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RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 12:29:39 AM

DavanKael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

No one is judging based on age, most are judging on the basis of rampant asshattery.

No, sorry, he's right. One post specifically said that any middle-aged man who's not already paired off has something wrong with him. I don't know if that's the one that hit his button, but I almost rose to the bait on that one myself before I decided it wasn't worth the effort (old age teaches you what to hit head-on and what to let slide past you). Anyway, I agree with everything he says. Good post from a good man.

It may be said to some flames but imo someone who has made it into their 40's (or older) without having a long-term relationship likely does have some sort of substantial issues. Granted, I come from the opposite extreme of being in a very long relationship from very young and having more years of partnership/marriage prior to separating than lots of people a decade or more my senior. And, I'm sure I have issues, lol!
I'd have to defy anyone, though, to find me someone 40-something or more who hasn't been in a long-term relationship that isn't fraught with issues that would make them less desirable as a partner, generally speaking.
Davan

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Post #: 41

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 12:38:25 AM

MsDDom

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quote:

I have never had an 18-30 year old approach me here on this website that didn't at least know how to lie to get what they wanted. So what's with this older generation? I realize it doesn't go for all of them (lots of fine older gentlement right here on this forum), but there are a lot who seem to have their heads stuck up their asses.

what i was told by one older guy (and it holds true for others i've encountered) is that he has come to the realization that he has to do it (be submissive or dominated) b/c he has struggled for yrs to hide it. what i dont get is the ones in marriages and they dont tell their wives they want to be a sub. then there r the ones who do and get laughed at.

on CM, i am approached by older men (45 to 60)...in the vanilla world, i am approached by the 20 to 26 range constantly. for both, i definitely question the benefit the age groups could ever have?? i hate worrying about health or cussing a young boy for being immature.

((sighs))

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Post #: 42

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 12:52:04 AM

MrRodgers

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

My ex was 54 when I was with him and there was no stopping that man...omg! He is about 57 now and has a 27 year old gf... Some older men are amazing... in some sitautions... it would be well worth it! lol

First, in deference to Bear...I thought we were all like those at Lake Wobegon...above average. I don't post much here but I had to on this one.

Yes, age does make a difference. The older man or woman could be very experienced, the charmer or even yes, dare I say...the dominant lover.

Older people are as likely to have had subs or even slaves before the net without being able to falsely claim their dominance or 'pimp-out' a profile on something called the Internet with email, whatever they are let alone coming to a 'forum' with a newly acquired presumption or prejudice that age 'has anything to do with' a very unattractive or perverted difference.

Older men or women are as likely as the abovementioned perverts to be inspiring submission, obeying their master or even some acquiring slaves or being acquired, offline without a single email, chat or...forum rant.

Yes, absolutely...age can have a whole lot to do with 'it' and most often that 'it'...is allegedly sought.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 43

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 3:02:19 AM

colouredin

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FR

Umm I had someone recently ask me what it is like being with older people, I have been with people ranging from my age (22) to about 50. To be honest I dont notice much differance, I prefer older people because they seem to 'get' me more but I pick a certain type of person. Age doesnt change that type of person I am attracted to.

However I do know what the OP is talking about, often I have spoke to older people who think they dont have to 'do' any of the getting to know you stuff, the whole 'oh well anyone would be interested in me' well if thats true then why are they chasing after me? I get told how much money people earn, and how much 'experience' they have and generally I dont give a crap. I socialise with Pro-Doms and Dms so if I want to play with someone experienced its bloody easy for me to do, I just ask.

The problem is that to simply judge older people and say well they are more experienced or to say that they are all a certain thing means that it is ok for people to do the same with younger people. You cant generalise about any group of people, there are two truths in this life you are born and you will die, everything else is quite simply subject dependant.

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Post #: 44

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 5:26:07 AM

CatdeMedici

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I think colouredin makes a very very good point--pick any group and within that there will always, ALWAYS be a group that someone deems as "idiots"--white, black, democrat, republican, male, female, american, thai--doesn't matter, because humans can be idiots on a regular basis--but as MidMIch pointed out, there are also those that say"pffttt not Me, I'm not a xxx" I'm way better than that, BUT to someone you are, I am, we are. There will always be someone who needs/seeks the very behaviors that we shun. There will always be people who think My definition of an idiot is precisely what they need.

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Post #: 45

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 5:51:19 AM

DarkSteven

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Two points I'd like to make.

