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young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 6:19:44 PM

devotedOwner19

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Howdy it seems to me in general there seems to be the opinon that by the virtue of being young automatically makes inexperainced,bad dom,and or unable to make life decisions. And being older means automatically your experianced,more likely to be a good Dom, and or able to make life decisions. I myself disagree while i may be less experianced then someone say whoes been in the lifestyle 30 years that wouldnt make me a bad dom or unable to make life decisions. what everyone opinon and why?

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 6:38:05 PM

RedMagic1

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http://www.collarchat.com/m_1548280/mpage_1/tm.htm

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 6:39:05 PM

SteelofUtah

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From: St George Utah
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Enjoy the road you are about to tow because it will be a long and fruitlful one, however the age thing will never go away and you will deal with it until you are not young, I have an issue with age being used to determine experience and ability. One of my favorite memories was watching someone give a Demo on Fire Play and having someone tell me I should get to know them I could learn something from them when he asked me up to help with the instruction and introduced me as the Man who Gave him his first Fire Wand. I've only been at this a little over a decade and I still have so much to learn, everyone does, I consider myself a perpetual student of BDSM and just ignore those who are so shallow all they see is time.

In 5 years someone who has worked at a thing will know more about it than someone who in 50 years has never bothered to try.

Experince is in what we do with the time we have not how much time we have had to do it.

Steel

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 6:45:21 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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You are 19 years old. There are going to be a great many life decisions you cannot make because you have no practical knowledge of them. Have you ever bought a house? Raised offspring? Bought a new car? Held a job for 10 years?

Hell, for that matter do you even support yourself? Because if you are lying to your parents about what you do, while telling your sub that she needs to be honest, makes you a hypocrite in my eyes. It may be necessary for you to lie about your sex life if you want your tuition to be paid, but it still doesn't make you someone honest.

Someone who tried to tell me how to raise my son, when he is damn near the same age, is not someone whom I could trust to see things from the view that experience will give. You may see no use to a college education, but someone 20 years older who has been turned down for promotions due to the lack of that degree will have a vastly different view of the situation.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 7:09:41 PM

beargonewild

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quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedOwner19

Howdy it seems to me in general there seems to be the opinion that by the virtue of being young automatically makes inexperienced,bad dom,and or unable to make life decisions. And being older means automatically your experienced,more likely to be a good Dom, and or able to make life decisions. I myself disagree while i may be less experienced then someone say who's been in the lifestyle 30 years that wouldn't make me a bad dom or unable to make life decisions. what everyone opinion and why?

Not necessarily. Much of what the issue over age as I see it, is the amount of life experience that a younger person has when measured against an older person. What should be taken into consideration is that there are always exceptions to that rule. Sadly there are some who are expressing their opinion which is based upon their own bad experiences, that's all. Plus it's not taken into consideration that many people have years of life experience yet have very little experience in the realm of BDSM. That too needs to be factored into the equation as I see it.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 7:14:38 PM

lilsub18

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My Dom is 24. Some would argue that this is too young but he has years of experience and is a natural dominant and sadist. He also studied psychology so he understands the way we think. I think some things come from experience and in that case older more experianced Doms may have the advantage, but many important qualities just come naturally. Some older, experienced Doms can be considered "bad Doms" just as some young Doms can be. Like anything in life, it all depends on the person

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 7:26:27 PM

ExKat

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Yes, the younger a dom is, the worse he is. Obviously young doms don't know anything, can't possibly form lasting relationships, and probably will choke thier first subbie to death accidentally. The only true doms are older men...and by older, I mean at least 40 years older than the submissive partner. Extra points if he has only been into the scene for few months despite his advancing years.

Oddly, the opposite holds true for woman, dominant or submissive. The younger a submissive or domme is, the better. If she's hot, that's an even clearer sign of her skill. If she has a hot waredrobe of heels and leather...all the better.

