RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (Full Version)

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fyreredsub -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/26/2006 8:15:48 AM)

well said ................and agreed with

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Actually, for some of us the sexual aspects of this lifestyle are really just icing on the cake and not the primary motivators at all.

I'd agree with this if I saw the majority of people being open to relationships that involved people of the opposite orientation. If what REALLY was the primary motivator was their desire to serve, then sexual orientation and compatibility wouldn't be much of an issue and there'd be a lot more mixing up of things.


Well actually I never said that sex and sexuality was not a major component of my relationship choices. What I did say is that it is not the primary motivator. Believe it or not there are some of us who put the sexual talk and action waaaaaay on the back burner. I'm not a have sex with just anyone kind of person and it's not something that I get involved in with potential partners until I have determined that there is much more that I am attracted to about him than his hard cock and his libido. I mean let's face it....if it was just about having sex I could find THAT at any corner bar. For some of us the primary motivator is finding someone who has the personality, the mental, emotional and life qualities that are important. For me that would preclude someone of the opposite orientation based on absolutely nothing to do with sex. People of the opposite orientation have none of the personality traits I seek in a partner. While I am not saying that sex is not in the equation LA...I am saying that when I eat icing....I only prefer to eat it when it is sitting on top of a substantial piece of cake.




DragonNphoenix -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/26/2006 8:17:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

oh love this controversial topic.....

i am not in this for kinky sex....i am not a pain slut and Master is not a sadist....




I love this topic also...

But for me.... I am a pain slut and my Dragon is a sadist... we work well that way. We are lucky to have each other. It is difficult for a pain slut to find one that will not either take advantage of her or one that will not think that she is sick.

1st Girl Phoenix



fyreredsub -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/26/2006 8:23:10 AM)

i understand the compatability component...my former Master was a sadist and we were not compatable...he in his infinite wisdom knew what we was doing when he had me to change hands for i am very well fed now...and enjoy the freedom i find in my knees....but seeking trust and compatability is never an easy feat no matter what the dynamics of the relationship are....
i mean most of any of us can go get 'laid' anywhere with out having to worry about anything but 'safe sex' as in condoms,lol....

it is all the other things that come from the M/s dynamic that make it work for so many of us...having and finding some one that you are safe with in many more terms that just ssc....that makes the relationship complete for M/s


quote:

ORIGINAL: DragonNphoenix


quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

oh love this controversial topic.....

i am not in this for kinky sex....i am not a pain slut and Master is not a sadist....




I love this topic also...

But for me.... I am a pain slut and my Dragon is a sadist... we work well that way. We are lucky to have each other. It is difficult for a pain slut to find one that will not either take advantage of her or one that will not think that she is sick.

1st Girl Phoenix




lonewolfe -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/27/2006 4:38:57 PM)

If those are the house rules then so be it. But in any case the only sex I've seen at play parties is typically between couples in a personal relationship. you know those who like to be watched. ;)


quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

BDSM without sex is simply a waste of time.
===============================

b-bondage
d-omination/domme/dom
s-adist/slave/submissive
m-asochist

now let's see...i am part of the D/s...so...sex is the EXCLUSIVE part for you?
i wonder what you do then, when you ever go to a play party if you get invited and there is NO sex allowed????????

makes me worry if you would ever BE invited.......

i do feel bad for you.....but it IS....YOUR choice i guess.
take care





RosesInChains -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/27/2006 7:05:59 PM)

BDSM is most certainly not about sex for me. How to prove? I am a pre-op TS who has been on hormones for quite some time. So what? Well the sexual organ that I prefer not to be there no longer works or only fires up once in a great while and then only for a brief moment of time (Bundy's 28,29,30...I'm out of here! Comes to mind). MOF, I have been pretty well celebate for close to a decade. Have there been offers and temptation? Of course but I am not comfortable with myself as I am so I impose a no sex rule as a limit to any relationship I engage in. Unless of course, I manage to hit the lottery or a kind person with some cash to spare so I can go for surgery. Should that happen I probably would expand my BDSM experiences into the realm of sex for me.

So why bother? Because I like the rush and I get that high whether I am submissive or Dominant.

I very much enjoy being on the receiving end of soft and sensual sensations. The slow build until I become one with the universe.

Now some that I play with do get some sexual charge, I am sure.



yourMissTress -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/27/2006 8:50:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mauigurrlxxx

Can anyone give me another reason people decide to go from the vanilla world to the 'lifestyle' world besides broadening/exploring their sexual deviancies? Is there any core reason beside heightening their sexual opportunities and expanding their efforts to satisfy their libido?


