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Padriag -> RE: Balance (1/14/2006 3:20:14 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: valeca
I hope this isn't off topic, but the question that comes to mind after reading all the responses is not whether a Master has the right to push a hard limit, but rather, would He?
I tend to see two possibilities happening.
1. The slave becomes distrustful, worn down, resentful, angry, resistant, etc. toward the Master due to a lack of trust over a broken word, or wondering what other unexpected/unpleasant things might suddenly be in store.
2. A deeper level of trust is forged with the breaking down of a barrier in the slave's mind.
I wonder, is the possibility of #2 worth the risk of #1? Is it an acceptable casualty?
You raise an excellent point and I think it is very much on topic and goes directly to what the OP was asking about.
You're right, the first possibility is a very real one when pushing a submissives limits (and in my experience with dealing with this kind of thing, it doesn't matter if they're a sub or a slave, its a human problem). It can cause them to feel like a failure, tear down their self esteem, generate a negative self image, break down the trust, and ultimately destroy the relationship. Feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, doubt, self doubt are all very real possibilities.
To get the second possible outcome it has to be handled carefully by the dominant. That means identifying what is causing the limit and dealing with that first. If a submissive, for example, can't handle being blind folded without having panic attacks the question should be, "What causes the panic attack?" I have seen some blindfold the submissive anyway, hoping to desensitize them to it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and when it doesn't the results are usually traumatic and leave the submissive with more issues than they began with. That kind of shot in the dark approach is both dangerous and foolish... and also unnecessary.
So, identify the barrier first, work on removing it. When its gone, the limit usually disappears as well.
Sometimes you can't remove the barrier. For example a submissive may only have a certain tolerance for pain and can't progress beyond that point. They might endure a little more just to please the dominant (even though it really is hurting them) but too much beyond and you end up with a traumatized submissive who begins to doubt their dominant rather than trust. That's an outcome any dominant worth his salt will try to avoid.
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