If you want to come off well, I suggest you use spell-check, and drop the "I'm 19 now, I'm so grown up!" Sure, it made your parents let you stay up as late as you want, but this is the real world. Yes, you can be a good dom even though you're young. But let's not kid ourselves, you still have a lot of growing up to do (so do I...that's how I can tell).
There are always going to be women looking for something different than you (or just people telling you you're not good enough because of x). Soon, they'll be telling you that you're too old, or too experienced.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 7:40:30 PM

Lockit

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It isn't the age that makes a person, but the person. Be all you can be at the age and time you are in. Don't try to be something that you are not. There isn't a darn thing wrong with being 19 years old. Refine yourself, learn, pay attention to life and all that is around you and determine to be all that you can be and don't worry so much about what other's think or do. Look at what you have seen in life and find the people in situations that you admire and find the things that you believe makes a good person or dominant and become those things if they are true to who you are. Be true to yourself and in time the right people will see that.

To expect to be a perfect dominant... well... at any age that can be questionable. We are just who we are and if wise, we know we always have a thing or two to learn and enjoy learning it. Don't be defensive. Do be honest with yourself, willing to be humble and know you, just like everyone else, will make mistakes and go foward in the confidence of someone who isn't afraid to admit they are human, make mistakes, have good things about themself and don't need to one up anyone in any way. Find a comfort in who you are and just go be yourself. And have some fun!

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 8:00:21 PM

peppermint

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Age has nothing to do with experience or skill. However, people who are older do have more life experience and perhaps can handle certain situations more easily than a young person.

And remember....one of these days you will be one of the older experienced Dominants.

(in reply to devotedOwner19)

Post #: 9

RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 8:10:45 PM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
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From: Portland, Oregon
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A word from Pappy,
I'm older, and I wouldn't be a good dom for most.
But for a some few, I've been a good fit.
It's that chemistry thing, I believe.

I'm sure a young dom could be fine; all it takes is some enthusiasm and a little thoughtfulness. A good attitude, I guess, would go far.

That said, though, I think I have benefitted a lot from experience...

I used to say that my parents, peers, schools, society (etc.) raised me for the first 18 years, and then I had to raise (and to some degree recreate) myself over the next 18.

It took me a long time to integrate a lot of things together in a way that was workable and made sense; but I was a really late bloomer, I suppose.

Younger folks today have a lot more information at their disposal. They are bombarded with it, in fact, but they are becoming more savvy more quickly at sorting it all out, too.

(in reply to devotedOwner19)

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 8:24:58 PM

OwnerHumiliator

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Experience is key with this scene. Younger = good? (i.e. adept) Probably not. Younger = bad? (i.e. not adept) usually. Older = better? Yes, certainly, if "better" means experienced. Older = bad? It's absolutely possible. Youth certainly has it's advantages, experience not being one of them. Live with it.

(in reply to devotedOwner19)

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 8:45:29 PM

Juliannadelion

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From: circusofthedamned
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quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedOwner19

Howdy it seems to me in general there seems to be the opinon that by the virtue of being young automatically makes inexperainced,bad dom,and or unable to make life decisions. And being older means automatically your experianced,more likely to be a good Dom, and or able to make life decisions. I myself disagree while i may be less experianced then someone say whoes been in the lifestyle 30 years that wouldnt make me a bad dom or unable to make life decisions. what everyone opinon and why?

My Lord is 22 and I am 40. His age has nothing to do with his abilities. I had been seing a dominant that was 10yrs older than I was before I met Asher. My ex doesn't even come close to the things my Lord can do to me/for me. I must admit when I first met him I wanted to discount him because of his age. Hell, I've got stretch marks older than he is!!!

But after talking to him, and getting to know him, and learning from him, age became a non-issue for us. Although, there are many people who don't know us intimately, that think I'm a middle aged cougar out for a fresh piece of meat, lol........

He has captured my heart, my soul and my mind, he is my everything, I don't care that he is ONLY 22. I care only, that he is mine.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 9:03:58 PM

Lockit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnerHumiliator

Experience is key with this scene. Younger = good? (i.e. adept) Probably not. Younger = bad? (i.e. not adept) usually. Older = better? Yes, certainly, if "better" means experienced. Older = bad? It's absolutely possible. Youth certainly has it's advantages, experience not being one of them. Live with it.

I must disagree. There are exceptions to all things and I have seen some rope play by a young person... like you wouldn't believe. He was also one hell of a dominant at a very young age, smart, wise and the dude taught me a thing or two! How much experience does it take to spank an ass? How much to call the shots in their own life and the life of their mate? I know some amazing young people who have a great deal of experience. Not all... but some.

