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RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/19/2009 12:26:48 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		If anyone looks for all the answers in one place then they will be misled.  The majority of answers come from within ourselves, anyway.  I don’t think it is necessarily a bad or unhealthy thing to read what other people have written as long as we are able to determine if it holds true for us or not.  
I view the forums, munches and other BDSM (or D/s or ‘lifestyle’) groups as a means to several ends. 
The first is for some validation, if you will; the knowledge that there are many who share my proclivities and that I am not alone in thinking about wiitwd is a nice perk in my life. 
The second includes the opportunity to get various perspectives on a topic; whether I agree with them or not is irrelevant.  It never hurts to examine something from a different angle.  Even if I go right back to my original viewpoint, my stance is more solid because I have thought it through instead of merely spouting clichés.
The third would be that it is a way to live vicariously through others.  There are many things I have never done and probably will never get the chance.  I enjoy peeking in on the slices of people’s lives that they share here.   
 
Someone ( was it was Kyra of Mists?) used to have a sig line that read: Question the answers.  It is not enough to simply question what others say, but we need to occasionally shine a bright light on our own tenets as well.  When we are able to do that I believe we avoid the dangers of ‘one true way-isms.’   
 
Whether it is religion, bowling or D/s, gathering together to share a (broadly) common interest is part of human nature.  We like to belong, even if most of the members drive us crazy.
 
In the past, before I knew the words dominant or submissive, I dated a man who was very dominant in many ways.  It was, up to that point in my life, the best relationship I had ever had.  But without the words, without knowing there was a paradigm called D/s, I had this vague sense that I needed quite a bit more than his dominant personality.  Since then I have discovered that a relationship is more satisfying when my partner(s) are consciously aware of the D/s dynamic. It makes things much better { **for us** ] that we have the words and the shared understanding of what we are doing together.
 
Neither R. or S. read the forums or attend events anymore.  They have their own opinions, their own style.  They both have years of experience at this and they know what works well for them.  As different as night and day from each other in some ways, they also have a great deal in common at the core.  S. learned from other dominants, his introduction to wiitwd was rather formal.  R.’s was less so, more of a growing-into-it type thing.  When we first met, S. was willing to give me time to learn about submission. I was a noob, indeed, but despite my lack of understanding he saw potential.  Some people would call that outlandish behavior for a ‘true’ dominant.  R. told me he ‘had no expectations’ and, thinking that was a bit ridiculous, I didn’t believe him.  But he is a philosopher, after all; he is able to accept people and events without anticipating anything.  
Some days I wonder if I will ever be brave enough to be in the same room with both of them at the same time.  
 
(I believe this is the longest post I have ever written here on CM!  Done rambling!)

< Message edited by catize -- 2/19/2009 12:40:05 AM >

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
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(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/19/2009 5:22:35 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I didn't read through all these posts, so if i am repeating someone, my apologies.

Cm has a good variety of people here. When I first got into Ds I went to the AOL Ds chatrooms and ran into more of the truism and you are not one attitude. Here, you can get a variety of thoughts to sieve through and find perhaps a couple of people of like mind. Yes you will get here people who know best and call for people to follow them, but that you can find anywhere in life.

You can complain about the internet, and there are a lot of reasons too, but even in real life how many people are you really that close too? There are a lot of reasons to complain about people in real life too. If you are a complainer then you will have more reasons where ever you are. if you are not, then you will have less reasons. I dont hold CM as my fix and answers to my life problems. It does help me to get other views and discern what is for me.

oceanwynds

(in reply to Sfortzando)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/19/2009 10:35:37 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit...Message boards are filled with posters devoting quite a bit of time arguing about what is or is not D/S, who is real and fake, and what qualifies one as a dominant.

