RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything)

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CreativeDominant -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 12:32:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rednicky Ummm...one of the rules... Criticism - Please keep criticism to a minimum. While disagreement is okay inflammatory comments aka flaming, humiliating and belittling other users is not acceptable. I believe I was belittled/teased repeatedly for feeling the way I felt. It's pretty obvious. Not only was a teased but I was laughed at and judged. So if one doesn't agree or feels the need to lmao on a completely serious topic (whether or not it's a rant) it's not allowed. As misst stated, the mods decide whether or not you have been belittled or teased in a *non-related (to the topic at hand) or over-the-top manner.* Apparently the moderators have not thought so, despite what you perceive. I will also agree with misst that your behavior so far does not indicate any willingness on your part to look at what has been said and learn from others but rather a stubborn attitude of hanging onto your "fantasy". A fantasy that speaks to enslavement of white people...except for your white dominant..., that speaks once again to the "woe is me, I am female and therefore mistreated by ALL men" myth, a fantasy that once again speaks to issues such as race, youth, gender as being the SOLE reasons for the problems you experience in life. I'm a white male dominant who is a health care provider in my life outside of wiitwd who has to deal with prejudice from "traditional" medical providers. I'm a divorced white male who got screwed in the courts when my divorce went down. I'm a white male who was in the service in the 70's who watched black and brown soldiers get promoted before white soldiers and watched his division become a "test bed" for just how far into combat positions women should be allowed because of the "tune of the times". What did I do when traditional medical procedures failed at something that I do well simply because the traditional doctors just "couldn't allow themselves" to refer to me and when those soldiers fucked up because the only reason they were promoted was their skin color and not their field knowledge and when those female soldiers were transferred to less "front-line" positions or back into more "traditional" feminine roles in the service when a male failing at the position would have been demoted? Did I vent and whine in public about how badly things were slanted against white males? Did I join the K.K.K. or a "woman-haters" group? No...I tried...and continue to try...educating the traditional providers and as a result have built up a network of M.D.s that I work with and refer to as well as receive referrals from. No, I did the best I could and wound up making sergeant in 2 years AND I realized that not all black and brown soldiers were comfortable...and expressed their discomfort...with being promoted on the basis of their color only. No, I realized that my ex was a specific and unique individual and that not every woman was like her while also supporting a group that fights for legitimate men's rights in divorce cases. Have I vented on here before about certain behaviors I see in women? Yes, but I've been careful to note that these were behaviors noted in CERTAIN women...certainly not all. Perhaps it IS due to age and experience but a lot of it comes from going out and observing and learning through resource material about behaviors you note. And that started when I was the ripe old age of 16.

JustDarkness -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 1:12:20 PM)
quote: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle we chose the lifestyle..the lifestyle not us...so..we can't complain

