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RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/3/2009 1:32:59 PM

agirl

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There's no need to *do* anything except be the friend you always have been. No need to judge or even advise unless you wish to or it's asked for. She must know you well enough to have an idea of what to expect from you over the years.

Most people I know have, at some point, walked through knee-deep crap....and I've waded through some of my own. Thank goodness that there are people around that can separate what people *do* from what people *are*.

agirl

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 81

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/3/2009 3:32:00 PM

MBear

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from a guy point of view and being the person I am I would want to be told. Not lied to there are a hand full of thing that will set me off and being lied to is one. I would be willing to work throw the problem and try to over come it. Then find out some other way because that would be the damaging part. and that would be hard to over come.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 82

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/3/2009 11:39:20 PM

beth314

Posts: 121
Joined: 1/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

There's no need to *do* anything except be the friend you always have been. No need to judge or even advise unless you wish to or it's asked for. She must know you well enough to have an idea of what to expect from you over the years.

Most people I know have, at some point, walked through knee-deep crap....and I've waded through some of my own. Thank goodness that there are people around that can separate what people *do* from what people *are*.

agirl

Thank you, agirl... and i love seeing the world through your eyes!

_____________________________

life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 83

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/3/2009 11:44:05 PM

beth314

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Joined: 1/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MBear

from a guy point of view and being the person I am I would want to be told. Not lied to there are a hand full of thing that will set me off and being lied to is one. I would be willing to work throw the problem and try to over come it. Then find out some other way because that would be the damaging part. and that would be hard to over come.

Thanks for your post Sir and your opinion. You would want to be told, but if You had been the one to foul; would You fess up?

_____________________________

life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

(in reply to MBear)

Post #: 84

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/4/2009 2:48:08 AM

pixidustpet

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Joined: 6/4/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314
You are certainly entitled to your opinions and thank you for sharing them with the thread. i do not share your views though. i welcome anything she feels the need to "thrust" on me good or bad as she does me and so does the rest of us gals in our tightly knit group. Our friendship is not based on "if you make the choices i do, or if you never screw up i'll be your friend.

but you didnt ask "what are your opinions about my friendship"....

you asked "is confession ever wrong".

you're going to get opinions that you like, you're going to get opinions that you dont like. to me, personally, honor is important. yes, i've been cheated on. the man was consistant about one thing and one thing only, that he was and continues to be a liar. that probably *does* color my opinion on the subject matter.

would i tell my friend's husband? no, but then again i'd begin limiting my friendship with her, too. why? because my honor is what i have. i tell himself damn near everything (i consistanly lie about the state of my health, and he KNOWS this. i told him i would) and if i play with puppies that like to roll in mud, i'm gonna be mud splattered too, even if i wasnt near a puddle.

your friend is just that. your friend. and if her lying and tossing out her vows and her good reputation (yes, i did read that the fellow had been a temptation for some years) doesnt bother her, and you can live with it, that's ok too.

its ok if you dont agree with my views. i dont need you to, to be able to tell himself "yes, i'm being good right now".

blessings on you, and i hope your friend's situation ends well for all concerned.
kitten

(in reply to beth314)

Post #: 85

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/4/2009 9:03:50 PM

beth314

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Joined: 1/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pixidustpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: beth314
You are certainly entitled to your opinions and thank you for sharing them with the thread. i do not share your views though. i welcome anything she feels the need to "thrust" on me good or bad as she does me and so does the rest of us gals in our tightly knit group. Our friendship is not based on "if you make the choices i do, or if you never screw up i'll be your friend.

but you didnt ask "what are your opinions about my friendship"....

you asked "is confession ever wrong".

you're going to get opinions that you like, you're going to get opinions that you dont like. to me, personally, honor is important. yes, i've been cheated on. the man was consistant about one thing and one thing only, that he was and continues to be a liar. that probably *does* color my opinion on the subject matter.

would i tell my friend's husband? no, but then again i'd begin limiting my friendship with her, too. why? because my honor is what i have. i tell himself damn near everything (i consistanly lie about the state of my health, and he KNOWS this. i told him i would) and if i play with puppies that like to roll in mud, i'm gonna be mud splattered too, even if i wasnt near a puddle.

