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Rules for your Submissive - 2/9/2009 6:52:31 PM   
DeathAngelVox


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/15/2008
Status: offline 		Do you guys have rules for your subs? I just came into a M/s relationship and aren't quite sure what to make actual rules or preferences.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/9/2009 7:21:22 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Nah. We all let them do exactly as they please.


*giggles*

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(in reply to DeathAngelVox)
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RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/9/2009 7:31:36 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		I let mine run a muck as well

Mike

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
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RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/9/2009 7:37:37 PM   
VeryNastyDom


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline 		YOU have to decide what you want your sub to become; start there.  Once you know what YOU want, you can start applying rules to move the sub in your desired direction.  Under no circumstances should you start without thinking this through because otherwise you are going to give the sub a mixed message and/or leave the impression that these things are up to her.

Once you do start, go slowly and sculpt your sub the way you would a clay model.  Don't drop 100 rules on her at once, do it one by one, refining as you go.  This topic has been covered in many threads, it is worthwhile to take a read through some of the older postings to see what does, and does not, work.  Your mileage may vary.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
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RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/9/2009 8:06:09 PM   
thorkin


Posts: 9
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		I like the fresh look of willy nilly on my girl.

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RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/9/2009 8:08:49 PM   
SimplyIsaac


Posts: 376
Joined: 12/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeathAngelVox

Do you guys have rules for your subs? I just came into a M/s relationship and aren't quite sure what to make actual rules or preferences.


I'm getting a strange sense of deja vu.

(in reply to DeathAngelVox)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/9/2009 9:28:38 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Unsurprising, Isaac. One of the threads will probably be going bye-bye fairly soon. Hopefully, someone will post the "sub will greet Master upon his arrival every evening,  by lying on her back, ankles at her ears, playing "Hail to the Chief" on a kazoo" rule  

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"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)
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RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/9/2009 10:31:16 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeathAngelVox

Do you guys have rules for your subs? I just came into a M/s relationship and aren't quite sure what to make actual rules or preferences.


Judging on your comment above, I tend to feel that you are somewhat inexperienced and are thinking M/s is Master/sub. if she is a sub then you are in a Dom/sub but if she is a slave then you are in a true Master/slave dynamic. Splitting hairs? perhaps but them I am known to be pedantic.. 

Now as to your question, in your case, I'd be first sorting out which dynamic suits both of you best. Then work out a list of do's and dont's which are hard line. If she is living or spending time with you, thren you also need to have chores you require of her. This is a starter and because each individual dynamic is different, no one can set things up for you. In many cases with those less experienced, it is a matter of trial and error. Ohh by the way, allow her to have some in-put, for sub/slaves have great ideas and can be worth listening to.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to DeathAngelVox)
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RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 1:23:55 AM   
BigSi2009


Posts: 80
Joined: 12/14/2008
From: Sussex, UK
Status: offline 		Is she also new to being a slave?

I ask because I, like you, am relatively new here.  I came here looking to meet subs but then found myself a slave who I hope to take full ownership of later this year (she cannot relocate until her exams are over).  She has however had a previous master so just talking to her online about the things she likes and the rules she has had before has given me ideas (although I have already told her that I will not have her follow the same set of rules as before).

I've also got a lot of ideas just from reading posts on CM.  Things like not being to use furniture without permission, asking to come to bed and down to basic things like making my tea just how I like it.  Honestly, if I come across a rule or a humiliation technique on the net that I liked, then I write it down for future reference.  I'm not usually short on ideas but then a lot of this is new to me so I'm sure I will have my own in time, just need some help to get the creative juices going.  I'm sue you will find the same too, just keep reading and talking to her.


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If I gave you my signature, you'd be able to steal my identity.

(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 1:41:25 AM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeathAngelVox

Do you guys have rules for your subs? I just came into a M/s relationship and aren't quite sure what to make actual rules or preferences.


Judging on your comment above, I tend to feel that you are somewhat inexperienced and are thinking M/s is Master/sub. if she is a sub then you are in a Dom/sub but if she is a slave then you are in a true Master/slave dynamic.


I'm not sure if this or your other post (referring to the OP) will be deleted...but I had to respond to this one thanks to this lovely line. DON'T LISTEN TO PEOPLE LIKE THIS! The last thing the world needs is another "one twue way" chest beater. If she is a sub then you can still be a master and in an m/s relationship. If she is a slave you can still be a dom and be in d/s or in m/s. There is no true way to do either. Labels are arbitrary and archaic nonsense. You call your relationship what you want, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

As for the OP. I think none of the advice you get here will really be helpful. You're 18 and most of the people into BDSM are old as dirt. They won't quite grasp that a young person actually has a brain and can handle BDSM, let alone a relationship. It is good to ask questions and observe but in the end you need to do what you want. Do some subs have rules? Yeah, they do. Some don't.  Each relationship is tailored to what works. I don't know how long you've been with said girl nor what the actual nature of your relationship is but the best way to figure out rules and a direction to go in is for both people to talk it over.

A bunch of people on the internet can't make your rules. You need to talk to her, see what she likes and dislikes and work from there. Perhaps she wants to say "Yes Master" all damn day long. Perhaps she hates saying that (I know I do) or maybe she wants rules for when she goes to bed or what she wears. You can take cues from other people but in the end you make it what you want.

