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RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 5:20:25 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
For me, there are some lies that are acceptable, and some that are not...it's as simple as that. The ones that I find acceptable can be discussed and compromised on.
Personally, I would rather want to know what was wrong in my relationships that a partner felt the need to lie before walking out the door and possibly throwing away something good.

Agreed, IrishMist. I wouldn't say "a lie is a lie is a lie and we're over." Not at all. I would be extremely curious as to WHY He felt any NEED to lie. Our relationship dynamic is such that He can do as He so chooses and doesn't have to lie to me, sneak around or defend His actions. So why in the world would He ever need to hide something from me or deceive me? It would show me that there is a major miscommunication happening if He did so. That's what I would need to get to the bottom of, not just simply be hurt by the lying and break things off................luci

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(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 21

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 5:58:55 AM

felicean

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/12/2008
Status: offline

I am going to assume he lied about something fairly serious. Regardless...I think lying destroys the fabric of any relationship - D/s, vanilla, and friendships. It erodes trust. Without trust...
What would I do? Attempt to discuss it with him. And then get outta there.

(in reply to fadwar)

Post #: 22

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 6:06:33 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

How can anyone quantify lies as deal breakers or not deal breakers.One small lie that is not a deal breaker can snowball into something so huge !! Many lies that are not deal breakers says the person is a lying machine ~~ but its all good?? Nope. This says to me, a liar tolerates a liar.

I don't quantify lies at all...........I tell lies sometimes and can often understand why people tell lies. Despite what people say over and over, for ME, all lies are NOT equal and I try to understand *why the lie*. It's got zilch to do with tolerance and a lot to do with a sincere desire to understand.

The *why* of a lie has much more bearing on how I feel about them, frankly. My sprogs tell lies to me sometimes, I told lies to MY parents.

I don't live in fear of being lied to, I accept that people do lie, for reasons of their own and if I had nothing to do with people that lie........I'd be pretty isolated.

agirl

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 23

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 6:31:50 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I would sit down and have a nice talk with him. And it would go something like this: "Good riddance, asshole".

(in reply to fadwar)

Post #: 24

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 6:45:58 AM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

I'd nominate him for Health and Human Services Secretary.

Then sit back and watch him scramble to get his taxes in order.

But then I can be such a shithead.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to fadwar)

Post #: 25

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 7:05:46 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

How can anyone quantify lies as deal breakers or not deal breakers.One small lie that is not a deal breaker can snowball into something so huge !! Many lies that are not deal breakers says the person is a lying machine ~~ but its all good?? Nope. This says to me, a liar tolerates a liar.

I don't quantify lies at all...........I tell lies sometimes and can often understand why people tell lies. Despite what people say over and over, for ME, all lies are NOT equal and I try to understand *why the lie*. It's got zilch to do with tolerance and a lot to do with a sincere desire to understand.

The *why* of a lie has much more bearing on how I feel about them, frankly. My sprogs tell lies to me sometimes, I told lies to MY parents.

I don't live in fear of being lied to, I accept that people do lie, for reasons of their own and if I had nothing to do with people that lie........I'd be pretty isolated.

agirl

I think this is the most realistic thought on the matter. We all lie and if you say you don't, your lying.

For me it depends on the whats and whys, not the black and white, lie or truth. Then you decide to either create a situation where the lying is not necessary or you either live with it, or not.

If someone lies to me by saying they think I still look gorgeous first thing in the morning, after being sick with a nasty head cold for two days......chances are I am SO not going throw them out of the house. I will smile and thank them, then tell them to get me some juice and tonic water, a box of fresh kleenex.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 26

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 7:52:33 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58
How can anyone quantify lies as deal breakers or not deal breakers.One small lie that is not a deal breaker can snowball into something so huge !! Many lies that are not deal breakers says the person is a lying machine ~~ but its all good?? Nope. This says to me, a liar tolerates a liar.

