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RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/19/2009 7:12:59 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

This would be a deal breaker, for me. Chest pains could easily be a heart attack, which means you could die trying to drive yourself to the hospital.

His actions say he doesn't give a fuck about you. He cares more about himself and his own issues, possibly at the expense of your life. I'd be outta there so fast, his head would spin. I want to live.

Its not on you to rebuild the trust that he broke.

Its on him, and he's not doing it.

Also he's not addressing your other basic problems in the relationship (aside from his not giving a shit whether you live or die): lack of trust and lack of communication.

He doesn't trust you either, why should you trust him? He's emotionally distant, hiding himself away from you so that you can only guess what is going on with him.

How long have you been with this jerk? Sorry so harsh, but you really could have died if it had been a heart attack. Wake up and smell the coffee, dear. You deserve better.

Vote with your feet.

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Post #: 21

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/19/2009 7:22:32 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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FR and small hijack

A public service announcement of sorts:

If you are having chest pain esp chest pain of some severity you should go to the ER.
You also should call 911/an ambulance.

In the event you are having a heart attack, an ambulance is equipped with an AED.
Depending on the location, they might also have lifesaving drugs.
If you arrive by ambulance, they see you right away; you don't have to go through triage.
You will be given appropriate medication sooner in the event it is a heart attack.

If you are driven and collapse, what is the driver going to do?

If you opt to drive yourself and collapse you will likely get into an accident and you may cause a situation that injures/kills someone else.
Also, you now have trauma injuries to deal with in addition to whatever is causing your chest pain.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 22

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/19/2009 7:26:32 PM

candisa

Posts: 127
Joined: 1/7/2008
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While it will be a very personal decision for you to make, to try to rebuild the trust that is needed to sustain a respect for your partner. I suppose you might need to ask yourself , is it worth the relationship. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, nobody will be able to sway you one way or another. If you feel you are in safe hands in all other areas but this one occurance the sure forgiveness can be achieved. If you are not listening to the subtle signs that he does not have your best interest at heart it might take you more time to see what is best for you. It is never an easy realization that we have placed our trust in the wrong people.
I wish you well.

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Post #: 23

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/19/2009 7:44:13 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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I'm not sure I would try to rebuild the trust personally. I'm a strong believer in the idea that difficult circumstances are those that define the true character of a person. People are capable of being great people when things are going great, but when something tragic happens, that's when we start to see the true person shine. When someone treats me like crap during a tense situation, it shows me that's how they really are. Sure, I can account for panic and other such emotional outbursts, but when someone isn't willing to go the extra mile for me during a trying incident, it shows me where I really stand with that person. It took such an incident some years ago for me to realize that the most wonderful woman in the world really wasn't as wonderful as I thought she was. People are capable of being great people until they're forced to become what they really are.

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Post #: 24

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/19/2009 8:04:01 PM

ExKat

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline

To be honest, I judge my trust in someone based on how they react to emergencies. Sometimes it's small emergencies, Ex took care of me when I was all woozy and mopey after minor surgery. I know that he'd be down in a second if I had a big emergency. If you can't count on someone during times of trial...when can you count on him? Your health isn't important enough for him to get his ass off the couch when you could be in MORTAL danger.

Using communication as a punishment or reward...I see that as a game. That's wielding power like a whip, and, while it may have it's time, it's time is NOT when you need a man, not a cold, untouchable master. If I was in serious trouble, I would expect Ex to do anything to help me. I would never stay with a man I couldn't trust in an emergency. It's not like you needed him to walk you in and hold your hand...he could've drove up to the ER entrance and rolled you onto the curb.

To be honest, I would expect simple emergency care, like a ride to the hospital, from an utter stranger. I would certainly offer it. Unless you are seriously, seriously overstating your illness, then him not taking you (or calling an ambulance for fucks sake) is unforgivable as far as I'm concerned.

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Post #: 25

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/19/2009 8:47:39 PM

BohemianGoddess

Posts: 266
Joined: 7/13/2006
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Dump his ass right away. If he had a dog who laid on the floor moaning he'd have hopped in the car and takin it to the all night Vet immediately. This man showed no compassion for you whatsoever, there is no trust to rebuild here, just a better future without him in it.

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Post #: 26

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 5:37:26 AM

Aly055

Posts: 34
Joined: 2/23/2009
Status: offline

There is no excuse for his behavior he didn't know what was going on with you so he shouldn't have expected you to drive. As others have said even if he was just an aquantince he still should have driven you or found a way to make sure you got there safely. He is your dom he should have done everything he could to take care of you. Along with the fact that he put your life in danger what is with the communication thing. With my Dom and I we talk all the time communication is the most important thing in any relationship. Geez I just got my wisdom teeth out and I spent a night with my dom then I started feeling worse. He told me to call the doctor to see if there was anything they could do and he told me I couldn't come over that night that I needed to stay home and rest up and get feeling bettter. I can only imagine his reaction is something serious went wrong with me no doubt we would be to the hospital in record time. I know personally that if my dom did that to me there would be no way I would even think about trusting him with anything again it would be the end of things. Trust yourself and really think about it.

(in reply to BohemianGoddess)

Post #: 27

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 6:08:59 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Based on her previous thread picking up the slack, I suspect that OP may be presenting a very one sided case.

It was definitely wrong ro go and spread the word about this to friends and family unless you really have decided to split. If you stay together, you've just killed his chances of getting along with your people.

Good luck with it all, whatever you and he decide.

