Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 1:44:01 AM   
exile509


Posts: 31
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		I have a potential slave i'm working with who is very busy.

i often cut her slack, but lately i'm noticing that taking her busy life into concideration has become more of a means for her not to do the tasks i've set for her. (the tasks are always things she can do at night, or durring breaks at work via pix/txt messages.)

as a slave: how should a master deal with you taking advantage of his kindness?

as a master: how much slack is too much for a slave?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 1:53:01 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

as a slave: how should a master deal with you taking advantage of his kindness?
taking advantage? When i was working, break time was to relax, take a deep breath and try to recharge my batteries. When i got home, after a long day followed by stopping at the grocery store, bank, etc, then 'round two' would begin...laundry, dinner, dishes, house cleaning, etc.
Perhaps what you see as 'taking advantage' of the slack you are so kindly offering her is simply her way of trying to get everything done.

IMHO...if i am that busy and a dom is in the background pitching a hissy fit because i did not have the time to preform some such task, i would give you a shove and tell you to get the hell out of my way.
You admit that she has a very busy schedule...so why are you giving her "tasks" during the week, when she has the least free time?

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 2/17/2009 1:59:14 AM >

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to exile509)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 2:19:03 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		It shouldn't be difficult at all to know how much is too much etc if you're talking about a r/l relationship that generally gives you intimate, first-hand knowledge of her schedules and work loads etc....
 
But if you're talking about something that's mostly online or involves distance and infrequent contact, then you're caught in a web of your own making and in the process of getting educated about the futility of great expectations when you haven't got a clue where ground zero even is.  IE, you're trying to give direction from a point where you don't even know where you're standing.
 
You can't know what "slack" even is until you've established the boundaries of your own relationship.  Step 1., know where YOU stand *first*...!
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to exile509)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 2:30:14 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		How much real life has to be dealt with first? Work, college, parenthood, housework?
 
There is reality out there that waits for no one.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to exile509)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 2:35:30 AM   
bamagirl4u


Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
Status: offline 		If she is truly busy, she is busy.  It isn't that she doesn't wish to do Your tasks and make you happy, she just doesn't have the time.  You can't fit any more than 24 hours into a day no matter how hard you try.  Maybe you are demanding too much and need to assign tasks when you know she is free, maybe even help out and do some of them yourself.  Just my thoughts. 

_____________________________

~Don't settle for the One you can live with~~Wait for the One you can't live without.~
~To thine own self be true~~no compromise.~

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 3:01:49 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		To begin with, I don't get any *slack* ......I get understanding.

As Focus said ......if you know someone well, you know what they are juggling and whether they can do what you ask them to do. If you don't, you will always be operating with one hand behind your back.

There's not much scope for me NOT to do things I'm asked to because M is well aware of what's happening and what I'm capable of.

What are you asking her to do and why? I mean, is she meant to be getting something from it or just you? Beware becoming * just another chore*.

agirl





(in reply to exile509)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 3:02:30 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		perhaps you should follow the advice of what others have said - give her tasks when she has time.

life can be busy especially if you're a single working divorced parent like myself.  my family will always be first before anything including Daddy because they're are my responsibility.

it looks childish on your part tossing a hissy tantrum because your tasks aren't being completed. i would have a different pov if you're financially supporting and paying her bills.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to exile509)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 3:52:49 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Personally,  i wouldn't follow the advice of most people on this thread because to me it seems they are telling you to allow her to have control and decide things with regard to your pleasure.  What is the basis for your relationship, what have you defined with regard to your stand on things and your control and most importantly your pleasure?

I would take the advice wherein you are actively involved in her schedule so you can yourself really decipher if she is just not giving your tasks the attention she should be and then perhaps rearrange her schedule or prioritize it and that way she will have no excuse other than she decided to determine what is best and then you are at the heart of the matter that it isn't about the tasks at all.  My master would have beat my ass if i tried to tell him pretty much to fuck off if he got in my way or if he decided i would do what he wanted over what i wanted to get done. 

