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When to say goodbye. - 8/12/2004 7:12:06 AM   
darchart


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		When do you know its time to say goodbye?
How do you tell someone who has opened your heart and mind to all the possibilities of life that you have to let go?
How do you walk away from someone you love so much that the love makes you ache inside?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/12/2004 7:21:23 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
When your growth stops and nothing moves forward and these fact hurt you or you have that feeling inside, no matter how much love and respect exists... then it is time.

To not say goodbye would be disrespectful to yourself and the one you have surrendered to. It takes strength to stay... it takes even more strength and humilty to walk away.

Angels simple opinion is not others, but it is offered and she wishes warmth

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/12/2004 7:52:37 AM   
angelthighhighs


Posts: 104
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline 		i know for me the time to say goodbye is when loving them hurts more than gives me pleasure.

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/12/2004 8:38:55 AM   
jillwfsub4blkdom


Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		Both of those answers are beautiful. Darchart, i truly feel for you and my heart goes out to you. i wish you the best and if you ever need someone to talk to i am here.

_____________________________


"It's the moment that transcends
Our physical into a more spiritual level of understanding" - Musiq

(in reply to angelthighhighs)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/12/2004 9:17:16 AM   
kiki blue


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline 		When the good times don't outweigh the bad, when the problems don't get resolved, when you can't grow, and keep rehashing old, stale ground. When you realise that you're not happy being with them, even if you love them.

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/12/2004 9:21:35 AM   
darchart


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jillwfsub4blkdom

Both of those answers are beautiful. Darchart, i truly feel for you and my heart goes out to you. i wish you the best and if you ever need someone to talk to i am here.


EEEP..OMG. Not saying goodbye to mine. I would be lost.
I just asked the question because it seems like there is so much splitting up going on at the moment and by ones who seem to still be in love..
if you are still in love, why? and how?

*besides..Mine is the only one who will put up with me.. *

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/12/2004 1:38:10 PM   
lonelylittlegirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline 		hello all,

although i have been reading the message boards for a while now and have learned so much from hearing what others have shared, this is the first message i have posted. this thread is especially poignant --- i have just recently come to the realization that it is time for me to move on. it was a very difficult decision to make and took me a while to know that it is not only the right thing to do, but definitely time. in fact before seeing this thread i had just updated my profile--- here's a copy of what i wrote in which i tried to reflect my thoughts on why i said goodbye.....

i've come a long way in the past five months, yet there is so much more for me to learn and experience.....


while the Dom that i have had contact with has had a positive impact on me and has helped me to begin to explore myself and all that i have in me to give, he has not been able to give me the kind of guidance that i not only need and ache for, but also deserve. being a new sub left on my own for weeks at a time was very difficult...and writing emails expressing my thoughts and asking questions without getting responses or being able to communicate and share myself and grow closer together also stunted the growth of our relationship. i have done a lot of thinking about this and have talked over my situation with some very supportive subs that i am lucky to have met (thanks k and bare!!!!)--- and have come to the conclusion that it is time to move on.


i know that moving on is the right thing to do, but it was a difficult decision that i did not make lightly. i have expressed my thoughts, feelings, and concerns to Him in a detailed, respectful manner and have given Him ample time to respond. i had hoped to resolve things and move forward together, unfortunately, has chosen to remain silent and i will be moving on alone. not quite as lonely thanks to my new friends, but still a lonelylittlegirl looking for the One that will make me His in every way.

this lonelylittlegirl knows that He is out there and hopes that He will find her. she has much to offer Him and knows that she needs His strength to guide her, she aches to be found but will remain patient until the time is right.


lonely

_____________________________

~philosophy, perspective, patience~

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/18/2004 4:58:08 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

How do you walk away from someone you love so much that the love makes you ache inside?


Midear Darc-

For me it came when I saw theat the best thing I could be in her life, would be a lesson she'd learn the hard way.

Can't say if she's going to learn it, but leaving was the last thing I could to for her.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/18/2004 6:32:19 PM   
theroebabe


Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchart

When do you know its time to say goodbye?
How do you tell someone who has opened your heart and mind to all the possibilities of life that you have to let go?
How do you walk away from someone you love so much that the love makes you ache inside?


Hi darchart,

well most have said everything already, but one thing for me was when i was unbearably unhappy, i knew something was wrong and being together didn't give me the sense of peace and joy that i used to have. I stopped living for a while serving did not give me pleasure, it seemed more like a chore and a heavy burden.

