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RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 6:41:26 AM   
givemyall


Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		So you want to know if its normal to be locked away for a month, in a basement, by someone you have never met....... ermmm now let me think about this one

I know.....maybe the pair of your could redo the scene from Misery where she hobbles him - just incase you learn to pick locks and escape into reality.... just a thought!

(in reply to enslavedgrl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 6:45:10 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

quote:

when I go to live with him I will spend the first month locked in the basement


Umm okay, seems people are taking you never have met him and lumping it in with you will be moving in with him BEFORE you meet him.  Umm you did say you were MEETING him this weekend.  Many times when i speak to a Man i always gauge whether he will want someone living in or not so yeah, the when you come live with me is a phrase used many times before i meet a guy, it simply is an explanation of our understanding where we hope for this to go.  I like to know if they want live in prior to putting time into them because i don't want to be a part time slave.  I oft times speak of what they would expect WHEN i come live with them to help me guage what direction we are both heading in.  So i am not shocked he said this to you. 

Now if you are planning on moving in with him Monday after you meet him this weekend lol then see many of the posts above.

From what the OP has written it seems they are planning to meet, THIS WEEKEND IN FACT lol, it sounds like they are planning on getting to know each other with the EVENTUALITY of moving in together -- hence the WHEN...  sounds like MANY MANY MANY of the already established relationships on this very board.

What he is suggesting and wanting is to me  not incorrect and its not correct.  Its simply how he sees his relationship with his slave playing out on a very GENERIC level.  So you need all the rest filled in and defined for you and understood by YOU before you can really gauge the actuality of this succeeding, in my opinion.   It all depends on what you are looking for and what he deems locked in the basement, and if its something you wish to be a part of your dynamic.  Sure does it sound kinda squiggy, for me yes it wouldn't be something i would be able to do with a Man as the mastery of me and enslavement of me has to be more subtle than a lock turning in the door leaving me alone etc.    Also the connotations of locked in the basement could mean all kinds of things and he states it for a month.  As i said, it all depends on what you are looking for an what he is.  FOR SOME PEOPLE, it may work and be completely fulfilling for you both.  Don't let people who enjoy dramatizing everything someone says that is outside their scope of comfort lead you to decide not to explore something that MAY IN FACT be something you are looking for.  You gave no details of what the locked in the basement would entail, what would occur and what safety aspects you would have outside of the idea you are locked away until he deems you fit to be a part of the home.   It could very well be a fantasy of his, i would ask him things about it, if he has done it before -- ask to speak to those women to see what the experience was etc.  To me, it reminds me of Men who are extreme and use cage training for their slaves for hours and hours on end. 

If it interests you, talk to him, discuss it with him, do not agree to anything you are uncomfortable with and understand where each of you stand.  Who knows,  BDSM is a concept of shock value for many so you get these drama people who see something that they automatically have to put a negative, a WTF, and a are you nuts where is your common sense idea to it because its outside the scope of their comfort zone.  You can USE common sense in this and be confined to a basement like my parents which is a fully functional basement that could be like an apartment, MOST homes i have lived in has a fully functional basement that could if need be with some additions be completely liveable in if necessary.  I mean its not like he said he would lock you in the garage.  This could simply mean you won't be allowed in parts of the house until he believes you earned it.  Many Men don't allow their slaves on their bed or furniture until they earn it.  So while different is simply another concept of same or people get locked in a cage.  He could mean anything with this -- only you can decide where it goes and when you trust him enough to live as his slave within his demands.  If not, then he won't be for you and you won't be for him. and that's okay too.

All in all, i would get more information from him, enjoy meeting the guy this weekend, take time to get to know him, visit with him often and then when the time comes for the "when" you move in with him, make sure you are comfortable with what he will demand of you.  Don't let the automatic the guys a player, jerk or whatnots you receive on the boards like this dissuade you from getting to know and meeting a guy you seem to like a lot.  Use your common sense and yeah he MAY BE a jerk or idiot, but find that out first by meeting him and getting to know him outside of the internet and influences of people who judge things they really have no clue about and before allowing people on a message board who seem to love overdramatizing things dissuade you from exploring something with someone you like, and end up trusting and feeling comfortable with because its outside THEIR comfort zone. 

Hell, if i squigged out at just the CONCEPT of something and thought it was a NFW concept lol i would have never became a slave, and i think that kinda goes with a lot of people who explore different concepts of likes and dislikes in the many different lifestyles yiu encounter on this board.  You find things you like and things you enjoy -- some for some are extreme while others may think not so much.  For me being locked away is extreme, but i have a friend who it probably would not be.