Blaakmaan -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 1:17:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rednicky Ummm...one of the rules... Criticism - Please keep criticism to a minimum. While disagreement is okay inflammatory comments aka flaming, humiliating and belittling other users is not acceptable. I believe I was belittled/teased repeatedly for feeling the way I felt. It's pretty obvious. Not only was a teased but I was laughed at and judged. So if one doesn't agree or feels the need to lmao on a completely serious topic (whether or not it's a rant) it's not allowed. Well, now--isn't this special? rednicky, I only have a couple of things to add to (or subtract from) all that's been said (and let me hasten to say, I haven't read all that's been said, because it's just too damned much to read). First, one of the problems with your original rant (which, as you've emphasized, was a rant, not position paper), at least to me, is that it mixed so many different topics! You talked about race, you talked about feminism, you talked about age and not being recognized as an adult, you talked about being disrespected by persons in general. And I'm sure you talked about other things I'm not even remembering. I would suggest that, next time (if there is a next time, after some of the responses you've gotten), you consider separating those various rant subjects into different rants. As it is, you have a hodgepodge of opinions responding to various parts of your rant, and I think it would be awfully hard to draw much that's meaningful for you from that crazy-quilt of responses (belittling, teasing and otherwise). With respect to the subject of race in your rant--well, don't expect much. It seems to me that what I've run into most here, when I bothered to participate on these boards with some regularity, is that the vast majority of the posters are white, and they don't get (and aren't trying to get) opinions from a different or contrary perspective. You'll get lots of responses where whites characterize themselves, like one of the people who responded to you did, as innocent persons "who may have unwittingly and indirectly benefited from injustice, but didn't perpertrate it themselves," and you'll get few if any responses from whites who recognize that they are the intended and active beneficiaries of historical and current racial injustice. If you're looking for that kind of conversation on racial topics, trust me, you are looking in the wrong place. You spoke of wanting not just equality, but revenge. I'm sure you're not alone in having that feeling. I'm sure that many--if not most--black Americans (and probably Native Americans) who have some historical consciousness feel the same way, in their heart of hearts. However, just because many of us feel that way, doesn't mean that we'd act that way, if we had the opportunity. I may want revenge on whites for the historical wrongs (and present wrongs) they have visited and continue to visit on black Americans, but I have no desire to be a Klan night-rider, or an overseer, or a slavemaster, or a lyncher, or a discriminator or segregator myself. You also spoke of wanting revenge against men. I'm a man, and I can understand that. I don't know if you'd actually take that revenge if you could get it, but I understand wanting to get it. I understand, as best I can, the anger, frustration and bitterness that many black women feel. Many black men feel it too, but differently. We don't have the gender issue on top of the racial issue, but we sure know what the racial issue is about. With respect to the rest of your rant, about being disrespected for looking so young, etc., I don't really have anything to say. Those are not things I can really relate to. I'm older--looking younger is a good thing from here, but I guess nobody really wants to look too young. I'm a dark-skinned black man, over 6 feet tall. My problem is not that people don't see me, it's that they see me too well, with all of their prejudices and preconceptions. You know, I guess I wrote this post because I felt the pain you were expressing in your original post, and I felt that I could empathize with at least some part of it. And I didn't feel that the responses you were getting, for the most part, reflected very much empathy. And, I wanted to let you know that, on racial issues, you won't get understanding or empathy for the kind of opinion you expressed in your rant, so don't bother looking for any--not here. Let me add, in all honesty, that black women who seek white Doms are one of my pet peeves in life. But, nonetheless, I feel at least some of your pain, and I wish you the best as you deal with all of that pain you've expressed.

MarcEsadrian -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 1:17:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rednicky I was looking for a thread dealing with this and found one! But, unfortunately, it didn't really didn't provide me with the responses I was looking for. I'm a feminist (some form of one anyway), but I take it a step further than traditional feminists. Feminists are searching for equality. I want to get even. As in, instead of being equal with men, I want the role to be reversed. I want there to be a glass ceiling for men. I want women to be on top while men are treated as the weaker sex. It just makes me angry when I look back on history and see how people who are part of my demographic are treated. I am not only a woman but an African American woman. Feminism is about equality? Not all sects of feminism. At any rate, I'd rather see us desexualize the notion of equality and simply dub the movement equalism. If any really believe in that sort of thing, that is. "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." —Mahatma Gandhi

Blaakmaan -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 1:20:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 rednicky: I'm not sure where the deep resentment that you feel towards whites and men springs from, so I don't really feel like I can suggest anything in that area. Well, insofar as she's referring to whites, I know where it "springs from." And, if I was a woman, I'm sure I'd know where the sentiment towards men "springs from," also. You don't need therapy for THAT! You MAY need some if you don't have a clue where it "springs from."

