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RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 7:05:34 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Personally, i wouldn't follow the advice of most people on this thread because to me it seems they are telling you to allow her to have control and decide things with regard to your pleasure.


Personally, I would not follow this advice. OP Your girl is busy and should you decide that your pleasure is more important than her JOB, then please be more than willing to pay her bills and her way should she get FIRED for doing your tasks rather than those of her employer.

Yes a slave is to be obedient, but a wise Dominant realizes that slaves are people too and that they need time to perform tasks in all the different facets of their lives. Life is short and busy, take time to enjoy it.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 7:07:45 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		As long as I'm a potential anything, the tasks I'm assigned will take a back seat to other priorities in my life.  You can't always have the fantasy.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to exile509)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 7:18:07 AM   
urlittleprincess


Posts: 149
Joined: 12/18/2007
Status: offline 		potential slave....hmmm....well, then she isn't even yours yet.  if she feels that her real life should come first then it does.  simple.
 
the fact is, real life is busy...can be hard...can be draining and leave you with no energy at the end of the day.  when we were long distance, it was hard to fit in some of the tasks He asked of me and i would fail.  and because His head was still in the fantasy of it all He would tell me to wear my buttplug to work etc...hot yeah but not realistic where i work.  He works in IT and His work environment is completely different than mine.  i work in a prison. He had no idea what my day was like or what i could be called upon to do at any given time...even just the emotional toll a day could take on me, never mind everything that was expected of me when not at work.  (mom ill with cancer, 3 teenage kids, trying to take care of my own needs)
 
now that we are no longer ldr, some of the former stresses have changed. i live with Him and He gets to see everything firsthand.  i work 12 hour days.  wake up at 445am to shower, make my lunch (and often His as well), drive 1.25 hours to get there and start work at 7am. work all day in a male dominated environment where i not only have to speak up and be dominant with the male clients it is a job requirement!  not only that, i may find myself in the position to have to use force. i am always 'on' at work which can cause hypervigelance, stress cortisol, etc and i can't turn it off just because ive left work.  lately i have been dealing with a male supervisor who has small man complex and has been harassing me (union has already given go ahead for a harassment claim) then at the end of the day, i have to drive another 1.25 hours home. 
 
trust me, by the end of my day i am exhausted, emotional and the last thing i want to do is a task.  sometimes He has made dinner for us, but then expects me to dish it out and clean up afterward...at that point it is all i can do to keep from throwing myself down on the ground and having a full on temper tantrum...He gets home at 530pm on weekdays and i get home at 815pm.  i sometimes work weekends so He is home all day relaxing. 
 
i think you get the idea...life is busy. hmmm....i dont really get breaks at work but i guess she does. in her shoes, would i take my 15 min break at work to chat with coworkers or go to the bathroom and cry...ooops, i meant get my head on straight....or do i go to the bathroom and take that pussy pic for your thrill/pleasure and text it to you....
 
break time! lol

< Message edited by urlittleprincess -- 2/17/2009 7:23:00 AM >

(in reply to exile509)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 7:41:11 AM   
VeryNastyDom


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline 		I don't know that anybody has enough information on your situation to respond in an intelligent manner, and a lot of the responses have asked for relevant information to better understand what is going on.  I think the bottom line is what do YOU want out of this relationship and what does SHE want?

Life does get in the way of kink some times, and you are the only one who can gauge what is reasonable under the circumstances.  If you are making minor demands on her time, and you are sure that is the case, then either she is not really into your style of dominance or else she is testing you to see what you will do.  How you assess that and respond is up to you, but ask what it is you expect from her long term and whether you are giving her what she needs.  If you do that, the next step should be fairly obvious.

(in reply to urlittleprincess)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 8:20:47 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SUMBISSIVEBIGLUV

ANY SUB UNDER CONSIDERATION OR ALREADY OWNED SHOULD AND  WOULD GO OUT OF HE WAY TO DO MASTERS BIDDIN!!!!! THIS IS IN A TRUE SUBS NATURE(INBORN)....NO EXCUSES!!!!!!!! WE ALL HAVE BUSY DEMANDIN LIVES....AS A MASTER  MAYB U MIGHT REFLECT ON Y U R ALLOWIN THIS TO HAPPEN........ALL THE BEST IN MASTERS SEARCH......


