RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and why is it so bad to be one?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and why is it so bad to be one?

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/3/2009 6:36:18 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

Can I just mail myself to you? I'll include return postage to send me back to the office when you're done...

*chuckles* At least send yourself via UPS -- the postal service can't manage to get a simple electric bill to our house promptly, and I -do- hate having packages arrive all banged up or getting that damned orange slip when I was -home- but the postman was too blasted lazy to bring the package with him. Fed-Ex is best, though. Oh... and don't forget airholes in the box. The folks who sent me my gardening earthworms forgot ventilation, and my worms arrived suitable only for saute'.

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/3/2009 7:11:42 AM

chiaThePet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sparkyRBF

What is your definition of "Doormat" and why is it so bad to be one?

My Doorman Mat is sooooo bad, he says 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

chia* (the pet)

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/4/2009 7:10:20 AM

sparkyRBF

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Thank you ResidentSadist.

What a beautiful post and so very true.

And i'm glad your doormat pleases you *smiles*

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/4/2009 7:22:53 AM

sparkyRBF

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Demspotis

So, as I see it, this aspect of "doormat" and has to do with the problem of those people (a kind of troll?) who take very premature liberties with people on first contact, and although the term "doormat" doesn't fit, the same situation can also plague dominants.

Best wishes,
~Demspotis

This is an interesting perspective. So some Doms believe that submissive or slave = doormat? Is this something that should be regarded as YKINMK?

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/4/2009 7:30:44 AM

sparkyRBF

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aravain

Oooh, this looks like a fun topic... to the OP:

My definition of doormat is simple (and not derogatory).

A doormat is someone that will do anything for anyone regardless of who the other person is. Someone CAN be a doormat to one person (and one person only).

It's not a derogatory term (at least, not to me), but it is NOT something that I do, or enjoy.

Thank you aravain. I'm glad you don't see it as a derrogatory term. that is interesting that you say it is not something you do or enjoy as if it was another element like flogging, caning, etc.

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/4/2009 7:47:25 AM

sparkyRBF

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SwimGoldfishSwim

To me a doormat is someone who let's people use them and may or may not enjoy it. i have to agree with DesFIP when it comes to actions, i'm like that a lot. In fact it's happened quite a bit as of late, with my emotions not my non-existent car.

It doesn't have anything to do with manners because you can stand up for yourself and still be polite about things.

Personally i think being a doormat has it's perks and it's downfalls just like everything else in life. It usually (not all the time) makes someone very open, very giving and caring. But at the same time it makes them vulnerable and easily taken advantage of.

I'm so glad you said this. It says alot about a person who can do this. Good for you for recognizing this and best of luck to you.

I agree that being a doormat makes a person vulnerable and this is what poses the danger in being one.

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/4/2009 8:02:28 AM

sparkyRBF

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

This is part of the problem in redefining pre-existing words to a D/s context. It's rather hard to get everyone on the same page. Look at all the trouble with the word "slave" and you will see that it's rather like herding cats to get this rather huge bunch of kinksters to agree on any specific definition of a reassigned "nilla" word

I understand what you are saying about the word 'slave' but I don't see 'doormat' being redefined here. I believe doormat is more of a social insecurity, a personality trait. It is not exclusive to the 'vanilla', lifestyle or non lifestyle worlds. It is more of the person.

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/4/2009 8:03:40 AM

sparkyRBF

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Thorns82

I think someone already posted this...a doormat is someone incapable of setting healthy boundaries. This is not a good thing to be.

Putting someone else's needs before your own doesn't necessarily make you a doormat - just submissive to their will. Doing something that you know is a bad idea, is against your morals, or will have a negative impact on your life - that's a doormat.

There is also a difference between being a doormat and making a willing sacrifice. Going without deserts for weeks in order to lose weight for someone would be a sacrifice. Allowing yourself to be put on a harmful diet to please someone else would be doormat-ish. (Note: I'm talking forced anorexia or something equally extreme.)

Good distinction, thank you for your post.

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/4/2009 8:05:29 AM

sparkyRBF

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

A doormat is someone who isn't compatible with Me.
That's for sure. I love a strong sub with his/her opinion, who inspires Me, and whom I can inspire.

I wish you a lovely day sparky.

GoddezzT`

[isn't it too early to b here.. ]

It's never too early to hear from You.

Thank you for your posts and insight.

Be well

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/4/2009 8:08:07 AM

sparkyRBF

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageBarbieX

Someone you can walk all over and step on their feelings.

I don't know that i agree with this. I think you can hurt anyones feelings, intentionally or not.

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/4/2009 8:14:46 AM

sparkyRBF

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

My own definition of a "doormat" is a person (vanilla or kinky) who is so passive that others can easily take advantage of them, and or abuse them in some way. Why do I consider this a bad thing? Because I've seen some people that would be considered "doormats" who ended up penniless and living on the street due to being preyed upon by some jerk. I really do not like to see people taken advantage of and unfortunately for people with this personality type, it tends to happen all to often.

~Lashra

I've seen this too and it is heartbreaking. I've seen it more in children doing it to parents than i have SO's doing it however. Especially single parents who think they have to make up for something. Do you think something should be done, if anything? I mean, we don't want to tell people how to live but, it's hard to watch the train wreck.

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/4/2009 8:38:15 AM

CatdeMedici

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Must be 24x36, waterproof, able to take high traffic and match the kitchen decor--in that respect very useful and much wanted.

In the respect of a sub, I do not consider a sub who gets what our life is, their role and their expectations to be a doormat. I also don't expect him to agree with Me on religion, politics, favorite colors etc---I would worry if someone was-- that they were placating Me and that won't work--doormat for Me resides in one place--at the door.

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RE: What is your definition of "doormat" and ... - 2/4/2009 9:23:42 AM

felicean

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CharmingDeceit

quote:

from the bethdictionary:

doormat: (dôrmt) noun

1. a derogatory label folks use in an attempt to demean other submissive/slaves for doing things they wouldn't and/or experiencing submission differently than they do.

Perfect.