Good luck, it sounds like you like this guy and are excited -- i hope it works out for you both.

angel


For me, it seems that they are putting the proverbial cart before the horse.  They are talking about co-habitation, they are talking about at least a month when the transition it taking place that she will be isolated from friends and family, though I will admit that we don't know if this inprisonment is complete or if it's only for times when he is not there and when she sleeps.

But to back up a bit, when you talk to someone on line and even on the phone you are only getting a snapshot of that person, you learn more about the person when you meet face to face and see how they interact with you, their body language and how they interact with others (I am a firm believer that much can be said about one's charecter by how they treat service staff).  All over the internet we read countless stories about people who clicked on line but when they met face to face they found that they were clicking more with a fantasy they made up in their mind by filling in missing peices then with the person who was really on the other side of the computer.

Yes, the landscape is that a person will meet someone to fulfil their desires, be it a live in situation or a hot and heavy play session, but to spend too much time thinking about that finial conclusion when there are so many steps in between that build trust and familiarity is a tad bit unrealistic and tends to end in ways other then hoped for.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 6:51:09 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I think you should take things allot slower and get to know this person before agreeing to anything. Know what you are getting into before you agree to it. What is your hurry to move in with him? Why not spend time getting to know each other and see if you are really compatible?

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to enslavedgrl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 7:01:35 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		So I met a Master here on CollarMe and I am planning on meeting him this weekend.  
WHoo congrats on a hook-up!
Which I am excited about.
I bet, it is exciting to meet a potential partner, especially when you are new.
He is a very carring Master, but yet a very strict Master from what I can tell.
Yeah it is sort of hard to tell how Mastery will play out in real life compared to online time spent talking.
Since I am new to a M/s relationship he told me tonight that when I go to live with him I will spend the first month locked in the basement.
Did he send you pix of the basement yet, since it will be, essentially, who you will be dating for the first month. have you talked to the basement and how do you feel about it's level of caring and strictness?
I will have to earn my way upstairs.
sooo, what does he mean by "earn" and what happens if you fail his criteria? What happens when you do earn your way up and how will that change your relationship? and are you going to be able to walk away from your relationship with the basement just for him?
Is this ok?
I guess, from your post, that you are feeling uneasy about it, possibly because of the lack of contact with the basement?
I am egar to learn from him and please him.
What are you actually eager to learn from him? details girl, I want details. Is he going to teach you higher math or how to be bored or what? And do you want to please HIM or are you looking for a mutually pleasurable experience?
I want him to teach me how to be a good little slave from him.
OOHHH here is the big red flag to me. You want him to teach you to be a good little slave. I bet you already have ideas about what being a slave is and i bet, as you said you are new to this, they are over the moon stuff. And yanno what? A Master doesn't "teach" you how to be a slave, he teaches you how to do things he likes his way. THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE.
Should I worry about this?
Obviously you are, so maybe take a day or two to write out what worries you about him, being a slave and what that means to you (not just the sexy bits, but what boring bits you believe will be part of it), being taught to be a slave, his basement, and what you mean by strict. Oh and why you want to jump into the part of this swimming hole that has such an intense rip-tide. Is that because of your fantasies or because you have read and internalized A LOT about what it means to actually be a slave and cannot face or desire or accept a relationship where you are treated as something other than slave (and what do you mean by slave any way?)
Or is this something common Masters do to train their Slaves?
Some, on occasion, if the kink is good for them both and there is already a ton of trust and reality in the relationship. But it is very, very rare and not for many people. First off, can you spend all day by yourself with no interactions and not feel lonely?
We have spent alot of time talking and sharing thoughts and desires and I do trust him and feel he is a good carring person, as well as being a strict Master.
No you don't trust him. He just hasn't wildly overstepped your limits online yet. alot of time talking is counted in years, not days or months. You feel that he is caring you say, but why do you feel this way? what has he done/said that makes you feel this way (see the list of lists above) and the strict bit, this seems to be a kink or issue or something that you think has to be true for it to be M/s. LOOK at that thought long and hard, not just in terms of this guy, but for yourself. WHY "STRICT" as compared to experienced, really sexy, empathetic, ethically honorable, damned good at X Y or Z? and why do you say strict and caring like they are mutually exclusive or a rare combination?
Just being locked in the basement for a months scares me.
YOU SAY FOR MONTHS>>>>> what are you leaving out of this "tell me what to do" email? have you already decided to fail to earn your way upstairs, are you pretty sure there is no way that you can jump through his hoops to earn upstairs time? Do you want to live in a basement? JUST PLEASE LOOK AT YOUR OWN ASSUMPTIONS HERE.
From this statement, taken with what else you have said, this relationship with the basement hasn't been developed much (pix, emails, "lots" of time talking, so I can understand your fear. Also it is, depending on the basement, pretty extreme because it implies so many things like losing all contact with loved ones, friends, casual conversation, mental stimulation, and has been known (isolation cells) to drive people mad, like barking at the moon unable to function and institutionalized. So again, i say work on developing the relationship with the basement, if you have any real interest in this particular kink and what it takes to earn your way out and how things will change and ....
What do you think? any advice or comments would be really appreciated.
Meet the guy and have some fun with getting to know a real person that you have talked to online.

