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RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/25/2004 3:04:01 AM   
amica


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sfgrrl

Unfortunately, there are people who would rather throw a relationship away because it's easier than talking and trying to work through problems.

No, I'm not bitter.

Oh wait. Yes I am.



Shit.

~stef


I wouldn't know; I've been married for 13 years.

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/25/2004 6:42:31 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		I hope you never have to know.

~stef

(in reply to amica)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/25/2004 8:41:57 AM   
stormiKnightBEAR


Posts: 306
Joined: 3/14/2004
Status: offline 		darchat,

Here are a few things to ask yourself. (Please bear with stormi, some are
going to come across as comedy, but think about it for a moment. They are
some of the very reasons this girl walked away from over 24 yrs of marriage.)

Does he meet your needs?

Does he make time for you or does he tolerate you?

When you are with him, do you find yourself asking "Does he have to breathe
that loud with me in the room?"

Do you find the way he chews his food irratating?

Do you find yourself looking at him and saying what the hell is going on?

Why am i here?

Do you find yourself thinking "how lonely will it be by myself"?

Ask yourself, is life passing you by?

There are many more questions that could be listed here. But this girl
was able to answer yes to all of those and more. When stormi found herself
watching her mother take chemo for breast cancer, and making jokes about
marriage and realized she was talking about her own, when she looked at the
4 women, one man and the nurses laughing ...... saying "omg, that's how it
feels sometimes", and realized that yes in fact her marriage was done in stormi's
own mind, she realized she had a choice.

stormi tried hard for 3 more years... and 5 weeks after the 24th anniversary
packed up and walked away from over half of her life.

It's hard, there is no way around it. There were days of crying and wondering if
being alone was worth it. There were days of joy of not having to pick up after
everyone else. And for stormi............finally there was inner peace.

Was the price worth it? Yep.... 24 yrs. produced two great adults. stormi's kids
are grown, independant, loving, drug and booze free, and most of all work their buns
off to be the best they can be. This mother could not be more proud of them or love them
more. They were well worth those 24 yrs.

stormi is 45 now... and finds that life is still throwing blessings and good things her way.
Wow.... going on about 2 yrs ago... life thru a man named Bear and His wife who was a
online friend in stormi's life. Now stormi is His and has been for a while, stormi and Master
Bear have been 24/7 for over a year now. There are no regrets and no looking back from
this girl. Luck has smiled down on stormi.

*Sending prayers of thanks for Master and Sylverdawn"

Be well and good luck to you, stormi wishes you the very best on your path.

stormi
property of Master Bear

_____________________________

owned white silk slave of TEMJI aka Master Bear

PROUD TO BE TEXAN AND AMERICAN BY BIRTH~
GOD BLESS TEXAS AND THE U.S.A !!!!

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/25/2004 9:52:48 AM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchart
When do you know its time to say goodbye?


I've been married for 22 years. About every 7 years, the day-to-day sacrifices I make finally build up to the point that I feel taken for granted. I get angry. I consider divorce.

When I'm annoyed with him (and that happens more than every seven years, go figure), the question I ask myself is: Would I be happier with him or without him?

It takes 7 years for the answer to finally be, "I think I would be happier without him."

When I communicate my deep distress over the marriage, it has already reached a crisis point. The question I now ask myself is, "Is my partner responding?" In other words, does he give a shit about me and the marriage?

The answer has always been yes. We then work through the issues. If the answer was ever no, (he doesn't care) it would be time for me to say goodbye.

January

Edited to try to clarify, and to actually answer the question.

< Message edited by January -- 8/25/2004 12:32:12 PM >

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/28/2004 10:06:51 AM   
InquisitiveShy1


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		hello everyone...im a bit behind in responding to this post...maybe because ive been in denial or maybe out of hurt and anger but at any rate...i have to say this thread really struck a cord within me...the response that came from lonelylittlegirl...wow...you go girl! There was sooo much of your response that we have in common...while it hurts to let go..im to the point where i can see too that i have come a long way..learned more about myself in the past 5 months and even found the courage to attend several local events...which i wouldnt have attempted on my own. i am disappointed but also accept the fact that moving on is the best thing i can do in order to grow and explore the individual that i am. i am not a faucet and will not be treated in such a manner as He chose to do..

(in reply to lonelylittlegirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When to say goodbye. - 8/28/2004 10:18:41 AM   
stormiKnightBEAR


Posts: 306
Joined: 3/14/2004
Status: offline 		YOU go !!

You're not alone.. remember that...and all your sub / slave
sisters and brothers will be there to lean on


stormi,
property of Master Bear

_____________________________

owned white silk slave of TEMJI aka Master Bear

PROUD TO BE TEXAN AND AMERICAN BY BIRTH~
GOD BLESS TEXAS AND THE U.S.A !!!!