Perhaps you are as polar as this suggests. If that works for you and yours, I say, emphatically, rock on. The issue I am going to raise is your summarily judging (Including name-calling) others and drawing conclusions that may not be correct.
Certainly, a constellation of small lies can build up into something massive and deal-breaking but I'd not consider it reasonable to toss a relationship over a lie over whether or not a person did the laundry. Now, a bunch of those tied together across time would evidence a big issue, in my opinion, and likely make the relationship untennable.
Finding out that someone is cheating would, for me, be an immediate ticket out the door and, in the words of Russell Crowe from "Gladiator", I would "unleash Hell".
Again, what works for you and yours is fine for you and yours, but it's rather off-putting to see something to very judgmental and polar levelled against those who do not relate exactly as you do.
Davan

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(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 27

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 8:31:29 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I depends on the lie. If he did it often like you says yours did, i would say goodbye and walk away. I love him it would hurt, but his lying to me would have hurt more. I know that our relationship is based om truth.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 28

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 8:38:36 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

He lies about where he has hidden my present time and time again. *sigh* he says things like "on the moon" and "santa knows where it is". Truth is he usually just puts things on the top shelf and knows i won't look (or can't see up that high). My point is some lies are no big deal especially if you both KNOW it's a lie. But serious lies are serious trust breakers and where there is no trust...

_____________________________

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If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 29

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 9:33:18 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

I say , it depends on the severity of the lie , though i hate lies anyway .I see lies as a breach of trust in a dynamic .If they lie about small things how can they be trusted on the larger things ?Now discovering a multitude string of lies would just make me feel like the whole relationship and dynamic was also a lie , so yes i too would depart .

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 30

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 9:50:56 AM

Respergo

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/3/2009
From: Britain
Status: offline

Personally I'd ask him why, first off. There might be a reason - ie, not wanting to hurt you, etc. But if it's one of those 'oh, I just didn't want to tell you things', I'd walk. Depending on the severity of the lie or not, of course.

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 31

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 12:36:27 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fadwar

i had a Master who lied to me often i finally got wise and realized i just was not enough for Him. maybe i should have treated Him like any other man ..........but He was my Master.
i asked to be released but it still hurts me very bad.
what would other subbies have done? i am just curious

He lied to you often...it is understandable that you decided he was not trustworthy... .
However, his duplicity had nothing to do with your NOT being "enough for him".

That has to do with his personal character.

I am sorry for your pain.

(in reply to fadwar)

Post #: 32

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 1:26:23 PM

LilacPromise

Posts: 33
Joined: 1/28/2009
Status: offline

Fadwar,

In my opinion within any relationship be it BDSM/Vanilla there has to be Honesty and Trust between the people involved. Without these two things the relationship is failed .
I too have been lied to in the past, sometimes I found out myself other times I found out from a third party. Each time hurt like hell and the relationship was never the same again.
In the instances where the other person "came clean" and admitted the deception, giving me their "reasons /justifications" for it - I have tried to make the effort to understand and work through the problems or issues. This has only worked once, where I and the other person involved have moved forward and not apart. Even then there has always been doubt and a lack of trust with that person that only time can heal.
I too have lied in a past relationship, not to deceive, but out of fear (I was in an abusive and volatile vanilla relationship) and yes it was wrong and not something I am particularly proud of but at the time to have not lied would have placed me in a very unsafe place.
Nowadays, I am of the opinion Honesty no matter how painful is the best policy.
I am very sorry for your pain and hurt

I wish you well

Lilac

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 33

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 9:05:54 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

When a so call Dom leads me on with a bunch of lies I call them on it and then walk ..I sure as heck due not beg for release as they have lost any right to be my master with their lies and I say good ridness ..I know I deserve better than that

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Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to LilacPromise)

Post #: 34

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/4/2009 9:39:05 PM

scarlethiney

Posts: 492
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline

I don't think you weren't enough for your Master, I think he was afraid of committing, immature and unable to be honest which makes him incapable of maintaining a sincere relationship.
I'm sorry he disappointed and hurt you. I would have walked immediately. You deserve much better.