When it's come up before, I've mentioned that if I were looking for a partner, I probably wouldn't spend much time looking here. Maybe what you've mentioned is a part of the reason why not.
This is the nature of "alternative" things: to seek their own structure and meaning.
Sometimes a little too reflexively.
It's why kids are rebellious to other generations, yet often utterly conformist to their own.
quote:

...I'm really beginning to question whether or not being and involved and absorbed in a world of pre-set and pre-canned expectations and standards is all that healthy for one's relationship mentality.
Eh, ya know. Someone expects a knight in shining armor; well the bdsm version is Lord Dom What-have-you. Same expectations, just couched a little differently.
quote:


Some will, of course, claim being above the influence, but to say that external influence doesn't have some degree of effect on us is as silly as saying magazines, movies, and television hasn't molded our own standards of physical attraction and beauty.
Some degree of influence doesn't have to be a bad thing as long as there's some degree of awareness about it and willingness to examine it for potential value (or lack thereof.) Easier said than done, but if there's a willingness to consider those possibilities (the worth of something, where it comes from, etc), perhaps that's a good sign.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/19/2009 10:47:24 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		The man who is the closest thing I have to a guru explains spiritual awareness as a series of three stages. First, there is 'childhood'. This is where you find your Tribe. You are willing to abide by the rules of the Tribe in return for their safety and acceptance. If it's a positive experience for you, this is a no-brainer because you agree with the vast majority of the rules!

But, at some point, you start to individuate and become your own person. You begin to question the rules...and eventually leave. If this is a positive experience, you feel no regret about leaving, you do not hate the Tribe, nor do you feel lonely without them. You just realize that you are now different. In this stage, you begin, or continue, to go after goals you've set for yourself, happiness being one of those goals. You develop your ego in a healthy way.

You reach adulthood when you realize that happiness cannot be found by chasing it as a goal...but it can only be found as a byproduct of becoming who and what you are destined to be...whatever that is. Surrendering your ego to that destiny (many of us feel that it is of a spiritual nature) is what, ultimately, brings happiness.

If we are to evolve in our lives, we must go through these steps, my guru teaches. There is no skipping of spiritual maturation steps just as there are no skipping of physical maturation steps.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/19/2009 11:37:54 PM   
TranceTara


Posts: 152
Joined: 12/22/2008
Status: offline 		I've never heard it described like that before Master Fire. Thanks. It does sum up my experience with my spiritual path and then my attempts to once again assimilate into a BDSM group. I got tired of all the *rules*.

In several of the schools of Tibetan Buddhism I studied in there were so many rituals and steps. In Nyingma and Karma Kagyu there are the preliminary practices one must do 100,000 times each. I was doing my Om Mani's and found I was saying them to get them done. I then decided that just one Om Mani done with the purest of intent and beingness was worth more than 100,000. It's the same with any action. If I am totally present in the moment, then I am connected. It's trying to string more of those *moments* together so that I am more present than not which I am hoping to be. Trying implies I am doing, which is not being present.

I remember those times I would be at empowerments on Bodhichitta and no sooner did the Lama finish his talk, people wanted to be blessed, so of course they would cut in front, rush ahead, and not be mindful of what they were doing. It was mere words for the actions were not in accordance with the words. That's human nature. "Oh, if he blesses me I'll become enlightened." No, become what he was talking about and be mindful and you have a better chance. There's no easy way, though it is simple. LOL I love the paradoxes.

Then I found a path that said just go to the source. Why make it difficult? Why assume you are bad, dirtied and in need of extreme cleansing? Go to the source and you'll find your actions become cleaner. If I think I am defiled, then I'll be defiled. If I realize I am pure, with some manifestations of ego, then I can let go of that a lot easier. Sure, I believe in karma, but I also believe we can transcend it. But I do not know what the big picture is, so all I can do is my best for me at this moment in time.

I started attending a BDSM group for support. I'd hear all kinds of great information and reached out to a couple of gay men. One identified as a slave. I thought we were friends and he reached out to me to help me on my path. I had questions about the feelings that were coming up if I identified as *slave*. It turned out his idea of helping me was to see me as a client in therapy. So, I saw him a couple of times and realized I was seeking friends, not a therapist. So, I stopped and another man from the group reached out, as a friend. He listened and I realized I am what I am, and I choose not to label it. When I meet Her, then W/we will define what W/we are. No one else. And, she may be on CM, she may be at the beach, or the museum, or right in front of my face. When I am ready, She will appear. POOF! SHIT! There she is! bu bye.