Perhaps by your own allowance of saying do it when you can or cutting her some slack, she believes YOU don't think they are all that important in the general course of her busy day.  So maybe you need to set the time you want it done or tell her specifically, do this as your morning break -- do this as your afternoon break, do this right when you get home etc.  And hold her to what you say.  If you start allowing deviations in what you say -- you start leaving cracks in the foundation that may have you losing your control.  I am not saying you can't readjust things after the task is complete with regard to other things but maintain your demands unless its an emergency.      Let HER come to you if she can't get it done with an explanation and then you both can analyze it and you can decipher how to take her disobedience and deal with the real problem, either her attempting to see your task as not that important or her schedule which is she is that busy she can't fit a small task in you want her to do maybe needs some evaluation and rearranging ir she is directly or indirectly being disobedient for whatever reason that is determined and deal with it.

All in all, yoou have to decide how to be the Dom or Master here or are you simply going to allow her to determine everything and you follow her around saying -- oh yeah, okay, sure as she issues how things will be.  Perhaps your own ways of handling this has given her an impression you never meant to give her.  Perhaps its time to take the suggestions and make them commands or requirements.  15 minutes (if she can do them on her breaks i am presuming they aren't that time consuming) out of her day to follow a task that would please her Dom or Master to me means you two need to talk if excuses are being made why they aren't done. 

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 2/17/2009 3:57:02 AM >

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 4:03:43 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		I'm not even going to comment on this...........but I just did...however I'm not going to comment any further ..just.a...bit..tiny more...slacking..kindness...my fkin ass!! Busy people are usually worn out by midnight or 1am and use nights to sleep not to cater under other peoples kinks which will then result in not enough sleep and hinder her doing the normal tasks need to be done in what we call real life..it also happens that some people work constantly 'till midnight or later n then go to sleep before getting up for next day. There's a real life that usually comes first. In my opinion you're arrogant..and way too self absorbed in your own little master-role playing-fantasy world. There're however subs/slaves out there that are stay-at-home and don't do anything than cater for your ass. Perhaps you should try and look into that, instead of finding a slave that has a job and friends and social life and this n that n this n that n even kids.

I'm done.

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 4:06:43 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

Personally, i wouldn't follow the advice of most people on this thread because to me it seems they are telling you to allow her to have control and decide things with regard to your pleasure.


If that is the case, you did not read my post, or the posts of others very well, it seems. Not once did i see anyone suggest that she have control. Rather it seems the theme is that one must prioritize their time and energies.

Doing a task on her break may require her to forgo eating, bathroom time, and regrouping of her energies. Did the dom consider this...does he care?

As to whatever he is requiring from her at home...again, there are priorities that may come before whatever he wanted done. That is called life


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 4:07:28 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Imo, sending a text doesn't take much time, unless you are wanting her to peck out long elaborate fantasies or something.


_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 4:09:57 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Imo, sending a text doesn't take much time, unless you are wanting her to peck out long elaborate fantasies or something.

you have never seen me text, Lynn (hunt, peck, cuss, hunt, peck, cuss)


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 4:29:51 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: exile509

I have a potential slave i'm working with who is very busy.

i often cut her slack, but lately i'm noticing that taking her busy life into concideration has become more of a means for her not to do the tasks i've set for her. (the tasks are always things she can do at night, or durring breaks at work via pix/txt messages.)

as a slave: how should a master deal with you taking advantage of his kindness?

as a master: how much slack is too much for a slave?

When she starts taking advantage of your kindness, then you should worry. You have to show some first, and just by the mere existence of this post, you have not. If you are taking on a sub, with a busy schedule you have known about previously, then giving her tasks to preform on a timeframe is already asking too much. You are setting her up for failure, and you are getting exactly that.

Give her tasks and a long timeframe. Say, a few days, so when she actually gets a window she can do them. I have kept boys in college for a few years now, and priorities mean that what I want comes AFTER school, work, food, studying and the like. I am on the list, but some days I am fairly far down. ASking someone to give up a break during the workday to do a task might be alright, but demanding it isnt. Sometimes, a break is a few minutes to use the restroom and grab a bite. Most of us have worked through breaks completely to get things done on time.

