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RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/17/2009 11:40:31 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for your comments, FullfigRIMAAM1, they are appreciated.  We actually had a nice conversation about this tonight, and realized it won't really be much of an issue for us.  Coming from a large Spanish & Italian family myself, I certainly bring my own cultural differences to the table, too!  

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RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/17/2009 11:42:41 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Something I've noticed with my husband (me being from the US and him from the UK) is that cultural differences don't have to cross the lines of skin color.. so Maam.. thank you.. your advice willhelp me as well :) 

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/18/2009 4:43:25 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

i have been with brilliant men, at the top of ther respective careers.  The TDHO is one of the most educated, cultured, intellegent, articulate well-spoken men i have ever met.  i choose to follow Him for those reasons...not His Caramel sexiness.  Were He a white guy, with all the same attributes...i'd have done the same.  That being said, there is a certain level of understanding, and explaining i don't have to do because we do share a common culture. 



I highlighted the above because having spent all day yesterday watching movies in my living room and talking with the (black) man I'm recently seeing, I came to realize I feel like such a foreigner to his culture, and it intimidated me.  This man is gorgeous, sexy, intelligent and very kind.  And yet there seem to be so many areas I don't relate to him with and I wonder if that will eventually become a barrier to us developing anything further.  Now I realize we create our own barriers, but I have honestly never felt this disconnected from someone else's upbringing and way of life.  I would very much appreciate anything anyone can advise me about this.  I've never cared what pigmentation someone was born with, but I also never considered how different our cultures may be.



My personal experience is that being from totally different cultures is a barrier to creating a long term relationship. You can ask for clarification and try to be sensitive but inevitably you will need to relax and not have this tension between you.

I'm a New York Jew. The Man is from PA, a heavily Baptist area. These differences don't hit often but when they do, they hit hard. If I'm sick, all I want is chicken soup with matzo balls. For my family, this is comfort food. He doesn't see this as dinner, doesn't like it at all. For any other New Yorker this would have been something he would have been used to from friends' homes, delis, etc.

Same with me being an old fashioned liberal. In New York, you will always have known people like me. In his background, people who thought like me never existed. He has family members who think Harry Potter promotes witchcraft and ought to be banned from school. My ums go to a high school where freshman English is composed entirely of banned books to teach the sacredness of free speech and thought.

As far as the Croat who would willingly date a Serb, all I have to say is "WOW". My travels years ago in Yugoslavia taught me that was the ultimate divide.

And re sambas experience? She isn't alone from my readings. http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1316/is_3_34/ai_83794453

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RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/18/2009 7:07:32 AM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		Finding differences among people, and reasons to stay divided,  has never been, and will never be a problem, I imagine.
We each make choices with which we can co-exist, and everyone's choice is valid.    Of course Samba's experience is not unique.

Nueva and GT, thank you for your kind words.    M

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RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/18/2009 5:11:22 PM   
SirEbonyPhoenix


Posts: 195
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: My realm in Central Indiana (you guess where :P)
Status: offline 		Being that I am part Cherokee, Choctaw and Sioux in addition to being African-American, my advice on this matter is the same as Sly and the Family Stone: "Different strokes for different folks." Follow what's in your heart as well as your partner's and don't worry about other people's opinions because they are just like noses; everyone has one and it produces the same substance.

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(in reply to Tslaveboy)
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RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/18/2009 11:03:00 PM   
micah1


Posts: 8
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I've read all the replies to your question and find most of them very interesting and very mature, I hope you find them helpful as well.
The keys to the castle are in your head and in her head....therein lies the answer to your question....
to find further proof, look to your heart and to hers.....
talk among yourselves, listen to each other, hear what is being said
and then let no one come between you
If you are to be her Dom, her Master, then make her proud of her decision, it is an honor
If she is to be your submissive, then she should make sure that you are proud of your decision...it is also an honor

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/18/2009 11:26:49 PM   
Tslaveboy


Posts: 211
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		You are right. I think the young woman who wants to be my submissive has more in common with me than most anyone else. Within our world it is just us. The original question was irrelevant. I believe that when others come in contact with us they will see that we are truly connected.

One of the things that brought this truly home to me was the comment about Croatian/Serb pairings. If they can pair up, anyone can.

