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RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 5:21:04 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

Being into bdsm doesn't make people, better, stronger, faster, cuter, less judgemental, or more tolerant than others. BDSM is not Utopia. Same kinds of people into bdsm that aren't into it. I shake my head when I see some posts in various boards and groups saying how they thought bdsmers were more tolerant, etc. or how they should be more tolerant of others. I don't feel I need to be tolerant or accepting of everything that happens to be labeled kink or bdsm. Not everything labeled such should be.



Ditto... thanks Sassy for saving my fingers some typing

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 5:35:07 PM   
GoodgirlFind


Posts: 55
Joined: 6/24/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici




Like redmagic1 or lordandmaster (domiguy) [are they all the same??] once said and was spot on, not all are alike.

Sure the vast majority of people make evaluations and opinions about things, events, or people. I will suggest however, placing judgments against a person with as a purposeful means to level them below you so that you can feel yourself better is passive malice wrapped up in egoism and intolerance and an altogether different sort of judgement.

It's a personal thing, you know, CatdeMedici. You can't get the herd to tell you you're okay. Only you know whether you judge people as a way to level them down so that you can better deal with your own feelings of powerlessness, inferiority, inadequacy or insecurity.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 5:58:16 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoodgirlFind


quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici





It's a personal thing, you know, CatdeMedici. You can't get the herd to tell you you're okay. Only you know whether you judge people as a way to level them down so that you can better deal with your own feelings of powerlessness, inferiority, inadequacy or insecurity.



You know, I think you are bang on here--not just in BDSM but in life in general---we as humans tend to feel if we demean someone, it raises us up in--our eyes, our families eyes--we somehow feel vindicated especially if we hear the "woot woot" of people who agree.
 
Yet  in this WIIWD, it should be more accepting one would think and yet, as you so eloquently stated, we still stand on those little portable pedestals.
 
 

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RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 6:16:47 PM   
GoodgirlFind


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoodgirlFind


quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici








It's a personal thing, you know, CatdeMedici. You can't get the herd to tell you you're okay. Only you know whether you judge people as a way to level them down so that you can better deal with your own feelings of powerlessness, inferiority, inadequacy or insecurity.






Yet  in this WIIWD, it should be more accepting one would think and yet, as you so eloquently stated, we still stand on those little portable pedestals.[/color]


Straw pedestal, real pedestal or projected pedestal, if someone's pedestal <<in your eyes>> is higher or more shinier than yours, don't let yourself fall over. There will always be a shinier, higher pedestal somewhere.




(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 6:17:59 PM   
pinkwind


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Joined: 1/9/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

 Like i say, a judgement is only a negative opinion, as far as those who cannot handle constructive criticism are concerned , and i doubt if that situation will ever change. 


A judgment is an opinion, we judge something as ‘good’ or ‘bad’.  I don’t understand where it got its negative connotation, or why we use it only in the context of disapproval. 
Just sayin’……..


The negative comes from those OP's i have experience of, who look only for validation, and accuse those whose opinion differs to what they want to hear as being judgemental.

People should expect to get as many different answers in a thread as there are posters to it, without getting their tiny whities in a bunch when opinions don't match expectation.


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RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 6:42:20 PM   
catize


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quote:

The negative comes from those OP's i have experience of, who look only for validation, and accuse those whose opinion differs to what they want to hear as being judgemental.    [/quote
 
Yes, I know!  But any opinion is a judgment!  It’s not just the negative opinions that are judgmental.  If I like what you say, if I agree with you, that too is a judgment!  And, as I said earlier on this thread, no one has ever complained when they are judged favorably!
quote:

 People should expect to get as many different answers in a thread as there are posters to it, without getting their tiny whities in a bunch when opinions don't match expectation. 

And (this is a judgment!) I agree that when we post here we should expect and accept that the feedback we get is going to come from both ends of the spectrum. 



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(in reply to pinkwind)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 6:57:36 PM   
dreamysubmale


Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		“Be curious, not judgmental.” - Walt Whitman
 
It’s in our nature to be judgmental. We look down on others as if we are that much better and instead of trying to understand them, we pass judgment based on their looks, ethnicity, color, beliefs or actions.
 
It is a very unpleasant attribute to have in my opinion.

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Everywhere man blames nature and fate, yet his fate is mostly but the echo of his character and passions, his mistakes and weaknesses... Democritus

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RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 6:59:10 PM   
hamster11


Posts: 18
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		i agree totally. i am just surprised you didnt get burned at the stake for saying it.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 7:05:34 PM   
catize


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Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamysubmale

“Be curious, not judgmental.” - Walt Whitman 
It’s in our nature to be judgmental. We look down on others as if we are that much better and instead of trying to understand them, we pass judgment based on their looks, ethnicity, color, beliefs or actions.  
It is a very unpleasant attribute to have in my opinion.

 
If I agree with you, I have judged what you said.  
How is that ‘unpleasant’?



