RE: Respecting authority

RE: Respecting authority (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

Lockit -> RE: Respecting authority (3/15/2009 3:48:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERLIX Thank you for responding... As I read what you said, I couldn't help but to see that your interest in the areas you have researched in order to discover yourself has been in the areas of fetishes and maybe other parts. However, if you are interested in M/s or D/s relationships, you have to have other forms of knowledge and understanding and also discovery. From what I read in your original post, you are having problem submitting. That is whether virtually or real time. If you do intend to go on this journey, you have to find a way to learn to "yield". That is where you seem to be having problems with right now. Especially, since this Dom is not the first one to have mentioned it. I am assuming all the Doms you have had are not from the same family, which means, everyone can't be making this up. There is a pattern. My thought process with this, having the knowledge of psychology and psychotherapy, is to probably take some time to evaluate yourself all together and see why you are struggling with submission. In this lifestyle, rules create structure, structure creates discipline. I can write a whole article on that sentence. So, if a sub/slave is not able to do that, it means they are having problem with submission. This is what you should remember: "To submit is defined as "to yield oneself to the authority or will of another; to surrender." Such a simple concept, and so very beautiful. How, then, has it become twisted into nothing more than a method of getting one's own way? If a submissive woman looks toward her relations with a dominant Man with selfishness, wondering what's in it for her, she is destroying the very thing she claims to be. Rather than being used and enjoyed, she is only performing for her own pleasure; where is the "gift" in that? As personal subjugation (wearing the title of BDSM) has become more mainstream, it seems that some of its core ideals, and perhaps its very meaning, have been watered-down to be more palatable to the masses. While acceptance and tolerance are generally beneficial things, we cannot help but mourn the purity and simplicity that has been sacrificed. Slaves aren't really slaves; they're usually "submissives" who simply see that term as more romantic. Masters are prohibited from being Masters, for fear of so offending the general populace that their own freedom is revoked. We are slowly being suffocated by the customs of the mainstream world, and one of the more disturbing symptoms of this is the proliferation of so-called "submissives" who are only looking out for themselves and their own enjoyment." - By Michelle G. (Reflections On Authentic Submission) So, in my mind, you need mentoring and guidance. If you can do that, you will be on the right path. You need a break from an actual D/s relationship, because I don't even think you are mentally ready for an M/s relationship just yet. That is even if you think that you do relate, most definitely to a slave mentality. If you do, this will not happen, "Approx. once every couple of days i text something that comes off harshly. Nothing out right negative, but maybe something that sounds directive rather than receptive." Sorry that I am not going to join others that may take a different route in addressing this. I train subs, and for that, I have to be blunt with you on what I think. As I conclude, also keep this in mind: "If I would have Him be Dominant I must submit. This is the total crux of the matter in living a life of submission. To prefer His will over my own. To relinquish my way for His. This is the price of fulfillment. That I would embrace His masculinity, His strength His power and meet it with my submission, my weakness and vulnerability. That I would feel my femaleness to my core without the brittle mantle of control so many of my sisters seem to need to carry. We are told that fulfillment is found in control. What if it isn't? What if the road to peace and joy in our relationships is not pulling, but yielding? No leading but following? Not standing but submitting?" - By namaste (Shared Wisdom On Femininity & Submission ) It isn't about overdoing it, it is about knowing which aspect of the lifestyle you need to focus your attention to understand. If you do, you will learn how to freely submit. You will learn discipline. Discipline for some, come naturally. Discipline for some, come with training. Sir Lix You say she isn't ready for a submissive relationship and needs mentoring and of course you do mention that you do mentoring. You have taken a few words she has said and some she has said other's have had a problem with... which amounts to her speaking her mind or speaking directly, not meaning to be authoritive but an adult it sounds like to me and then you state she isn't ready for a d/s relationship. I don't know how you can evaluate that and come up with your solution based on all that has been said on this thread. I would not say she isn't ready to be submissive in a relationship... I say she isn't ready for a dominant who says she isn't submissive and makes her feel confused, insecure and doubtful of herself.. for which you did your evaluation of her. Words spoken in a doubtful state.. confused and such shouldn't be met with... confirmation that this unknown online domiant is correct.

