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RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/16/2009 5:11:37 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

I know for some women it is a hard limit because of the level of objectification. Hear me out here. Some women see wearing a strap-on as the same sort of thing as a man being dressing in frilly, lacy female clothes and make up. Gender bending isn't for everyone. Full stop. from that, you lead into issues of her feeling like she is the dominant gay male and that is a serious mind fuck for a totally (!) heterosexual female. Just ponder that. Changing her gender/sex changing her sexual orientation and changing her relationship orientation all at once while and THEN there is the performance anxiety.

Does she know how to use and wear a strap-on? Does she know how to fuck someone's ass? Does she know how to move to reach the sweet spot for a man? There is a learning curve to giving good anal strap-on. And some submissives already have serious performance anxiety issues.

So in a worst case scenario, you are forcing her to change her gender, her sexuality, her sexual self-identity, and setting her up for failure for not knowing how to do it well. That is a hell of alot to put on someone, suddenly becoming a virginal gay male. I don't know you or your sub, so I offer this far to one side scenario so that you will have a sense of what it could mean to her. That is why i said if it is important to you talk to her NOW before you get any deeper.

There are ways around alot of her issues, if she has any, but you need to find out what her issues are (both for and against) so that you can see if this is a hard limit for her.

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Post #: 21

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/16/2009 6:17:22 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

Imo, to think that you can get butt fucked with a strap-on, or any other way, and remain dominant in the relationship, casual or otherwise, is delusional. The act itself, by it's nature, is submissive despite any rationalization as to who is in charge.

Are you possibly suggesting that a Dominant person can't enjoy anal play because they are Dominant? Does Dominance change a person's anatomy in some way that I'm not familiar with?

Since you seem to be privy to it, would you mind sending Me a copy of the list? I'm sure you know the one I mean. The one that lists which activities are those engaged in as either submissive or Dominant. It must be written in stone somewhere and common knowledge to everyone, but I seem to have lost My copy.

_____________________________

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Post #: 22

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/16/2009 6:29:48 PM

rouletteslave

Posts: 29
Joined: 3/15/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

Imo, to think that you can get butt fucked with a strap-on, or any other way, and remain dominant in the relationship, casual or otherwise, is delusional. The act itself, by it's nature, is submissive despite any rationalization as to who is in charge.

Are you possibly suggesting that a Dominant person can't enjoy anal play because they are Dominant? Does Dominance change a person's anatomy in some way that I'm not familiar with?

Since you seem to be privy to it, would you mind sending Me a copy of the list? I'm sure you know the one I mean. The one that lists which activities are those engaged in as either submissive or Dominant. It must be written in stone somewhere and common knowledge to everyone, but I seem to have lost My copy.

If you divide all couple activity along a continuum on dom v. sub, taking it up the ass is, for a good many people, clearly far to the sub side of things. All people are different and who know what's up with any two people. Cjan's statement is a overly broad generalization, but it has a lot of truth to it.

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Post #: 23

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/16/2009 6:51:17 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

Find a sub that is interested in pleasing you. For all those that define anal as submissive - get you homophobe light it is on bright. Too many people try to define certain acts as sub vs. dom, fem vs. masculine - get over the hang ups.

If you enjoy anal stimulation find a sub that puts your pleasure first. Personally - I have a masochistic streak, I don't switch and I am not a switch I enjoy pain from a purely sexual point. I want it when I want, how I want it, to the degree I want it. I ask prospective subs all the time if they have a problem providing that. It is not the same as topping me or being in control - it is providing an act that gives me pleasure. I enjoy giving oral, it doesn't make me submissive. Being dominant is the mindset from which I function - it is not a specific act that defines.

I also don't see how a strap on changes your gender identity. I am a woman 100% - not in the least masculine (not that there is a thing wrong with that) I have worn a strap on - it doesn't make me feel male, I am still a woman.

Just another thought if the pleasure of one's Master/Mistress is a top priority - then giving them what sexually satisifies them (provided the relationship is a sexual one) should be a the top of the do list in my opinion.