1. Men have a sexual expiration date. Once we think it may be imminent, we get panicked and may get pushy.

2. Asshats are indeed of all ages. But a younger asshat can still change. As we get older, we get less able/willing to change. So an older asshat may be more of an asshat than a younger one due to inflexibility. Not to mention practice.

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Post #: 46

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 5:57:18 AM

crouchingtigress

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From: Maui
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My perspective is a little different then most...I believe that if something, say an archetype or a situation, shows up in your life over and over again, there is something to be learned there about yourself.

I believe we attract things we have a lot of emotion (good or bad, happy or sad) invested in.

If something like this riles you, maybe ask yourself what about it bothers you?

I find that when I get a bunch of any one thing, there is something I am not getting....and when I get it, that thing simply fades away.

Right now I am getting a lot of young hot innocent kinky boys interviewing for my houseboy position (only Maui boys please) and honestly I don't get it.

But I don't exactly have a vested interest in finding out either....

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Post #: 47

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 6:21:12 AM

Sadisticforslave

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I don't think it is a sexual expiration date, it is more a life expiration date that I think about. I am 55 and 10 years ago I would spend hours talking to someone and not know if they are real or not. Now with all the fakes online (yes slaves/subs/bottoms) I don't want to spend the time to talk to someone for months and just have them disappear or stop talking never knowing if they are real or not. after all being 55 I don't have that much time left. yes I have a female slave. have owned her since 92 and now a days she is more a domestic slave then sexual. this due to her change of life as you women call it cause her sex drive to almost disappear. since I have always wanted two slaves and since she is also bi and wanting me to find another slave to live in with us I have been looking but as I said time is running out. I don't want to find someone and then a year later drop dead on both of them. hell then I wouldn't have had time to enjoy having both. so I tend to not waste time with just talking. prove to me that you are real then we can go from there. if you want to take that as being pushie, well hell we are Dom's right? that's in our job title. LOL

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 48

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 6:39:41 AM

SomethingCatchy

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Pushy people piss me off, and sometimes, if I have to deal with them in person, it'll put me in a rage if I can't get away from them in time. Age does not give you warrant to push people, and I don't know any men who suceeded in finding exactly what they wanted being pushy.

If I were a sub looking and you approached me with a "I don't have time for you, prove yourself!" kind of attitude, I'd roll my eyes and have that attitude right back. Doormatting was never my style.

(in reply to Sadisticforslave)

Post #: 49

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 7:39:57 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm not sure that it is that much better to prefer mail from people who are accomplished liars.

As far as why the older generation is so blunt? Probably because they're tired of wining and dining women and never getting what they want. So they don't want to be used for their income and do want to know upfront if you're on the same page. You get used a lot, you're bound to get jaded and bitter.

Finally! Someone...and of the female gender...expressed at least one of the things that could be going on but didn't seem to be being noted. Perhaps because it takes note of the fact that the problem isn't all the "older gentleman's" and may in fact have stemmed from some...not all...ladies?

There are always going to be those whose behavior is abhorrent but they come from all walks and all ages. What you see as pushy could be seen by others in the same way that Des notes. That doesn't deny that pushiness exists but, like everything else, one person's "pushiness" is another person's "God, at least they are upfront about what they want and like and don't want to waste a lot of time engaged in B.S.ing"

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 2/6/2009 7:43:06 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 50

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 7:50:06 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

It may be said to some flames but imo someone who has made it into their 40's (or older) without having a long-term relationship likely does have some sort of substantial issues. Granted, I come from the opposite extreme of being in a very long relationship from very young and having more years of partnership/marriage prior to separating than lots of people a decade or more my senior. And, I'm sure I have issues, lol!
I'd have to defy anyone, though, to find me someone 40-something or more who hasn't been in a long-term relationship that isn't fraught with issues that would make them less desirable as a partner, generally speaking.
Davan

Well, if they're going to flame you for that, they can light me up right alongside you, because I agree. The post in question, though, isn't referring to men who may have had longterm relationships in the past - it's talking about any man from his late 40s on who's single now, any man who has "never been able to get a woman to stick around". That's an offensive and judgmental statement. I only hope the person who made it outgrows that way of thinking as they pack on a few years themselves.