MASTERLIX -> RE: Respecting authority (3/15/2009 3:53:33 PM)
I wasn't coming off as knowing it all. However, I think many people were just as well quick to castigate the Dominant and probably all the Dominants she has interacted with. That, in itself could be considered self positioning. Has anyone taken into consideration that we didn't even read from the Dominant? If she could break it down the way she did, I would be surprised to read what the Dominant would say. Point is, when someone does not have an opportunity to hear the other side, give the benefit of the doubt. My comment about her submission clearly came from the inadequacies that she stated about herself in the realm of the lifestyle and her submission. I wasn't trying to take anyone's side. I still maintain that she needs to stop and take a step back. Sir Lix

Lockit -> RE: Respecting authority (3/15/2009 4:00:28 PM)
How is someone speaking a certain way... a determination of having a struggle with their submission based on a couple sentences of doubt raised becasue she was attacked on a submissive level by an online dominant that can rarely talk to her? How do you determine she is struggling rather than maybe just needs some guidence according to the likes and dislikes of what could be a dominant player... or worthy dominant? Like I said... some would think nothing of her input. She did say she wasn't trying to be authoritive.

MASTERLIX -> RE: Respecting authority (3/15/2009 4:06:48 PM)
I still maintain that she needs mentoring and guidance...Definitely not from the Dominants she plans to pursue a relationship with. There is no rush. Yes, I mentor. I probably have the most popular mentoring yahoogroup around. We mentor both Dom/mes and sub/slaves. I learn everyday as well. It is for this reason that I am not castigating the Dominant in this case. He should be given the benefit of the doubt. If I where mentoring her, I would have asked her more questions. And as a matter of fact, if she was still around her, I would have asked her more questions as well. Sir Lix

Lockit -> RE: Respecting authority (3/15/2009 4:13:37 PM)
You are good at avoiding real questions based on things you have determined. So be it. I shall now leave this back and forth with you and consider the source. I am sure a femdom is no skin off your nose. I only hope that the newbie, weak submissive woman will see how many submissive's and dominant's tried to defend her as a submissive and adult and she will also consider the source. She is an adult... she is submissive and she has every right to speak her mind and be trained on how a dominant wants things if she wants that dominant and I will hope that she can see her worth rather than a self claimed dominant who hasn't the time to train her to him properly.

MASTERLIX -> RE: Respecting authority (3/15/2009 4:22:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit How is someone speaking a certain way... a determination of having a struggle with their submission based on a couple sentences of doubt raised becasue she was attacked on a submissive level by an online dominant that can rarely talk to her? How do you determine she is struggling rather than maybe just needs some guidence according to the likes and dislikes of what could be a dominant player... or worthy dominant? Like I said... some would think nothing of her input. She did say she wasn't trying to be authoritive. I know this is not enough to change any notion or opinion, but she did say this, "Note: I work in a very male dominated field and i hold my own well. That means that i have to be agressive and competent. I make decisions quickly and have opinions. That is a part of who i am." Did you wonder why she felt the need to add that? She didn't have to. But she did. She did because she wanted us to take that into consideration as we analyze the situation. I read every line and take every line into consideration. Sir Lix

Lockit -> RE: Respecting authority (3/15/2009 4:33:26 PM)
Okay one more time. lol She also said... that is a part of who I am. Many wonderful submissive's in long term relationships are in such roles at work and it is a part of who they are. In varying ways, this is considered by their dominant and themselves and their relationships are determined by them. I know of few who are considered not ready, struggling with their submissiveness becasue of the adult position they hold in society and how they might have had to change roles after work and learn to speak according to what their dominant felt best. When a good dominant guides rather than insults or limits them because of who they must be outside the relationship, they can be very beautiful submissives without mentoring by other's. I don't see being smart, aggressive and good at making fast decissions at work as a fault. I see it as a wonderful enhancement even if some balance is needed within our dynamic's.

