a "poor me" way. Do you understand how statements like this may contribute to people not being "receptive" to you? Do you realize this tells a Domme 1) I will talk negatively about you and 2) I am high maintenance.



michaelGA -> RE: How much is too much? (1/11/2006 8:43:30 PM)

i tried one Yahoo group locally but the people there didn't like it that i asked for rides to events so i left it, as opposed to remaining and being laughed at for being the only person who couldn't get anywhere without asking for help.

people here, IMO, are rude and hardassed. sorry for being so bold.



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