RE: young=Bad Dom, true?

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/1/2009 8:13:52 AM

Evility

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle
This and other threads like it highlight the utter pointlessness of debating personal preference.

And yet that did not prevent you from jumping into the fray.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/1/2009 8:29:41 AM

FullCircle

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When did I give you my opinion on whether or not young dominants are inexperienced or what my preference is in that regard?

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/1/2009 10:39:51 AM

Lynnxz

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Young= not old, true.

Ignore the people who don't like you, and do what makes you happy OP.

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 3/1/2009 10:44:30 AM >

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/1/2009 5:25:04 PM

LATEXBABY64

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i always love the freight train of disaster want some popcorn cause it really is worth the karma wait yeah ha lol
when people try to wreck the natural order of things. problems may happen just read the fine print that comes with everyones birth certificate mine said may cause trouble and mayhem

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/1/2009 6:12:46 PM

clearlightblack

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I don't think that age should define how well you do things.....

When I first met a Dom who was 19 and I 25.....I gave it a shot. I've always had a preference for men older than me but he seemed nice.

Well, unfortunately, it didn't work....not because he didn't know what he was doing when it came to being a Dom.....but he could never relate to me and my experiences.

He was 19, didn't have a car and still lived with mom, would get yelled at if he was on the phone too long, etc. etc. I was 25 and owned my own home, my car and traveled a lot for work. I was completely independent and had my own life.

Our lives were very different.....his experience very limited.....maybe not his Dominating experiences.....but his life experiences and that didn't mess well with me.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/2/2009 7:02:55 AM

LATEXBABY64

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I do not think it is about doining things well as much as doing many things that relate to each well anybody can do one thing well and maybe ok but if your very very experinced your expectation level is a lot higher and a lot more refined. that is why many times they can not meet your needs cause they do not know. It is alot harder to bond with someone that does not know them selves then to someone that is refined.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/2/2009 10:36:48 AM

EclipseAbove

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The issue you are raising is people taking a generalization and applying it to an individual. In general, younger people are less experienced than older people - be it with BDSM or just life. It makes sense. Older people have been around longer, had more time to experience things, had more opportunities for trial and error with their decisions and hopefully more time learning from their mistakes. But that is a generalization and really has no bearing on any particular individual. There are plenty of individuals who are completely opposite from the generalization says. You can look at it like gambling. In general, the house wins - that's how they can afford to build all those fancy hotels and casinos. But does that mean you can't win a particular hand of blackjack? Does it even mean you can't win lots of hands of blackjack? Of course not. That's the problem with trying to apply a generalization to a specific situation - it can give very faulty results.

Even if the generalization did apply to individuals (and it doesn't), time served doesn't necessarily make for a "good" dominant or a "good" anything else. While more time with something will often increase someone's skill, it can turn mistakes into bad habits that may be too hard to ever break. There is also the issue of being current. People with years of experience may not be aware of the latest practices. And having lots of experience can cause people to think they are right in circumstances where they aren't. Lots of time with something is a double-edged sword.

Bottom line: the things that make a dominant "good" or "bad" have very little to do with how long they've been doing it.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/2/2009 10:53:48 AM

Jeptha

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Just to give a little balance to this discussion; just because you're older doesn't mean a free ticket into anyone's panties.

When you're "middle-aged", as I suppose I am, you are often dismissed as most likely irrelevent by other generations (and sometimes your own, if you don't look right.)

One nice thing about being older: Other men don't view you as rivals, and there's less competitiveness in general (although maybe the younger generation is a lot cooler than mine was and this isn't a problem anymore, anyways...- or perhaps I should just speak for myself!)
When I meet someone approximately my age, it's usually a friendly feeling of "hey, look; there's an old guy!" (or something like that.)