For me, this is my lifestyle. Much the same as a gay man or lesbian woman needs to associate with and have relationships with other gay men and lesbian women, I need to have BDSM relationships and a BDSM lifestyle. It's as much a part of me as my sexuality is a part of me. They do sometimes go hand in hand, but not all the time. I need to express myself sexually in my romantic relationship...so I needed to find a kinky partner. I need to have others to talk with and share my feelings and thoughts on the subjects so I sought out and seek others in the lifestyle as well.

I am a Dominant woman, a mother, a daughter, friend, sister, lover, girlfriend, and many other things. Sex is not the singular driving force of my life but it's up there, in the top 5 anyway.



rawney62 -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/27/2006 9:05:39 PM)

actually, in my experience, the ones that only want kinky sex and claim to embrace the lifestyle, only want kinky sex and have absolutely no clue what being in this lifestyle means. So No, i do not think they are the norm of most that embrace and live this lifestyle. They are on these sites because they think they will get lots and lots of sex.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mauigurrlxxx

Disclaimer: I believe all relationships between men and women should follow a D/s 'lifestyle' for the carnal/core reason that a women is always subserviant to a man but that does not mean she has any lack of intellect. But I see alot of overt sexual deviants online claiming to embrace 'lifestyle' and wonder if this is a accurate representation of most people in 'lifestyle'




JoeBlack -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/29/2006 8:51:18 AM)

In my own experience,it has been more of an evoloutionary experience. Some journeys, once started; have a logical progression. There may be stops and starts,due to changing situations,but overall; once you follow the path a short ways,you will continue on it.(unless of course you find it totally distasteful).
In reguards to sex,it begins vanilla enough,but in a long term relationship;experimentation usually occurs,unless one or both a completely disconnected. In which case the relationship is doomed anyway.....



kaamilahG -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/29/2006 1:17:52 PM)

Have a question. thought i was experienced until collarme.com. Is there anyplace to find the meanings of the "likes" of others?

thank you,
kaami
[8|]



kc692 -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/29/2006 1:43:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mauigurrlxxx

Disclaimer: I believe all relationships between men and women should follow a D/s 'lifestyle' for the carnal/core reason that a women is always subserviant to a man but that does not mean she has any lack of intellect. But I see alot of overt sexual deviants online claiming to embrace 'lifestyle' and wonder if this is a accurate representation of most people in 'lifestyle'


**Chuckles and snorts**I'm not sure where you picked up the tidbit that a woman is always subservient to a man, but quite a few women that frequent these forums, including myself would heartily disagree with that statement.......



troilus -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/29/2006 5:26:17 PM)

I'm with you. I don't really understand why people would do these things that to me cause the penting up of tons of sexual energy if they don't intend to eventually release it. But, you know, some guys go to strip clubs every night and go home and sleep. I think they're deviants, and they'd probably call me a deviant.

The Kinsey reports showed that only a few things really qualify as deviance: Pedophilia, bestiality, rape. Most other things like BDSM, D/s, homosexuality, etc., are on a spectrum where the extremes are both deviant.



MichMasochist -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/29/2006 6:56:09 PM)

Been that long hmm, Didn't think you looked that old in your pisture. Ouch this really saddens me to read that. :)


quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Unless I'm mistaken...my profile does not include sex, and there are a lot of others' I've seen who don't mention sex either.

Hell, it's been so long since I've HAD it, I can't even remember who gets tied up!!




In my oppinion there are three components to a good S&M session.

1) the mistress has to respect my hard limits and not hospitalize me.
2) Beleive it or not she does have to quote beat me. Suprisingly one would think that this wouldn't need to be expressed, but has proven otherwise.
3) the mistress' orgasm is a must happen event from direct physical contact with me in some manner of her choosing. As well as the number and frequency she desires. And of course my release when she is finished playing with me is all I ask. Of coarse in a manner of her choosing. The sex aspect doesn't hafta involve genital insertion, but may if she so elects to allow it.

Just that almost everything in life is orientated to sex. We shave, shower, primp, and practice our manners to attract a mate. To claim cellabacy is an aberent behavior IMHO. Tha day I dread the most is when I shall be so old the no woman will find interest me.




MichMasochist -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/29/2006 7:20:31 PM)

Funny you should say this. I work a toppless bar for two years, after the first years one pair of tits started looking the same as the others. There were two regulars that would come in to see the same girls all the time. the girls would get 'em all worked up then they would go home and chase the wife around the apartment.

But I agree many people have taken BDSM to the edge. At first I often thought it was an attempt to rationalize the morality of their actions. Despite the honest fact that BDSM itself is as immoral an act as sex is itself. However I find that I must conclude otherwise. The impression being is that sexuality might be the hangup. If not then their interest must be in sadism, or masochism, for reasons more dangerous possibly even sinister, than the rest of us involved BDSM.


quote:

ORIGINAL: troilus

I'm with you. I don't really understand why people would do these things that to me cause the penting up of tons of sexual energy if they don't intend to eventually release it. But, you know, some guys go to strip clubs every night and go home and sleep. I think they're deviants, and they'd probably call me a deviant.