I would wonder, though, these sort of discussions and ideas should have come up before she became your "series slave." I'd advise against rushing into a relationship without laying out the ground work.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 2:20:41 AM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		I am not quite old as dirt yet, but as someone who has been at this since I was just a pup I can say that much of what I do, what WE do, is preferences that develop over time based on experiences and experimentation.  Being 18 doesn't mean a person can't handle it.  It just means they have probably "done" less of it.  So, what I would say to young adults with an interest is - your tastes and desires are going to change and evolve, so perhaps setting certain rules might not lend to the flexibility you need.  Yep, even as the "boss guy" of the relationship, flexibility is probably a good idea.  Discuss preferences, desires, ideas - openly with the person you are involved with, and give yourselves permission to change your minds.  Create scenes and practices, try them for a while, regroup, evaluate, and kick off what didn't work, tweak what did, hold onto the valuable lessons you learned, 

There's the language of how you discuss what you enjoy - "Baby, it feels so good when you kneel and call me sir"  and the language of being "in scene" - "Bitch, get on your knees when you hear me coming up the steps!  And you best call me sir!"  It is never undomly to be honest, decent and communicative, and concerned about how your sub it getting on in it.

Don't set a rule now that will seem like a joke 3 months later.  Its like they say of us..."They're old and set in their ways."  Getting set in your ways comes with time and experiences.  When you're a dominant set in your ways you'll find it much easier to set specific rules.  "Girl, how many times have I told you to get the coupons organized before we go to the market,  When we get home, you have corner time."  (That's an old dirt dom who gets persnickety about saving money with coupons.)

(in reply to Usako)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 3:21:04 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeathAngelVox

Do you guys have rules for your subs? I just came into a M/s relationship and aren't quite sure what to make actual rules or preferences.

Of course there's rules in a control based relationship (such as D/s or M/s) but I don't have rules as part of some perceived dom "uniform"...!  I have rules and acceptable standards of behaviour laid out for my girl because it's my *NEED* to function in such a dynamic; just as the girl equally has her need for such structures to be in place.
 
I don't mind helping the inexperienced but If you don't even know what you need, it's probably because you've figgered calling yourself a "dom" or "master" etc is the best way to get your dick sucked on demand (good luck with that) - and the truth is you're wasting everyone's time, esp your own....  Go away!
 
Focus.

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Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to DeathAngelVox)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 4:16:12 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		The first rule should be that the OP must never wear a shirt.

After that... The general rule in my relationship is that I do what he tells me to do. He's not an idiot and he's not unrealistic. He knows that real life is a factor. Keep your rules simple and doable in the beginning and as you work through them and learn more and more about each other the dynamic will form comfortably and will hopefully expand.

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RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 4:18:44 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeathAngelVox

Do you guys have rules for your subs? I just came into a M/s relationship and aren't quite sure what to make actual rules or preferences.
 Your slave may be the one wearing the leash, but you still have to hold it, so.. how many and which rules are you willing to follow?

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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to DeathAngelVox)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 4:46:20 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Of course I have rules for my submissive, most Dominants do. I'll give you an example of a few of my rules: he must be obedient. he must be honest. he must communicate. he is allowed only TWO alcoholic beverages in a day, no more than that. etc etc. I am sure that you get the idea.

So it sounds like you need to sit down with  a piece of paper and a pen and think about what sort of rules are important to you for your relationship. Also you may want to read some books on M/s relationships, you may find them useful.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to DeathAngelVox)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 5:00:04 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

The first rule should be that the OP must never wear a shirt.


And that we get to watch him workout to keep that tone. Heck, I'll bring pom poms if it will help!


_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 5:07:10 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I prefer rules that come about slowly as needed. I'm not interested in someone who has a preset list in his mind of 128 slave rules without bothering to see if any of them apply to me or not.

While late one afternoon, trying to think of something for dinner I suggested French Toast, bacon and canned peaches. At that point he announced that was a no go, he does not eat breakfast at dinner. Okay, that's a new rule.

Ours come about as they are needed. No more and no less. And there are very few needed.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 5:08:08 AM   
DomMan30


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/4/2006
Status: offline 		Think of the rules as helpful reminders for your slave on how to please you. Example my sub knows when it is time for chores she is to dress in her maid outfit. Regardless of whether I am home or not. And she does so. It is her reward for the chores. No different from a doctor having to scrub before surgery.

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 5:21:39 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		The 128 rules can be a good tool for talking about rules and the structure of the relationship. It shows just how much work and time it would take to try to have that many rules and how constraining rules can be. It also highlights that the sub is submitting to the rule sheet not the lover. But then, i tend to think you can find a way to learn from all sorts of things if you go into looking to learn and questions.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to DomMan30)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Rules for your Submissive - 2/10/2009 5:23:16 AM   
shynagold


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/7/2008
Status: offline

Hi angel! I love your pictures, I was just browsing around and found your pretty face. I just had to message you!! -- You still single? am ibrahim a black africa and am a single dad have a 4 yrs babe.....whish tu no u more than this ....hope tu here fr u cheers

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 20
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