(as I try to ignore the bright pink all caps style of "speaking")

Are you assuming that the Master in question is a rational and reasonable person that doesn't expect unreasonalble attention?  I've met the fantasy doms that would desire to call me at work and direct me to masturbate, I've encountered those that desired that I cancelled doctor's appointments for my children so that I could be on-line for them that afternoon.  Just because a man says that he's in control doesn't always mean that he has the potentials best interest in heart and what would she have if she put his whims first, lost her job and her kids and then he decided not to own her?

A reasonable master would let his sleep instead of having sex when he knows that she needs the sleep to be adequately prepared for work the next day, he will fix his own food if she is scheduled to work during a meal time rather then having her call off.  Basically the two of them find balance between needs of survival and desires of fulilling their chosen lifestyle.

Hell, mine handed me work which I set aside because I was in the middle of applying for a job and he didn't blink an eye, he must really be a pansy.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to SUMBISSIVEBIGLUV)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 8:41:59 AM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Hell, mine handed me work which I set aside because I was in the middle of applying for a job and he didn't blink an eye, he must really be a pansy.


*sarcasm* I guess he isn't worthy to be called a dominant, putting your needs ahead of his own.*end sarcasm*





_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 8:42:54 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You are considering her as a sub. She is considering you as a dominant. You have showed to her that you do not care about her well being, that your demands are unreasonable. That what she needs as time to calm down or go to the bathroom or eat or sleep are seen as options for you.

You need to keep looking for a mythical slave with no job, no need for you to support her, no family to tend.

She needs to find someone who really cares about her. You aren't it. I hope she realizes this soon.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 8:51:41 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Or his mythical slave is really a 75yo, fat bald guy, that had photo's of some hot young chick on a faux profile. Furiously scrambling for photos to match the ones this guy is demanding be sent.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 10:27:09 AM   
rachel529


Posts: 197
Joined: 4/29/2008
Status: offline 		ouch, the claws strike home...

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 10:33:15 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SUMBISSIVEBIGLUV

ANY SUB UNDER CONSIDERATION OR ALREADY OWNED SHOULD AND  WOULD GO OUT OF HE WAY TO DO MASTERS BIDDIN!!!!! THIS IS IN A TRUE SUBS NATURE(INBORN)....NO EXCUSES!!!!!!!! WE ALL HAVE BUSY DEMANDIN LIVES....AS A MASTER  MAYB U MIGHT REFLECT ON Y U R ALLOWIN THIS TO HAPPEN........ALL THE BEST IN MASTERS SEARCH......

So, when your master tells you to do something that will take away the one oppertunity during your busy day to eat and relieve yourself... you happily hold it and starve so that Master doesnt hurt for his 3 photos on a camera phone that he wants?

As a Mistress, and the owner of a slave, I put my priority on the slave's well being and happiness, not on the meaningless tasks I can think of to make them show me they are under my control. Honestly, a Master who cant cope with the idea of coming second to a real life is not much of a master since they need their ego stroked. I put my boys education and job ahead of his menial tasks since the money he brings in from his job assists me and the education will give him the tools to better himself for me. I dont see where the photos I mgiht ask for, or the essay hed write to show me he thinks about me during the day have any benefit.  Now, if a tasks was "Go pick up dry cleaning" Id be a lot more inclined to say she had better find time to do that, becasue you are depending o it. But "Text me" or "take X pictures" doesnt hurt you if she doesnt get to them. 

DV


_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



(in reply to SUMBISSIVEBIGLUV)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 10:59:27 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SUMBISSIVEBIGLUV

ANY SUB UNDER CONSIDERATION OR ALREADY OWNED SHOULD AND  WOULD GO OUT OF HE WAY TO DO MASTERS BIDDIN!!!!! THIS IS IN A TRUE SUBS NATURE(INBORN)....NO EXCUSES!!!!!!!! WE ALL HAVE BUSY DEMANDIN LIVES....AS A MASTER  MAYB U MIGHT REFLECT ON Y U R ALLOWIN THIS TO HAPPEN........ALL THE BEST IN MASTERS SEARCH......


Your profile says you do not want to work, and didn't mention that you had children, so naturally you're going to have more time on your hands to take silly pictures in the bathroom at 2 in the afternoon.


