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New Mistress looking for advice - 3/17/2009 7:48:12 PM

persephone42

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/1/2008
From: South Carolina
Status: offline

Hello everyone. I'm a fairly new to the lifestyle, and I have a couple of questions regarding how to properly discipline my sub in certain situations (he has been involved in the lifestyle for longer than I have). I'm hoping to find some helpful people with good advice.

First question: I'm taking a friend to strip club for his birthday. My sub is also coming. How should I expect him to act in this situation? I don't care if he looks at other women, but I know he should behave himself.

Post #: 1

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/17/2009 8:12:26 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

He should behave as you'd like him to, nothing more and nothing less. -Assuming, by the tone of your post, that that's the sort of relatinship you have.

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(in reply to persephone42)

Post #: 2

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/17/2009 8:15:06 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

To be honest, I think the best thing you can do is make it very clear what you expect of him and how. I've been in a number of situations where I've been in a relationships with a relatively new dominant who I didn't realize was kind of apprehensive about instilling her way with me because of how much previous experience I've had. That never ends well. What does work is when we go into it knowing what she expects from me, and it's my job to make sure that I produce exactly as she desires. It ends that whole "well, I don't want to look like I don't know what I'm doing" kind of atmosphere. That may not be the case with you at all, but as someone who has been through a bit of that, I thought I'd just put in my two cents and mention it. One thing that always helped me to find and keep my place was an occasional reminder of "I don't care what other mistresses did in the past, THIS is how you will act in my presence." That sort of exchange was surprisingly rare but very helpful when it happened because someone with experience is always going to want to "help" you out, and in the long run, he or she is not going to know that such "help" is not always that helpful.

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(in reply to persephone42)

Post #: 3

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/17/2009 8:22:59 PM

BohemianGoddess

Posts: 266
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline

Have a butt plug up his ass to remind him that he belongs to you. Locked into a chastity device would be wonderfully cruel also since he is sure to get a boner gawking at the strippers, lol. Last but not least, a chain necklace that may represent a collar of some type or even a wrist band that is not an obvious clue to others of the lifestyle we are in. Remind subbie what his place is before you go out and what is expected of him. Personally I would do all of the above and have an electrical zapper of some sort to shock him when he is drooling over the pole dancers, but then again, I am a sadist, lol. Have fun and enjoy your night out!

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 4

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/18/2009 2:23:16 AM

FelineFae

Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline

From the dancers' side of the viel- All customers should obey the rules of the club and expect entertainment only.

And don't be too upset if the dancers seem to avoid you, men in the company of female customers set off warning lights in dancer's eyes. We tend to profile two sceanarios; one, they're a couple looking for a three-way, or two, the girl-friend/wife has something to prove. This may not be true all the time, but either case is common.

Okay, now that i've got the serious stuff out of the way... Go to the club by yourself and talk to the dancers or the bartenders. Often the girls have little things they'll do, like pulling a customer on stage or stripping him of his shirt... As long as it's leagle and in accordance with the club's rules, the girls will be happy to work with you. That's how they pay their bills.

Hope this can help- feline

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(in reply to BohemianGoddess)

Post #: 5

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/18/2009 5:25:07 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

How do you expect him to act? You're the Domina, you set the rules.

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to persephone42)

Post #: 6

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/18/2009 7:39:33 AM

sfdrew

Posts: 124
Joined: 6/15/2007
Status: offline

littlesarbonn had some good advice. In my experience the biggest problems are caused by one party or the other "assuming" or "inferring" what the other person thinks or wants. If You don't say anything at all then You can't rightfully be angry if he misbehaves, but giving ambiguous or vague rules can be even worse. If he thinks he knows how he is supposed to behave but really doesn't then You get into some real grey areas and some real communication problems. If You didn't say it, don't expect it.

As a lifestyle sub I can say that it is really easy for us to hide our hurt or uncomfortable feelings from You. It may sound counter-intuitive, but in the beginning especially, You must make him feel comfortable about talking to You about his feelings, even if he knows it's going to be displeasing for You. In the military this is called an "open door policy", because the door is always open to come in a talk.

He also has an obligation to tell You about anything he is uncomfortable with or unsure about in advance. If You ask him what he thinks about XYZ in public and he puts up no objections, but then later flaks at the event, then I would say You have every right to be upset about the communication problem but not about the flaking out on You. It's a communication problem at that point and not a behaviour problem. Communication problems are never solved by punishment.

Understanding the difference could be the single most valuable skill for a new player to acquire in the scene. Even though O/our relationship is rock solid, we still have communication snags now and then. You must be extra vigilant in the beginning to make sure negative feelings don't bottle up.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 7

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/18/2009 7:53:02 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Very simply tell him what is acceptable and unacceptable. There are pretty set rules for the club, which you dont have to concern yourself with. He knows to obey them. For yourself, are you ok with looking and not touching? Lap dances? Tipping? Just think about what you do and dont want to let him do, or SEE him do, and tell him that. Otherwise, if he knows you are ok with him looking, the rest might logically fall under the OK heading and cause problems

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VampiresLair

(in reply to sfdrew)

Post #: 8

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/18/2009 1:46:58 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Look within. What do YOU want. Tell him that. It does not matter what other people want. You have to make your desires known. Clearly. Then he will know what to do.