I am a work in progress who strives to be the best I can be, but I fall short and at the end of the day see where I can improve. That's where I find listening, or reading, of others and their journeys along their paths assists me in being kinder and gentler with myself, and in return, I am kinder and gentler with others.

For me, sharing information does not mean I have to become like the other person. I can incorporate the things that I vibrate with and leave the rest.

As for the types of people on CM, well, it's like anywhere else, variety. And that's what makes the world go round. I do like this quote from John Maxwell in Winning With People:
"Who we are determines how we see others." When I am in one of my sensitive moods I can personalize a lot of stuff. I can read a thread on CM and feel anger, or hurt. I stop, listen and find that voice and ask it what I need to do. It's something that is being mirrored back to me. It is not a comfortable process, but it sure is worth it for I feel lighter afterwards.

I thank you for starting this thread MadRabbit. I learned a lot about myself from it.

And now I have this terrible urge to go to the newsstand and get a copy of Reader's Digest. I also wonder if there are any midnight garage sales? "I'm picking up good vibrations. She's giving me excitations with her mini fucking machine."

Thank you fey and Sfortzando. I was reading my Tantra book and trying to practice when Reader's Digest kept cuming up. It can be my new mantra. "Reader's Digest! Reader's Digest! Reader's Digest! Oh YEAH! Give me some more! NOW! Dang these pages are wet." But now the word "bibliophile" is embedded upon my memory.

Sláinte,
TT

< Message edited by TranceTara -- 2/19/2009 11:46:06 PM >

_____________________________


“Listen, I am trying to cope with the presence of God and the Universal Human Experience, and I haven’t even had a cup of tea yet!” -French and Saunders

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 5:46:00 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		" I was reading my Tantra book and trying to practice when Reader's Digest kept cuming up. It can be my new mantra. "Reader's Digest! Reader's Digest! Reader's Digest! Oh YEAH! Give me some more! NOW! Dang these pages are wet." But now the word "bibliophile" is embedded upon my memory."

Once apon a time there was this group of people that decided that sex was FUN and something to be shared. In trying to share their innate understanding, their buddha sex (this is NOT a bad use of the word, look it up people), they starting having to use metaphors and parables, cuz well, we can really only have so much sex before we need to eat and sleep, and it takes time to show, really SHOW someone how much fun sex is.

And once those that wanted to learn, but were too busy doing what they were supposed to (by their own choice), listened to the stories and heard only the words, not the meaning. Being loving, but busy people, they understood that that the words were important but failed to grasp that the words were just one way to express SEX and so the words became dogma and the SEX, the buddha SEX, was not found by them.

In that silly little flirt with fucking machines and garage sales and bibliophilia we, all who shared the experience had real and pure sex via words. we had FUN and our words were there to try to express the FUN that we had.

And the more words I use to explain this, the more important the words become and the less we will see the SEX and FUN behind, around, over, and above the words.

and here endeth the lesson, plus i am out of double A batteries.


_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to TranceTara)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 6:56:47 AM   
StrangerThan


Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline 		I think you're at a place I reached several years ago Rabbit. It's ok. I'm a lot older than you. I came into D/s via real people, not the internet. A lot of folks will preach that route as the enlightened path, and to a degree, I'll accept that. It's much more of a visceral experience to witness, take part in, than it is to read, ponder and fantasize about. Somewhere along that line I ran across a man and woman offered up wisdom that took a few years to sink in, that being, find what you need and within it, create your own house. I'm not a big philosopher, but I do like words like these. They don't lecture as much as they give you food for thought. Unfortunately I didn't sit down to dinner soon enough. Sometimes there is no cure for being young and dumb.