(in reply to InquisitiveShy1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When to say goodbye. - 9/1/2004 10:53:42 AM   
lonelylittlegirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline 		i've been on vacation and have been away from the boards for the past two weeks.... wanted to say thanks to InquisitiveShy and theroebabe for their replies to my post.... it's always nice to know that when you send your thoughts and feelings out into the void that there are others out there that know what it's like to experience the same kind of emotions and that you're not quite as alone as it sometimes seems.... although i had many conflicting thoughts about what happened, i know that i made the right decision for me and am now moving on in the right direction.... i hope lol!! i feel like this ongoing search to learn more about the lifestyle and myself is difficult at times, but even more difficult is finding that right person to explore it with..... and making new friends, sharing experiences and seeing new perspectives makes it just a little bit easier.... good luck to you shy and roe, and all the other subs out there....

_____________________________

~philosophy, perspective, patience~

(in reply to InquisitiveShy1)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: When to say goodbye. - 9/12/2004 1:58:50 AM   
RhapsodyInBlue


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

When your growth stops and nothing moves forward and these fact hurt you or you have that feeling inside, no matter how much love and respect exists... then it is time.

To not say goodbye would be disrespectful to yourself and the one you have surrendered to. It takes strength to stay... it takes even more strength and humilty to walk away.

*Sigh*

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When to say goodbye. - 9/13/2004 9:12:36 PM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		Darchart,
For me it was hard, and took awhile to get over~
But in the long run it was ok, and I was better off~

Sincerely, eyesofAslave




Attachment (1)

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When to say goodbye. - 10/16/2004 6:23:05 PM   
andreaK


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/11/2004
Status: offline 		Hi darchart:

I have been there a while ago, it was the hardest thing i had to do, i had to say goodbye, not because it didnt work, but i know He wasnt happy well pretended He was. So like lots told me, if You love him set Him free, which i meant that i should let Him move on and find a sub that will make Him happy. It does still hurt inside, but i do smile when i do think of the great moments W/we had together.

W/we still talk to keep in touch, but i know i made the right choice, some might say it was selfish of me to just let it go, but i wanted the best for Him.

Ever since that time, i have a Dom for the past 3 yrs and i am happy with Him.

andreaK

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: When to say goodbye. - 7/17/2008 5:03:22 PM   
clearlightblack


Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline 		i was searching in the forums for help like this....i was very happy to find this......glad to know that i'm not the only one and that there are helpful and caring people.....

not like some i've seen post that basically say "suck it up"

This made me feel very good and....not so sad.....

thanks to everyone :) even if this wasn't my thread

(in reply to amica)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: When to say goodbye. - 7/17/2008 6:13:17 PM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		When hearing from someone you once cared about irritates the hell out of you, it's obviously OVER.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



(in reply to amica)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: When to say goodbye. - 7/17/2008 6:38:31 PM   
sujuguete


Posts: 263
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: DC metro area
Status: offline 		When the sound of his key in the door makes your heart sink.  When his touch makes you cringe.  When the thought of having sex with him turns your stomach.

(That is where I was when I decided to leave my husband of 14 years.)

(in reply to natasha66)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: When to say goodbye. - 7/17/2008 7:39:38 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Wow! A 4 year old thread. You must have REALLY been searching.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to sujuguete)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: When to say goodbye. - 7/17/2008 8:13:04 PM   
clearlightblack


Posts: 107
Joined: 3/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Wow! A 4 year old thread. You must have REALLY been searching.


When I was seaching I didn't even realize how far back I had gone.......maybe that is why everyone sounded so nice :) they weren't so jaded then......but it was good to find something that really hit the spot.....

Don't want to start a new thread and get bitch slapped with a whole list of threads I should have checked out before i even thought about posting anything........from some people who will remain nameless...............

but maybe it will help other people

< Message edited by clearlightblack -- 7/17/2008 8:15:49 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: When to say goodbye. - 7/17/2008 8:38:33 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Anytime's a good time for a DQ Buster at Dairy Queen.

It's a Texas thing. 

Have fun.   



_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to darchart)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: When to say goodbye. - 7/18/2008 12:33:02 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		It is considered better manners to begin a new thread than to pull up an ancient one here.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to clearlightblack)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: When to say goodbye. - 7/18/2008 1:24:07 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Doesn't matter. Some of us aren't so jaded. Was there something specific?

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: When to say goodbye. - 7/18/2008 4:16:03 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sujuguete

When the sound of his key in the door makes your heart sink.  When his touch makes you cringe.  When the thought of having sex with him turns your stomach.

(That is where I was when I decided to leave my husband of 14 years.)


That's where I was too, but it was 23 years when I left (but I had been feeling that way for years before that).  Six years later I have re-married and that former life just doesn't seem real....how dead inside I must have been

_____________________________

Collared sub and married to Nevershyau

(in reply to sujuguete)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: When to say goodbye. - 7/18/2008 6:13:14 AM   
lalbobbilynn


Posts: 483
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		It is best to exit stage left when You have given all You possibly can, and then realize You actually gave more then You should have.
b.~

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 40
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