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 3/2/2009 10:55:09 AM >

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/11/2009 4:23:08 PM

magicescape

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Everyone who wrote about experience is right- but it has to do with the slave you are looking for. my previous Master was 24. He was young but well trained and open to learning. i would much prefer to serve a young Master willing to learn than an old Master with experence

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/11/2009 7:50:19 PM

IronBear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: magicescape

Everyone who wrote about experience is right- but it has to do with the slave you are looking for. my previous Master was 24. He was young but well trained and open to learning. i would much prefer to serve a young Master willing to learn than an old Master with experence

If I take what you wrote at face value, it would seem that firstly you are judging other Dominants by your previous young, 24 years old, Master. Secondly, in your preference for younger Masters who are open to learning over older Masters with experience, you ignor the fact that many older and experienced masters are just that because they are still open to learning and changes....If you prefer younger Masters then your choice is age based which is fine but at least be open and honest about it and for mercy sake don't hide behind the twaddle that older experienced Masters are not open to learning.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 3/11/2009 7:52:35 PM >

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/11/2009 8:06:11 PM

PapaJohnQ

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I am old in years, even older in experience, but people who know me say I am the oldest 7 year-old they know, if not when I am being the youngest 107 year-old. I suspect it has to do with not taking me seriously, and not doing what I think others may be expecting that I should do. Most probably it is because I have learned that lolgic and rational thought is usually wrong, so I consider them bad habits which I work hard at discarding from my life.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/11/2009 11:14:54 PM

applecandy

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I feel like I need to toss in my two cents here. Young Doms aren't a problem for me in and of themselves. Communication is the problem, and I very rarely find 19 year olds that know themselves well enough to be open and communicative as I require in my relationships. Mind you, I don't say I NEVER find them, only that they're rare. Lack of experience is a much smaller issue to me than being able to communicate successfully.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/12/2009 6:11:31 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Honsoku

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP You are 19 years old. There are going to be a great many life decisions you cannot make because you have no practical knowledge of them. Have you ever bought a house? Raised offspring? Bought a new car? Held a job for 10 years?

Someone who tried to tell me how to raise my son, when he is damn near the same age, is not someone whom I could trust to see things from the view that experience will give. You may see no use to a college education, but someone 20 years older who has been turned down for promotions due to the lack of that degree will have a vastly different view of the situation.

To which the response is this: How many people do you know that have been through those very experiences and still can't tell their ass from a hole in the ground? If someone has to have practical experience with a decision before being able to make it, how would anyone be able to make that decision for the first time?

Sorry Honsoku but I stand by my statement. I wouldn't give my car to a kid with no mechanic training. I wouldn't take any family member to someone who wanted to be a doctor but had no education and training. I use an accountant for my taxes, not an art student who has no head for numbers.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/12/2009 6:37:26 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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imho, i don't equate young Dom as Bad Dom however i would have problems being your submissive if you were my dominant. even if you were mature and wise beyond your age - it would still pose problems for me.

besides the kink, we probably wouldn't have much in common. your age is too close to my oldest and i would probably treat you more like one of my little brothers than a man. in my eyes, you're still wet behind the ears with no real life experience. it would be difficult for me to seek advice from you or have deep thought-provoking conversations.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/12/2009 8:02:13 AM

BlackPhx

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~~Fast Reply~~

There are no magical ages once child hood has been left behind. Around age 2 we walk, speak and work on housebreaking..then reading and onwards to kindergarten at age 5. After that milestones come at puberty, the arbitrary age of majority 18 in many places, and so on. Life is what happens in between childhood and death (hopefully of old age). No one is required to have their first kiss at a certain age, buy a house, have a child, etc by the time they are such and such age..and there is no magical age at which point a dominant becomes a "certified" dominant or a submissive a "certified" submissive.

We never seem to have a problem with the young 18 year old submissive female or male identifying themselves..but when it comes to the same aged dominant..everyone seems to feel that without years of experience they can't be a dominant and own someone. PBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTT. If they can go to war and die, lead troops, attend college and walk away with a degree, open computer companies or run for Mayor the young can do whatever the old can and often with far more energy.

You are what you are at any age, everyone has to start somewhere and as long as you can admit there are things you need to learn (at any age) you will make a good Dom. If you have someone who calls you Master you are a Master no matter what anyone thinks. But never forget to work on yourself and that holds true at any age, not just 18 or 19 and continue to stretch and learn. Watch, listen and learn works for all ages, not just the young.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/12/2009 2:44:20 PM

Ihmenjo

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As a fellow young dominant myself, I feel the need to chime in here. My apologies for not reading over the previous pages of this thread, so I may actually voice a few points that have already been brought up.

