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i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 2:33:51 PM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline

..... but im having a crisis of confidence here!

my body isnt 22 anymore, its 42 - my breasts have always been large and since having my son, well, lets just say theyre not as pert as they used to be. i have stretch marks and a mummy tummy that the gym has straightened out a bit, but not enough for my comfort.

Sir says he isnt interested in me for just my body that i have a personality he enjoys and i make him laugh and that it isnt all about sex and anyway he thinks im sexy and beautiful and that should be enough.

but what i see in the mirror makes me feel so incredibly inadequate. i want to have a beautiful body for him and for me, so i can feel sexy and confident - i just cant get away from this and its starting to become a real problem.

the poor man is on holiday right now and ive just dished a load of anxt onto him, which he suffered supportively - somebody stop me.... please.

how the hell do you cure yourself of insecurity.

and i really apologise for this, im aware its annoying, but i honestly have a problem here.

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aka lally

Post #: 1

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 3:15:00 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

That's a tough one that I don't know any real answers to. I have recently gained some weight that I know will go off again when I get my medication, but still once you gain some and go down again, things aren't exactly the same. Not with me anyway. I am not overly sensitive to it, but I know what you mean! How do you combat the self talk when you see yourself?

I think in part for me... it helps to stop the self talk about it. Don't allow yourself to say what you think for a time. Or allow yourself maybe one comment a day about it, but temper it with other things you say to yourself or remember.

I have thought of how he looks at me... his hunger and that helps me cope with the negative things I have seen and said about the changes. I do everything I can to eat less crap and do what I can to keep things going well and then do some comfort type talk... all the while remembering how he likes me no matter how I think about it. I either believe his expressions and passion and feelings for me how ever I look or I don't. If I don't... then I am obsessing about something that really isn't of real worth seeing as though... he is happy with me. I tend to think that I will feel better when I accept that I can't find a fountain of youth anywhere and accept who and what I am now. When tempted or guilty of beating myself up... I then switch to... anything negative... I have to say a postitive. I will even say in front of a mirror... you had a good run and didn't do too bad ya ol broad... I love you. hehe

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Post #: 2

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 3:21:42 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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Shoot lally - i'm 52, and have had two kids , love chocolate and look like it. But my Sir has been telling me for three years that i am beautiful - and i finally believe that he really does!   Believe the man!!!!!! He knows of what he speaks.

Besides, its bad manners to not believe him - and he has the capacity to punish bad manners (i'm sure)

I think for me i finally accepted the fact that he DID love the way i look. That if i was different he might not love me as much. And besides, how many 40 or 50 year olds do you know that look the way they did at 20?   I don't know one - at some level they all look their age.

You also might think of the fact that you are calling your Sir shallow - that you believe that at some level that alll he worries about is the outward appearance of the woman that he is with.   shame on you !

Just stop it, and repeat after me "i am beautiful, i am worthy of love, i love myself".

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 3

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 3:24:30 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
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Exactly! lol.. great post kiwi!

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Post #: 4

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 3:28:44 PM

FelineFae

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Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
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i wish someone could go into a strip club and turn the over head lights on. you would see stretch marks, moles, pimples, real boobs that sag, wrinkles, scars, less than supple skin, celulite, scaley feet... and yes peri menopausal women! not to mention the bruises we get on the poles. and yet, men are still piling in to hand over their hard earned money.

why do these things bother you? the real reason. none of these things bother dancers. you know what bothers dancers? losing their beauty and grace and not having anything left to make them them. i see a beautiful woman in your picture, and the good news is, your Sir sees that and more in you.

i hope this can help- feline

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(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 5

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 3:34:18 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
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You need to find a DarkSteven post and read his sig line.

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Post #: 6

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 3:40:31 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

I don't know of a woman our age (and I say our age because I'll be 43 in a few months) that doesn't feel the same way you do at one time or another (or two times or many, many times). I know I do.

Kiwi made a great post

The only opinion that should matter to you is your Sirs. Sounds as if he's more than alright with you and your body. You should listen to him

(in reply to FelineFae)

Post #: 7

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 3:41:49 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

Years ago I taught self esteem classes, here is an interesting piece of info" men look in to the mirror and see what's right with themselves, women look into the mirror and see what's wrong with themselves.

You need to make the differentiation about what you want--you want the body you had when you were young: before you laughed a million times, cried a thousand tears of joy and sadness, before your UM suckled at your breast cooing in the contentment of love, before your stomach held and brought forth life, before your hips became the rounded shape of a woman, before your eyes sparkled with the knowing look of love, before your hands tied a thousand shoelaces, brushed back hair a hundred times, wiped away an ocean of tears, before your lips felt and delivered a mountain of kisses.

Now is that REALLY what you want? Or is your body a marvelous map of your life's journey?

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 8

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 3:43:12 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

Oh honey.. any man worth his salt... and over the age of 20 something will realize that we are more then a sum of our parts.

We are brilliant minds, great senses of humor... sexy lasses with battle scars, and war trophies. ( I count my stretch marks as war trophies. Let me see someone go through all of the 9 months of Hades and not have some war trophies! )

If he thinks you are sexy and wonderful... then you have little to worry about. Most of us are our worst enemies.

When I look down at my 3 feet of tummy ( I am 8 1/2 months pregnant currently) and I see all these bubbles, and lumps where my body used to once be... I just kinda go ewwwww. But my girl loves me and adores me as is. She loves my big ol baby full of belly, My hips, my thighs and you name it. Hell she has never seen me not be pregnant. ( we got together recently )

Do what you must to feel better about you... work out, eat right.. take some dance classes... what have you... because it makes you feel healthier and sexier... but knowing your man is supportive.. and loves you should be paramount in your mind.