your friend is just that. your friend. and if her lying and tossing out her vows and her good reputation (yes, i did read that the fellow had been a temptation for some years) doesnt bother her, and you can live with it, that's ok too.

its ok if you dont agree with my views. i dont need you to, to be able to tell himself "yes, i'm being good right now".

blessings on you, and i hope your friend's situation ends well for all concerned.
kitten

Thanks for the blessings,
bethany

_____________________________

life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Post #: 86

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/5/2009 7:20:26 AM

MasterTslave

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I would say big prob if the lady is having an affair. I would say she needs to understand why she did what she did. I would think that telling would just make the other person very upset. BUT, she cannot stay with someone she cheated on...that is soo wrong. I would never want to hurt my husband by having sex with another...there would really REALLY need to be something wrong going on...and even then, no.

(in reply to beth314)

Post #: 87

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/5/2009 10:16:47 AM

agirl

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Of course she can stay with someone she's cheated on.

agirl

(in reply to MasterTslave)

Post #: 88

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/5/2009 1:59:02 PM

MBear

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yes I would

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 89

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/5/2009 8:51:05 PM

Huntertn

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Thats all well and good..what about kids..what about family, both his and hers...aye..she screw the pup so to speak..what if her marriage breaks up for one mistake..what the hell..its only her and his life...wrong..its sure as hell is more than that..maybe tell on herself would make her feel good at that..but at what cost to her families...If God can forgive why can't we? Let her do pentance..and Never ever do it again...or not..and maybe lose her husband, her kids, her job, and her home....sometimes its better to face your mistakes..learn from them..but do it privately

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 90

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/5/2009 10:40:33 PM

OrionTheWolf

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Anything built on this kind of deceit will eventually rot. That is why. This is just rationalization for not owning up and taking responsibility for actions. Part of penance is apologizing to the person wronged, not avoiding having to look them in the face and tell them how they betrayed the trust.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Huntertn

Thats all well and good..what about kids..what about family, both his and hers...aye..she screw the pup so to speak..what if her marriage breaks up for one mistake..what the hell..its only her and his life...wrong..its sure as hell is more than that..maybe tell on herself would make her feel good at that..but at what cost to her families...If God can forgive why can't we? Let her do pentance..and Never ever do it again...or not..and maybe lose her husband, her kids, her job, and her home....sometimes its better to face your mistakes..learn from them..but do it privately

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to Huntertn)

Post #: 91

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/6/2009 8:53:29 AM

NCNutCase

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Joined: 2/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Huntertn

Thats all well and good..what about kids..what about family, both his and hers...aye..she screw the pup so to speak..what if her marriage breaks up for one mistake..what the hell..its only her and his life...wrong..its sure as hell is more than that..maybe tell on herself would make her feel good at that..but at what cost to her families...If God can forgive why can't we? Let her do pentance..and Never ever do it again...or not..and maybe lose her husband, her kids, her job, and her home....sometimes its better to face your mistakes..learn from them..but do it privately

While I can see the logic used to formulate this perspective... I completely disagree with the conclusion...

Telling on herself gives her the chance to face the reaity of her mistake... taking responsibility does not mean lie and hide it, it means own the truth as well as the results... If this breaks up the relatinoship, then it is HER ACTIONS that destroyed the relationship, not her telling on herself.

"If God can forgive why can't we?" It's not "our" job to fogive her, I'm not hurt by what she did. It is her husbands job to choose whether to forgive her or not, and who the hell are we, or who the hell is she, to make that choice for him?

I have always thought... my most recent break up has reinforced... and this thread keeps reminding me... I'd rather suffer at the hand of the truth than wallow in the fantasy of living a lie... I can handle any reality, as long as I know what reality is...

Being forced to live in a lie is a pitiful feeling...

(in reply to Huntertn)

Post #: 92

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/6/2009 8:57:20 AM

subtlebutterfly

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Haven't read the comments..but I'd rather get it in my face and the person to be honest instead of hiding it.

