quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuixoticErrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

< sighs and takes a look at the ceiling before responding > 
There's this thing called the Cycle of Abuse.  There's the Honeymoon Stage, the Tension (-Building) Stage, and the Explosion Stage.  Between each is a period of decision-making that perpetuates movement to the next stage of the Cycle. 
What you're describing isn't a D/s relationship, it's an abusive relationship.  And, you're perpetuating it via going back for his attention over and over again.  Cut it out!  Seriously. 
I used to run groups for court-ordered domestic-violence offenders.  If there weren't pathological personality-types that went back to them, the offenders wouldn't have had anyone to abuse.  And, most of these lovely folks had ums which made me even more appalled.  I wouldn't have worked with the victims because I would have wound up throttling someone.  At least with the offenders, the potential for them going to jail was some level of recourse if they didn't exert effort toward change. 
Why am I going off on you?  Because you're 18 and you need to stop it before it becomes a life-long habit.  Work on whatever about yourself that needs working on before you continue this Cycle in perpetuity. 
Again, this isn't D/s, it's abuse and there IS a difference. 
Davan

This is what I am trying to say - but a bit more gently...

Problem is, I'm already seeing the cry of 'victim' and it's a label that is a choice to, among other things, absolve one of personal responsibility.  Nope.  Not feeding into it.  Victim does not equal no responsibility.  Submissive doesn't equal no responsibility.  And, while the directness with which I speak may be off-putting, the op is at an age where the grown-up world is a reality and has the opportunity to make the hard choice to shake off the mantle of 'victim' and take responsibility for how she walks forward.  I hope that she uses her inner resources to do so. 
Davan

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

< sighs and takes a look at the ceiling before responding > 
There's this thing called the Cycle of Abuse.  There's the Honeymoon Stage, the Tension (-Building) Stage, and the Explosion Stage.  Between each is a period of decision-making that perpetuates movement to the next stage of the Cycle. 
What you're describing isn't a D/s relationship, it's an abusive relationship.  And, you're perpetuating it via going back for his attention over and over again.  Cut it out!  Seriously. 
I used to run groups for court-ordered domestic-violence offenders.  If there weren't pathological personality-types that went back to them, the offenders wouldn't have had anyone to abuse.  And, most of these lovely folks had ums which made me even more appalled.  I wouldn't have worked with the victims because I would have wound up throttling someone.  At least with the offenders, the potential for them going to jail was some level of recourse if they didn't exert effort toward change. 
Why am I going off on you?  Because you're 18 and you need to stop it before it becomes a life-long habit.  Work on whatever about yourself that needs working on before you continue this Cycle in perpetuity. 
Again, this isn't D/s, it's abuse and there IS a difference. 
Davan

thanks for being blunt ....bec what you said is all true.. i agree with you
and the only person who can keep that from happening to me..is myself.

You're welcome.  Rock that thought process, stick with it, and you'll be just fine!  (The part about you preventing bad things from happening via not feeding into the Cycle, though I'm rarely averse to hearing that I'm right, lol!  :>  ).  And, if you don't know how to work on/through the issues that make such a person a draw, say so.  Resources are out there. 
Davan

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuixoticErrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

< sighs and takes a look at the ceiling before responding > 
There's this thing called the Cycle of Abuse.  There's the Honeymoon Stage, the Tension (-Building) Stage, and the Explosion Stage.  Between each is a period of decision-making that perpetuates movement to the next stage of the Cycle. 
What you're describing isn't a D/s relationship, it's an abusive relationship.  And, you're perpetuating it via going back for his attention over and over again.  Cut it out!  Seriously. 
I used to run groups for court-ordered domestic-violence offenders.  If there weren't pathological personality-types that went back to them, the offenders wouldn't have had anyone to abuse.  And, most of these lovely folks had ums which made me even more appalled.  I wouldn't have worked with the victims because I would have wound up throttling someone.  At least with the offenders, the potential for them going to jail was some level of recourse if they didn't exert effort toward change. 
Why am I going off on you?  Because you're 18 and you need to stop it before it becomes a life-long habit.  Work on whatever about yourself that needs working on before you continue this Cycle in perpetuity. 
Again, this isn't D/s, it's abuse and there IS a difference. 
Davan

This is what I am trying to say - but a bit more gently...