There's a great deal of information on the internet. A good portion of it is complete bs. It never ceases to amaze me how many people come into BDSM looking for a dominant or a submissive first, the person second, then can't figure out a month or 6 months later why the relationship died. It never ceases to amaze me how many times I've been approached by s types willing to give up everything just because I called myself a Dom. It also never ceases to amaze me how many people seem to lose every shred of common sense they ever had when they discover they like taking a flogger to an ass, or like having one taken to them. Yes, I know. There's more to it than that, but we're over simplifying for simplicity's sake.

Hats off to you Rabbit. You got there a long time before I did, and the only real advice I have to offer anyone is "find what you need and within it, create your own house". Oh, I do have an addendum, that being, hell with anyone else who tries to tell you it's not the true way or the right way.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 7:04:48 AM   
genericsub4one


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/24/2008
Status: offline 		WOW... Do i ever agree with the comment that you made about: "find what you need and within in, create your own house!" Both my Daddy Dom and the Dom that is my bestriend that helps to see that all my needs are met, i did not find on Collarme...they were friendships that formed and out of conversation of who we are as individuals we found that we all seeked the same things out of LIFE and things evolved into two beautiful D/s relationships...and through trial and error is where i have found my happiness...I only use the internet to talk to others and make friends...The two Amazing Men in my life were coworkers that friendships surfaced out of to blossom into what we have now...I wouldn't ask for things to be any other way that is for sure!

(in reply to StrangerThan)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 9:05:55 AM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

...

When I think about it, I imagine that two people who were self aware of their own desires, but had absolutely no previous influence or expectation from an external source about how there relationship "should be" would be far better off than someone who had spent time educating themselves on the Internet or through the community. There would be no "failure", no "right" or "wrong" way of doing things, no "your not really a dominant", no "your not really a submissive", and no "topping from the bottom". The only possible way the relationship could fail is if both people didn't enjoy each other as opposed to failing to meet some pre-canned expectation that is completely abstract from who both people simply are.
...



Speaking from personal experience, this is very true.  Finding your own definitions and pleasures, away from outside influences, creates a uniquely special relationship.  It's unencumbered by thoughts of doing it right and doing it wrong.  Fantastic.

Difficulties potentially arise, however, when the people then try to integrate with others in various communities.  That's true online but also in real life - maybe even more so in real life.  Again, from personal experience, we've all but given up on the local "community" as a way of enriching our lives in a meaningful way.

If a relationship doesn't conform to certain expected "rituals" or "expectations" established by a larger group, the people involved in the non-standard behavior will feel largely outside said group.  Not rocket science, and certainly not to be taken all that personally. While fulfilled with each other and the relationship - a geat thing - exclusion from standardized communities shouldn't be all that surprising.  It's true of *any* social group from the Midget Golf League to society at large. 

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 9:27:13 AM   
pdv99


Posts: 140
Joined: 3/13/2007
From: UK
Status: offline 		For me, the "right way" is what works for the individuals involved, and yes, for any 2 or more people, it's going to vary. It's OK having some general knowledge of what works for others, but it's more important to communicate what works or doesn't between the people involved than to measure against some mythical ideal. We of all people should respect a diversity of approaches.

(in reply to DrkIntensity)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 9:31:40 AM   
TranceTara


Posts: 152
Joined: 12/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

and here endeth the lesson, plus i am out of double A batteries


IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'mmmmmmmmmmm nnnnnooootttttt!
Ooonneee quququququestion? HHHHooowww dddddooooooo IIIIIIIIIIIIIII ttttuuurrrnnn tthhhiiisss eeffffiiiinnnnggggg mmmmmmaaaaaccchhhhhiinnnnnneeeee ooooffffff?

Oh, and the book is Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas. She and Dossie Easton will be teaching a workshop, "Tantra for Perverts" at IMsL in March.

Om Mani Padme Cum. Om Mani MakahMe Cum.
Om Tara Tuttare Ture WHOO HOO!
Om ah Hung, Va Va Vooom!


Sláinte,
TT

< Message edited by TranceTara -- 2/20/2009 9:37:43 AM >

_____________________________


“Listen, I am trying to cope with the presence of God and the Universal Human Experience, and I haven’t even had a cup of tea yet!” -French and Saunders

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Profile   Post #: 91
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 9:33:05 AM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pdv99

...

