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RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/5/2009 1:36:17 PM   
ImABigGirlNow


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		In the spirit of "be careful what you ask for" I would absolutely obey and change gears in the relationship to see what might happen.

After all, that would mean, to be a good obedient girl, I would be myself in the moment---saying No to some things, no longer pushing myself from my comfort zones sexually or otherwise...

Any number of paths could be had---we both could love it, both hate it, one love it and one hate it, both decide to have vanilla "moments" in life but remain Ds, or the opposite...

No matter what, it's possibly the ultimate personal test for some of us....not only to release the hold on Ds and how we see ourselves and our roles, but to be open to the new, to change...and ultimately be accepting of what your Owner/Top/Dom/Domina/Master/ Mistress wants, at least in the moment when they express it, and at least give it a try.

If this is what would make them happy, and all you want as a sub is to serve and please, then isn't it possible that this is one KINKY way to do that?  Perhaps one would remain in a sub-motivated place in head and heart, knowing they were getting what they wanted.  

In a kinky world---is it possible vanilla is the ultimate fetish?



(in reply to ODschainedangel)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/5/2009 2:41:54 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'd get them both into grief therapy. Because while she's feeling lost and needs more control, he's also feeling lost and not up to control.

I certainly wouldn't threaten to leave because he wasn't pulling out the whips and chains on command.

Grief therapy. Grief work takes years, but it is not uncommon to get stuck in a phase and need help progressing.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/5/2009 5:07:15 PM   
XaviersXian


Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline 		greetings angel,

I'd gain his consent, and then find a dominant lover (we have an open relationship).  If he didn't consent to that, then I'd continue to live and love, as his faithful wife.

well wishes,

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/5/2009 5:20:25 PM   
Knite064


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LarabysLair

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExKat

Frankly, I would feel that I was owed and explanation and a part in the decision. Since D/s is important to your happiness, him simply up and changing that doesn't really seem fair. Since the d/s came before the relationship, he's changing something that is fundamentally you two, and, to be honest, you seem unwilling to give it up: you may not be allowed to call him that, but he's still your master. So how long before the uneven status, him not being your master to him but still being your master to you, starts to drive you crazy?


Hi Ex

For a little clarification, my angel posted the OP as a way of trying to find out how people felt about a situation that is happening with a good friend of ours and her family. We would like to help her find her chi in this and maybe even encourage her as too go about getting their dynamic back to M/s. Her Master is one that when they met, he was not the Dominant he said he was. I rescued her from his clutches a few years ago. She wanted to escape, so I moved her out and put her up for awhile. But, she went back to him after he had muchly changed his views on her needs and expectations. She and he were happy at least for quite awhile. They married and I wished them every happiness.

Then about 9 months ago, a terrible tragedy hit the family and a close loved one was lost. It think it shook him to his core and he lost interest after that. Now, she is floundering in the marriage trying to figure out what to do. I can only give encouragement to her without stepping into their issues again. And while I love the slave dearly, I won't try to rescue her from her marriage. So, the post was because my angel wanted to know what's the best way to handle that situation, should it arise for anyone here.

Thanks,

LL

Greetings to you both
I read the orginal post last night and thought a little about both your words now and the original post.
Personally im becoming convinced (with very little to go on by comaparison to you both who know them both well)that maybe the breakdown of the M/s dynamic is really just a  symptom of the disease and not the disease itself.

I personally have no interest in a Mor D/s dynamic unless i have feelings for the girl which includes an underlying friendship and feelings being involved.(just explaining how my mindset works)

Two thoughts stick in my mind concerning what you write about and those are...
1)Was he ever comfortable in the role in the first place or has he struggled inside with acting as someone hes not.
2)Is the deeper issue here really a relationship breaking down regardless of any lifestyle at stake and perhaps the M/s dynamic has done nothing more than paint over the cracks?