(in reply to rouletteslave)

Post #: 24

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/16/2009 6:55:57 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

I mentioned the gender bender issue WITH the performance anxiety issue because women have said it to me. Now, me, I like 'em. I like to use them and, if she is any good, have them used on me. doesn't change MY sense of gender, but it can and does for some people.

It can be a hard limit from a lot of stand points and one that is such a hard limit that the submissive doesn't even think to mention it because it is so far outside their way of thinking.

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Post #: 25

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/16/2009 6:56:55 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ddogg2

I am beginning a relationship with a sub and I am a dom in every way but I have an interest in strapon's. I am not interested in being dominated and I don't think she is a switch. From sub's experiences here, is this possible? Can the sub do her dom with a strapon? I'm sure it can be done but will she enjoy it? What has been people's experiences in this situaiton?

Actually it should be about how the two of you feel about it, but my question is, what is the difference between her doing that to you and having my slave have intercourse with me? That is not considered a submissive act, so why should her having intercourse with you the way you want it done?

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Post #: 26

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/16/2009 7:09:56 PM

SirJ40

Posts: 164
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline

My pleasure, My way, under My direction.... I'm giving up nothing of the power.. I'm controlling the event.
I don't lose My control of her because someone else decides that a particular sexual act makes Me a submissive... period.
She enjoys making Me happy, giving Me pleasure.. she has no limits about that. She'd be happy to do it.. even though if she was in a lesbian relationship she'd never consider it, because she's tried it and it bored her.
Purely to make Me happy. THAT part would make it enjoyable for her.

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 27

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/16/2009 7:39:56 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rouletteslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

Imo, to think that you can get butt fucked with a strap-on, or any other way, and remain dominant in the relationship, casual or otherwise, is delusional. The act itself, by it's nature, is submissive despite any rationalization as to who is in charge.

Are you possibly suggesting that a Dominant person can't enjoy anal play because they are Dominant? Does Dominance change a person's anatomy in some way that I'm not familiar with?

Since you seem to be privy to it, would you mind sending Me a copy of the list? I'm sure you know the one I mean. The one that lists which activities are those engaged in as either submissive or Dominant. It must be written in stone somewhere and common knowledge to everyone, but I seem to have lost My copy.

If you divide all couple activity along a continuum on dom v. sub, taking it up the ass is, for a good many people, clearly far to the sub side of things. All people are different and who know what's up with any two people. Cjan's statement is a overly broad generalization, but it has a lot of truth to it.

Some people may perceive it as such, but that doesn't make it the truth. Shall I remind you of the time in history where everyone believed the world was flat? Just because people thought that way, didn't make it the way it was.

We're literally talking about inserting tab A into slot B here. If being the "slot" is only submissive, might I ask you exactly how that works from the femdom side? I guess we'd all better stop expecting sexual pleasure of any kind because, even though we're in charge of all forms of sexual service, we can never have anything inserted.

In regards to the OP, My view is obviously not everyone's view. I would suggest talking to the girl to know what her opinion is. Some submissives will not be able to get over the idea that watching her Dom bend over makes him less in her eyes. The concept of the idea is just debate. How it plays out in your dynamic, is up to the two of you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to rouletteslave)

Post #: 28

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/16/2009 10:39:10 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

I know for some women it is a hard limit because of the level of objectification. Hear me out here. Some women see wearing a strap-on as the same sort of thing as a man being dressing in frilly, lacy female clothes and make up. Gender bending isn't for everyone. Full stop. from that, you lead into issues of her feeling like she is the dominant gay male and that is a serious mind fuck for a totally (!) heterosexual female. Just ponder that. Changing her gender/sex changing her sexual orientation and changing her relationship orientation all at once while and THEN there is the performance anxiety.

Does she know how to use and wear a strap-on? Does she know how to fuck someone's ass? Does she know how to move to reach the sweet spot for a man? There is a learning curve to giving good anal strap-on. And some submissives already have serious performance anxiety issues.