THEN find and join a local group so you can get over newbie-itis and see the wide variety of possibilities out there. And send me pix of the basement if it is hawt...

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to enslavedgrl)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 7:29:50 AM   
InTonguesslave


Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

Before you even consider the basement thing, maybe you should think about the moving in with him thing.  You have not yet met him yet you are already talking about shacking up.  If he weren't a "Master" how much time would you spend knowing him before you would take that sort of plunge?

Why would you even consider this before you even know if you can stand to kiss him.


*snort* as greedy would say - that made me laugh out loud, thanks.

to OP, this isnt the responses you wanted im sure, but its coming from people with alot of experience and common sense.

one other thing i thought off as i was driving off to a patient.  this basement thing - if you have to earn brownie points to get out of there, is the basement thing going to become a punishment thing if you lose brownie points - could get very negative down there.  its more to consider is all im saying and since youve said you two have been talking openly, then i would suggest you talk this one through very very carefully.

_____________________________

aka lally


(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 8:59:09 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Like others said met the guy see if ther is any connection.  being loced in the basement would not be a bad thing if is a finished basement with a pull out bed tv, mini fridge and phone and bathroom.  If it does not have all that then i would say it is abuse.  Did he tell you what you would have to do to"earn" your way upostairs?  I wouls think long and hard about this guy he sounds a little unstable.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to InTonguesslave)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 9:27:29 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		Another disaster statistic waiting to be counted, by the look of things.

enslavedgrl, hand on heart, does this really sound like a sane and normal way to start any relationship? Have you heard of it before, other than in fantasy writing? Does it sound like a reality scenario to you?

If it sounds great, and all you want to do is please someone i wish you a happy time, but don't look for a happy future, i don't see one with a start like this.

me, i like living in the real world.




_____________________________

pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

(in reply to enslavedgrl)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 9:43:48 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enslavedgrl

So I met a Master here on CollarMe and I am planning on meeting him this weekend. 
I am going to assume you met him under a different screen name since this one was created the day you started this post.
 
Which I am excited about. He is a very carring Master, but yet a very strict Master from what I can tell.
How long have you known him.

Since I am new to a M/s relationship he told me tonight that when I go to live with him I will spend the first month locked in the basement. I will have to earn my way upstairs.
Do you work? If not how are you supporting yourself? Does he plan on supporting you while you are living in his basement?
 
Is this ok?
If it is ok with you, then it's ok with me. After all, I am not the one that's gonna be living there.

I am egar to learn from him and please him. I want him to teach me how to be a good little slave from him. Should I worry about this?
Should you worry about what? The fact that you have to ask these questions or the fact that he asked you to do this?

Or is this something common Masters do to train their Slaves?
I have never met anyone in real life that does it, however I have heard of it online.

We have spent alot of time talking and sharing thoughts and desires and I do trust him and feel he is a good carring person, as well as being a strict Master. Just being locked in the basement for a months scares me. What do you think? any advice or comments would be really appriciated.
Thanks so much
I will give more comments if you actually come back and address the questions.



_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to enslavedgrl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 9:50:50 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think a basement is preferable to an oil drum.


So true... but a basement could lead to an oil drum!  Monster's tend to like to play with their prey before they dump them.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 10:37:07 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		What kind of basement?

In our house, we have a walkout basement, with a hot tub on the deck, bathroom, 52" flat screen TV, surround sound, DVD player, WII game (that moves from the upstairs to the basement TV really easy), spinning bike, treadmill, hand weights, couch that fold out into a bed, book cases (several) full of great reading material from trashy romance to psychological books, bookcases full of movies, in floor heating, fish tank, sun lamp.... and I am sure there are amenities that I have missed. 

I think I could occupy myself for a month if left down there.  *g*

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to enslavedgrl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 10:39:06 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		How much to rent your basement for a week or so? 