_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to dreamysubmale)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 7:20:36 PM   
dreamysubmale


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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamysubmale

“Be curious, not judgmental.” - Walt Whitman 
It’s in our nature to be judgmental. We look down on others as if we are that much better and instead of trying to understand them, we pass judgment based on their looks, ethnicity, color, beliefs or actions.  
It is a very unpleasant attribute to have in my opinion.

 
If I agree with you, I have judged what you said.  
How is that ‘unpleasant’?





Sorry catize, it was a general reply not aimed at you post above.

 
You have agreed with me, yes but you weren't judgmental about my post or the way it’s written or it’s bad grammar or and spelling. (does that make any sense? i’m trying hard to post correct English here…lol)

< Message edited by dreamysubmale -- 2/28/2009 7:21:55 PM >

_____________________________

Everywhere man blames nature and fate, yet his fate is mostly but the echo of his character and passions, his mistakes and weaknesses... Democritus

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 7:32:20 PM   
servantheart


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From: Houston, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

From what I've observed, the level of openness and tolerance varies widely depending on the group. . .
 
The CM forums are full of wonderful, intelligent people who have a lot of experience and good insights to share.  It's a pity that CM is also full of the most negative, intolerant, hateful assholes of any of the forums I've experienced.  Anytime someone decides to post, it's a craps shoot for the poster -- they might get thoughtful posts or they might get burned at the stake.  It seems to depend more on whether or not the poster is well-known and widely accepted as part of the "in crowd" (however one chooses to define the term) than on content. 
 


A dead on analysis.



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RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 7:40:20 PM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamysubmale

“Be curious, not judgmental.” - Walt Whitman 
It’s in our nature to be judgmental. We look down on others as if we are that much better and instead of trying to understand them, we pass judgment based on their looks, ethnicity, color, beliefs or actions.  
It is a very unpleasant attribute to have in my opinion.

 
If I agree with you, I have judged what you said.  
How is that ‘unpleasant’?





Small hijack here....please tell me how you get the Comic Sans MS font to work on here.  That's the one I normally use, but it's not listed as a choice on the font drop down menu 


_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 7:43:54 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

Small hijack here.... 


 
I type my responses in Word document, then copy and paste. 


_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to servantheart)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 7:47:25 PM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

Small hijack here.... 


 
I type my responses in Word document, then copy and paste. 

 
Thanks!
~Dammit….still didn’t work  ~



< Message edited by servantheart -- 2/28/2009 7:49:32 PM >

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 7:51:43 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

 Sorry catize, it was a general reply not aimed at you post above.


You have agreed with me, yes but you weren't judgmental about my post or the way it’s written or it’s bad grammar or and spelling. (does that make any sense? i’m trying hard to post correct English here…lol) 

Yes I was judgmental!  I judged that the content of your post was the important issue, not your spelling.  I judged it, as in I formed an opinion about it.  Judgment does not necessarily mean a poor opinion.
I have judged that your apology was unnecessary!  That is a neutral judgment.



_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to dreamysubmale)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 8:32:49 PM   
dreamysubmale


Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

 Sorry catize, it was a general reply not aimed at you post above.


You have agreed with me, yes but you weren't judgmental about my post or the way it’s written or it’s bad grammar or and spelling. (does that make any sense? i’m trying hard to post correct English here…lol) 

Yes I was judgmental!  I judged that the content of your post was the important issue, not your spelling.  I judged it, as in I formed an opinion about it.  Judgment does not necessarily mean a poor opinion.
I have judged that your apology was unnecessary!  That is a neutral judgment.




I can’t see where you being judgmental. Maybe I misunderstand the word but to me it means (according to MWord thesaurus) critical, negative, condemnatory, hypercritical. And you haven’t been any of that.

_____________________________

Everywhere man blames nature and fate, yet his fate is mostly but the echo of his character and passions, his mistakes and weaknesses... Democritus

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 8:35:54 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Judgement: A balanced weighing of evidence in the formation of making a decision.

Judgemental: Relating to, or dependent upon judgement.

Nothing negative in that.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/28/2009 8:37:57 PM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 9:30:51 PM   
naswitch


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline 		It's good to use judgement when exchanging power. Use all the judgement you can muster - and use it before you have given up or taken on the responsibility that is BDSM.
But judging someone by some of the criteria you listed isn't about BDSM at all.
I am human and I judge what is right for me, not why someone else's kink is "wrong". Am I interested or not? Is this beneficial for me and mine? That is how I handle life; work, play, and relationships.

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RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 10:21:26 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		One person's preference is another's judgment or prejudice. I saw nothing but a list of preferences in your OP so it's all good.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Judgements, Opinions, Aspersions and Acceptance - 2/28/2009 10:49:57 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Judgement: A balanced weighing of evidence in the formation of making a decision.

Judgemental: Relating to, or dependent upon judgement.

Nothing negative in that.

Thank you!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 40
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