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Post #: 51

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 7:57:50 AM

Lockit

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LOL... yeah see a babe walk in and strut right up to her and ask her to come home and fuck you... I have seen it... been subjected to it. I cannot tell you how many times I heard... make love, not war... love the one you're with... hey babe, are you cold or just glad to see me... boy, what I could do to you (tongue action included). The seventie's were filled with Don Juan's I have yet to experience in person since and then when I got online. And I am pretty sure my age and appearance didn't have much to do with that... as I said... I have watched it with all the young college babe's as I have mostly lived in towns where college's were major focuses and loving to dance... I was out there with a lot of them.

There are idiot's everywhere and in every decade... but I think we had an extra special majority back in the day and now again because of online. Those that can hide their wife and old age behind a monitor are wishing they could go back to the good ol days when women were in thier rightful places. Under them for a three strokes and you're out... let me pass out and in the morning if I still find you here, you better have breakfast ready.

No... I think men these days in general... are much better! I love blunt... and love truth... but it doesn't have to come in the form of a social idiot with gender superiority thinkin cock brains. (smile)

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Post #: 52

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 8:10:31 AM

OttersSwim

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I shudder as someone on this topic referred to "older men" as being 45 - 60...now..I am about to turn 45 in March...but I don't consider myself "old", nor will I refer to myself as such.

I prefer "Previously Enjoyed Companion"

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Post #: 53

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 8:14:24 AM

LaTigresse

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Hey, I am feeling positive ancient now! And, since my girl is 23.........like an old pervert.

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Post #: 54

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 8:28:07 AM

antipode

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quote:

someone who has made it into their 40's (or older) without having a long-term relationship likely does have some sort of substantial issues.

Duh. It isn't that I can't understand what you mean, but I could sit here all day and draw up long lists of statements like that. Anyone who made it into their 50's and still lives in the same county has issues. Anyone who made it into their 50's and still has a ponytail has issues. Etc.

I can, of course, only speak for myself, not for anybody else. I got bored with vanilla, and enjoyed playing the field. And as I got older and wiser (one hopes ;)) and then got bought out, twice, I ended up up picky and cautious, as eight out of ten eligible (for me) women appear to be golddiggers. Some may not be, but I am not all that interested in finding out the hard way.

I am unaware of any issues I may have that preclude me from having a love relationship. Having said that, if we're spending time together provided you can find a dogsitter, or bring the critter, you've just fired yourself out of my life. I used to think that was normal, today I think it is ludicrous. I just find most of these relationships cumbersome, requiring more compromise than I am really interested in, and I have a few exes who have become close friends, that's like my comfort food.

I simply want it the way I want it, and the last woman I thudded in love with, who set my loins on a five alarm fire, was in an existing relationship, and I just did not feel like peeling her husband off her back, something that ten years earlier I absolutely would have done, G*d was she hot! At least two relationships bombed because I do not want children, never did, and I went and had a vasectomy when I was in my thirties, so I could be in control of that. You have no idea how many women feel that is a deal breaker, even if they originally said they did not care. They do weird stuff, these chicks - my main squeeze called me up while I was in Asia, told me she'd got pregnant by her boyfriend, and did I mind if she had the baby? We had an open relationship, so there weren't any issues with her having a boyfriend.

So I said I did not mind, I could not ethically tell a woman to get rid of an embryo, right, but I wanted the father's name on the birth certificate, and I would not spend a penny on the child, she'd have to sort that out with the co-creator (who was married, and loaded). She called me back a couple of days later, and told me she'd had an abortion. Eventually, the urge got too strong, we split, I helped her move back into Manhattan, and she is now married to the guy and has kids - her own, and then a couple of his earlier ones, as well (his wife by now had died, and he was no longer worried about ending up in the gossip column of the New York Post). And they're happy, and I am happy.

Did not mean to write an essay,I just do not think you can generalize in this manner. I have plenty of offers. I just have not run into anybody that really rocks my world, these past years, and I absolutely have no desire to compromise. I am attractive, I am loaded, I like my life, and I will handle it the way I have handled my career - it has to be right, my way or the highway. Accuse me of being selfish, arrogant, whatever, but "issues"? I am not aware of any - and I don't believe that man's allotted place in this world is as a monogamous partner.

Sure, I have looked at my functioning, one wants to know one is on the right track. I found there is plenty of solid scientific evidence that concludes that humans are actually not programmed for monogamy and permanent (love) relationships. Researchers at the University of Edinborough have established that women who are in a long term steady relationship will, given sexual access to other men, flush their own partner's sperm out of the vagina - something that some scientists accept as proof that nature prefers diversity. Which makes sense. Look at hunter-gatherers. K'ung women live in a family group, and do not have a single partner, but will procreate with multiple men out of their clan (not with outsiders). There is every reason to assume we are actually wired for that, and that monogamity is probably an evolutionary defensive mechanism against infectious sexually transmitted diseases. And if that is what it is, then not having a permanent relationship all the time would be proof of wisdom and maturity. It is not the same as never having a love relationship, is that maybe what you are really after?