We of all people should respect a diversity of approaches.


Why?

I'm not being facetious with that question.  I am genuinely curious regarding why you think this community in particular has inherent responsibility to respect diversity.  Is it because the group engages in various forms of alternative sexuality?  Maybe true, but why should that necessarily translate to greater respect for others?

(in reply to pdv99)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 9:43:33 AM   
TranceTara


Posts: 152
Joined: 12/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

"find what you need and within it, create your own house". Oh, I do have an addendum, that being, hell with anyone else who tries to tell you it's not the true way or the right way.





_____________________________


“Listen, I am trying to cope with the presence of God and the Universal Human Experience, and I haven’t even had a cup of tea yet!” -French and Saunders

(in reply to StrangerThan)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 9:55:47 AM   
TranceTara


Posts: 152
Joined: 12/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena

quote:

ORIGINAL: pdv99

...

We of all people should respect a diversity of approaches.


Why?

I'm not being facetious with that question.  I am genuinely curious regarding why you think this community in particular has inherent responsibility to respect diversity.  Is it because the group engages in various forms of alternative sexuality?  Maybe true, but why should that necessarily translate to greater respect for others?



The way I read it was not so much as having more respect for others because of WIITWD, but that we would hopefully be open minded enough to accept the differences in the ways we all approach WIITWD.

We are basically considered a minority of *perverts* by the mass collective called the *normal* world. Many are in jobs that they could lose if word got out about their *kink*. Families could be torn apart. I know one friend who is dealing with a friend who is now a *convert* from the world of BDSM and suing for sole custody of his child because he feels the mother, a dominatrix, makes an unfit parent because of her *kink*. My friend will be testifying as a character witness on behalf of the mother.

So, in a world that tried to limit us, define us, judge us... well, it would be nice if we would not judge each other saying, "You're not a true submissive," or "you're not a true Mistress," because in the *rulebook* it says, "submissives should act like this."

Heck, if parents did that with their kids we'd have no diversity in the world. We are diverse and it would be nice if that were accepted. No one knows what another's needs are.

As for respecting others, I act respectful to people, but if such respect is not reciprocated, I do not hang around. I do not wish to be rude or come from anger. If they cannot treat me with respect, they will not be an aquaintance let alone a friend.

_____________________________


“Listen, I am trying to cope with the presence of God and the Universal Human Experience, and I haven’t even had a cup of tea yet!” -French and Saunders

(in reply to cantilena)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 10:38:41 AM   
cantilena


Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TranceTara

The way I read it was not so much as having more respect for others because of WIITWD, but that we would hopefully be open minded enough to accept the differences in the ways we all approach WIITWD.

We are basically considered a minority of *perverts* by the mass collective called the *normal* world. Many are in jobs that they could lose if word got out about their *kink*. Families could be torn apart. I know one friend who is dealing with a friend who is now a *convert* from the world of BDSM and suing for sole custody of his child because he feels the mother, a dominatrix, makes an unfit parent because of her *kink*. My friend will be testifying as a character witness on behalf of the mother.

So, in a world that tried to limit us, define us, judge us... well, it would be nice if we would not judge each other saying, "You're not a true submissive," or "you're not a true Mistress," because in the *rulebook* it says, "submissives should act like this."

Heck, if parents did that with their kids we'd have no diversity in the world. We are diverse and it would be nice if that were accepted. No one knows what another's needs are.

As for respecting others, I act respectful to people, but if such respect is not reciprocated, I do not hang around. I do not wish to be rude or come from anger. If they cannot treat me with respect, they will not be an aquaintance let alone a friend.


I agree wholeheartedly: it would be nice.  Acceptance, tolerance and respect are nice coming from any group.  I do understand the connection between alternative lifestyle and the theory that its community should therefore be less likely to judge others.

