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DavanKael -> RE: Does age have anything to do with it? (2/8/2009 9:36:22 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: antipode
quote:
someone who has made it into their 40's (or older) without having a long-term relationship likely does have some sort of substantial issues.
Duh. It isn't that I can't understand what you mean, but I could sit here all day and draw up long lists of statements like that. Anyone who made it into their 50's and still lives in the same county has issues. Anyone who made it into their 50's and still has a ponytail has issues. Etc.
I can, of course, only speak for myself, not for anybody else. I got bored with vanilla, and enjoyed playing the field. And as I got older and wiser (one hopes ;)) and then got bought out, twice, I ended up up picky and cautious, as eight out of ten eligible (for me) women appear to be golddiggers. Some may not be, but I am not all that interested in finding out the hard way.
I am unaware of any issues I may have that preclude me from having a love relationship. Having said that, if we're spending time together provided you can find a dogsitter, or bring the critter, you've just fired yourself out of my life. I used to think that was normal, today I think it is ludicrous. I just find most of these relationships cumbersome, requiring more compromise than I am really interested in, and I have a few exes who have become close friends, that's like my comfort food.
I simply want it the way I want it, and the last woman I thudded in love with, who set my loins on a five alarm fire, was in an existing relationship, and I just did not feel like peeling her husband off her back, something that ten years earlier I absolutely would have done, G*d was she hot! At least two relationships bombed because I do not want children, never did, and I went and had a vasectomy when I was in my thirties, so I could be in control of that. You have no idea how many women feel that is a deal breaker, even if they originally said they did not care. They do weird stuff, these chicks - my main squeeze called me up while I was in Asia, told me she'd got pregnant by her boyfriend, and did I mind if she had the baby? We had an open relationship, so there weren't any issues with her having a boyfriend.
So I said I did not mind, I could not ethically tell a woman to get rid of an embryo, right, but I wanted the father's name on the birth certificate, and I would not spend a penny on the child, she'd have to sort that out with the co-creator (who was married, and loaded). She called me back a couple of days later, and told me she'd had an abortion. Eventually, the urge got too strong, we split, I helped her move back into Manhattan, and she is now married to the guy and has kids - her own, and then a couple of his earlier ones, as well (his wife by now had died, and he was no longer worried about ending up in the gossip column of the New York Post). And they're happy, and I am happy.
Did not mean to write an essay,I just do not think you can generalize in this manner. I have plenty of offers. I just have not run into anybody that really rocks my world, these past years, and I absolutely have no desire to compromise. I am attractive, I am loaded, I like my life, and I will handle it the way I have handled my career - it has to be right, my way or the highway. Accuse me of being selfish, arrogant, whatever, but "issues"? I am not aware of any - and I don't believe that man's allotted place in this world is as a monogamous partner.
Sure, I have looked at my functioning, one wants to know one is on the right track. I found there is plenty of solid scientific evidence that concludes that humans are actually not programmed for monogamy and permanent (love) relationships. Researchers at the University of Edinborough have established that women who are in a long term steady relationship will, given sexual access to other men, flush their own partner's sperm out of the vagina - something that some scientists accept as proof that nature prefers diversity. Which makes sense. Look at hunter-gatherers. K'ung women live in a family group, and do not have a single partner, but will procreate with multiple men out of their clan (not with outsiders). There is every reason to assume we are actually wired for that, and that monogamity is probably an evolutionary defensive mechanism against infectious sexually transmitted diseases. And if that is what it is, then not having a permanent relationship all the time would be proof of wisdom and maturity. It is not the same as never having a love relationship, is that maybe what you are really after?
Off the soap box.....
Hi, antipode----
I don't know you, so I can only look at what you wrote. As I said, we all have issues but you de-contextualized my post, which also included statements about a person having traits that would make them a less-than-desirable partner. You mentioned a number of things that could make you a good partner for a person, you also mentioned a number of things that, were I to encounter, I would be wondering at deal-breaking potential level issues including substantial emphasis on protection of finances, lack of willingness to compromise, and overall desire for a rather high level of control (That I would not necessarily attribute to power exchange dynamics). < shrug > I don't know you. Those are just guesses and thoughts, again, there are positives that you mentioned too.
I think it rather far-fetched to suggest that monogamy is an evolutionary trait developed to avoid STD's; afterall, most STD's don't kill a person nor do they, immediately at least, render an individual unable to procreate. More likely, serial monogamy is likely the biological fare that nature makes humans most likely to gravitate toward takes into consideration time for impregnation, gestation, protection of mate and progeny until the progeny's likely to survive, then nature creates that little 'itch' that says 'spread the seed elsewhere'. 'Course, we are also the 'thinking animal', so the choice of monogamy (Or not...as, you've likely gleaned, if you're familiar with my posts, that I don't assume that monogamy's the only potentially valid way to go) is just that, a choice.
And, sure, you can add to my assertion that if someone's made it to their 40's and not had a love relationship, I would consider them to have issues too; and place that within the context of my original post in the thread as well.
Davan
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