So in a worst case scenario, you are forcing her to change her gender, her sexuality, her sexual self-identity, and setting her up for failure for not knowing how to do it well. That is a hell of alot to put on someone, suddenly becoming a virginal gay male. I don't know you or your sub, so I offer this far to one side scenario so that you will have a sense of what it could mean to her. That is why i said if it is important to you talk to her NOW before you get any deeper.

There are ways around alot of her issues, if she has any, but you need to find out what her issues are (both for and against) so that you can see if this is a hard limit for her.

I wanted to compliment your elucidation of the opposite side of the coin upon which I reside; you stated a number of potential concerns of females who aren't comfortable providing males with sex via strap-on.
Again, given the choice, every man I have a realtionship with would allow me such pleasures but I am willing to grant I am in the minority.
Again, you did a great job of stating the 'con' sides of a female using a strap-on on her male partner and it's probably the most eloquent description I have seen.
Davan

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(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 29

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/16/2009 10:47:07 PM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJ40

My pleasure, My way, under My direction.... I'm giving up nothing of the power.. I'm controlling the event.
I don't lose My control of her because someone else decides that a particular sexual act makes Me a submissive... period.
She enjoys making Me happy, giving Me pleasure.. she has no limits about that. She'd be happy to do it.. even though if she was in a lesbian relationship she'd never consider it, because she's tried it and it bored her.
Purely to make Me happy. THAT part would make it enjoyable for her.

I totally agree with You 100%. i've done that for Someone before, and because it made Him happy, i enjoyed it.

(in reply to SirJ40)

Post #: 30

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/16/2009 10:56:07 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

From an old post of mine to a similar question...

quote:

The only reason I haven't done prostate massage is the only thing I enjoy up my ass is someone's greedy tongue. However, IF that changed and I decided I wanted to be fucked in the ass for MY pleasure it just might go something like this...

Sitting on the edge of the bed watching her crawling across the room with her strap on shoved so far down her throat that she is gagging and drooling on it. Then kneeling beside me and licking up the lube from the bowl she uses her tongue to fill my ass with slippery lube and when I command her she stands and puts on her strap on. She fucks me EXACTLY how I desire, whether than is me moving myself at whatever pace pleases me or my laying there so I don't have to work while she sweats away fucking me for my pleasure. AFTER I cum she greedily cleans that dildo with her mouth for my viewing pleasure, showing me how badly she wants to taste my ass.

Yeah, it might just go something like that and anyone who can see my submission in there just aught to start saving some money so they can go and buy a frigging clue. Being dominant is about doing what other people think you should do, it is about doing EXACTLY whatever the fuck it is YOU want to do, and finding someone who either longs to do the very same thing or whom you inspire to do it anyway.

Awesome post Michael. If you were peeking through the key hole last night, why didn't you knock !

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 31

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 2:40:52 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Enjoying certain sensations doesn't necessarily define who you are. You happen to be a male Dom who likes receiving anal. You're not the first.

Master Fire

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Post #: 32

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 2:44:27 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rouletteslave

I view giving oral sex as a submissive act as it is for the pleasure of the other and tends to be done from a submissive physical posture. Of course, many tops have adapted the act to their dominant role. There's a quote in Jay Wiseman's book from a Domme who says she's "dominant when she sucks cock." I can see that. The act has enough freedom of expression to allow people to put a dominant or submissive spin on it.

I believe that any man that is not prepared to do oral on his submissive is either a lazy b or just hates eating pussy!
During his vanilla years he probably came up with every excuse not to go down on her but would of happily laid back whilst she sucked his dick! It has nothing to do with being dominant but everything to do with enjoying it or not.
a fem sub that doesnt like her dominant going down on her because it somehow makes him submissive is someone who has very specific ideas on what a dominant should be and she probably never has nor ever will enjoy taking oral sex.

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Post #: 33

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 9:33:26 AM

tamedspirit

Posts: 24
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: offline

personally if and Dom asked me to use a strap on to do Him anally I would be thinking He is either bisexual or switch and it would have me running to the hills... what a turn off...
tamed.

(in reply to ddogg2)

Post #: 34

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 9:39:04 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I agree. It woud send me running too. I'm not knocking anyone elses choices or relationship but that would be a hard limit and I have run from those who wanted that from me.