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 10:52:54 AM   
alandraofMists


Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		And one of the amenities that Kyra forgot that is in the basement is the "dungeon".  As well as two bedrooms and a bathroom.

Mind you the temperture is supposed to drop to minus 30 today.

and for rental prices.... I am sure our Lord would be able to give you more information or work out some type of payment plan. *grins*

Knight's Alandra

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 10:57:30 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

How much to rent your basement for a week or so? 


There are some really good shots of it on that other site...if i werent on that frickin "watchlist", i would have hopped the border months ago and been found swaddled on their front porch with a sign safety pinned to my blankey..."Will work for beatings".....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 10:58:24 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		*grows more and more interested*

but now we are hijacking the thread and i don't want to get mod stomped AGAIN. sooooo


OP: being new is a tricky place to be and something no one has mentioned (that i have noticed since my head is in a basement with a WII, a ton of books, and a happy poly family) is that you might want to step back COMPLETELY and find a few mentors and friends to see what it all really looks like in person before you jump in. We are all saying these things because we have had personal bad experiences with jumping in too deep too fast and don't want you to have the scars that we have.

No matter how bitchy our words, that is just our bitterness over making "the" newbie mistake, we are saying it because we want you to have better, safer, happier, experiences than many of us had.


_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to alandraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 11:03:04 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Here's what I was going to say before looking at the OP's profile:

Back in My day, BDSM or not, we had this time period that we called "dating."  It's that point between where people met for the first time and they made any serious commitment, whether that be living together, marriage, or collars.  It used to give us the opportunity to find out if we were a good match for the other person involved and if being with the other person in question was something that we wanted to do.

Then I looked at the OP's profile and saw that she was 32.  I came up with a different reply to the thread.

If BDSM wasn't involved, would you go directly from meeting someone in real life the first time straight to living in their basement?


Somebody please tell Me what is wrong with people that common sense is more the rarity?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to alandraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 11:18:32 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		LadyPact, i have tried to hide my despair at the lack of common sense on boards like these.

Is it really meant to fly out of the window when people identifies themselves with BDSM in some form or other?

Does it ever return?




_____________________________

pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 1:18:58 PM   
devotedinSD


Posts: 91
Joined: 11/30/2008
Status: offline 		I'd go meet him first before worrying about that. i personally would not get locked up in a basement by someone i don't know and never would have considered anything like it at the beginning of my BDSM exploration phase at all. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

_____________________________

Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

(in reply to enslavedgrl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 1:30:42 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Leave my sub alone...What is wrong with you people? Can't you see she is now proudly wearing my collar of protection?

Jealous?

You are damn right she will live in the basement for a month.  It has been discussed and she has agreed that it is for the best.  Besides, it could use a little spritzin'.  It's not like she will be alone...There are the torsos of season past subs that she can feast on as well as keep her company.  Unfortunately, not everyone  "earns" their way out of the basement.  I have found it is simply better to forget than to dwell on such nasties and inconveniences. 

Wish her luck.

_____________________________



(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 2:21:07 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enslavedgrl

So I met a Master here on CollarMe and I am planning on meeting him this weekend.  Which I am excited about. He is a very carring Master, but yet a very strict Master from what I can tell.
Since I am new to a M/s relationship he told me tonight that when I go to live with him I will spend the first month locked in the basement. I will have to earn my way upstairs. Is this ok? I am egar to learn from him and please him. I want him to teach me how to be a good little slave from him. Should I worry about this? Or is this something common Masters do to train their Slaves? We have spent alot of time talking and sharing thoughts and desires and I do trust him and feel he is a good carring person, as well as being a strict Master. Just being locked in the basement for a months scares me. What do you think? any advice or comments would be really appriciated.
Thanks so much


Oh lawd have mercy!

Bless your heart, you really need to rethink your decision making skills. Go back to grown-up 101 and common sense, phase one through twelve.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to enslavedgrl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: NEED ADVICE REGARDING NEW M/s relationship - 2/24/2009 4:58:28 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

How much to rent your basement for a week or so? 


Well.. that really depends..... But... we are going to Florida in July and the house is going to be available and not just the basement.  But.. a person would have to care for the 8 cats, 1 dog, fish and keep the house clean of course... and then well... there is my trip to florida that would have to be paid... but on the bright side... it wouldn't be minus 30c in july.


and to the OP

It might be your being alittle overzealous and not really thinking things through.  It might be that you not fully communicating the situation in an accurate manner.   Either way... I have more questions than answers from your post as well as more than a few red flags.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 2/24/2009 5:00:27 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to feydeplume)
Profile   Post #: 40
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