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Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 3:18:41 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		I have not been here in a while, a big Aloha to every one I have missed.

Ok my question.

How do you feel about a 40 year old, training a 19 year old in the ways of leather and the lifestyle and to be my houseboy.

My houseboy is moving to another island, and so I threw out a call on Cl and got some great responses, young and old.

If you know me at all you know I am pretty dedicated to bdsm education and out reach for all who are interested.

Anyway one boy wrote and has a sincere interest in his heart, and we met for coffee, he was adorable and very submissive hearted.

We played, it was fun, and now I am puzzling weather I should take this on.

Cons: He lives with his parents, He is so young can he really make good decisions about his sexual and emotional health?
Pros: he is sweet and submissive and searching....

Here is what I am thinking, "god I wish I met someone like me when I was his age, Someone to take me under their wing and steward me in the ways of what was to become the most satisfying part of my life.

Also "He is going to be kinky his whole life that is not going to change, I am not corrupting him, by giving him a channel to put that energy"

But I don't want to be mi-optic in my thinking here, so jump in with your thoughts please.

I have told him that I do not want to be exposed in anyway to his parents and to his friends and I have asked him to start a LJ


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."



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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 3:22:46 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		what is a LJ?

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 3:24:52 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		If hes happy then its fine.

19 he can make fine decisions, sure they wont always be right but still you live and learn. The problem with the parents, are they aware of his choices etc? Mine are so that they dont worry, I think thats only fair.

I am sure you can offer him lots, but try to not be patronising to him. Maturity doesnt always match age. I wouldnt like to think someone was saying "aww im going to take her under my wing and teach her how to be her". All realtionships teach all people things. If you like him and he likes you then thats what is important not how much more worldly wise you are. Chances are he already has a pretty good idea about what he wants if he is even talking to you.

I remember when I was 19 it wasnt all that long ago at all, I am sure I have changed since then but I dont look back at me then and think awww bless how innocent I was. Who I am now is simply a development of my choices then so who I am now is who I wanted to be then.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 3:28:32 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		LJ is a blog where a Lot of kinky folks go to talk about things and network....a lot of folks I know in the scene have LJs and it is fun to stay in touch that way.

In this case I am using it as a Journal, you can lock it so that only the folks you want to read it can...and that is what i am having him do, this way it his journal entries are not as easily findable by folks in his life that wont understand.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to JustDarkness)
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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 3:32:01 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		I appreciate your view point but No, after hours of emails and in person talking I can say he really is nieve and brand spanking new....Like you, I was pretty hip to this life by the time I was 14, this boy however is not like we were.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to colouredin)
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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 3:33:18 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Well then you just treat him as you would any new person, with a bit more caution I guess. But even if new he wants it for a reason

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 3:37:44 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Yeah I hear you, I am also thinking about the work involved and emotional investment....what are your thoughts on how to keep him from getting too emotionally attached?

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 3:38:42 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Ha sorry but you cant, first D/s relationships stays with you forever, I still get butterflies when i think of mine and it was over two years ago now.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 3:39:13 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		LOL true... thanks for your input...

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 4:07:59 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		ct: ( welcome back by the way)--you've been around enough to weed out the flakes-you are wise enough to understand and articulate the pros and cons and mature enough to handle what may come.
 
Only you can make the decision, just keep your eyes open and your wits sharp.
 
Good Luck!
 

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 4:42:03 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He lives with his parents. They are going to be asking him where he is going, who he is seeing, etc. How can he answer these questions honestly without upsetting them? Or are you going to teach him how to lie to them?

For me, this is the crux of the problem. Won't they want to know who is this woman he is spending all his time with and how will they react when they discover she's more than twice his age? What will the fallout be for him? Will he be given an ultimatum, lose his home, lose his relationship with them?

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 4:54:47 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I would firstly make absolutely sure that he is of legal age. If he is then why not explore this relationship.
I made great decisions at 18 and lousy ones at 38. It's not an age issue, but a maturity issue.

And I disagree with the comment about your first d/s relationship staying with you forever. My first and second have been overshadowed by my third so much so that I never give them a second thought...

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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 7:03:31 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Personally I think it's more a problem for  you than for him. At 19 don't expect him to stick around for long..he's 19 and he's looking for some fun and experimentation in his life like he should. At 19 that's what you do.

Don't expect for it to last very long and don't get hooked on him.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 7:32:55 AM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		I don't see anything wrong with the age gap, which seemed to be part of what was concerning you, but, yes, how to explain the relationship the two of you (will) share could be a challenge.

If you want to pursue a friendship/relationship/whatever, be prepared for some stranger off-scene looks, but, most of the relationships I interact with on scene have age gaps like this one, so, tis nothing unusual for me.

Inexperience... be patient, because finding your feet in everything can be hard, even when you know where you're wanting to go and having someone showing you the way.

I really have no idea what I'm saying now.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 7:56:19 AM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He lives with his parents. They are going to be asking him where he is going, who he is seeing, etc. How can he answer these questions honestly without upsetting them? Or are you going to teach him how to lie to them?

For me, this is the crux of the problem. Won't they want to know who is this woman he is spending all his time with and how will they react when they discover she's more than twice his age? What will the fallout be for him? Will he be given an ultimatum, lose his home, lose his relationship with them?


I agree.  It seems that perhaps part of the allure may be the "taboo" factor of eluding the dreaded parents.   You are making plans and excuses around being able to conduct an adult relationship.  This feels like when I start working around all the little inconveniences of my car, i.e. the door locks are sticky, I have to jiggle the handles, in order to start it I have to turn off the radio, etc... When I realize that I am working too hard to just drive my car, it's time for a new car.  Your relationship might just be my car, in a sense.  I think you should get a hybrid.   ;) 

yours


_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 9:25:20 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Thank you!

Good advice...

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 9:30:36 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Yes this is the crux of the problem, the parents....and no I dont want him to lie to them, but you are right there is no alternative.

I will ask him more about that part. I realised that it is not about the age...Its about the parents.

He is coming up today to do some building stuff, lets see how he is as a worker and how he gets along with the other subs in a work environment.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 9:34:58 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Great point about seeing his ID Aileen.

And I cand see the first relationship not having to make a huge impact it is good to hear that it was not like that for you.




_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 9:38:49 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		 
I dont tend toward a lot of emotional investment in my subs, some yes, of course, but I dont see them as capital R reltionships unless there is something else there too.

But the more I think about the parent thing...the more I am thinking its just too much potential exposure and deceptivness.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to IvyMorgan)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Curious what you all think...esp younger folks - 2/8/2009 9:44:04 AM   
TheBadAngel


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		I think if it's "ok" with the two of you, then it's "ok".

As long as you have his best interests at heart, who wouldn't want some one more experienced to help guide their journey into finding themselves.

Sounds fantastic to me.  For the both of you.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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