RE: Can a sub strap her dom?

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RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 6:55:30 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Exactly. All I have to go on is how incredibly submissive it makes *me* feel, and how my mindset is when receiving it, so no, there is no way I am going to even contemplate a relationship with a man that wants that. It is not an act, at least not to me, it is a mindset and a desire to be dominated, even if just temporarily and for his pleasure, by me.
Not ever going to happen. I do understand the whole acts don't make the person, but in this case it is more than an act, it is to me on par with him wanting to share me or be poly. That is not going to happen either.

There is something so inherently unsexy even imaging Sir wanting that. It would absolutely end our relationship. Thank god it is not a possibility at all.

Just a thought here, perhaps your response is to feel submissive because you are and not because of the act in and of itself. I am saying this because for myself I enjoy receiving pain. I have been with subs that feel extremely submissive when receiving pain. That is not the case for me. I in no way feel submissive. As a matter of fact once my sub has finished servicing me by providing me with the pain I desire I am highly likely to be even more sadistic and dominant. What I am saying is how something is processed in large part is based on your traits and the same act may have totally opposite results.

(in reply to Aynne88)

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RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 8:43:24 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for your kind words. As many people have said, it is not the act, but the context, the headspace, and the perception of the act that make it one thing or another. And that is sometimes totally left out in the "talking about kink" and "communicate communicate communicate" parts of starting a relationship.

Someone on here once said that she had tons of limits like not being run over by a train or a steam roller. These are not things we tend to think of as hard limits but MOST of my freak out points (aka hard limits) are really odd, like roller coasters and having to watch commercials.

The brain IS the sex organ that makes all this fun stuff possible and taking the time to understand the why about an act makes all the difference in having that act be positive, neutral, or me kicking them in the balls and trying to kill them.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to DavanKael)

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Post #: 42

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 9:09:30 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

If we have an agreement that he is my dominant and I am his submissive, then yes, I can and I will. Does that change our dynamic? Ummm, lessee, he is telling me what to do, I am doing what he tells me to <think, think, think> Nope! He is still dominant!

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to ddogg2)

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Post #: 43

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/17/2009 9:50:35 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

I appreciate your thoughtful response, but I am not submissive. I am his slave sure, but I am about as submissive as Gloria Steinem. Hardore card carrying feminist here as well as being an alpha female in my daily life with both genders. I initally found it hard enough to submit to him, so any kind of shifting the dynamic that much type of activity is not good with a woman like myself. I would forever see him as having submitted to me.

The OP may want to really consider if he has a blindly following don't ask "Yes Master" type, or someone who will analyze the hell out that request and see it as a total and irretrievable shift in the balance of power. Or, just walk.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Exactly. All I have to go on is how incredibly submissive it makes *me* feel, and how my mindset is when receiving it, so no, there is no way I am going to even contemplate a relationship with a man that wants that. It is not an act, at least not to me, it is a mindset and a desire to be dominated, even if just temporarily and for his pleasure, by me.
Not ever going to happen. I do understand the whole acts don't make the person, but in this case it is more than an act, it is to me on par with him wanting to share me or be poly. That is not going to happen either.

There is something so inherently unsexy even imaging Sir wanting that. It would absolutely end our relationship. Thank god it is not a possibility at all.

Just a thought here, perhaps your response is to feel submissive because you are and not because of the act in and of itself. I am saying this because for myself I enjoy receiving pain. I have been with subs that feel extremely submissive when receiving pain. That is not the case for me. I in no way feel submissive. As a matter of fact once my sub has finished servicing me by providing me with the pain I desire I am highly likely to be even more sadistic and dominant. What I am saying is how something is processed in large part is based on your traits and the same act may have totally opposite results.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

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Post #: 44

RE: Can a sub strap her dom? - 3/18/2009 11:49:15 AM

wbcmbndgslv

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/12/2007
Status: offline

As a sub I feel the same way you do. To limit how a D/s couple has sex limits the relationship itself. I know a lot of D/s couples that have made sex a completely no D/s activity. If the to people in a D/s relationship are comfortable with their roles I do not think that it is a problem.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

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Post #: 45