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/18/2009 11:27:56 PM   
Tslaveboy


Posts: 211
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks. Your comment about Croatian/Serb pairings helped.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/19/2009 12:03:42 AM   
MMagic


Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline 		Wow,

(I always start posts this way when I'm amazed at what I read)  To the "sister sub" that was going on about how cultured she is and never learned slang and a whole host of other things she mentioned.  I am...shocked at your post.  I'm trying to NOT respond in a negative way but this will most likely come off that way.

On one had I understand what you were trying to convey.  That sometimes in the black community there are others who think that you think you're better than they are because of the way you look, speak or behave.  HOWEVER, I think a lot of this is coming from YOU.

I was NOT raised in the best neighborhood, I had amother who was single through most of the my childhood and before becoming a victim of her own depression and pain was truly a great mother.  I DID grow up in the hood.  And I'm am every bit as cultured as anyone I meet.  I know my Prada from my Gucci and my Van Gogh from my Monet.  And I NEVER had those things growing up. Yes I can speak slang and I love Hip Hop (not rap and there IS a difference) and I love classical.  So what I guess I'm saying here is you're coming off as a snob and I'm willing to bet if it's showing up here then it's showing up to other black men and women you meet and that is why they react to you the way they do.  The funny thing is if you met me because I'm a southern black woman, who also comes from interracial ancestors, but I still say I'm black, and I've got a hardcore southern accent or none at all depending on who I'm talking to, you might assume that I'm not on par with you.  Upbringing doesn't make you more cultured than your counterparts.  It just means you had more involved parents.  Which is great, but doesn't mean ALL black people you meet aren't just as smart as and aware of art and music as you are.  But if white men are your preference then they just are.  I gravitate toward white men and seem to attract them but I wouldn't say they are my all out preference because all black men speak in slang and so on.  That's just...wow.



Sorry I felt like being on my soap box.  /end rant


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Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West



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RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/19/2009 12:08:48 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/19/2009 1:27:57 AM   
piratecommander


Posts: 895
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Something I've noticed with my husband (me being from the US and him from the UK) is that cultural differences don't have to cross the lines of skin color.. so Maam.. thank you.. your advice willhelp me as well :) 


Yes, there IS a language barrier ...... we are overcoming that.

Yes, there IS a culture barrier ...... we are overcoming that

Yes, there IS an ethnic compatibility BUT we have several generations of separation to overcome ...... and we are overcoming that.

Skin colour does not always present such barriers, so my advice is ...... if it feels right ...... work on it.

Pirate

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/19/2009 9:41:09 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		first - i'm not your "sister submissive". 

second - that's your opinion if you presume i'm a snob or not. you don't know me or even have met me in person. i do present myself in manner that might appear snobbish to you yet i'm hardly not.

lastly, thanks Celeste for the article.  interesting read - and i agree with the point why should i be told marry down when i want to marry someone who's my equal.


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RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/19/2009 11:09:02 PM   
Vjklander


Posts: 41
Joined: 3/28/2004
Status: offline 		Everyone is a unique individual.  Any two people will have all kinds of differences and all kinds of similarities.  Once we recognize that, then focusing on one particular difference just doesn't seem all that important an issue.  Like others have said, the relationship between you two is of paramount importance.  Actually, that applies to just about any relationship when you think about it.

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/20/2009 2:32:50 AM   
LadyDay1979


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		I have only white subs. I could care less of what anyone thinks of what I do with my time and my life! 

(in reply to Tslaveboy)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/20/2009 2:43:08 AM   
LadyDay1979


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		No, Black men usually don't want women who are independent. In my experience, Black men were dominant and tried to control me. Some see Black women as their property. It is funny that Black men feel as though they can do whatever they want; however, Black women cannot. 

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/20/2009 2:45:50 AM   
LadyDay1979


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Exactly! I think it is my preference. I am not into black men at all. I don't ask them questions about who they date. I could care less!

(in reply to Usako)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Interracial Master/sub relationships - 2/20/2009 2:49:17 AM   
LadyDay1979


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Really? Hmmm...are you talking about with vanilla relationships or in a BDSM relationship?

(in reply to Sinimint)
Profile   Post #: 77
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