NorthernGent -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 1:40:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rednicky I am bitter. I'm looking for revenge. It'll be a long, old, hard life, then, when you spend your time being bitter and looking for revenge. There will always be something going on in the world that will have the capacity to piss you off.

oceanwynds -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 2:29:51 PM)
Blaakmaan There are many things I could say about the prejudices of our world. You do not need to be black or native american to experience this. I was raised Jewish, and had my share of it from the Christian world as I grew up. Being a pagan now, I still experience prejudice. Then of course I am female, and I am sure no comment needs to be added to that. The point is you can hold on to those hurts and scream, you don't understand, or you can heal. I know a lot of black people who do not scream victim. We are only a victim as long as we keep telling ourself that. The OP was offered help generously by many. She chose her course, which was the victim role. Many here will not play the game. blessings oceanwynds

subtlebutterfly -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 3:09:11 PM)
You can either allow prejudice to make you bitter weak and think the whole world's against you or you can take it and make it fit yourself so it'll only make you stronger. It's a little bit like criticism, you can either oppose to it or take it and use it to do something constructive. You are the ony one who controls how you respond to things..be it in a negative or positive way. Every choice you make is contageous...it sticks to everything else you do. If you've pessimistic outlook on life, there are not going to be many things that'll bring a smile to your face, and the longer you stay negative the fewer the things making you smile become. If you hate everything and everybody around you, you'll eventually end up having a hard time finding things you love. It's called life, and what you make of it is solely your decision, not anybody else's.

UPSG -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 4:23:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian Feminism is about equality? Not all sects of feminism. At any rate, I'd rather see us desexualize the notion of equality and simply dub the movement equalism. If any really believe in that sort of thing, that is. "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." —Mahatma Gandhi There is a concept called egalitarianism but you won't find much political commentary leaning toward it. I'm sure racial and gender politics is something more or less on going around the world for better or worse reasons. However, I do know the United States has a long history of building political base around race and sex (or gender if you will). To be fair this did not originate with either Black-Americans or women. The Anglo-Saxon male stock of the United States (which included the Scots and Welsh but not so much the Germans especially if they were Catholic Germans) arguably created the politics around race and sex in the U.S. The Irish-Americans and other learn to play within the system and built their own political machines. Latter came Blacks and women. It ought be kept in mind, in the South, Black-American really only won the protective right to vote in the 1960's - that's damn near yesterday. Politically, Black-Americans rise has be astonishing, as a collective whole, if measured against other blacks throughout the Americas. But then again, racial politics is a U.S. history, I mean few in the world would know there are more Italians living in Sao Paulo than New York, because the former is far less organized politically and the latter can't keep its mouth shut. Few people in the U.S. - this includes feminist no less - really seem to desire egalitarianism. Most seem to won't their own "team" to win. But to be fair, White-Americans must be credited with voting Obama in office (Black-Americans can be credited with his political formation geared towards grass roots development and commitment to community needs - this especially so a product of the Black-American Protestant church). quote: ORIGINAL: oceanwynds Blaakmaan There are many things I could say about the prejudices of our world. You do not need to be black or native american to experience this. I was raised Jewish, and had my share of it from the Christian world as I grew up. Being a pagan now, I still experience prejudice. Then of course I am female, and I am sure no comment needs to be added to that. The point is you can hold on to those hurts and scream, you don't understand, or you can heal. I know a lot of black people who do not scream victim. We are only a victim as long as we keep telling ourself that. The OP was offered help generously by many. She chose her course, which was the victim role. Many here will not play the game. blessings oceanwynds I think the sentiments of you post are good, stellar. And I hope you don't take this the wrong way or as a subtle form of brow beating, however I think some of the "meat" of Blaakmaan's post is more fair to the truth. At least how I see it. Yes, Jews had it rough in the U.S. going into the mid 20th century. However, the Jewish experience in the Americas is far different than the Black or Amerindian. First of all, throughout the Spanish Americas it was ethnic Jewish conversos who ran the larger part of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. Jews, while prejudiced for their culture and religion throughout Western Europe, were not really targeted as a racial group till the advent of the Nazi's in Germany. But essentially, the Jewish story in the U.S. is largely one of power and money. This was not so with the Eastern European Jews that came to the U.S. but it has largely been so with the Western Jews who immeduately entered the middle-class (they came with money from Germany, France and etc.). Your bootleggers, gangsters, and boxers tended to be Jews coming from Eastern Europe - they were the poor Jews. Jews were not always White in the U.S. but they are today. If they are a minority it is invisible and not a visible minority like being a dark Mestizo or Black-American. Does this matter? Yes, and housing patterns across the U.S. seem to cooborate that an instituionalized and systematic racism exists within the U.S. Some of the best people I have ever met have been and are White people. Some of the best. Good people. However, if we are to be honest, White-Americans in general are socialized (taught by culture/community/institutions) to respond to and treat Black-Americans within a certain range of ways. They may be cordial as sales people in stores, but intentionally trying to steer the Black customer out of the store. Things like that. Obama, unlike Rev. Wright, accepts White people unconditionally, plus he's one hell of an orator, so along with his tall height and handsome features and presidential body, many White-Americans (or anyone else for that matter including Blacks) can't but help to like him. I'm sure many White women may have even fantasized about having sex with him.