But it hard to say goodbye and at some point you have to stand up for yourself and say no more and live with the decision you make. Hopefully it will be the right one for you based on what was happening and then you can move on once you are healed and it always takes as long as it takes.

Roe

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/18/2004 6:38:32 PM   
theroebabe


Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lonelylittlegirl

This thread is especially poignant --- i have just recently come to the realization that it is time for me to move on. it was a very difficult decision to make and took me a while to know that it is not only the right thing to do, but definitely time. in fact before seeing this thread i had just updated my profile--- here's a copy of what i wrote in which i tried to reflect my thoughts on why i said goodbye.....



Hi lonely,

it is hard right now for you to go through these steps but you are learning so much and finding out what is good and bad and how it applies to you. All of these things in life are a lesson, some suck big time, but if we didnt take the paths we have thus far, we wouldnt be where we are now.

It will take time and a lot of heavy thinking when the mist settles, but it will in time. And then you move on with a little bit more understanding of yurself and others.

You know if you need to talk where to find us all.

Good luck, i hope you take your time and dont jump too far too fast even though sometimes it feels like you can run like the wind.

Roe

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to lonelylittlegirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/20/2004 7:34:30 AM   
Guest
 I really shouldn't even look at the boards when I have a night of little sleep :( I was trying to delete the posts Jade wanted gone, and goofed and lost the ones beneath. On the bright side, I mananged to copy them first, so here they are:

By Sinergy:
quote:

When the good times don't outweigh the bad, when the problems don't get resolved, when you can't grow, and keep rehashing old, stale ground. When you realise that you're not happy being with them, even if you love them.


There is a quote from a book I read avidly when I was 8 or 9 that seems relevant,
Im not sure of the exact phrasing, but it went something like this...

King Insertnamehere thrice
marched his armies up the hill
and marched them down again.
Thrice he engaged the enemy
And thrice he slew the slain.

One of the Elric of Melnibone series, Michael Moorcock.

For me, when everything is stuck rehashing the same old tired arguments and one
side refuses to negotiate a solution, bury their armies, drop the walls around their
beseiged city, and let peace reign, that has been when I have packed up my army
and marched them somewhere else.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"Why am I surrounded by fricking idiots?" Dr. Evil

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States

(in reply to Jade4Wings)


By Jade4Wings:
as this one read your post and i feel sad yet understand. sad because i wonder if you know the true depth of being a submissive, as i still am and am told by many subbies that it is a lifetime of learning.

i have studied and found this the hardest task of life i have encountered, However. it is not what i want but what this one *needs* Studying too much without the guidance of Your Dom is i feel now looking back a mistake as it is what HE *need* how He will train You. For me it is like this i am new to this new Dom i seek, so i come to this area where He took me to the to read on Him, and His Needs and Wants and His desires, not mine.

i do not wish to study wrong and i am being punished as this one types this... it did occured to me later what lesson i am to learn. Oh, my this one Dom that i seek is shighly educated in being a Dom surely teaching this one fast! (Too study the text as He types it is at times a task test as in a . instead of . . . ) His time is valuable and this one is taking too much of it and when He is ready to talk to me He will. Oh, my this one does understand what she did wrong with this one Dom of i seek out.


Example: Did you put in the subject matter of your e-mail Sir, i *need* to talk to You. The first Dom i seeked would not repond if my text was not perfectly done, Yet he did not train me i seeked out Doms and Subs on line and in person and watched.

i was told one night by another friend about this the inside core and Outer core and that is what made me wake up. i had studied inner and outer child, inner and outter core for much of my life. Of course the need to submit is there but you must not try to act to hastly to be collared ... i thought that once. or to call one Master .

i wish you well on your journey as you seek.. :) as i truly know your heartache as i seek on too. Please, take time, even years don't rush it i leaned this after 10 months and i still am new and will be for years....

Hun, try not to hold the anger you feel inside you., in time . . . as i too in time will be able to not hurt as much. i was taught it is a lifetime journey and not every Dom who r/t trains you is for you, from He however you can gain you much knowledge and love. As you may have to seek and be trained by many Doms to have the Master you so desire. i Hope You read this as i said, goodbye to one of the Doms this week, i seeked, and i love Him, and feel for deeply . . . but i am not what He needs and He is not want i seek deep down in my "inner core".


"from one who is bewildered jade



quote:

isn't this wonderful universe of ours unique!