You need to know your girls schedule and abilities a lot better. If you ask her to do things and she is constantly falling short, you ahve essentially 2 options. You continue pushing her and she might leae to get away from the pressure. Or you are seriously interested in building something and you get better at working around her schedule to get what you want out of the relationship.

DV


_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



(in reply to exile509)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 4:42:25 AM   
donnaamarie


Posts: 335
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline 		Exile

Are you with her in real life or is this something that is starting online?  I am a very busy person with two jobs, one very demanding.  I also take care of my Master and his home on a regular basis.  We have lived together for 6 years now.  Just doing the stuff around the house is obviously a third job.  Remembering to call Master during the day is sometimes a chore.  If he were to give me a text/pix chore to do I would have to say I'd fail.  Even though I am allowed breaks at work, seldom do I get them.  Perhaps looking at what you are asking her to do during the day would be a first step.

On the flip side, if she is getting away without doing tasks that are important, ones that you KNOW she can do, then you are allowing the scales of power to tip in her direction and that's uncomfortable for some submissive/slaves to deal with.

Good luck.

< Message edited by donnaamarie -- 2/17/2009 4:43:33 AM >

_____________________________

Life is not about waiting for storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

(in reply to exile509)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 4:47:56 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		OP

Are you making an assumption that she is blowing off the tasks because you are cutting her slack or is she outright refusing to do what she is told because you are not consistant in your enforcement or with consequences?

For me, Master is my priority and I do not get too busy with the externals.. period. If somethings gotta give it is NOT gonna be him. If you believe she is taking advantage of your kindness, well, who the hell is the one allowing it to happen? Be her Master or not.. that is up to you.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 4:59:25 AM   
SUMBISSIVEBIGLUV


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/5/2009
Status: offline 		ANY SUB UNDER CONSIDERATION OR ALREADY OWNED SHOULD AND  WOULD GO OUT OF HE WAY TO DO MASTERS BIDDIN!!!!! THIS IS IN A TRUE SUBS NATURE(INBORN)....NO EXCUSES!!!!!!!! WE ALL HAVE BUSY DEMANDIN LIVES....AS A MASTER  MAYB U MIGHT REFLECT ON Y U R ALLOWIN THIS TO HAPPEN........ALL THE BEST IN MASTERS SEARCH......

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 5:19:34 AM   
frazzle121


Posts: 116
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline 		Ignoring the lack of spelling and text speak. Most of us have busy lives, and cant always put Him first, this doesn't alter wether we are submissive or not.  We have to prioritise.

Should we do a task or go to work?  Do a task or feed the children?

I know which I'd be doing.

< Message edited by frazzle121 -- 2/17/2009 5:43:32 AM >

(in reply to SUMBISSIVEBIGLUV)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 6:34:08 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Are these real tasks, or "make-work" tasks?  In other words, are you giving her chores to do just because you can, in an effort to show that you are in control?  If these are make-work tasks, then your grip on control is tenuous at best.


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to frazzle121)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 6:35:06 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

subtlebutterfly.....There's a real life that usually comes first.


This pretty much sums that up to. For some that bother to use the terms Master/slave..That is the real life. If it is not..why bother to use the terms at all? For some..this has nothing to do with kink or fulfilling fantasys but living life in accordance with their nature, and shierking off everything else that can be or that serves to attempt to force them to continue to exist contrary to that nature and vows relentlessly not to ever nurture it.

I've mentioned before..there are just so many ways and times that you can pervert a word until it has no meaning at all, and becomes a joke.

starshine






_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 7:00:58 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Are these real tasks, or "make-work" tasks?  In other words, are you giving her chores to do just because you can, in an effort to show that you are in control?  If these are make-work tasks, then your grip on control is tenuous at best.


Cali



Which is what I was trying to intimate.

Most people that put their Master first.........do so for good reason....ie. It's WORTH it. No-one has to spell out what the *worth* is.....but if it's not there, it's unlikely to happen.

agirl



(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078