RealSub58 -> RE: Respecting authority (3/15/2009 4:43:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlissFound But what i ask for here is more for a sense of self-identity and Your opinions on that level. I have felt submissive on a very profound inner level all of my life. Even in childhood, fantasies i've had finally make sense. I would not be surprised if i have not lived lifetimes in slavery, because my fantasies/memories are so vivid. The ache for this lifestyle, to live it real-time is in every cell of my make-up. So why am i perceived in a different way than what i am feeling, believing inside of me? Why is the inner not reconciling with the outer? Any insight/opinions would be appreciated. Whether i agree or not. i thank all of You c hello c, I will not speak to your relationship as you have indicated a need to understand yourself. So why am i perceived in a different way than what i am feeling, believing inside of me? Why is the inner not reconciling with the outer? As you have described your submissive nature, I do understand the way you describe it. I to have had much difficulty in speaking from my heart, having it come out differently than I want it to and being perceived contrary to what perception I thought I was giving off. My therapist, thank God for her, and I have spoken of this so many times. I will have to admit, I have struggled a great deal of my life with this. Why? Learned behaviour to protect that shy submissive little girl longing to make everyone happy and to be totally obedient. I label it as reactive passive aggressive behaviour. I have read much on this and daily have need to tame the shouting of the little girl when I have tried so hard to be obedient and make the other happy. Altho I do have the skills and personality for positions of management, early on I declined to take such a position when sought after. If I am not mentored while in a position of management I fail. Tis the reason I am unemployed at this time. I work very well by myself, but I really want to be part of a team. I have learned these last 10 years, if I do not have a mentor to go to while in a position of management I am perceived in a different way than what i am feeling, believing inside of me. During the times that I was lucky enough to have a mentor, I could ask them Why is the inner not reconciling with the outer? It always seems to come down to that shy submissive child deep inside that fears she has failed someone or something along the way by the way I speak. What I need to say does not come out right. I am so very blessed with a Sir would understands this and is there for me when I need to have his direction and encouragement that I am not a failure and neither is that shy submissive child. So yes, the importance of real time is helpful and can be a really constructive growing period. I truly wish you well.