Hell even if he didnt... you deserve to be loved, and to love yourself as is.

Many of us are not spring chickens anymore... and will never get back those "wow I was hot shit" sizes and bodies. But all of the experiances, and knowlegde we have gained over the years far outwieghs any of that physical stuff.

*gives you many hugs*

Feel free to come over to the "I hate it" thread and vent with us chickies.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 9

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 3:43:50 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

i wish someone could go into a strip club and turn the over head lights on. you would see stretch marks, moles, pimples, real boobs that sag, wrinkles, scars, less than supple skin, celulite, scaley feet... and yes peri menopausal women! not to mention the bruises we get on the poles. and yet, men are still piling in to hand over their hard earned money.

why do these things bother you? the real reason. none of these things bother dancers. you know what bothers dancers? losing their beauty and grace and not having anything left to make them them. i see a beautiful woman in your picture, and the good news is, your Sir sees that and more in you.

i hope this can help- feline

You know, I like you more and more all of the time.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to FelineFae)

Post #: 10

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 3:52:27 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

How about a whole lot of public play in total nudity? Ya need a bit of desensitization, chickie.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 4:01:55 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

How about a whole lot of public play in total nudity? Ya need a bit of desensitization, chickie.

Cali

OMG nothing will desenstize you like that! Holy Hera!

Back when I bottomed.... I remember our first " play party " He decided I should strip all the way down and be scened right there. Let me tell you. Getting my blubbery ass up on that bench was one of the hardest things I have ever done. In the end I was glad I did it. I was the only one concerned even one bit by my flub. Everyone else just wanted to see how it would unfold. I still prefer being "wrapped" ( as in candy.. nice package to look at) but I am not any where near as phobic about being naked. ( Not that I would undully inflict my preggie body on passers by at a munch. LOL )

My girl has an awesome figure. Most would kill to have it. She is still concerned about this bit, or that bit.. and self concious. So it doesnt matter what size you are... or how you actually look. All of us worry.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 12

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 4:10:34 PM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline

... actually he did point out that i was calling him shallow....

guys, thanks. i was about to come back and delete this but the computer crashed, its so purile and vain, but tonight i almost asked to be released, i almost felt it was too much insecurity to feel. i mean thats really pathetic!

all of youre posts were wonderful, i dont want to pick any one out for that reason - you made me laugh, cry and youve given me some self help tools to work with and i will.

thank you xxx

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 2/24/2009 4:13:07 PM >

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aka lally

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Post #: 13

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 4:14:37 PM

manxcat

Posts: 673
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

They all said it. Beautifully. All i can add is an emphatic DITTO!!!!!!

manxy

______________
I would rather be vilified for doing the right thing than be praised for doing the wrong thing.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 14

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 4:16:24 PM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

How about a whole lot of public play in total nudity? Ya need a bit of desensitization, chickie.

Cali

well, thats half the problem...... he wants to pierce my nipples and lead me around some london dungeons completely butt naked!!! i nearly had apoplexy when he said that - 'you want me to do WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 2/24/2009 4:17:07 PM >

_____________________________

aka lally

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Post #: 15

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 4:29:48 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

A wise Master once told me not to knock what God had given me. He saw beauty in me, he saw me as desirable at all times. He saw something in me that no mirror will ever reflect back to me. I see stretch marks and big thighs and small breasts and scars. A Master sees the beauty of the heart. (Besides, experts say that during sex a man feels that his partner is very beautiful. I figure that must work for sessions, too.)

So, give yourself a good slap the next time you start to panic. This same Master taught me by simple using the word "Stop". He would not allow me to run myself down, and when I started doing it in mind I would start to think "Stop". Most men prefer women with self confidence. Remember when you are running yourself down that you are running down your Master's property. Change your thinking to something positive, like planning the next nice thing you'd like to do for him. Before you know it the negative self talk will die down. I know - it did for me.

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Post #: 16

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 4:40:13 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

well, thats half the problem...... he wants to pierce my nipples and lead me around some london dungeons completely butt naked!!! i nearly had apoplexy when he said that - 'you want me to do WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so put on a blindfold the first time or two. What you cannot see, does not exist!

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 17

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 4:58:18 PM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline

is that a sensible suggestion or a classic cali-taking-the-piss suggestion

-

and actually, while we're discussing this - i can hijack my own thread cant i? - whats the lighting like in these clubs, never ever been to one - im a simple country lass i am - is it strobe and spot light or muted and retreatably dark. just kinda need to know - (starts breathing into handy paper bag again)

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 2/24/2009 5:07:05 PM >

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aka lally

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Post #: 18

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 5:00:12 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Lally, I am deeply, deeply hurt. *quietly sobs*

I was only trying to help. Like the good, true, sweet, innocent, submissive little girl that I am. *nodsnodsnods*

DejectedCali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 19

RE: i know, this has been discussed before.... - 2/24/2009 5:08:53 PM

FelineFae

Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline

try looking up nudest resorts and nudest camping online. see real bodies. families having picnics and playing volley ball. how to put this.... uhm, it kinda serves as a reality check that what you see on tv and in magazines is not real. Not what people really look like. pictures you'll see there aren't meant as wank fonder, it's meant to show things are they honestly are.
hth- feline

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FelineFae
All right reserved by Chaos
: Disclaimer :
Do not expose FelineFae to direct sunlight.
FelineFae cannot spell in any language.
Granting of Fae-Wishes VOID where prohibitededed.
Individual results may vary.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 20

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