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Self loathing - 3/12/2009 8:59:15 PM   
Saint


Posts: 279
Status: offline 		Do you ever hate this lifestyle? Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in? If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist? Curious minds wish to know.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/12/2009 9:31:02 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Do you ever hate this lifestyle?

No.
quote:

  Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in?

No.

quote:

  If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist?

 
I’d schedule an appointment with a therapist.
 
 
< warning >  Arm Chair Psychology Ahead:
The first giant but vital step will be to accept yourself.  You might find if your perceptions change, the rest of your issues will also. 



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RE: Self loathing - 3/12/2009 9:44:52 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
It sounds like you're asking two different questions - do we sometimes hate ourselves, and do we sometimes hate the lifestyle. I never hate myself for being kinky, because I don't have any choice. I am what I am, and that's all that I am.

But I do often hate the lifestyle, for the very reason you mention - finding someone I really like a lot and really have good chemistry with is pretty easy; it happens all the time. But finding someone like that who's also not only kinky, but kinky in a compatible way, is almost impossible.

Similarly, finding women who are kinked pretty much the same way I am is also easy. It also happens all the time. The trouble is, it's about once every  ten years I meet one of those who also enjoys a significant number of the vanilla things I enjoy doing. And I don't want to settle for one or the other, and spend my life in a relationship with a woman I know I can never be fully happy with because she's only half of what I need. I won't do that to someone who trusts me with her heart, and i won't do it to myself. I've spent over half my adult life alone for pretty much that reason, and at my age I think it's probable that I'll spend all of the rest of it alone because of that.

So, yeah. I fucking hate that. Because I don't think there's anything worse in this world than being alone. But I never hate myself for it. I just go out every day and do what I do and try not to think about it too much. You can't dwell on shit like that, or it'll destroy you. I've still got a life to live, even if it isn't the one I'd like to be living. It's the only one I've got, so I've got to go out and live it. What else is there to do?

< Message edited by ThatDamnedPanda -- 3/12/2009 10:12:32 PM >

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RE: Self loathing - 3/12/2009 11:36:40 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		No...I never hate myself.  Although I used to wonder about "why me?"..... after soul searching I realized the important thing was to love myself and who I am...no matter what.  

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RE: Self loathing - 3/12/2009 11:43:54 PM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		Hate myself? Sometimes I get frustrated at myself, but rarely hate, and never about "the lifestyle" side of me. Hate the lifestyle? I hate the endless search, the fakes, the liers, the hopes raised and dashed, but I'd find those anywhere. Vanilla is not a guarantee of happiness even for those oriented that way.

< Message edited by WestBaySlave -- 3/12/2009 11:45:38 PM >

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RE: Self loathing - 3/12/2009 11:51:29 PM   
kuriouswitch


Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Do you ever hate this lifestyle? Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in? If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist? Curious minds wish to know.


No, I don't hate myself. I get frustrated when I try to do or say something and it comes out all wrong or I become my clumsy klutzy self. If anything I hate the fact that I have to hide that I'm a kajira from the "vanilla" world. That I, for the comfort of others can not come out and say, "yes I'm a slave to this man, happily so and with full sane consent." But I don't hate the lifestyle, I have finally found where I belong and that's a great feeling.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 12:13:47 AM   
inkdrips


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/12/2009
Status: offline 		Personally, I just put it down to a curious mind and I don't label myself until I've made a thorough decision about who I am.  Some might disagree.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 2:06:56 AM   
FelineFae


Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Do you ever hate this lifestyle?
Nope.
 
 
Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in?
Nope. Though Master and m'Lady do at times remind me, it's okay to be what i am. i've never hated what i am, but had got used to people telling me it or i was wrong. 'Have had problems with family members that can't accept me. Mostly, anymore, i pity those that fear what they don't understand and are too dence to educate themselves.
 

If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist? Curious minds wish to know.
All the people i want to exist, very much exist.


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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 6:55:50 AM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Do you ever hate this lifestyle? Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in? If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist? Curious minds wish to know.


That the 'lifestyle', no not really, but really really loathe being around some of the people that i have met in it. Sometimes even sad that accepting one's sexuality doesn't help the person accept themselves. I do remember struggling a bit with being ok that i am a raving, bra burning feminist that also happens to be a slave to a male with other raving, bra burning feminists. But somehow I don't think that is what you are talking about.

I don't remember the teen angst thing that well (thank the powers that be), but i am sure i had some form of self loathing for SOMETHING, possibly my shoes or height, at that time. I admit to a great deal of loathing for the so called normal life that people 'seem' be to living, but that is based on that fact that they aren't living that 'normal' life and driving themselves and others bonkers with the attempt and the judgments and the projecting of their issues of not being 'normal'. I have felt sorry for myself for being an outsider from time to time and have even faked behaviors to fit in at times. But i haven't hated or loathed myself for my sexuality, my intelligence, my curious mind, or my desire for knowledge. In fact, they are things that i have been smug about when OTHER people wanted me to hate myself for not being more like them.