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(in reply to persephone42)

Post #: 9

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/18/2009 5:20:28 PM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

persephone42 wrote: First question: I'm taking a friend to strip club for his birthday. My sub is also coming. How should I expect him to act in this situation?

It's about what you want and what he wants, not about what I think you should want. It's your relationship, not mine.

beeble.

_____________________________

Kita's owned slutpet.

(in reply to persephone42)

Post #: 10

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/18/2009 8:49:09 PM

MsDDom

Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
Status: offline

quote:

I don't care if he looks at other women, but I know he should behave himself.

how do u want him to behave? what are the tings u will tell him r off limits or grounds for punishment? how do u want him to act with ur friend? with u? that is where i would start in setting the tone for the evening...and his behavior.

_____________________________

...:: MsDDom ::...

... live Life honestly ...

(in reply to persephone42)

Post #: 11

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/18/2009 9:12:14 PM

PrincessCaitlyn

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/17/2009
From: Dallas, Tx
Status: offline

I agree with the butt plug...

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(in reply to MsDDom)

Post #: 12

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/22/2009 1:31:22 PM

IndigoMystry

Posts: 34
Joined: 3/20/2009
Status: offline

While new, you still have to maintain control however you choose to do so. Also it depends on how YOU choose to treat your sub, kindly or cruelly. Since you're new, you may need to establish really firm control at the outset so you don't get bottom-topped. Personally, before going to the club, I would make my intentions and orders clear to the sub. If you're into a bit of public humiliation, tell him that his response to any question posed by anyone else at the club is limited to: "I am not allowed to." Want a drink? Want a lapdance? "I am not allowed to" Period. Preferably with a downward cast of the eyes or looking directly at you before answering. Puts him firmly in his place.

(in reply to PrincessCaitlyn)

Post #: 13

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/22/2009 1:37:32 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

That would be really hot.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
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(in reply to IndigoMystry)

Post #: 14

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/22/2009 6:06:45 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

I agree wholeheartedly with what the others have said. Decide what YOU want out of him, and tell him what you expect.

The butt plug, chastity device, collar and zapper are awesome ideas! No way he's going to forget who's in charge then!

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 15

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/22/2009 7:27:07 PM

persephone42

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/1/2008
From: South Carolina
Status: offline

I really appreciate all of the responses I have gotten. You all have been extremely helpful...and in some cases entertaining, too. :) If I have any more questions, I know where to find good advice.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 16

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/23/2009 3:03:36 AM

VanessaChaland

Posts: 362
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

Buy him a lap dance. Seriously, I mean thats what the place is for. Enjoy life. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephone42

Hello everyone. I'm a fairly new to the lifestyle, and I have a couple of questions regarding how to properly discipline my sub in certain situations (he has been involved in the lifestyle for longer than I have). I'm hoping to find some helpful people with good advice.

First question: I'm taking a friend to strip club for his birthday. My sub is also coming. How should I expect him to act in this situation? I don't care if he looks at other women, but I know he should behave himself.

_____________________________

If you want to know more about me and my interests, Google my name.

(in reply to persephone42)

Post #: 17

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/23/2009 6:35:26 AM

MissJanice2

Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline

Have a discussion with your sub before he goes and set limits. Put your foot down, but in a nice way. I don't mind my slave looking at other women, but when he does, I seem to get pissed off. Just a friendly piece of advice for you to ponder about.

Best Wishes,

MJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephone42

Hello everyone. I'm a fairly new to the lifestyle, and I have a couple of questions regarding how to properly discipline my sub in certain situations (he has been involved in the lifestyle for longer than I have). I'm hoping to find some helpful people with good advice.

First question: I'm taking a friend to strip club for his birthday. My sub is also coming. How should I expect him to act in this situation? I don't care if he looks at other women, but I know he should behave himself.

(in reply to persephone42)

Post #: 18

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/24/2009 2:21:32 AM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

MissJanice2 wrote: I don't mind my slave looking at other women, but when he does, I seem to get pissed off.

So you do mind, then. Actually, quite a lot.

Did you mean to write something else?

beeble.

_____________________________

Kita's owned slutpet.

(in reply to MissJanice2)

Post #: 19

RE: New Mistress looking for advice - 3/24/2009 8:47:57 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Buy him a lap dance. Seriously, I mean thats what the place is for. Enjoy life. :)

Oh, great idea, especially if you have him in a chastity device! Imagine the look on the dancer's face, and your sub's embarrassment!

(in reply to VanessaChaland)

Post #: 20

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