Problem is, I'm already seeing the cry of 'victim' and it's a label that is a choice to, among other things, absolve one of personal responsibility.  Nope.  Not feeding into it.  Victim does not equal no responsibility.  Submissive doesn't equal no responsibility.  And, while the directness with which I speak may be off-putting, the op is at an age where the grown-up world is a reality and has the opportunity to make the hard choice to shake off the mantle of 'victim' and take responsibility for how she walks forward.  I hope that she uses her inner resources to do so. 
Davan

.......i am tkaing responisbiltiy...is my fault i let him do that i let him in my life not only that let him come back into my life.

in no ways am i saying it wasnt any of my fault cause it was...but that doesn't mean it didn't scare me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

< sighs and takes a look at the ceiling before responding > 
There's this thing called the Cycle of Abuse.  There's the Honeymoon Stage, the Tension (-Building) Stage, and the Explosion Stage.  Between each is a period of decision-making that perpetuates movement to the next stage of the Cycle. 
What you're describing isn't a D/s relationship, it's an abusive relationship.  And, you're perpetuating it via going back for his attention over and over again.  Cut it out!  Seriously. 
I used to run groups for court-ordered domestic-violence offenders.  If there weren't pathological personality-types that went back to them, the offenders wouldn't have had anyone to abuse.  And, most of these lovely folks had ums which made me even more appalled.  I wouldn't have worked with the victims because I would have wound up throttling someone.  At least with the offenders, the potential for them going to jail was some level of recourse if they didn't exert effort toward change. 
Why am I going off on you?  Because you're 18 and you need to stop it before it becomes a life-long habit.  Work on whatever about yourself that needs working on before you continue this Cycle in perpetuity. 
Again, this isn't D/s, it's abuse and there IS a difference. 
Davan

thanks for being blunt ....bec what you said is all true.. i agree with you
and the only person who can keep that from happening to me..is myself.

You're welcome.  Rock that thought process, stick with it, and you'll be just fine!  (The part about you preventing bad things from happening via not feeding into the Cycle, though I'm rarely averse to hearing that I'm right, lol!  :>  ).  And, if you don't know how to work on/through the issues that make such a person a draw, say so.  Resources are out there. 
Davan

Thank you...and yup of course.. i've figured out in my little time of life i've had that being independent means sometimes knowing when to ask for help and knowing where to get it.
:) 

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

< sighs and takes a look at the ceiling before responding > 
There's this thing called the Cycle of Abuse.  There's the Honeymoon Stage, the Tension (-Building) Stage, and the Explosion Stage.  Between each is a period of decision-making that perpetuates movement to the next stage of the Cycle. 
What you're describing isn't a D/s relationship, it's an abusive relationship.  And, you're perpetuating it via going back for his attention over and over again.  Cut it out!  Seriously. 
I used to run groups for court-ordered domestic-violence offenders.  If there weren't pathological personality-types that went back to them, the offenders wouldn't have had anyone to abuse.  And, most of these lovely folks had ums which made me even more appalled.  I wouldn't have worked with the victims because I would have wound up throttling someone.  At least with the offenders, the potential for them going to jail was some level of recourse if they didn't exert effort toward change. 
Why am I going off on you?  Because you're 18 and you need to stop it before it becomes a life-long habit.  Work on whatever about yourself that needs working on before you continue this Cycle in perpetuity. 
Again, this isn't D/s, it's abuse and there IS a difference. 
Davan

thanks for being blunt ....bec what you said is all true.. i agree with you
and the only person who can keep that from happening to me..is myself.

You're welcome.  Rock that thought process, stick with it, and you'll be just fine!  (The part about you preventing bad things from happening via not feeding into the Cycle, though I'm rarely averse to hearing that I'm right, lol!  :>  ).  And, if you don't know how to work on/through the issues that make such a person a draw, say so.  Resources are out there. 
Davan

Thank you...and yup of course.. i've figured out in my little time of life i've had that being independent means sometimes knowing when to ask for help and knowing where to get it.
:) 

So, you're good on resources in your area?
Davan

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

< sighs and takes a look at the ceiling before responding > 
There's this thing called the Cycle of Abuse.  There's the Honeymoon Stage, the Tension (-Building) Stage, and the Explosion Stage.  Between each is a period of decision-making that perpetuates movement to the next stage of the Cycle. 
What you're describing isn't a D/s relationship, it's an abusive relationship.  And, you're perpetuating it via going back for his attention over and over again.  Cut it out!  Seriously. 
I used to run groups for court-ordered domestic-violence offenders.  If there weren't pathological personality-types that went back to them, the offenders wouldn't have had anyone to abuse.  And, most of these lovely folks had ums which made me even more appalled.  I wouldn't have worked with the victims because I would have wound up throttling someone.  At least with the offenders, the potential for them going to jail was some level of recourse if they didn't exert effort toward change. 
Why am I going off on you?  Because you're 18 and you need to stop it before it becomes a life-long habit.  Work on whatever about yourself that needs working on before you continue this Cycle in perpetuity. 
Again, this isn't D/s, it's abuse and there IS a difference. 
Davan

thanks for being blunt ....bec what you said is all true.. i agree with you
and the only person who can keep that from happening to me..is myself.