< Message edited by Jade4Wings -- 8/19/2004 3:22:13 AM >

(in reply to Jade4Wings)


Does this only count as half a goof since I didn't really lose the posts?

Mod 4

< Message edited by ModeratorFour -- 8/20/2004 7:37:39 AM >

(in reply to theroebabe)
  Post #: 11
RE: When to say goodbye. for monitor4 - 8/21/2004 7:29:06 AM   
Jade4Wings


Posts: 30
Joined: 8/17/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, 1/2 of a goof is good.
This one will be sure to not post when over tired too. *giggles

And ty for taking out my "ooops"


Respectfully,
jade

< Message edited by Jade4Wings -- 8/21/2004 7:30:14 AM >

(in reply to Guest)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/21/2004 10:54:58 AM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		Truly loving someone is such a rare and precious thing, that deciding to leave can be difficult. No relationship has 24/7 peace and bliss. They are cyclical, sometimes good and sometimes bad and sometimes in the middle and the extremes can cause both tremendous highs and lows. Sometimes one partner has problems that leaves the other feeling left out of the solution process because sometimes, regardless of the level of caring and devotion, we have to work things out for ourselves. Sometimes, both partners have problems, sometimes to be worked out together, and sometimes to be worked out separately. There are times when loving, the memory of good times, the promise of the future, the commitment to each other are the only things that you can hold on to.

Then sometimes there is the realization that no amount of patience and hope is going to do a damn bit of good and you're left out and hurt, feeling superflulous and stupid. Offering support to one who excludes and pushes you away becomes pointless. Having problems is not the worst thing - knowing that no matter what you do, the other wants to keep that problem and use it as an exclusionary shield and there is no compromise, no letting go, no peace or promise of peace - it is at this time I must consider letting go.

Love is a rare and precious thing, but sometimes it is not enough.

newflowers

< Message edited by newflowers -- 8/21/2004 11:00:21 AM >

(in reply to Guest)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/21/2004 4:01:02 PM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline 		It is difficult, when one has those deep, I love and care about you feelings for someone, to have to say that one or more aspects of the relationship has to change. And that may involve a seperation which may last for an indefinite period of time. But "goodbye" seems so final and so "forever". The walking away is never easy, but I always make it a point to at least attempt to part in the same way the relationship came together. As friends, and in a loving way. You never know when one or the other may be in town to visit.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/21/2004 7:24:40 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline 		When the partnership is no longer a partnership and you have become the parent. When you have discussed the issues that make it hard for you to love them and the behaviour doesn't change. When their being away feels better than when they are there. When what you put into the relationship is far more than you are getting out of it. When the D/s and the lovemaking almost disappear. When life becomes hard and they weigh you down rather than lift you up. When you find yourself lying to them so you can go somewhere with a friend and know it will be more fun if they aren't there. I knew right then that that was the death knell of the relationship, but I hung in trying to make it work, hoping he would change. I tried being friends, being there for him, but he continued to use me to the point that I had to return the few things he left with me and let him know we can't communicate, we can't see each other outside of group settings. That he was part of the reason I became suicidal and wound up in the hospital twice, that he is part of the reason I am declaring bankruptcy and haven't worked since last November. That I am at fault for letting it go on as long as it did.

Returning those things and giving him the letter were hard for me, I cried, it hurt, but I had to do it for my own well being.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/22/2004 7:54:32 AM   
amica


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchart

When do you know its time to say goodbye?


When you wish the person was meeting your needs more than he actually is meeting your needs.

amica

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/24/2004 7:02:35 PM   
cheeba0228


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline 		i know this is a sub asking questions of a sub, but saw it and being the usual big nose I had to just ask this. If your asking if its time to say goodbye usually you already know the answer it just making yourself believe it. As for how to do it. Use the K.I.S.S. method (KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID) things will develop on their own.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!


(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/24/2004 9:10:12 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchart

When do you know its time to say goodbye?


When you wish the person was meeting your needs more than he actually is meeting your needs.

amica


That's when it's time to talk not necessarily say good-bye. IMHO.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to amica)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/24/2004 11:18:05 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, there are people who would rather throw a relationship away because it's easier than talking and trying to work through problems.

No, I'm not bitter.

Oh wait. Yes I am.

Shit.

~stef

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/25/2004 3:03:16 AM   
amica


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

That's when it's time to talk not necessarily say good-bye. IMHO.



***

Um, I was assuming that "the talking" already happened or else the person would not have posted the question. Not all relationship problems can be resolved with "talking".

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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