colouredin -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 4:41:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan You spoke of wanting not just equality, but revenge. I'm sure you're not alone in having that feeling. I'm sure that many--if not most--black Americans (and probably Native Americans) who have some historical consciousness feel the same way, in their heart of hearts. This to me shows your own bigotry, im white and i read it and i saw the race thing and I saw the woman thing and you know both were equal in fact the first thing she spoke about was the fact that she wanted men to experiance the glass celieng. This post? well it shows me how ignorant you are

marie2 -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 7:57:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 rednicky: I'm not sure where the deep resentment that you feel towards whites and men springs from, so I don't really feel like I can suggest anything in that area. Well, insofar as she's referring to whites, I know where it "springs from." And, if I was a woman, I'm sure I'd know where the sentiment towards men "springs from," also. You don't need therapy for THAT! You MAY need some if you don't have a clue where it "springs from." I'm not inside the girl's head, nor do I know where she came from, what her life has been like, what her exposures have been to, what she was taught, how she was raised etc, therefore, in her case, I don't know where the deep resentment and need to vindicate (with regards to her issues with both men, and white people) "springs from". To make assumptions about how other people's "issues" originated, based upon my own personal perceptions of things like feminism, chauvanism, slavery etc, would, in my view, be pretty ignorant.

DavanKael -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 8:15:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chiaThePet Well Nicky darling, I'm not a female, black, or young, but just this morning as I skateboarded down to the local Biglots for a Yoo-hoo and a couple of Devil Dogs, a pair of local lasses breezed by on their unicycles. Just as they passed, I heard one comment to the other, "Oh my God Marge, did you see that?" "What was that?" "Quick, circle back around." "I've got to get a picture of that on my I-Phone." "Pedal faster Marge." Sense and sensibility, what the world around you will lack, you must retain within yourself. It will be alright Nicky. "Oh the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow they'll be sun." Or you'll end up a homeless woman with scabs and lice, living in a box, unable to afford your anti-depressant medication. Choices Nicky, make them. You do have a say in your destiny . chia* (the pet) Hi, Chia---- I thought your observation on a different thread that 'strap on' spelled backwards is 'no parts' was pure genius. You're on a roll with posts. If you keep it up, I'm going to have to proclaim you my hero. Thanks for the ROFLMAO comments with widsom thrown in!!! :> Davan

chiaThePet -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 8:35:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DavanKael Hi, Chia---- I thought your observation on a different thread that 'strap on' spelled backwards is 'no parts' was pure genius. You're on a roll with posts. If you keep it up, I'm going to have to proclaim you my hero. Thanks for the ROFLMAO comments with widsom thrown in!!! :> Davan Hi Davan, it's the meds. Life is simply too wonderful not to laugh. Thank You for your kind notice. chia* (the pet)

susie -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/5/2009 9:19:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chiaThePet Life is simply too wonderful not to laugh. chia* (the pet) This is something everyone should read and take to heart.