RealSub58 -> RE: Respecting authority (3/15/2009 5:02:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERLIX Thank you for responding... As I read what you said, I couldn't help but to see that your interest in the areas you have researched in order to discover yourself has been in the areas of fetishes and maybe other parts. However, if you are interested in M/s or D/s relationships, you have to have other forms of knowledge and understanding and also discovery. From what I read in your original post, you are having problem submitting. That is whether virtually or real time. If you do intend to go on this journey, you have to "find a way to learn to to learn to yield.". That is where you seem to be having problems with right now. Especially, since this Dom is not the first one to have mentioned it. I am assuming all the Doms you have had are not from the same family, which means, everyone can't be making this up. There is a pattern. My thought process with this, having the knowledge of psychology and psychotherapy, is to probably take some time to evaluate yourself all together and see why you are struggling with submission. In this lifestyle, rules create structure, structure creates discipline. I can write a whole article on that sentence. So, if a sub/slave is not able to do that, it means they are having problem with submission. This is what you should remember: "To submit is defined as "to yeild oneself to the authority of will of another; to surrender." Such a simple concept, and so very beautiful. How, then, has it become twisted into nothing more than a method of getting one's own way? If a submissive woman looks toward her relations with a dominant Man with selfishness, wondering what's in it for her, she is destroying the very thing she claims to be. Rather than being used and enjoyed, she is only performing for her own pleasure; where is the "gift" in that? As personal subjugation (wearing the title of BDSM) has become more mainstream, it seems that some of its core ideals, and perhaps its very meaning, have been watered-down to be more palatable to the masses. While acceptance and tolerance are generally beneficial things, we cannot help but mourn the purity and simplicity that has been sacrificed. Slaves aren't really slaves; they're usually "submissives" who simply see that term as more romantic. Masters are prohibited from being Masters, for fear of so offending the general populace that their own freedom is revoked. We are slowly being suffocated by the customs of the mainstream world, and one of the more disturbing symptoms of this is the proliferation of so-called "submissives" who are only looking out for themselves and their own enjoyment." - By Michelle G. (Reflections On Authentic Submission) So, in my mind, you need mentoring and guidance. If you can do that, you will be on the right path. You need a break from an actual D/s relationship, because I don't even think you are mentally ready for an M/s relationship just yet. That is even if you think that you do relate, most definitely to a slave mentality. If you do, this will not happen, "Approx. once every couple of days i text something that comes off harshly. Nothing out right negative, but maybe something that sounds directive rather than receptive." Sorry that I am not going to join others that may take a different route in addressing this. I train subs, and for that, I have to be blunt with you on what I think. As I conclude, also keep this in mind: "If I would have Him be Dominant I must submit. This is the total crux of the matter in living a life of submission. To prefer His will over my own. To relinquish my way for His. This is the price of fulfillment. That I would embrace His masculinity, His strength His power and meet it with my submission, my weakness and vulnerability. That I would feel my femaleness to my core without the brittle mantle of control so many of my sisters seem to need to carry. We are told that fulfillment is found in control. What if it isn't? What if the road to peace and joy in our relationships is not pulling, but yielding? No leading but following? Not standing but submitting?" - By namaste (Shared Wisdom On Femininity & Submission ) It isn't about overdoing it, it is about knowing which aspect of the lifestyle you need to focus your attention to understand. If you do, you will learn how to freely submit. You will learn discipline. Discipline for some, come naturally. Discipline for some, come with training. Sir Lix greetings again c, While others may not agree with Lix, I do. This would be the advice my Sir would give. He sees, feels and knows when and how to discipline me, guide me and direct me. It is from the kind of discourse used by Lix that I have formed my beliefs and opinions on s types (especially women) that do not understand yielding and are into having their own way. Thus the concept of "do me" subs and subs who don't yield but want their own way when they want it or think they need it. Need is a far cry away from wanting and yielding. Kink and fetish's is not submission. They are tools dominants use, desires we have, that may or may not bring about the desired end, surrender and submission. "If I would have Him be Dominant I must submit. This is the total crux of the matter in living a life of submission. To prefer His will over my own. To relinquish my way for His. This is the price of fulfillment. That I would embrace His masculinity, His strength His power and meet it with my submission, my weakness and vulnerability. That I would feel my femaleness to my core without the brittle mantle of control ......

LadyHugs -> RE: Respecting authority (3/15/2009 6:22:07 PM)
Dear BlissFound, Ladies and Gentlemen; In reading your original post, I do feel strongly against any Dominant to whom does not communicated how and why your text message/IM message came across wrong. To keep you in limbo, will just cause many assumptions when it would be easy for a Dominant like me, to advise how I took it and offer suggestions. Communication is the #1 need in any relationship. Unfortunately, this can be lacking and anybody can grasp for straws when they read what they want to hear/see and what they need to see/hear. Perfect fits don't happen often. Not so soon, e.g. 1 year. Many will wait years, even 10-15 years to find 'the one.' One must dig inside, to really get honest--to make sure that no excuses have been made in someone else's behavior, as to compromise too much for the sake of success in a budding relationship. Trying too hard when if there is a good fit, should just gently work neatly into place without a major job to maintain it. I hope a three month test trial will be considered, before burning any exits, bridges to escape by, financial independence; etc., and by that time--you should know when the honeymoon period is over and true colors begin to fly for the both of you. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