Good luck. Don't give up there are some wonderful men out there. I feel sure you will find one.

scarlet

_____________________________

"The words 'I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you." - A.L. Kitselman.

see my profile masterkspet

(in reply to fadwar)

Post #: 35

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/5/2009 7:17:50 AM

MasterTslave

Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

That is one thing that I simply will not put up with. I expect very few things from people...but to lie to me really ticks me off! I do not lie to others and expect the same in return. No one gains from a lie, they get caught...what is the gain? Just pisses the other person off. Remember, only lie if a friend asks if their butt looks big in an outfit...or if you have a child bring you a horrid work of "art" that you say you LOVE. That is the ONLY time it is ok to lie.

(in reply to fadwar)

Post #: 36

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/5/2009 10:30:30 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

I would be extremely curious as to WHY He felt any NEED to lie.

Those who have no regrets to lying, in my long experience on earth, don't seem to have a WHY or a NEED to explain lying. No remorse, no regret. No apology. A sad state for a person, but many people are like this.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 37

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/5/2009 10:35:15 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

~ Fast Reply ~

"Lying to me often" would mean I couldn't trust him. Even the small white lies, I'd be wondering and guessing as to whether or not he really meant it, and what he really might mean. Way too much mental energy for me. And since I haven't yet been able to figure out how to change others precisely to my liking, I would have to say this is not a man I'd find fulfilling to be with. Life is hard enough as it is, without my intimate relationships stressing me out. In this case it would be more painful to stay than to leave, in the long run.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to MasterTslave)

Post #: 38

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/5/2009 10:37:17 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58
How can anyone quantify lies as deal breakers or not deal breakers.One small lie that is not a deal breaker can snowball into something so huge !! Many lies that are not deal breakers says the person is a lying machine ~~ but its all good?? Nope. This says to me, a liar tolerates a liar.

Perhaps you are as polar as this suggests. If that works for you and yours, I say, emphatically, rock on. The issue I am going to raise is your summarily judging (Including name-calling) others and drawing conclusions that may not be correct.
Certainly, a constellation of small lies can build up into something massive and deal-breaking but I'd not consider it reasonable to toss a relationship over a lie over whether or not a person did the laundry. Now, a bunch of those tied together across time would evidence a big issue, in my opinion, and likely make the relationship untennable.
Finding out that someone is cheating would, for me, be an immediate ticket out the door and, in the words of Russell Crowe from "Gladiator", I would "unleash Hell".
Again, what works for you and yours is fine for you and yours, but it's rather off-putting to see something to very judgmental and polar levelled against those who do not relate exactly as you do.
Davan

wtf Davan, you said EXACTLY what I said, more words and a very different way... So whats up with this crap??Perhaps you are as polar as this suggests. If that works for you and yours, I say, emphatically, rock on. The issue I am going to raise is your summarily judging (Including name-calling) others and drawing conclusions that may not be correct. This is offencive to me to say "Polar" jeeez

Ya all don't get the point. Human beings who use deal breaker lies to get their way with no regret and no remorse are nothing but lying machines.

You have a fat ass woman.
Ya know sprog your art is horrible.
Who in God's name is gonna say this?

Instead~~~~ Ya know woman, your ass looks better in that cute blue dress.
Instead ~~~~ Ya know sprog your art work is creative and very fun to look at.

It's the perspective one puts on lying. Lying is all tied up in one's trustworthiness, integrity and consciousness

< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 2/5/2009 11:03:02 AM >

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 39

RE: what would other subbies do if their Master lied to... - 2/5/2009 10:51:23 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterTslave

Remember, only lie if a friend asks if their butt looks big in an outfit...or if you have a child bring you a horrid work of "art" that you say you LOVE. That is the ONLY time it is ok to lie.

I am SO not going to heaven....LOL

agirl

(in reply to MasterTslave)

Post #: 40

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