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PeonForHer -> RE: Why is it that most Dommes want subs that are "financially successful"? (2/13/2009 8:24:08 PM)
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Subs want an ideal of a femdom that does what he wants her to do, in the manner he desires, in his comfort zone. If it requires risk, unpleasantries (early on) or things that - god forbid - might make him feel he has the potential to be exploited - then he bolts or passes with the excuse that some femdoms are scammers, therefore, he should not have to go down any path until he is good and ready.
Akasha, I'll take that quote, if I may, as a starting point, in order to answer yourself and certain others.
This is where I am at the moment, and how I got here:
When I came to CM, I really had no idea that dominant women existed. It was a delight - I was truly ecstatic - to find that they did. I kept asking, in different ways, whether self-proclaimed dominant women were the real deal. They said "yes". I believed them. I certainly believed you when you said, once, that your dominance was a given, ran deep down, well beyond any questioning. That is true of my submissive feelings. I've had them since my primary school days. There would be no more point in myself, or anyone else, challenging me on their existence than there would someone trying to convince me that I don't have a nose on my face. Moreover, I don't need a bible a biology book, history book, nature documentary, or a few articles in "Science Today" to validate it. It's a feeling that's in me, ipso facto it's a natural feeling, and that's that.
During my time here, three entirely different feelings have grown. One is the depth and extent of my feelings of submission. They grew so fast it was sometimes a shock to my system. The second feeling that's grown is a certain sense of caution. I know - for a certainty - that in a relationship I'm going to put myself in a vulnerable position, emotionally most of all. That's because I know how far my submission could take me. That would be fine, of course, if I were absolutely to trust the dominant with whom I were to pair up and if I were also able to trust myself not to harm myself.
I really do have to be careful. Regarding trusting dominants - yes, I do have a few causes for concern. Dominants have drives that I don't understand. Even that's fine, so long as the dominant I get together with has the right level of affection - the right feelings that'll stop her harming me. Some dominants I see writing here I know I'd trust without a second's hesitation. Any remaining little doubts I might have had once have now gone. Others, I have to say, have shocked me. Frankly, I think they should shock any sub. They should shock any dominant who cares for subs, as well.
Much more importantly, though, I have to know that I can stop myself from harming myself. I couldn't rely on anyone else, no matter how much she might love me, to do that for me. It wouldn't be fair to either to myself or to her. That's one reason why I need my vanilla side to stay strong. Though, of course, it's going to stay strong anyway, because it's part of me.
The third reason why I'm at the place I'm at now is that, to be blunt, I've just seen way too many flakings and failings to date. I want a one-to-one, D/s relationship that will last and this kind of relationship seems to be the rarest of all. To me, something is patently wrong at a fundamental level. I'm afraid that for me, that standard dualism, vanilla or D/s - is suspect on too many levels for me to accept any longer. It might work for some as a way of resolving their D/s world view, but it doesn't work for me. Fortunately, I've become close enough to a few dominant women to feel pretty reassured, now, that I can transcend it.
The main reason why these dominant women, these few good friends of mine, have helped me feel that I can make things work is by supplying the missing ingredient: affection - good old, vanilla-style affection, of friend to friend; the sort of affection I've found to be more reliable than any other short of that of my parents. I've had enough relationships to know that affection can't always be taken for granted with a partner. I'm sure we all have. It seemed obvious to me that if I were to be with a woman to whom I've given over so much of my power - and still more so if she and I were to take a sadistic/masochistic path - then I had to be sure she really would be capable of that affection.
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