RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends...

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends... - 2/15/2009 10:52:59 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

odd, I never think of My friends based on what I may perceive their intimate preferences to be--I may say: single mom, single dad, horse exper, horse trainer, religious, etc--based on that I am vanilla in some of those areas--I would never presume to assume what their private proclivities are nor do I want to--and I would never share My thoughts with anyone, its just bad social grace.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends... - 2/15/2009 10:59:11 AM

chainedgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

Come to think of it, the only reason people would get upset is because they have perceived an insult. Doesn't mean one was intended or given. They should at least have the maturity enough to ask what was meant by it.

_____________________________

http://slaveinchains.blogspot.com/

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends... - 2/15/2009 1:16:23 PM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

I think it's still a useful term, when you get right down to it, Vanilla = innocent - that's all, and that is pretty much what we mean by it, as opposed to all us babes in toyland; i.e., "damn girl, and you look so Vanilla!".

Most, if not all of us, are Vanilla to the outside world, there's always some situation where we have to present present our bland exteriors, our "mainstream" social personae, to feign innocence (some more than others, lol) - it saves a lot of complications sometimes, and it's can make it that much more fun when we present our not-so-bland interiors, in private.

So yeah, most of the time, in public, I'm pretty Vanilla, I don't get up in peoples faces about kink in mixed company, and I expect them to damn well keep their erotophobic neurosis's out of my face, it's called being sociable, discretion. You want more? Just say the word.

< Message edited by Amaros -- 2/15/2009 1:17:44 PM >

(in reply to chainedgirl)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends... - 2/15/2009 4:48:27 PM

MarsBonfire

Posts: 1034
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

You know, growing up kinky, I got terms and names hurled at me that were far, far worse than "vanilla."

I try not to use the term in mixed company. Somehow, it makes me sound like I'm saying that being one of the other 30 flavors* is somehow better than those who are part of the mainstream. But, to be completely honest about it, I don't really worry about offending others. No matter how hard we try, we're going to offend someone at some point. (Our mere existence is offensive to many.) I've taken my full measure of shit from others. If someone gets into a snit about being someone who's into basic sex, that's their problem.

* this is a woefully inadequate metaphor, anyway. There are FAR more flavors of sexuality than a paltry 31.

(in reply to Amaros)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends... - 2/15/2009 5:01:08 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

So the concept is really easy to grasp - our vanilla friends might take umbrage if we call them, or refer to them as Vanilla...most don't think of themselves as "vanilla" and the way in which it is used can imply superiority and sound condescending...sort of a DUH issue...

And yet, I got caught in it. Six of my best friends in the world and I used the term vanilla in reference to them. It was casual, never even crossed my mind what I said might hurt anyone. It has made its way around the circle, and it caused hurt feelings in people I would never want to hurt.

So just a word of caution. It is easy to get used to thinking of "us and them" and casually and carelessly throw out that term - Vanilla...and cause 31 flavors of hurt...

well labelling is a pronlem sure, but that;s wjy I don't move in any particular circle.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Profile

Post #: 45