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Post #: 35

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 1:22:20 PM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

Just to clarify, I deliberately started my previous post in this thread with "imo". That's what it is, my opinion.

I've thought a lot about this topic and have enjoyed reading everyone's opinions and input. Not surprisingly, opinions vary.

Some of the posts have been from Dommes , all of whom have made good points. I don't presume to know what your attitudes and experiences are and certainly don't presume to judge them. I do, however, suspect that women and men see many things from different perspectives and for a variety of reasons. I don't think or feel that activities such as giving oral sex or woman superior sexual positions are in any way submissive acts. In fact, I enjoy them a great deal as I do occasional stimulation of my prostrate. I also have enjoyed , on occasion,"bottoming" with certain ladies and under certain conditions. It has not been, in my experience, an act of submission. I know what and who I am, and one of those things is a dominant man.

Having said that, IMO, getting fucked in the ass by a woman wearing a strap-on is, for me, an act of submission, again, by it's very nature. There is a great deal of difference, to me, between getting a finger wave or a vibrating bullet up the ass, if I so desire, and getting on my kness, gnawing on a pillow and getting my ass pounded by a woman wearing a strap-on. It ain't gonna happen. To those who say, " I'm a Dom and it's this way or that way, because I say so", well, good luck with that.

Finally, to adress the OP's question, he seems to be, rightly, concerned about the effects such an act might have on his submissive partner. There have already been a number of posts in this thread that have adressed this question quite intelligently and pragmatically.

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(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 36

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 4:37:21 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

On that I'll agree with you, Cjan. While I still maintain My opinion that there isn't such a thing as a Dominant or submissive act, it's very obvious that some people perceive certain things to be. It isn't just about strap-ons. The same can be said of other activities such as oral sex, bottoming during S/m play, and a lot of other things that I could mention.

This is why I feel it so important that the OP to get the opinion of the submissive in question. I can sit here all day and profess My belief that it's not a submissive act. My opinion isn't going to matter one bit if it is to her. If she no longer sees him as Dominant after the fantasy has been fulfilled, that's what's going to matter.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 37

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 4:51:34 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

Exactly. All I have to go on is how incredibly submissive it makes *me* feel, and how my mindset is when receiving it, so no, there is no way I am going to even contemplate a relationship with a man that wants that. It is not an act, at least not to me, it is a mindset and a desire to be dominated, even if just temporarily and for his pleasure, by me.
Not ever going to happen. I do understand the whole acts don't make the person, but in this case it is more than an act, it is to me on par with him wanting to share me or be poly. That is not going to happen either.

There is something so inherently unsexy even imaging Sir wanting that. It would absolutely end our relationship. Thank god it is not a possibility at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I agree. It woud send me running too. I'm not knocking anyone elses choices or relationship but that would be a hard limit and I have run from those who wanted that from me.

< Message edited by Aynne88 -- 3/17/2009 4:52:26 PM >

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Post #: 38

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 4:59:14 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

I don't know, I think it should be pretty simple. If the dom/me say "do this", then you do it. I don't see that act as being a dominant or submissive act, just an act of physical pleasure, no more or less than sucking on nipples or toes or whatever. *shrug*

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Post #: 39

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 6:41:46 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

There is a great deal of difference, to me, between getting a finger wave or a vibrating bullet up the ass, if I so desire, and getting on my kness, gnawing on a pillow and getting my ass pounded by a woman wearing a strap-on. It ain't gonna happen.

This made me giggle as it's soooooo the stereotypical idea of how one would have a man during anal sex. Know what, I've fucked men on their knees biting pillows and moaning in pleasure as I pounded their asses. I've also had men on their backs tenderly, gazing into their eyes as I fucked them. Can't recall off-hand but pretty sure I've done at least one person on his side as well; ah, yes, yes, I have. So, you see, stereotypes just don't always apply.
Do you only have anal sex with women one way?! And, if so, are you aware that missionary is the position that offers greatest ease of penetration?
Just sayin....
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 40

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