I guess I'm just not surprised that it sometimes isn't so.  I don't believe that the group as a whole is necessarily responsible for being any less judgemental than other groups to those it perceives outside "established" norms.  Take "topping from the bottom" just as an example.  Members of your average group recoil from even the whiff of it.  Why?  It's an established taboo.  That doesn't make the practice either good or bad.  Reaction to it by others is another matter; it's simply a value judgement from the majority. 



But yes.  It would be nice. :)

(in reply to TranceTara)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 10:48:02 AM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well there are two routes people tend to take in getting involved in this lifestyle: either it evolves naturally out of their experiences and social interactions, or as an abstraction, a fantasy, a need for something that is beyond their current experiences and the social subculture in which they are currently embedded.

In the latter case, the abstract looms large, untempered by experience, individuals both sides of the D/s coin may dream of TPE in ways that will eventually turn out to be unrealistic for most; once they actually put it into praxis, adjustments adn compromises will be made - which may be more difficult for some than others, and not all of them will work out - it takes both partners working at it to some degree, to get it to work at all.

As a couple of people pointed out, this is no different than any relationship, Vanilla included: one may dream of a fairytale life of romantic, wedded bliss, only to find oneself caught in a cycle of drudgery, children, laundry, and alienation - after the honeymoon, and the first blush wears off.

Happens all the time, unrealistic expectations are hardly confined to BDSM relationships.

< Message edited by Amaros -- 2/20/2009 10:49:12 AM >

(in reply to genericsub4one)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 12:47:12 PM   
Sfortzando


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/30/2009
Status: offline 		I'm not sure where I first heard the term bibliophile, but I think it might have had something to do with a completely cracktastick converstation I had in highschool about exactly why Hermione Granger spends so much time in the library.

I think you hit it smack on the head, feydeplume, when you said that focusing too much on the words takes away from the power of the experience. People get so hung up about what is 'right' and 'wrong', it just sapps all of the meaning and fun out of what is ultimately a fun experience. Its why I can't get into the whole Gorean thing. No offence or disrespect to anyone who is Gorean, but for me it's too close to going to church, what with the pomp and ritual and all that jazz. I'd rather just wing it.

On a side note - last nights mental masturbation sent my forum status from Vanilla straight to Kinky. How awesomely pathetic is that? XD

< Message edited by Sfortzando -- 2/20/2009 12:49:01 PM >

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 1:26:13 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have always taken things with a grain of salt, no matter the source. When it comes to relationships, I will run mine the way that I wish and no book, philosophy, religion or other source is going to tell me otherwise.

I have read more bullshit on the internet then in the National Enquirer, but I have also found some real jewels as well. I think people have to use their own common sense and intelligence when taking in information.

I have formed a loving D/s relationship with my male sub. We do things according to what fits our relationship. To my way of thinking that is how all relationships should be, but some people would disagree with me and that is fine. Because when it comes down to it, these relationships are made up of individuals and not everyone is going to have the same needs, desires, wants or perspectives. So when you take in information remember not all of it is factual or desirable, only you can decide which is true for you.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 2:50:27 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cantilena

quote:

ORIGINAL: pdv99

...

We of all people should respect a diversity of approaches.


Why?

I'm not being facetious with that question.  I am genuinely curious regarding why you think this community in particular has inherent responsibility to respect diversity.  Is it because the group engages in various forms of alternative sexuality?  Maybe true, but why should that necessarily translate to greater respect for others?



My response to this is very simple... as long as I expect other people to respect my right to live my life as I choose, I have a responsibility, through common courtesy and self-respect, to at least accept another's right to live his life as he chooses (barring either of us acting in a way that causes non-consensual harm to another person or hir property). If I neglect that responsibility, and intrude on their right to their own choices, then it should not surprise me when others intrude on my right to shape my life as I choose.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to cantilena)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: A Community of Ridicoulous Expectations - 2/20/2009 3:02:26 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		hehehhee YOU can't turn it off, I have the remote over here baby! just enjoy the ride and we will get you to a dentist later.

promise. *wink*


_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to TranceTara)
Profile   Post #: 100
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