RE: Can trust be rebuilt?

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RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 8:03:36 AM

shivermetimbers

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria

We have a clause concerning perm physical damage, he has even said to me if i am bleeding out or if my hair is on fire i should be yelling at him and telling him what to do.

Interesting concept. He's the Master, and engages in play that he can't control should something go wrong? I don't think it's a matter of trust being rebuilt, I don't think there's any basis for trust to begin with.

Having read your thread "taking up the slack", and mentioning your contract there as well as here, I'm beggining to wonder if the two of you communicate anything at all outside the realm of this hallowed document. I certainly can't condone someone not being able to so much as yell, "help!" from the window in an emergency. However, without hearing his end of the story, neither can I understand someone complaining when conflicting interpretations of a contract arise when it appears it is the only form of communication in your relationship. This is now at least the second time it's happened, counting the two threads, and it could have caused serious harm to you in this instance.

As the saying goes, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

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Post #: 41

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 10:04:48 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

So, how do you rebuild the trust?

if you can forgive him...then you forgive and go from there. that's a BIG forgive, there, though...and some of us humans have a hard time with that.

frankly, this slave would believe He had lost His mind, had it been us in your situation.

sounds like you need to take care of yourself...and not rely on him for that.

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Post #: 42

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 11:01:29 AM

FawneTwo

Posts: 98
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I don't know if trust can be rebuilt.

Sometimes I wonder if some of us get involved in D/s to heal something inside. It IS an opportunity for self awareness. A journey shared, an opportunity forgiving, an ideal and a possible dream. Hey wait ... I said "forgiving" and i don't know if that's possible, but i know there is hope for us trust virgins - just because we never did it before, doen't mean we can't. Y' know?

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Post #: 43

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 11:25:40 AM

littleone35

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I would not stay with him. If something like that happened with me Master not only would take me he would make me go to the dr(or UC). It seems he does not have you well being at heart. Ok so he had a phobia of dr and hospitals no one said he had to go in though it would have been nice. My Master HATES drs and hospitals, but after my surgery he was in the hospital every day to visit me.

If he is not willing to communicate i will say get rid of him and dinde somone who will talk with and to you.

Matt's littleone

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Post #: 44

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 11:36:22 AM

Phoenixpower

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
frankly, this slave would believe He had lost His mind, had it been us in your situation.

glad to hear that this slave had good judgment

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Post #: 45

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 12:00:21 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria

So far he has offered no reason for his actions on Tuesday. He is not offering to come with me this morning for my nuclear study and he has not asked since Tuesday how i am doing.

If he can defend that to me successfully then fine. But if not, my contract is not worth being used to pick up dog shit.

Seriously, if you're looking to a contract for any type of security or reassurance, you're on a sticky wicket. Words are cheap......oh, so cheap.

agirl

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Post #: 46

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 12:11:07 PM

angelikaJ

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Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sklavinxandria

Should health issues be included in a contract?

I think health issues should be discussed very early on in any relationship and certainly before any play takes place.

One of the things I need to know is that the person I am with can and will be able to handle an unforseen ememrgency.

And not to negate the OPs distress but both parties are responsible for having said discussion.

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Post #: 47

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 2:02:42 PM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
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ive read youre reponses through this thread and i have a question:

why are you having such a hard time kicking this guys ass to the curb.

i have another question:

why are you settling for a relationship in which you are clearly not feeling safe or nurtured.

and this is the one that would actually close the door for me, finally and forever:

why hasnt he phoned to see how you are or explain why he was so bloody useless when you really needed him to step up and make you feel valued and important to him.

one more question:

why are you considering trusting a man who has recently given you no reason to rely on him in an emergency and who failed to provide you with the basic humanitarian support most people would give to a complete stranger collapsed on the pavement infront of them.

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 3/20/2009 2:06:05 PM >

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Post #: 48

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 4:58:09 PM

VolFFtrDm

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To me it is simple, he does not have any reguard for your health and safety at all, where is his respect for you as a human being let alone as a sub, part of his responcability as a Dom is to make sure you are safe, protected, and secure both in life and in play. I would say get out as fast as you can, and dont look back.

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Post #: 49

RE: Can trust be rebuilt? - 3/20/2009 6:02:45 PM

califsue

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Joined: 2/2/2008
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A couple of items leap out to me.

First off, I think you are angry and you may have every right to be with him. I only know your side of the story and am not jumping on any band wagon about him and what you should or should not do.

You have two other fairly recent posts dealing with sub drop alone and the one about housekeeping. Are these all related to the same Master?

Everyone who posts on the board will jump to their own conclusions and give advice based on their experiences and what is acceptable and not acceptable to them in their own relationship.

The questions you have to ask yourself in order to make a decision about 'trust' as you see the issue and decide what to do about your issue is:

Ask yourself what are you getting from the relationship. We all get something and the question to ask yourself is what are you getting from it and the amount of satisfication you receive from that is that enough to make you stay with him.

Why did you chose a Master who choses to use communication as a reward?

I have lived more years alone than with someone and when I have been sick or have things happen I have driven myself. Yes there are risks as with life there are risks. I have lived in areas where I didn't know people and my friends and family were many miles away from me. There is such a thing as being responsible for yourself.

Many people have difficulty in relationships. It doesn't matter how you identify whether M/D/s. I had a Master and we were NOT 24/7. A couple M-types I am friends with have asked what did I get out of the relationship based on information I had chosen to share with them. The thing is, while there were things I did not get from him, there were things that fed me when I was with him. Only YOU can decide if he gives you those things that feed your slave soul and if not, then you have decisions to make for yourself.

< Message edited by califsue -- 3/20/2009 6:04:31 PM >

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