I think they both need to sit down and really communicate what they both need and whether that can be done together or apart(after all he wants a vanilla and in a vanilla marriage that would be the way to go)

Once they discuss then both need to decide the way forward whether together or apart.

you mention  "she needed to escape"?if domestic violence is an issue then perhaps you can sit quietly as a third party peacekeeper and to give her the protection to speak freely.

i know i could be wide of the mark with little to go on

Be well

(in reply to LarabysLair)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/6/2009 3:49:50 PM   
alittleevil


Posts: 235
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ODschainedangel

A subject came up amoung me and some others that got me to thinking
about something.

A slave is to obey and be pleasing to her Master. Her Master is to
have the final say in all things. Given the truth of these things,
what if a slave's Master decided he wished them to be vanilla? The
two are also Husband and wife.


Greetings Angel,

What is actually meant by "vanilla?"  No more "whips and chains", rough sex, and enthusiastic blow-jobs-on-demand?  That would not bother me, i'm a malleable sort. I might miss it (and would most probably still deliver enthusiastic oral upon request), but my sexual preferences are not what defines/determines  Master's sexual behavior now.
No more 'ritual' or protocol?  It would certainly take some time to adjust my behavior, but honestly, if no longer compelled to kneel, refrain from addressing Master by his given name, avoid furniture, etc., oh well. These things aren't done to amuse myself but because i am compelled.  These sorts of outward manifestations and expressions of M/s often do wax and wane with other of life's circumstances, small (like being at a relative's house for the evening) and large (death, grief, illness).

Or, does the man in question intend to utterly free her? From this point forward treat and engage with her as an autonomous, equal authority in their relationship and hold her to the expectations of such? That would be a problem for me. And, quite seriously, for the other person. Just as not every person is desirous of being and able to be enslaved, not every person is desirous of and able to be "free."  Personally, i am quite bad at being a peer in an intimate relationship. I've tried. I was married. The other person, and myself, ended up miserable and in miserable personal and financial situations. I don't have the skills, the personality or the inclinations to have an equal authority in the decisions for a "couple", much less a household. "A slave" is who i am, fundamentally deep down to the core of me. A lot of time and facilitation would be needed for me to function well as a peer companion sort of wife. If a man were undergoing such a severe personal upheaval that  he could no longer invest himself and the energy needed to keep a woman as a slave, he's unlikely to have the time, energy and motivation needed to develop a functional, never mind fulfilling, marriage with her.  But all that begs the question of "Why" this happened in the first place.  Even if Master and i had never heard the words "master" and "slave" or applied them to who and what we are, we would be very much the same together because he doesn't "dominate" and i don't "submit" as conscious actions/choices all day long: we just are...what we are.  His wants and expectations for the woman in his life would be only minutely different than if he had not actively sought a woman to enslave.

I hope your friends something out without a painful disaster for all concerned.

Best,
aj


(in reply to ODschainedangel)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/6/2009 5:58:49 PM   
subsong


Posts: 77
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		  I lived a situation like this , as a sub.   We were into things for a couple years , when he told me he found being a Dom "too much responsibility" .   We were not living together though .   Though I loved him , the D/s dynamic was awesome while it lasted , and I sorely missed it - with him .    We straggled on for another year , but things eventually unraveled . 

(in reply to alittleevil)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/6/2009 6:45:42 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		To me, it's not really possible to not be a master. well... he's still dominant... you're still submissive.. how in the world? Baffling my mind now... ok... let me think this one out... i don't think it's possible... sorry

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/6/2009 7:16:15 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		Interesting topic...
 
I am a situation similar to the discussion though we are not husband and wife, we don't live together and we have only been a M/s for about 1 year. Then he entered rehab for alcohol addiction and although he still considers that I 'belong' to him he no longer wants to be called Master or call me slave. Everything is a gentle request or question. He is still very much the same sadistic tender gentle man he was before but there is no TPE. I don't even know how to define our relationship any longer. It is more like "swinging/with bedroom kink", which is okay just very different and I am not willing to walk away at this time. He is only in his 4th month of his sober journey and I know from speaking with others and such that the recommendation is that folks in recovery don't have a relationship for 6 months to a year. For the first two months of his recovery we had very little email contact and no in person contact.
 
Edited...After reading through the responses...
 