You're welcome.  Rock that thought process, stick with it, and you'll be just fine!  (The part about you preventing bad things from happening via not feeding into the Cycle, though I'm rarely averse to hearing that I'm right, lol!  :>  ).  And, if you don't know how to work on/through the issues that make such a person a draw, say so.  Resources are out there. 
Davan

Thank you...and yup of course.. i've figured out in my little time of life i've had that being independent means sometimes knowing when to ask for help and knowing where to get it.
:) 

So, you're good on resources in your area?
Davan

well i know where to find help if i have questions and when to ask.

quote:

ORIGINAL: flamingpuppets

I think in all honesty, he is an insecure pompous ass, and your spelling does not make you appear very intelligent. 

quote:

n this web site, you failed to capitalize the word Wednesday. In another post you forgot to capitalize the first word in a sentence (But), and forgot the punctuation at the end of that same sentence. Do we really want to play this game?

quote:

ORIGINAL: E2Sweet

quote:

ORIGINAL: flamingpuppets

I think in all honesty, he is an insecure pompous ass, and your spelling does not make you appear very intelligent. 

In another post on this web site, you failed to capitalize the word Wednesday. In another post you forgot to capitalize the first word in a sentence (But), and forgot the punctuation at the end of that same sentence. Do we really want to play this game?

My apologies to the rest here for the hijack, but I don't really care for sneaky cheap shots...

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmisssubmiss

this is kind of long, sorry i jsut want to know what you guys think.. and if you've seen/ expierenced anything like it...?

This was the first guy i got serious off of this site with. Believe me, i've learned a lot. He seemed perfect...except the more i got to know him the more fucked up it got.. him telling me if i don't obey he'd " break me down to nothing..."( i didn't see how a guy who supposidly cared about you..would want to ever do that to you?) he told me if he wanted to start a poly..i'd have to say yes because to no limits...if he wanted me gang raped i'd have to say yes bec of no limits. - I didn't even know much about this kind of relationship....when he started calling me a bitch rudely..for almost nothing i forgot to do something or something ..telling me i was good for nothing i got out of the relationship i did NOT feel comfortable. it scared me.
Then theres the fact one time he texted me saying he wanted to talk and how he wanted me back..so we tried it again..it was just as bad. Then two weeks ago he asked to have me back..and i said no again and he went " well w.e"...but i thought we were cool.. so i talked to him today (thinking maybe we could be friends) and our covnersation made me see yet again why not choosing him was a good idea.


first off..i have one D because the guy is an AP teacher...i didn't sign up for an ap class i got a 3.78 GPA average last semester..which is pretty damn good considering my hs is a college prep hs and only 3 ppl in the history of our hs have graduated with an exact 4.0 (highest you can get here)..plus i just got accepted into all the private colletes i applied for.. ALL OF THEM YAY!!! but anyways...another interesting thing ...he'd always call me a "natural sub" and supposidly a couple weeks ago he wanted me back because he said i was the BEST sub he's ever had...and i turned him down because frankly..marcus treats me a lot better and i'm not scared of marcus i really like marcus. and now he's saying i'm not a sub at all and i'm dumb? something tells me he's mad someone told him no thank you.
And, it's not like i'm mad thinking " i hope he's not right about that stuff" i know he isn't right ..i am bright.. i am a sub..i mean that's just me..the only thing i got mad about...was seeing that i went for a guy who was that big of a jerk..i could of gotten myself into some serious trouble if i went for him and that SCARES me....it really does.
Am i the only one thinking that was a bit outta line? And tbh, i don't think he's a dom..i think he's an abusive freak... What are your takes on this situation?
And have any of you ever expierenced anything like this with a guy?

[Mod Note:  chat log removed]

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Hey, Knite, to an 18 year-old, anyone over 25 is positively ancient! I remember when I felt a bit distressed over turning "an entire quarter of a century old!"

To the OP, it's definitely not the kind of relationship I would want or be happy in, and it doesn't sound like it's what you're looking for either. There are some people who don't have poly or gangbangs (not actual rape) as limits, or who actively enjoy them, but it's not something I'm drawn to. He's not necessarily abusive, but he's obviously incompatible with either of us.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

He seems like a jerk to me, but people like that stuff.
However, the mods will likely pull this for two reasons.
One, you posted his name.
Two, you posted a dialog between you. 
Kyst