_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to SUMBISSIVEBIGLUV)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 11:02:44 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		OP, I think that it is important that you try to understand the situation as well as you can.  You need to discover whether she honestly has the time and ability to do the tasks and something is holding her back from it or if she just feels pushed as far as she can go right now.  Sometimes subs, especially new to a relationship, will try to push the boundaries and see if they will actually be disciplined for not doing as told and when told.  I am not presuming that this would possibly be the case with her, but it is up to YOU as the Dominant to find out what's really going on.

In my relationship I was allowed to say if something came up.  If I was given a task and it could not be completed because of work or a family situation then it was not held against me.  This was also true if I had been very sick.  As in everything else, trust and open communication are the keys.


_____________________________



(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 11:32:23 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		yeah, but if Master says she's got to get a job and help with expenses then that's what she's got to do, because she said so.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 11:44:35 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Having not heard back from the op since he started this post, I would say we have very little to go on and certainly not enough to beat him up!
I lead a very busy life but I still do tasks. Never unreasonable tasks as has been suggested here. Thats only a personal guess from the very small amount of information given.
My task may be not to pee for two hours after I get home, so that we can do some watersports.
My task may be to only smoke 5 cigarettes instead of 10
My task may be to not wear panties under my dress. All achievable in my particular case.

I would ask the op... are you giving her achievable tasks and if so is she breaking them as a way of testing you?
When we start off with someone 'as a submissive', so long as its a reasonable request we really don't want to get away with not doing as we are asked but we many try not doing them just to see how he will react.

submissives often test dominants (to start with) by saying things like 'oh please don't make me do this' and the last thing in the world they want to hear is the words 'ok then you don't have to'.
The only reason S can dominate me is because he never backs down but at the same time is considerate.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 11:51:24 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Shit, I never tested m'Lord.  I'm just as worthless as he is.



_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 12:08:11 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

Shit, I never tested m'Lord.  I'm just as worthless as he is.





Is this a religious reference ?

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 12:48:07 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SUMBISSIVEBIGLUV

ANY SUB UNDER CONSIDERATION OR ALREADY OWNED SHOULD AND  WOULD GO OUT OF HE WAY TO DO MASTERS BIDDIN!!!!! THIS IS IN A TRUE SUBS NATURE(INBORN)....NO EXCUSES!!!!!!!! WE ALL HAVE BUSY DEMANDIN LIVES....AS A MASTER  MAYB U MIGHT REFLECT ON Y U R ALLOWIN THIS TO HAPPEN........ALL THE BEST IN MASTERS SEARCH......


Well this fake sub disagrees with you completely.

Am appreciative that Sir understand reality and times things just cant be done, plus his ego doesn't ride on it. He also knows i would do my best to complete a task, but reality becomes a factor.

Thank Goddess I am a fake sub

(in reply to SUMBISSIVEBIGLUV)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 2:24:03 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If you two are real life then you both need to sit down and have a long conversation, find out what her schedule is like, what keeps her so busy, what priorities you both have. Communicate with one another. If she's too busy to even sit down and talk to you you may want to rethink each other as anything more than potential playmates.

If this is online only and she's too busy and you can't even reach her then I'd say she's just not that into you.

(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 3:15:02 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Let's see.... The possibilities are endless.  Let's go with one that has had little play.  Submissives tend to take on a lot more than is healthy for them in life (a generalization, I realize, relax).  I would hope these tasks serve at least one of two basic purposes.  Help her to improve her life or allow her to rest and enjoy something together. 

Here's a great task:  Have her outline her basic schedule for each day of the week including ALL her usual obligations.  Then you can work together on eliminating things that are distractions, hinderances, or drains on her time and energy.  You can help her fit in things that are important to her well being.  You can both find the time needed to be a couple.  I will tell you now that if a submissive did not follow through with this task, I would be upset.  I would give her all the reasons for the task and set a generous deadline and specify consequences both good and bad with regard to completion.  That is a catagory one task.  Catagory two may be something like take a bubble bath after the kids are asleep and call me when you are cuddled up in bed.  I can't imagine too many folks that would baulk at such a "task". 

Some things you ask may require time that is hard to come by, but most should be fluid with her day to day life.  They should enhance her personally, professionally, and as a partner.  Of course, this is just one way to do things.  Each dominant has to decide what it is they are really after and how to acheive it.  The submissive has to be a good fit to those goals and style.  Communication, compatability, trust, respect... they go a long long way.

lovingpet 

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Too Much Slack? a question for subs and doms - 2/17/2009 3:16:24 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think the obvious answer is to find a potential slave to work with who doesn't have a life.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 40
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