The soul numbing, mind eating strain of dedicated searching for the perfect match can drive anyone a bit off balance. It DOES drive most people off balance. It isn't so much that the other person doesn't exist (notice that i didn't say perfect or compatible), it is often more that the search itself takes on a life of it's own and starts warping the searchers sense of fun and compatibility with others. Sure that match or this match might not be 100% before you even meet. DUH. And truth be told it probably won't be 100% even after years. You and your partner(s) will continue to surprise each other and bother each other, and amaze, baffle, confuse, bore, and annoy each other after 50 years.


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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 7:03:43 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		WIITWD has, in my opinion, nothing to do with our self esteem our self identity or self worth.
 
I see a therapist for me not for WIITID with him.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 9:12:52 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hate myself no i actually pretty much like myself.  No self esteem issues here.  There are some things about myself that i may want to change but i can't change my height so no biggie.

Do i hate the lifestyle?  I don't it is what fulfilles me.

We may be ourside the norm.  What is normal?  What society percives as normal.  I don't see that as a problem though.

I firmly believe there is someone for everyone, some people just have not found that person yet.  I found my Master so  you can find the right person does exsist.

Matt's littleone


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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 10:12:01 AM   
Hissltora


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline 		Do you ever hate this lifestyle? What exactly are you referring to as "this lifestyle"? If you are referring to orientation on one side of the slash or other, nope. i don't hate my brown hair, my goofy laugh or my innate slave self. Why hate something you are? That road leads to absolute misery. If you mean more the "public" aspect, munches, websites, yaddayadda, i wouldn't know. We don't do that stuff, Master prefers to stay close to a few true friends.

Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in? It depended on what the context was. i am a childhood abuse survivor. i did loathe that in my school years, when all i had experienced set me apart. As i got older, understood and finally embraced my inner self, i didn't loathe myself for being different. Why would i want to be a cookie cutter person? Most times, when you think someone is perfect and "normal", they are far from it. And who gets to write the definition of normal, anyway?

If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist? Well, if you are so sure the person doesn't exist, then they won't simply because you have blinded yourself to the possibilities. When you start out with a very narrow definition of what you *want*, you might miss a great opportunity to find what you *need* in a person. i didn't search for Master in kink-areas. i found Him in the vanilla world. Lucky me, that i didn't rule out the normal life as a place to find a wonderful Master. :)




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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 10:20:07 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think if I ever "loathed" myself for something that I "was", I'd be changing myself to something I could more accept, and like, even.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 12:57:05 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		Ummm no I have never hated myself. I did have a period in life where I didn't want to give into my submissive side. I thought it was weak, I did get over it though. I have never hated that part of me though.

If you are suffering self loathing and self hate there is more issues involved here then just being kinky. There is nothing abnormal about kink. If you are attracted to small children or something else morally abhorrent then well I can see self loathing, but no matter what you eccencially need to accept who you are and then work from that point forward.

Seek therapy. Self hate and self loathing are very serious issues and can get alot worse if not treated properly and in a timely manner.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 1:14:48 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I hate myself, but it has nothing to do with this lifestyle.
I actually reject the premise.  I am in a great relationship now, and this is not the first time.  I have known many terrific dominant women in my life.  They ARE out there.  But you have to be willing to do the work to find a good Mistress.
I actually LOVE the fact that I am the way I am.  There is nothing else as exciting and fun as our lifestyle.

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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 1:59:30 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Hate is a wasted emotion Nuff said.

BadOne


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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 2:20:42 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Hate is a wasted emotion Nuff said.

BadOne



I totally agree. So is regret

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It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 4:57:05 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Do you ever hate this lifestyle?

No. I've had intense feelings of anger towards people in it, just like I have members of various races, sexualities, religions, cultures, schools of though, etc without hating the group they belong to.
quote:


Has there been times where you were filled with self loathing for whatever it was that set you outside the normal everyday life the people seem to engage in?

No. I don't think there is a "normal everyday life" that I'm seperate from. Just about everything I do on a daily basis, everyone else does. Or a vast majority. Go to work, buy supplies for the house, hang out my friends.

quote:


If so, how do you deal with hating yourself for being involved in a lifestyle where the search for a compatible person may as well be non-existent due to the fact that they simply do not exist?

The concern that a compatible partner doesn't exist has nothing to do with any particular lifestyle. That concern is shared by many people of many different walks of life, if not all.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 4:59:26 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Hate is a wasted emotion Nuff said.

BadOne



I totally agree. So is regret

i thing both emotions can have positive results. It just depends on how you use them


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RE: Self loathing - 3/13/2009 5:12:53 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		No, I can't say that I have ever felt hate for this "lifestyle". I have too much fun with it most of the time. The only thing I hate is that I felt so strange as a "vanilla" for so long. Now I've found where I always dreamed of being, but never believed really existed.

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