Most of my previous experience in the D/s world has been through online chats and such. Now, I didn't like that because a lot of time, I could not actually see the person on the other end. At the same time, it was very refreshing because of the anonymity that it afforded me. I'm not going to lie... like many a curious teenager, I was wandering areas of the internet that I had no business being in long before I was of legal age to do so. I think, though, that my chatting experience taught me one thing: never judge a book by its cover. To my surprise, I was often asked if I was in my upper 20s and many times, was considered to be at least 30 years of age. Now, to a boy who wasn't even legal to purchase cigarettes, this came as a rather large surprise to me at the time. I informed most that I was only 18 and that I was seeking to learn and talk (and a little play didn't necessarily hurt!). Still, many people were surprised by even that revelation, so I'd have to imagine what many of them would say if I had reveled myself at 16 at the time. Really, what surprised me even more is how many people would suddenly leave the conversation and never speak to me again just due to my age.

I joined collarme after I turned 18 (quite a bit, actually) because I was quite curious about people intent on the lifestyle as a lifestyle rather than as an online distraction. I think that this pre-occupation with age-equals-experience is a farce and an insult. I was raised to be polite, courteous, and respectful. I took that rearing and translated it into the way I dominate. I'm gentle, caring, and trustworthy, even though I can be strict and overbearing and sometimes selfish, but I will listen when the need to actually do so arises. I'm young, ergo I do have faults and make mistakes that YOUNG people will make. Just because you are older, though, does not mean you will not make those same mistakes or have the same faults. I've seen many people, much older than me in some cases, who are guilty of just that.
Does age = experience? Yes, why yes it does. You have years of life that you have lived that have shaped you into the person that you are that day. Sometimes, those experiences set you back, though. I think a young mind is impressionable... they learn and adapt and are still figuring out how their awkward minds and bodies will cope with the real world. In the case of a lifestyle relationship, I think that a young person is well-suited to it. They have yet to steel themselves in bad habits and such. They will make mistakes, but they will also learn from them.

I think that there are young dominants who are not up to the task, nor are they really suited to be a dominant. These are the ones in the lifestyle for the kink and the thrill. Those young folk willing to learn and ask questions and be concerned about seemingly very silly issues (and feel quite inadequate at times!) aren't ruled by some sort of egotistical drive. These are the dominants that are genuinely interested in a submissive for a relationship rather than some silly fling. It's those young dominants that should not be looked down upon... but sadly, I think it's the others that tend to give the good ones a bad name. It's just like a joke I've heard: 99% of lawyers give the other 1% a bad name (but perhaps, here, the percentages are at least a little different!)

Now, I'm not saying that older = bad. I've met many couretous dominants and submissive who are more than willing to lend me a helping hand and a little bit of friendly advice. It is to those people who I extend my heartfelt thanks and gratitude for helping me on my task of shaping me into a dominant even I can be proud of.

< Message edited by Ihmenjo -- 3/12/2009 2:47:59 PM >

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/12/2009 5:08:28 PM

agirl

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I certainly don't think young=bad dom at all.

If you can do the job, then fine. You're the man.

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/13/2009 1:30:49 AM

Guilty1974

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnerHumiliatorOlder = better? Yes, certainly, if "better" means experienced.

Older=more experienced? Utter bollocks. When I was 25 and worked as a volunteer at BDSM party, you don't want to know how many people in their forties and fifties were scared to come in for the first time. And they are supposed to have more experience? Yeah. with thinking and fantasising about it, maybe...

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/13/2009 1:44:33 AM

BLKMADONA

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This question again(yes there is a hint of smirk in my typing,lol). How is one to get experience? Even the older, mature ppl started sometime in their lives. Also on that same note, if one has been "doing things" in a bad way...15 years later that only makes them an expert of"doing things" in a bad way if they havent gained the proper experiences to correct themselves. To each its own. I truely believe some ppl have an ornate(dunno if I spelled that right..lol) sense of how to "yield a rod" and some dont. Those that dont, hopefully, seek proper training. If not, I wouldnt want to be around that person if Im a sub(and Im not, btw). GOOD Experience is key 99.9 % of the time(the .1% are those who have that "ornate" ability I previously stated). In the end, we cant have the blind leading the blind---so go out there and get some good experiences to whip into someones ass!

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RE: young=Bad Dom, true? - 3/13/2009 4:24:31 PM

meatling

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Age by no means makes you a good or bad Dom. I am 33 and my Daddy is actually younger than me by a fair amount(he is 26). It is not his age that makes him good at his Dominance, but his natural ability. I have known many so called Doms my age and older, that were awful and probably a danger to any sub/slave that was with them. Weather it be ego, or plain lack of true caring for the sub/slave. Do not let anyone tell you that because you are young, you are not good at what you do.

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