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AAkasha -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/12/2009 8:59:28 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I don't think anyone has to fight for equal rights between dominant and submissive, Mistress Kuma. They already have equal rights. In a power exchange, the submissive opts to give over some of his/her power to the dominant. It's a gift. Submission has nothing to do with 'inferiority'.
Still less does it have anything to do with the innate inferiority of males to females. Very, very few men are ever going to buy into your theories regarding the innate inferiority of the Y chromosome. One reason for this is that the history of the idea of genetic inferiority of one group of humans to another is . . . unpleasant, shall we say. There have been six million bits of evidence of that unpleasantness since 1945 and more bits keep adding to the figure.
While you complain about whining males, don't you think you should also consider whether it's not about time you stopped appearing on this forum and getting furious with males who don't accept your superiority?
Some submissive men use the oppression, misuse, "abuse" or unfair treatment of submissives by unrealistic fantasy femdoms or money femdoms as an excuse to champion 'equal rights for subs' to the level that really you have watered down power exchange to a joke. I absolutely agree that women are not superior. I agree that the idea that all sub men should immediately submit to a woman because she is dominant is a total joke. I think that posturing, on either side, is lame. I think power exchange comes after mutual affection on some level, or at least *lust*, and is recognized by both parties.
HOWEVER : I strongly believe that once a man is relating to a woman as a dominant partner or potential, he should expect that on some levels his freedom, his rights, his desires, his expectations WILL be comproised for hers on HER terms (not his fantasy terms). These subs seem to take the need to be treated humanely and fairly to a level that makes them basically define THEIR comfort with submission and put it in that box and if the woman doesn't operate to those expectations, she's unrealistic, unfair, or he's not getting the "energy flow" he deserves, or whatever. The fact of the matter is that some femdoms don't get THEIR 'energy flow' unless there's some level of surrender, sacrifice, or selfless giving on the part of the sub, and that comes in many packages.
I am not about to just dominate a guy in the manner and design he finds pleasant, reasonable, attractive. I am not about to relate to a submissive man who will not accept my cues, posture in a way that I find attractive, and acknolwedge that his will is being bent to mind - NOT just in the ways that flip his switch, but in the ways that I need. While this may come off as "oppressive" to some men, I think many of those men just want submission on their own terms and define power exchange as a way to relate to a woman in a way that excites him but doesn't require him to go out of his comfort zone - unless it's the comfort zone he wants. By it's very definition, power exchange indicates the man is submitting to the woman's dominance, not just in the ways he feels are right and fair. If you let the sub be the definition of the lines, you are letting the sub define the power exchange. Some subs seem perfectly content to do so, and just label that as fairness.
There must be some willingness by the sub to accept the fact that power exchange means the power will flow more in favor of the woman. It's not 'equal rights' dressed up as power exchange, as some subs want to believe. YES, it's unfair for a man to be treated like shit just because he is a sub. But christ, some subs push the needle so far back the other way and wave the banner of equalitity and fairness so far it's clear they just want a vanilla relationship with a little kinky flavor that they enjoy. Only because they don't define the power exchange by "acts" is how they can get away with having the dreaded "bottom, not sub" label slapped on them.
A submissive should be willing to compromise his own needs, wants and expectations for the woman he is pursuing, adoring, or fucking in a power exchange relationship. He should not just do this when it's fun, convenient, or comfortable for him. If acts, and scenarios, and feelings sometimes seem unfair, expoitive, oppressive, or that he's taking the back seat all the time when it comes to orgasms, his wants, whatever - guess what, that's power exchange. Only when it's so oppressive that the rewards do not make up for the sacrifices does it seem the guy should have a beef; you can't say you want emotional submission but only on your terms. You are giving up your ego, comfort and rights to pleasure to put those of your lady on top. Your acknowledging that HER pleasure gives you more pleasure than yours. You are acknowledging that HER comfort and overall happiness, even when it requires sacrifices, is more important than her own. You are trusting that she will take your needs into consideration. During the courting process, you don't just let her dominate you in the manner you want and call that courting; by the very definition of courting, a man should be willing to take the risk or the initial stages of surrender and not expect the lady to make the sacrifices to earn HIS favor. Sub men have turned courting around backwards and made it like femdoms need to compete for their attentions so much to the level that they need to express their dominance in a PC, attractive way so the subs can consider whether or not their precious gift can be given. This kind of posturing is a huge turn off.
Sure, if she's raping you emotionally and treating you like shit you have every right to walk away. But some guys seem to indicate that they won't give until they get, and they won't bend until they feel the lady has "earned" it, and that's just bullshit. I will walk away from that any time. A man shows me he's willing to take all of me, the hot, fun sexy, nasty part with the capability I have to turn his fantasies inside out, ONLY when he's willing to surrender his alpha male need to call the shots and just slap a label on himself as submissive because it seems fun and cool.
For what it's worth, Peon, I thought your earlier posts had the right tone to them and an openness to the kind of dynamic I'm talking about, where, for example, being TOLD what to do and expected is a lot more erotic and rewarding than just doing stuff. Lately you've started to adopt this 'submissive lib' bs that just makes me want to run for the hills. I'd rather dominate a sweet vanilla guy than deal with a sub who has all these ideas in his head that his "submission" is so valuable he is not giving it up until a woman has proven she's worthy.
Akasha
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