LadyPact -> RE: Respecting authority (3/16/2009 5:56:12 AM)
Good Morning, folks. I'm home from work. I wanted to make sure that I caught this one. I'm going to admit that I haven't read this entire thread. I only skimmed through a lot of the back and forth. There isn't enough information from the OP to be certain one way or the other. I'm pretty sure that she'll determine that. I might have missed this during the following banter, but has anyone stopped to consider that the texts that were causing the issues were actually being sent from when the OP was at work? This could explain two things. The first being why she might not have been in the particular mindset to be in touch with her submissive nature. When a person is in the environment to be that quick thinking, decision making person, it may take more time than it does to shoot off a text to switch gears in the mind. The second would be that is a completely rational explanation for why the communication is in text, rather than by voice on the phone. Either or both of these could explain what the circumstances could be, rather than whether or not the OP has a submissive nature. As I've often been known to say, we call it a lifestyle because it is a part of our life. Well, there are other parts to our lives, too. One of those happens to be work, where we spend a third of our lives. Many submissives chose this path in contradiction to their work life. It's not that unusual for someone to be the leader of the pack on the job, but feels most in tune with themselves to be put on collar and lead when at home. One quick side note to Lix. I'm rather familiar with the Atlanta BDSM community. I'm a bit surprised that there is anyone who has fifteen years in the lifestyle that I'm not familiar with. Have we met?

MASTERLIX -> RE: Respecting authority (3/16/2009 8:26:06 AM)
I don't know really...But if you go to CLUB 1763, there is a possibility that we may have. I have a very close relationship with the CLUB. I however wasn't there this past Saturday for the Decadence night. I have organized events at that club a few times, sometimes in partnership with the club. My mentoring group and CLUB 1763 are organizing a seminar on May 9th for HEALTH HAZARDS IN OUR LIFESTYLES. It is probably going to be one of the best events in that regard. I am usually very quiet at most events, even outside of events. For instance, I hardly say much here, but just read. Sir Lix

masterlink65 -> RE: Respecting authority (3/16/2009 8:28:54 AM)
if other doms have had this same problem with you, then i would think it is safe to say that it is a problem with you. your aggressive assertive needs at work, do they have to carry over into your relationship? maybe you are not as submissive as you would like to think? after a certain point that the potential slave and i have been talking/chatting/texting. i would be the same way. the dynamic of dom/sub is already established in profiles.if a relationship is trying to be established, as time goes by, the sub should show more signs of submission, and the dom should be showing more signs of dominance. when a sub keeps saying ''I" all the time, and making demands. in my opinion. choose your words with care, after all you are seeking a master, right? does this master not have to prove himself to you as well? why should he expect any less from you?

InTonguesslave -> RE: Respecting authority (3/16/2009 8:36:57 AM)
enslavement is a process - its not just about trusting youre D, its about feeling comfortable with each step of the process. sometimes little things get sticky. its not about not being submissive, its about reaching a place that is so comfortable and natural for you that when you do get it wrong, you instantly know that you have and you step back. may i suggest that you ask youre D to remind you. Sir reminds me simply by saying 'remember respect', that puts me back straight away. rather than youre D questioning youre submission, he might do better by reinforcing it with a word or comment that will encourage an appropriate response from you. youll feel happier and so will he.

LadyPact -> RE: Respecting authority (3/16/2009 1:59:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERLIX I don't know really...But if you go to CLUB 1763, there is a possibility that we may have. I have a very close relationship with the CLUB. I however wasn't there this past Saturday for the Decadence night. I have organized events at that club a few times, sometimes in partnership with the club. My mentoring group and CLUB 1763 are organizing a seminar on May 9th for HEALTH HAZARDS IN OUR LIFESTYLES. It is probably going to be one of the best events in that regard. I am usually very quiet at most events, even outside of events. For instance, I hardly say much here, but just read. Sir Lix Umm, you can kill the caps. I read just fine without the added emphasis. The "if you're familiar with the club" thing kind of made Me laugh. Half of the shots in My profile were taken there. I was the featured player in December. I wasn't at the last decadence party, but was at the first one. I also made it for New Year's Eve, January A.R.M., and was there during the last Stations of the Cross. I don't know Whip as well, but I've been friends with Dave, who used to run the place, for years. He's actually the one who presented My Master's Cap. Maybe the difference is that I don't attend the swinger's nights.