Some people think that old people smell funny... and some do... you can't lump everyone together and not consider that life is filled with some amazing things and some of them happen to be some amazing young things. I know some cocky old folks... that shouldn't be allowed close to another human being and believe me... if I were allowing someone to get near me, it would be the young one over some of the old one's! Anyone that can float around a room with hot air... smells funny to me.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 9:17:09 PM

WyldHrt

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I wondered when you would find this thread, Julianna

I have to agree. 2 of my favourite D type people here are 22 and 28 years old respectively, both more than a decade younger than I am. This makes no difference to me, as they are both exceptional people and caring, experienced Dominants who taught this 39 year old newbie quite a bit.

In contrast, the first Dom I met from here was a decade my senior and supposedly very experienced, yet he managed to injure me by being careless the first (and last) time we played.

Really, it all comes down to the individual. While it is true that most younger Doms lack in life experience, that is not always the case. Tarring all younger Doms with the "inexperienced" brush is a mistake, as much as assuming that an older Dom is "experienced" and can handle himself and whatever situation arises.

To the OP: As ExCat mentioned, your attitude will largely determine how people respond to you. That said, spell check is your friend as well.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 9:20:36 PM

Juliannadelion

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hey wyld!

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 9:28:49 PM

dcnovice

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<fast reply>

Everyone has to start somewhere.

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it's never enough to keep up.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 9:54:05 PM

WyldHrt

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quote:

hey wyld!

How's it going, Julianna? Have you finished corrupting that sweet, innocent boy yet?

SOOO kidding

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"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
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Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 10:02:18 PM

Juliannadelion

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LMAO, oh yes, you'd have to be kidding on that one!

We just had our five month living together anniversary. He cut out little hearts, and made them into a big heart shape on the bed and put a sweet happy anniversary in the middle. He is truly amazing, no matter how old he is. Sometimes, it feels like he is older than I am and teaching me something new every day. I could not love him more if I tried.

How are you? Haven't seen you in ages missy! You have been missed.

_____________________________

Do you think this kind of love happens every day? ~ Asher

Bonded by blood, bound to His soul, soon to be his wife, owned by AsherDeLampyr

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 10:05:23 PM

HeavansKeeper

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Society has ingrained in us (that's the general "us", the reason why we don't need clarification about this issue, the reason we all understand exactly what the OP is discussing) that a "man" is an established provider in this world. Top hats, brandy, and cigars in the smoking room of his upstate villa, so to speak.

Age is a demographic which you do not choose, by which some people will make assumptions and judge you. It carries the same torch as race and gender. Agism has even become an powerful social and legal taboo, however, it is almost always in place to protect older people from age discrimination (as opposed to younger people).

As a member of a "judged" demographic, we must fight the long fight to prove our ground. We have to be "better" to be "enough." I like the challenge. I read tons of posts from young dominants about how hard the age dilemma is (which always sounds whiney), and tons of posts from women who've thrown themselves into 40-somethings "masters" who used them for sex. It makes me giggle. The cautious eye used on the "kids*" of the D/s world seems to get lifted over time. Relaxing one's guard leads to attack. I wish all submissives were as cautious as they are when tinkering with the younger dominants.

But then there is the issue of instant disqualification. Most people I know and respect adhere to "it's the person, not the number" or some variant. This is a surprisingly large group. Maybe I'm lucky in that I run into very few members of the "young 'dominants' are nothing more than horny users!" camp. Maybe people just lie more often.

The boring stock response is 100% right, and the best advice you'll get:

1) You can always make yourself stand out and be respected as a competent and compelling mind.
2) If age matters that much to them, and that little to you, fuck em - not going to work.

*18-24 or so.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 2/28/2009 10:15:59 PM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Youth does not equate to a Bad Dom, it can equate to an Inexperienced Dom. Takes time to gain experience and some gain loads of good experience earlier that others. Good mentors are handy too.. Inexperience + Laziness or Arrogance not to seek teaching from recognised good Dominants is one recipe for disaster and becoming a Bad Dom..

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http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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