quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

I maybe am niave or immature w.e ...that's prolly why having that kind of person in my life freaked me out so much.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

He's an asshole. Emotionally abusive, and would have been physically abusive if you'd continued.

Anytime someone says you can't have any limits, BOLT. You can and should, have sensible limits. I mean, no limits means he could just kill you, right? Or how about if he just decides to chop off a few fingers, your hand, arm, or whatever, because you're "not allowed" to have any limits?! C'mon.

I think YourHandMyAss has it in her sig line, something to this effect: just because you are in a BDSM relationship, does not mean you can just stop using your common sense.

You need to make sure that before you open yourself up for another possible relationship, you develop some good confidence and self esteem, and your asshole detector is in the "on" position.

Take time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

I maybe am niave or immature w.e ...that's prolly why having that kind of person in my life freaked me out so much.

First of all if you got into private COLLEGES with that spelling, I'd be dumbfound--3.78GPA? hmmm
 
You dangled the carrot, be mature enough to fix it, as I said if your toys aren't big enough neither is the sandbox.

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

k thanks

he did send out warning vibes

telling me i'd have to say yes to being gang raped.
lol

Well, that idea could not been that bad for you, or you would not even considered having him as a friend.

eh..... i talked a lot to him in the past before i figured things out about him..... i'm the kind of person that likes to be civil with people it's just easier that way ..for me anyways. esp that dude.

sigh. i hear excuses from you. Not one to take responsibility. Also one to post someone's messages on a board and then scream victim. uggg 

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

< sighs and takes a look at the ceiling before responding > 
There's this thing called the Cycle of Abuse.  There's the Honeymoon Stage, the Tension (-Building) Stage, and the Explosion Stage.  Between each is a period of decision-making that perpetuates movement to the next stage of the Cycle. 
What you're describing isn't a D/s relationship, it's an abusive relationship.  And, you're perpetuating it via going back for his attention over and over again.  Cut it out!  Seriously. 
I used to run groups for court-ordered domestic-violence offenders.  If there weren't pathological personality-types that went back to them, the offenders wouldn't have had anyone to abuse.  And, most of these lovely folks had ums which made me even more appalled.  I wouldn't have worked with the victims because I would have wound up throttling someone.  At least with the offenders, the potential for them going to jail was some level of recourse if they didn't exert effort toward change. 
Why am I going off on you?  Because you're 18 and you need to stop it before it becomes a life-long habit.  Work on whatever about yourself that needs working on before you continue this Cycle in perpetuity. 
Again, this isn't D/s, it's abuse and there IS a difference. 
Davan

quote:

ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45

If you are afraid of your Dom run like hell.  It is one thing to enjoy having fear induced during a scene, it is another to fear the one you select as a Dom.  By the way this is my opinion and others may disagree, but I find the whole no limits to be a bunch of BS. Everyone has limits and they need to be respected. I will as a Dominant try to push, bend, warp limits into non-limits but I would never in seriousness tell a sub they had no limits. Within in scene play that is a different, but I am assuming you are not talking about a scene but his telling you that you had no right to have limits - BS.

The only way I can lead my sub to soar above the heavens is for him/her to trust me implicitly and without reservation. To know that I will keep them safe even when they feel like they fall.  That is my gift and duty in return for their gift of submission.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

< sighs and takes a look at the ceiling before responding > 
There's this thing called the Cycle of Abuse.  There's the Honeymoon Stage, the Tension (-Building) Stage, and the Explosion Stage.  Between each is a period of decision-making that perpetuates movement to the next stage of the Cycle. 
What you're describing isn't a D/s relationship, it's an abusive relationship.  And, you're perpetuating it via going back for his attention over and over again.  Cut it out!  Seriously. 
I used to run groups for court-ordered domestic-violence offenders.  If there weren't pathological personality-types that went back to them, the offenders wouldn't have had anyone to abuse.  And, most of these lovely folks had ums which made me even more appalled.  I wouldn't have worked with the victims because I would have wound up throttling someone.  At least with the offenders, the potential for them going to jail was some level of recourse if they didn't exert effort toward change. 
Why am I going off on you?  Because you're 18 and you need to stop it before it becomes a life-long habit.  Work on whatever about yourself that needs working on before you continue this Cycle in perpetuity. 
Again, this isn't D/s, it's abuse and there IS a difference. 
Davan

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

I maybe am niave or immature w.e ...that's prolly why having that kind of person in my life freaked me out so much.