InTonguesslave -> RE: Respecting authority (3/16/2009 2:36:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterlink65 if other doms have had this same problem with you, then i would think it is safe to say that it is a problem with you. your aggressive assertive needs at work, do they have to carry over into your relationship? maybe you are not as submissive as you would like to think? after a certain point that the potential slave and i have been talking/chatting/texting. i would be the same way. the dynamic of dom/sub is already established in profiles.if a relationship is trying to be established, as time goes by, the sub should show more signs of submission, and the dom should be showing more signs of dominance. when a sub keeps saying ''I" all the time, and making demands. in my opinion. choose your words with care, after all you are seeking a master, right? does this master not have to prove himself to you as well? why should he expect any less from you? with all respect, but i do find this attitude a little tiresome. this woman has already said that her lifelong natural inclinations have brought her here. she is making progress with a man she likes a great deal and cares enough about to write to people here and ask for some help. when and if the time comes that these guys get together and she feels safe enough, her submission to him im sure will grow. its actually a really damaging thing to say to a person who is already struggling a little with her submissive processes. sorry, im not having a pop at you, just this is quite a common thing and i think you D's should realise that its actually a really hurtful and annoying question. edited to add: hi lushy, just seen you at the top of the page.. smooches xx

agirl -> RE: Respecting authority (3/16/2009 2:40:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERLIX quote: ORIGINAL: agirl quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERLIX quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Maybe those guys didn't inspire her submission because they were morons or flaming assholes. Quoting texts off the internet isn't exactly the same as providing common-sense relationship experience. Inspire her submission? That is interesting. So, are you saying that somone that isn't naturally submissive, that a Dom can inspire her to be submissive? I am not particularly talking about the OP. So, let's address that first before we come back to this thread. Your response will enable me know which direction to go with this. Sir Lix I'm not submissive but I'm owned. It's not that mystical. I have the ability to follow someone that makes sense and is a great leader. You don't have to be naturally submissive to recognise that when it comes along. agirl But she said he is not the first to have problem with her lack of submission...if that is the case, don't you sense a pattern? Or you think non of the Dominants she has met make sense and are great leaders? Sir Lix I don't know. My suggestion is that NEITHER know each other well. I wouldn't * come across* as submissive either.........and I've still been owned for years. It helps to KNOW your victim. agirl

RedMagic1 -> RE: Respecting authority (3/16/2009 4:19:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Maybe the difference is that I don't attend the swinger's nights. Another possibility is that one of you is overstating their status as Atlanta-area BDSM leadership.

LadyPact -> RE: Respecting authority (3/16/2009 6:01:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Maybe the difference is that I don't attend the swinger's nights. Another possibility is that one of you is overstating their status as Atlanta-area BDSM leadership. Well, as far as leadership goes, that wouldn't be Me in the Atlanta area. I just finished My term on the board for the local community, which is much smaller than Atlanta. It was very rewarding, but as anybody who's done that kind of thing can tell you, it's also a relief when it's over. LOL.

charlotteS -> RE: Respecting authority (3/16/2009 7:04:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlissFound Am i leading myself down a path of constant frustration of not being 'good enough'? c I have not read all the responses yet but wanted to respond to what I have quoted above real fast before reading the next 4 pages. :P One thing that has brought me a measure of peace in my relationship with Master is realizing that it's no longer up to me to determine what is "good enough." I simply do the best I know how and if he's displeased with something I have done he shows me how I would like it to be done. Sometimes I feel like it's a comment on me as a person and I start to feel "not good enough" but then I remember that if I wasn't good enough he wouldn't be keeping me around. It's now my place to serve, not to question my service. Not sure if that helps but thought I'd throw it out there. Warm wishes, Charlotte

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4] 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875