LaTigresse -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/6/2009 2:54:55 AM)
Agreed.

DesFIP -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/6/2009 3:37:21 AM)
People who look younger are always disbelieved about their age. The shorter you are, the more likely you will be perceived as less important. Ask an Asian male about being carded regularly, well past 21. Gee, your people had 200 years of slavery. Didn't seem to stop the President, did it. Beyond that, my people were enslaved 2000 years ago. We have regularly been murdered for no reason other than our religion, burned to death, gassed to death, clubbed to death. Still goes on regularly today. And until about 50 years ago the murderers were always of your religion. Know what? I still haven't gone down to your level. I still don't want to be as evil as your coreligionists have always been. That's the difference between us, you want an excuse to be without any morality or decency. Honey, people like you do this without any excuse every day. These people are called pedophiles, serial killers, sociopaths, psychopaths. So go on and indulge yourself and the rest of us will read about you in the newspaper when you're sentenced to death.

LaTigresse -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/6/2009 3:55:40 AM)
You know, I was just thinking. While I don't get carded anymore, I often get disbelief that my kids are, in fact, my kids and that my grands are my grands, rather than my children. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Of course I was a mother at a young age. The only thing that does bother me a little bit is being accused of any sort of medical help, either through Botox or surgical enhancement. That does bother me a teeny bit. One, I hate doctors and the idea of wasting money and my squick factor on something so shallow......no. And two, I want soooooooooo badly to lift my shirt and bra and ask........"If I was a fan of plastic surgery don't you think these would be one helluvalot smaller and perkier?!?!?!?" Granted, they are not the granny tubesock variety but they are not almost up to my collar bone like they were a few decades ago either. And going under the knife, blowing ten grand, would ALMOST be worth having smaller tatas......almost. And most of all, while I do feel blessed to have inherited what I did, there really are much more important things to spend time thinking and talking about. Still, with all of that stuff above.........I think when someone says something it is far better to be thankful, say "thank you very much, I've been blessed with good genetics" and change the subject to something worth talking about.

Aileen1968 -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/6/2009 4:13:34 AM)
What a funny thread.... So the OP is mad at the world, I gather, because she's treated like a child when she acts like one??? Ahhh to be young again. On the plus side.....I got carded last week, twice. Maybe 41 ain't so bad after all. [:)]

oceanwynds -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/6/2009 4:41:34 AM)
UPSG quote: Jews were not always White in the U.S. but they are today. If they are a minority it is invisible and not a visible minority like being a dark Mestizo or Black-American. Does this matter? Yes, and housing patterns across the U.S. seem to cooborate that an instituionalized and systematic racism exists within the U.S. Thank for your comments, and not insulted by them. Just thought to informed you there were many places where Jews were not permitted to live. There were swimming pools were not permitted to go too. This was happening when I was in my teens. The grade school I went to was mostly christian students. A handful would gather around me for lunch to pray for my soul because I would not believe in Jesus. This does not include daily prejudices. I was also a poor Jew. Jews like blacks are forever sterotype. We can keep those flames of prejudice and poor us going, or we can rise above them. Always have choices in this world. Close friend of our family has the numbers on his arm from the concentration camps, and he made a choice not to hate. If he can, so can i. blessings oceanwynd ;

chiaThePet -> RE: When you're a feminist in this lifestyle...(a rant more than anything) (2/6/2009 6:37:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 On the plus side.....I got carded last week, twice. Maybe 41 ain't so bad after all. [:)] Now Aileen, being at the BlackJack table in Vegas and shouting "Hit Me" doesn't count as being 'carded'. Might get you a great night with a paddle though. chia* (the pet)

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