The Kinsey reports showed that only a few things really qualify as deviance: Pedophilia, bestiality, rape. Most other things like BDSM, D/s, homosexuality, etc., are on a spectrum where the extremes are both deviant.




Crazytwice -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/29/2006 7:34:10 PM)



quote:

Subtract all sexual drives and human sexuality in general and you would have a rather large, gaping hole in what remained of D/s.


Well, that's what I was thinking. And my knowledge/experience is fairly low on the food chain.

Plus I think there is something enormously sexy about being led around with a collar; although a collar, in and of itself, is not sexy at all. But it does connote domination. Which leads me to believe that D/s is inherently sexual, even without associated carnal activity.



xxblushesxx -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/29/2006 7:45:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MichMasochist

Been that long hmm, Didn't think you looked that old in your pisture. Ouch this really saddens me to read that. :)


quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Unless I'm mistaken...my profile does not include sex, and there are a lot of others' I've seen who don't mention sex either.

Hell, it's been so long since I've HAD it, I can't even remember who gets tied up!!







Yep...two years!

Yes, it makes me sad too! (even though it's been my choice!)

And yes, I AM that old! *lol*

Thanks so much for the kind thoughts!!

*hugs*



Tantalus42 -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/30/2006 11:22:51 AM)

This is continuing debate I've seen since my wife and I first started exploring our desires, 10 plus years ago. If you have sex in a BDSM context, does that make you a swinger and not a Master/submssive (insert relevent terminology here)? If you are a swinger, does engaging in BDSM make you an evil horrible person?

For us we find all aspects of D/s very sensual and sexual. There's usually at least one naked body involved, and alot is happening to that body, both sensual and painful. That does not mean there has to be intercourse for us to enjoy the experience. But since many of our fantasies involve sexual control, there often (for us) is direct sexual contact involved. And after a hot "no sex" play party, we go home and have a good romp to finish off the night *smile*. Perhaps for some that makes us more "swingers" then Dom/sub. But as any practioner of BDSM who got hot watching a bondage and rape scene in a movie knows, there's no reason why these activities should NOT include sex if that's the place a Dom and their sub have chosen to go. Every relationship is different. Just because I choose to tie up my lover, flog her, AND fuck her shouldn't make me any better or worse then anyone else is.

Frankly I think every person who has posted is correct. They have chosen for themselves what BDSM means to them, and their beliefs are just as valid as the next. The problem occurs when one judges that their way must be superior to all others, and therefore works to denigrate or belittle those who do not act in the manner they feel is correct. There's nothing wrong with BDSM, there's nothing wrong with swinging, but there's everything wrong with people from either side of the debate looking down their noses at the others. Everyone finds their own path, let them enjoy it as they see fit. Some people combine both, and do so happily and joyfully. Some people do neither and live lonely, asexual lives. Everyone is different, everyone is beautiful... now, can't I get some cute hiney over here to spank??? I'm making myself sick with all this nicey nice stuff. *lol*

As Rodney King said: can't we all just get alone? You tie up your friends, they screw them... both are fun to some of us. :)



xxblushesxx -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/30/2006 11:51:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantalus42



As Rodney King said: can't we all just get alone?


Uhm...where's the fun in that?!![;)][:D]

*lolol* jk...I know what you meant!

just couldn't help myself, ya know?!!



Tantalus42 -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/30/2006 12:19:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Uhm...where's the fun in that?!![;)][:D]

*lolol* jk...I know what you meant!

just couldn't help myself, ya know?!!




Yeah, I do know. Life's no fun without a good argument now and again. :)



Lordandmaster -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/30/2006 12:26:45 PM)

Basically I agree with Tantalus, and I have to say I'm always annoyed by the way people rush to announce that they're not in it for sex. Come on. Even if it's true that you'd be fulfilled without sex as long as you could live a BDSM life (as several people have stated), you still have to concede that it's better with fulfilling sex. Very few people can honestly say that they would choose a life with no sex over a life with sex.

We have a very weird attitude about sex in our culture. Sex is OK, people. It's natural. It feels good. Don't be ashamed to admit that you enjoy it. And don't pretend that you're a better or holier person than someone who is "only" interested in sex. Our sex is just as much a part of who we are as all the other things.



ExistentialSteel -> RE: 'lifestyle' = SEX (1/30/2006 2:50:16 PM)

Actually, the more Doms I hear saying sex is not important, the more I like it because I'm not one of them.



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