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SylvereApLeanan -> RE: A gift! is it thus or not? (2/8/2009 4:20:00 PM)
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~FR~
I blogged about this topic a couple of months ago. Here's my take on it:
Submission is not a gift.
From my observation, there are two dominant (pardon the pun) schools of thought regarding the significance of submission. The first is comprised of those who believe submission is a gift and should be treasured for the mere fact of its existence. The second is made up of those who feel submission is owed to the dominant by the mere fact of his/her dominance.
As one of the rarest of rare birds when it comes to how I view the world, I fall into neither camp. I can say with conviction that I do not believe I am owed anything by anyone. Certainly not by a submissive person with whom I've not so much as exchanged email. When I walk into a room, I don't expect the subs to fall to their knees and make obeisance to me as I sweep past. That's just silly.
However, I also don't accept that submission is a gift. I've noticed a lot of submissive women wield the romantic, if misguided, notion of their submission as a holy grail, which they will only bestow upon the most worthy of dominants after said dominant has slain the dragon of the submissive's emotional baggage.
Let's be realistic, shall we?
A gift is something given without expectation of receiving anything in return. This does not describe submission in the context of a BDSM relationship. In truth, the submissive has very high expectations. She expects to be treated as well (or as poorly) as needed to fulfill her fantasies. She expects to be bound, beaten, and buggered. Or she expects to be grabbed by the hair and forced to her knees where she will scrub floors naked, her ankles chained, until it's time to serve her master his pre-dinner cocktail. Or she expects to be cuddled, coddled, and treated like Daddy's baby girl.
At the end of the day, she expects to be cared for, to be valued (if simultaneously degraded and humilated), and to have her physical and emotional needs met by the dominant she has chosen. I believe it is safe to say she does not submit without a single, fleeting thought for her own needs and desires. She expects something in return for her service. Therefore, her submission is not a gift.
If you expect to get something of value from your submission -- to have your fantasies fulfilled, to achieve sexual gratification, to establish an emotional connection of any sort with a dominant -- neither is yours. Don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise. I view the Mistress/slave dynamic as a partnership. We both give and we both receive something of value.
Submission is not a gift -- it is one half of a symbiotic relationship.
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