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Post #: 28

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 6:34:10 AM

sklavinxandria

Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline

So far he has offered no reason for his actions on Tuesday. He is not offering to come with me this morning for my nuclear study and he has not asked since Tuesday how i am doing.

If he can defend that to me successfully then fine. But if not, my contract is not worth being used to pick up dog shit.

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Post #: 29

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 6:41:49 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Is this the same guy that you were angry with last month for not keeping his own house clean? And where you were holding yourself to an impossible standard based on the contract, and instead of bringing it to his attention right away, you spent a ton of energy on anger about it? And when you finally brought it to his attention, he clarified that part of the contract?

Cali

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Post #: 30

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 6:43:42 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Is this the same guy that you were angry with last month for not keeping his own house clean? And where you were holding yourself to an impossible standard based on the contract, and instead of bringing it to his attention right away, you spent a ton of energy on anger about it? And when you finally brought it to his attention, he clarified that part of the contract?

Cali

i was just reading her "picking up the slack" thread...enlightening.

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Post #: 31

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 6:50:21 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle121

I dont care what phobias or issues, He could have dropped you off 200 yards away.

Exactly...what would have happened if you would have ended up in a car accident due to not being really fit to drive yourself, just because he can't get his arse up??? I think that his attitude was plain irresponsible and you should ask yourself if someone like him has really deserved you. I know that he would not be worth to receive any service from me, that's for sure.

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Post #: 32

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 6:51:24 AM

sklavinxandria

Posts: 61
Joined: 12/26/2004
From: Nebraska
Status: offline

Should health issues be included in a contract? We have a clause concerning perm physical damage, he has even said to me if i am bleeding out or if my hair is on fire i should be yelling at him and telling him what to do. He has said that for him to keep me safe i am to follow the rules and when i step out of the rules he can not keep me safe. So, since he is worried about my safety, and that when i am sick he wants me to take care of myself shouldn't there be some consideration for when there is a serious medical issue that he should be there?

Do i have an explanation for his issues? No, he has not explained his reaction to me yet.

But i am sorry, if i am supposed to trust that if he chains me up and i have a panic attack that he will let me down if i pass out, shouldn't i have the same trust that he will be there for me when there is a serious medical issue?

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Post #: 33

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 6:57:51 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

if i am supposed to trust that if he chains me up and i have a panic attack that he will let me down if i pass out, shouldn't i have the same trust that he will be there for me when there is a serious medical issue?

if you have these doubts, you need to get out of the relationship.

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Post #: 34

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 7:31:11 AM

cantilena

Posts: 224
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria

Should health issues be included in a contract? We have a clause concerning perm physical damage, he has even said to me if i am bleeding out or if my hair is on fire i should be yelling at him and telling him what to do. He has said that for him to keep me safe i am to follow the rules and when i step out of the rules he can not keep me safe. So, since he is worried about my safety, and that when i am sick he wants me to take care of myself shouldn't there be some consideration for when there is a serious medical issue that he should be there?

Do i have an explanation for his issues? No, he has not explained his reaction to me yet.

But i am sorry, if i am supposed to trust that if he chains me up and i have a panic attack that he will let me down if i pass out, shouldn't i have the same trust that he will be there for me when there is a serious medical issue?

Respectfully... why are you looking to the forum to vindicate your position? It's irrelevant how I may or may not feel about the "wrongfulness" of his inaction during your crisis. To me, the tone of your posts here belie any sincere questions about your next course of action. Rather, the tone suggests that you're using this forum as a substitue outlet for your anger. I don't believe that's productive.

Frankly, this has drama written all over it. If the dude is that bad in your eyes, and he makes you so angry, and has no care to talk with you or care for you when you're in medical crisis... hey. You know the answer.

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Post #: 35

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 7:32:58 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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sounds like he wants a sex toy and a maid all rolled into one, without the responsibilities of a slave or submissive

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Post #: 36

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 7:36:32 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I want to know why an attractive, grown woman of 39 would WANT to rebuild ANYTHING with a human being like this? Seriously.

Exactly what are you getting out of this relationship that makes it worthwhile?

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Post #: 37

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 7:38:28 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
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I wouldn't be impressed and, taking your OP at face value, I don't think there would be much to salvage from that behaviour. And to be perfectly honest .....HE wouldn't expect me to.

agirl

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Post #: 38

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 7:50:54 AM

DomM&SubK

Posts: 64
Joined: 11/21/2008
Status: offline

Dear i as a Cna can understand his issue with the hospitial and or Doctors. But when there is a need to care for there subby and Lover they need to get over that to care for said Subby and or Lover. I just had a Cancer scare. M never left my side and has to take me to the er many times in the last few months because of extrem bleeding. Not due to play but still they can be scary. I trully do not know if i would have been able to respect M if he had made me take my self since many times i have been to the point of blacking out when i said something about needing to go to the er. Please think about your feelings and talk to him before making any choices. K

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Post #: 39

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 7:55:54 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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i just read a part of her other thread on trash

you identify as a slave, yet come here to whine about what he wont do. medically, yes, he should be looking out for you. however, the girl who cries wolf too often will usually be ignored.

lets put this into perspective. this is a man who you complain wont clean up behind himself, nor will his roommate. why should they if you are there? he cant be bothered to do something as simple as clean up behind himself, and you expect him to go out of his way to take care of you in a medical emergency? i lived with someone like that, almost like that. i got out.

now, you can stay and suck it up. or you can find that backbone you seem to be so proud of having and leave. but, honestly, stop whining.

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Post #: 40

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