Off the soap box.....

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 55

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 8:29:14 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

I don't consider myself "old"

Like it or not, "oldness" is in the brain of the beholder....

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 56

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 8:33:08 AM

Wickad

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(fast reply)

Greetings,

Let me preface this by saying that I've only read the first page of this thread, but ....

I have to disagree with the overall consensus that seems to be displayed thus far.

I have a good friend who is not quite as old as the OP has encountered but definitely older than 30. We've had long talks about his fore into BDSM and this is what he told me (paraphrased of course). He was married and then discovered his interest in BDSM, so he got divorced because his wife wasn't interested and he was interested in compromising his morals to satisfy who he was. He was, and is, not looking for a romantic style relationship. He is looking for a relationship based on power exchange. He is not looking for love or a life companion. He is looking for a slave. Owning a slave requires commitment but it does not require love or romantic overtones.

To the OP, perhaps the men you are encountering are not looking for a romantic or love relationship. Perhaps they've had that, been there, and not interested in doing that again. Perhaps the younger men you have had contact with are still seeking that love, romantic connection. Maybe it's just a difference in priority or 'wants' and not so much a failing in 'older' men.

Just some food for thought,
Wickad

PS - my friend did find a slave who was interested in the type of relationship he wanted - she is substantially younger than he is. He is still seeking to expand his poly household.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 57

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 11:00:41 AM

JRiddle

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From: Brevard County, Florida, USA
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Age, experience, and life lessons all build together a solid foundation to live ones life. At some point, the foundation solidifies and cements certain things into place. A person can only be annoyed by something for a certain time span before they decide it cannot happen again. If one has be stung by a gold-digger or two, they may be very cautious to not allow it to happen again. The same goes for those who's time was waisted by others. When we meet these people, their self-defense posture may disturb us if we fail to see the reasons behind it. As people mature, often times, they become very willing to be very blunt and upfront with their thoughts and opinions. My great grandmother was very blunt in her 80's. She told many of her granddaughters that they had gained weight or were chubby during her final years. At that time, I doubt she had the energy or inclination to attempt subtlety. Who am I to say this behavior was wrong? The age when the foundation becomes solid is not a constant. At the age of 27, I have no personal experience with intimate relationships, but have observed others enough to know without a doubt certain criteria for my life partner. Foolish pride, uncontrolled emotions, and selfishness is unacceptable to me. I am instantly turned off by women who display these character traits.

The internet has all kinds of people. There are young people and old who demonstrate the characteristics that you abhor. By the same token, there are others of all ages that do not. What you seek is what you shall find.

Best of luck in the future!

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Post #: 58

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 11:06:52 AM

clearlyme12

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As a woman who likes older men, i have found that there is a niche age. Men around my age until their mid thirties (not being ageist here) are what i would call inexperienced in life. Many of them havent come across "hard knocks", and though im all for training doms, i like a man who is experineced enough to know what we offer each other. But on the other side of the spectrum, the older ones....i.e. over 55, i find dont want to engage in the "courting" as it were. They dont want to get to know who theyre talking to, one bloke said "lives too short" and mt reply was, so would mine be in you turned out to be an axe murderer. They want to meet straight away, the expect sex....be in oral etc the first time we meet. Now am i being naive in thinking this isnt a good idea. We dont live in a perfect world. We love in a world where there are rapists, murderers, etc around. If this was in the vanilla world, and a woman met a bloke at a bar, then had sex that night, she'd be called *rude* names. Why is it so different in this lifestyle. Are we expected to act differently because we're different??? So is it that all they are after is sex....to me bdsm is sooooooooooo much more than sex....and thats how it should be

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 59

RE: Does age have anything to do with it? - 2/6/2009 12:53:21 PM

tornaway

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I suspect that life experience is more the culprit here , than an age factor . Some folks lead relatively sheltered lives - most of their lives . Or they have little exposure to the internet . Or are minimally curious about learning much outside their own immediate world.

Occasionally , I've seen this sort of "clueless" come on in a wide range of ages - and both genders. None of them get very far ! Ugh.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 60

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