First of all if you got into private COLLEGES with that spelling, I'd be dumbfound--3.78GPA? hmmm
 
You dangled the carrot, be mature enough to fix it, as I said if your toys aren't big enough neither is the sandbox.

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuixoticErrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

< sighs and takes a look at the ceiling before responding > 
There's this thing called the Cycle of Abuse.  There's the Honeymoon Stage, the Tension (-Building) Stage, and the Explosion Stage.  Between each is a period of decision-making that perpetuates movement to the next stage of the Cycle. 
What you're describing isn't a D/s relationship, it's an abusive relationship.  And, you're perpetuating it via going back for his attention over and over again.  Cut it out!  Seriously. 
I used to run groups for court-ordered domestic-violence offenders.  If there weren't pathological personality-types that went back to them, the offenders wouldn't have had anyone to abuse.  And, most of these lovely folks had ums which made me even more appalled.  I wouldn't have worked with the victims because I would have wound up throttling someone.  At least with the offenders, the potential for them going to jail was some level of recourse if they didn't exert effort toward change. 
Why am I going off on you?  Because you're 18 and you need to stop it before it becomes a life-long habit.  Work on whatever about yourself that needs working on before you continue this Cycle in perpetuity. 
Again, this isn't D/s, it's abuse and there IS a difference. 
Davan

This is what I am trying to say - but a bit more gently...

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

< sighs and takes a look at the ceiling before responding > 
There's this thing called the Cycle of Abuse.  There's the Honeymoon Stage, the Tension (-Building) Stage, and the Explosion Stage.  Between each is a period of decision-making that perpetuates movement to the next stage of the Cycle. 
What you're describing isn't a D/s relationship, it's an abusive relationship.  And, you're perpetuating it via going back for his attention over and over again.  Cut it out!  Seriously. 
I used to run groups for court-ordered domestic-violence offenders.  If there weren't pathological personality-types that went back to them, the offenders wouldn't have had anyone to abuse.  And, most of these lovely folks had ums which made me even more appalled.  I wouldn't have worked with the victims because I would have wound up throttling someone.  At least with the offenders, the potential for them going to jail was some level of recourse if they didn't exert effort toward change. 
Why am I going off on you?  Because you're 18 and you need to stop it before it becomes a life-long habit.  Work on whatever about yourself that needs working on before you continue this Cycle in perpetuity. 
Again, this isn't D/s, it's abuse and there IS a difference. 
Davan

thanks for being blunt ....bec what you said is all true.. i agree with you
and the only person who can keep that from happening to me..is myself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuixoticErrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

< sighs and takes a look at the ceiling before responding > 
There's this thing called the Cycle of Abuse.  There's the Honeymoon Stage, the Tension (-Building) Stage, and the Explosion Stage.  Between each is a period of decision-making that perpetuates movement to the next stage of the Cycle. 
What you're describing isn't a D/s relationship, it's an abusive relationship.  And, you're perpetuating it via going back for his attention over and over again.  Cut it out!  Seriously. 
I used to run groups for court-ordered domestic-violence offenders.  If there weren't pathological personality-types that went back to them, the offenders wouldn't have had anyone to abuse.  And, most of these lovely folks had ums which made me even more appalled.  I wouldn't have worked with the victims because I would have wound up throttling someone.  At least with the offenders, the potential for them going to jail was some level of recourse if they didn't exert effort toward change. 
Why am I going off on you?  Because you're 18 and you need to stop it before it becomes a life-long habit.  Work on whatever about yourself that needs working on before you continue this Cycle in perpetuity. 
Again, this isn't D/s, it's abuse and there IS a difference. 
Davan

This is what I am trying to say - but a bit more gently...

Problem is, I'm already seeing the cry of 'victim' and it's a label that is a choice to, among other things, absolve one of personal responsibility.  Nope.  Not feeding into it.  Victim does not equal no responsibility.  Submissive doesn't equal no responsibility.  And, while the directness with which I speak may be off-putting, the op is at an age where the grown-up world is a reality and has the opportunity to make the hard choice to shake off the mantle of 'victim' and take responsibility for how she walks forward.  I hope that she uses her inner resources to do so. 
Davan