I would have to say if he had a tragic accident in his life he may very well need counseling and it may be that he needs time to come to terms with whatever happened and that being in a 'vanilla' relationship is all he handle at this time. Counseling may help and possibly finding someone to fulfill the "Master" role if the slave has protocols and rituals that she feels is missing by being in a vanilla relationship. Communication and honesty is what is needed by both parties in this situation. 

 
 
 

< Message edited by califsue -- 2/6/2009 7:33:19 PM >

(in reply to ODschainedangel)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/10/2009 7:27:17 AM   
sensura


Posts: 71
Joined: 2/8/2009
Status: offline 		The loss this Master has been dealing with is obviously very painful, he should get counselling. His sub needs to understand this and try to help him work thru it. Give him some time off and go vanilla for awhile. He may just need a break from it all. If in time he still is not willing to go back to a dom/sub relationship then she may need to leave the relationship. If it is her desire to live a sub/dom lifestyle she wont be fulfilled which will bring heartbreak either way. I know myself I have been in a few vanilla relationships cause I truly loved the guy. But there was always something missing, I wasnt truly happy, I need dominace in my life from my man as well as love and respect. I crave it. Id rather be roomies than in a vanilla relationship. In all reality I think he just needs a break and time. Give it that and then go from there.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/10/2009 8:06:37 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

I honestly can't really even grasp the concept of this but in an attempt: Master is Master to me because of the thoughts and beliefs he has that govern his actions and course in life which ultimately make him.

I can not see or fathom how something in a switch on or switch off capacity or specific cessation of a particular act can change that which makes him. I don't mean on the surface either but the core human being.

starshine


_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to ODschainedangel)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/10/2009 11:06:59 PM   
mozartsfuneral


Posts: 103
Joined: 11/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'd politely ask to speak freely and then convince him to seek help...i don't think i could live without my Master being a Master, because that's just who He is...he exzudes ( spelled wrong, sorry ) dominance...

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/25/2009 2:46:49 PM   
angelinamaddox


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		I think I would try a couple months to get him to be the Dom again, but would eventually leave the relationship. His needs might have changed, but now he is not fufilling the submissives needs. Might love the Dom, but you also will not be happy.

(in reply to ODschainedangel)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/26/2009 3:41:04 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		i think what bothers me about this thread is the lack of understanding for a Dominant who seems to have suffered a major loss.  just like with a submissive, that must take its toll on his life and self perspective.  Does he feel he may have been able to change the outcome?  men used to being in control can take a loss as a reflection of their lack of ability to retain that control.

everyone is so quick to jump on the side of the submissive/slave.. which is understandable.  for whatever reason, he cant deal with being a Dominant right now.  do you just up and leave someone who was honest about his needs as we often instruct everyone to be?  and, as his submissive/slave, do you turn tail and run when the Dominant in your life needs you the most?


_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to angelinamaddox)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/26/2009 5:57:13 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

IMHO, the word vanilla erases the D/s, M/s and at that point all bets are off.


Yep, that's my thought on it. If a dominant did this, that dominant should NEVER be surprised when the submissive ups and leaves.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/26/2009 7:11:53 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		fr

In a nutshell, I cannot change who I am. I am not capable of obeying an order to be vanilla any more than I can obey an order to be a man or to be straight. The difficult I can, at least, attempt.. the impossible just ain´t gonna happen.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ODschainedangel)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What would you do If your Master said you both woul... - 2/27/2009 11:10:10 PM   
OTKkindaGirl


Posts: 447
Joined: 12/26/2005
From: NW Arkansas
Status: offline 		Actually kind of going through this now myself... it's strange but here i am.  Met him here on this site too.  It's all kind of strange but the issues are quite personal so i cannot go into details.  He loves me no doubt, but because he has also fallen in love with me it has made things quite different for his mindset.  It doesn't change my submissive nature and it doesn't detract from his dominant nature.. the dynamic is just slightly different.  Just because things aren't quite as i wish them to be and just because he says we are going to be vanilla, doesn't erase what is a part of my very being.  Why stay... it is simple, out of love and service, it's called devotion and i treasure our moments.  He can be vanilla but i will be the part that makes the twist!  *wink*

_____________________________

~~ lil darlin' ~~
hope



(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 56
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