(in reply to NCNutCase)

Post #: 93

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/6/2009 9:50:04 AM

SultryItalian

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Joined: 7/9/2008
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Beth, my opinion is that you should persuade Abby to tell Mark of her infidelity. It's not your marriage, it's Abby's and Mark's, and it's their responsibility, and Abby's place to tell Mark. Since it's your friendship relationship with Abby, it's your place to persuade Abby to tell Mark. She has to live with the decision she made to spread her legs for someone else.

I am of the same mind as NCNutCase. I have no time or room in my life for people who are liars and take people for granted.

I divorced the person I was married to because of lies. He thought confessing to banging 10 people while we were married would automatically grant him forgiveness from me, and he also wanted to work on our relationship by continuing to see other people. Yeah, right. GTFO Even our friends knew what was going on, and not one of them bothered to let me know. Four of those married 7 years were wasted.

Sorry, I started on a tangent...

Point being, persuade your friend to do the right thing and come clean. It will be better for all parties involved in the end--whatever that may be.

< Message edited by SultryItalian -- 2/6/2009 9:53:01 AM >

(in reply to torturedmuse)

Post #: 94

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/6/2009 10:37:40 AM

NCNutCase

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Joined: 2/2/2005
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To share (yet another) opinion built off the above perspective... I believe there is a difference between 'banging 10 people' and having sex one time with one other person... and I believe there is likely to be quite a difference in how Mark takes it...

When a spouse comes to you and says "I have been sleeping with other people for quite some time and I want to continue", you have to quickly decide if you want to be in an open marriage and I doubt many people would accept this sudden uninvited change...

When a spouse comes to you and says, "Spouse, I am madly in love with you and our relationship is the most important thing in my life. Yet we have our problems and we have not been dealing with them in a healthy way. I also need to admit I have crossed a line that I am ashamed of and it's tearing me apart I could do so. I really want to work on our problems in a healthy way and I really want to re-earn your trust as I slipped into a behavior that is not me, and I don't want to be that person..."

I recently ended a relationship with a girl and my biggest motive was that she became too comfortable lying to me and refused to take responsibility for her mistakes. I don't know for sure that she crossed 'that' line but I know she crossed many lines that we had mutually agreed were there. Had she made the decision to take responsibility for her actions as opposed to denying them or denying her broken promises were a problem, the relationship would have had the opportunity to heal. But refusing to take responsibility for your mistakes shows me someone who is not going to prevent that mistake from happening again...

If nothing changes, nothing changes... and right now their marriage is littered with lies and deception... that is something that will need to change for their relationship to become healthy... There is a reason why she chated, and if they do not honestly address the reality of that reason or reasons the relationship is sure to continue to rot in the direction it has already began to...

(in reply to SultryItalian)

Post #: 95

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/6/2009 11:11:06 PM

beth314

Posts: 121
Joined: 1/7/2009
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well its a done deal. Abby told Mark and her honesty with him helped him to open up to her. Apparently Mark has been having an affair for the past year! The two of them are taking 4 days off together to see where to go from here. Thanks you all for your the input and time!
bethany

_____________________________

life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

(in reply to beth314)

Post #: 96

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/7/2009 1:14:28 PM

agirl

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..and here endeth the lesson....lol

agirl

(in reply to beth314)

Post #: 97

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/7/2009 2:17:04 PM

NCNutCase

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Joined: 2/2/2005
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And with the truth in front of them they will be much better able to decide what is truly best for each of them...

It really sucks so many people are willing to compromise honesty and the importance of a promise...

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 98

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/7/2009 11:34:19 PM

beth314

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Joined: 1/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

..and here endeth the lesson....lol

agirl

Turned out to be an interesting thread though, right?
bethany

_____________________________

life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 99

RE: Is confession ever wrong? - 2/7/2009 11:37:39 PM

beth314

Posts: 121
Joined: 1/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NCNutCase

And with the truth in front of them they will be much better able to decide what is truly best for each of them...

It really sucks so many people are willing to compromise honesty and the importance of a promise...

Yes it does...

_____________________________

life is not measured by how many breaths you take...but by how many moments take your breath away!

(in reply to NCNutCase)

Post #: 100

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