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RE: To confront or not confront... - 3/21/2009 9:45:54 PM

thatonebitch

Posts: 27
Joined: 3/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boosire

It may be an innocent oversight by him or it may not but confronting is never the right way. The mere word is dominant and so is the thought and the action it requires. Change your focus, it may seem like a little thing but saying clarifying vs confronting is a huge leap in level of submission. The real question is what you will do about it if he says yes he is still looking. What will happen if he says yes and will clarifying things do anything for you...are you leaving him if he says yes? Are you going to be less to him if he says yes. In this case if you are, then confronting him is facing the loss of the relationship. if not, then there is no sense at all to ask or confront because you will stay anyway. if you know what you will do and are willing to face the consequences of your actions, then you have answered your own question by answering the "what if its real" first.

I have left many things open and often I get an email or something and visit out of curiosity and do not have time to close the account (when i am with someone in a committed relationship) because i just popped in for a quick look. It does not mean I used it because I visited 3 days ago and i did not mention it because it was so unimportant to me. So it may all be innocent in his part as it has been in my part. The thing that may not be innocent and end up badly is the confrontation.

Honestly though, why would you care if somebody emailed you if you were in a committed relationship? You already have what you say it is you want. And I mean you in the general sense, not specifically you.

And as for the "level of submission" remark, I'm a switch. And a mostly dominant one at that. So, something like this, I don't care one whit if I come off as submissive or not.

(in reply to boosire)

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Post #: 41

RE: To confront or not confront... - 3/22/2009 3:01:29 AM

StrangerThan

Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline

Ok, so you went to meet him two weeks ago and now he's your dom. Just prior to that, he logged in on his other profile. Right?

I'll give you some advice if you want to catch someone cheating or jerking you around. I don't think it's really applicable here as by your definition he was pretty much a free soul until this magic moment 2 weeks ago, but here ya go.

Don't confront them. If they are and you can't prove it, you'll come across as a jealous twit and they'll learn to hide their stuff better. Having a profile proves nothing, especially one that existed before the Cinderella moment a couple of weeks ago and hasn't been visited since. Personally, I'd just ask him. If you don't like the answer, move on and make your expectations clearer next time.

But hell, two weeks? He could have a hundred profiles on a hundred different sites and none of them could mean squat other than at some point, he was looking.

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Post #: 42

RE: To confront or not confront... - 3/22/2009 3:55:20 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrangerThan

Ok, so you went to meet him two weeks ago and now he's your dom. Just prior to that, he logged in on his other profile. Right?

They been going since November last year,
keep your facts straight now !! grinz

she already spoke to Him, so issue is solved already !

Gosh is you weren't paranoia you would get it here,
by simply reading all those responds !

I do wish you enough thatonebitch!

GoddezzT`

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Post #: 43

RE: To confront or not confront... - 3/22/2009 5:22:10 AM

StrangerThan

Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrangerThan

Ok, so you went to meet him two weeks ago and now he's your dom. Just prior to that, he logged in on his other profile. Right?

They been going since November last year,
keep your facts straight now !! grinz

she already spoke to Him, so issue is solved already !

Gosh is you weren't paranoia you would get it here,
by simply reading all those responds !

I do wish you enough thatonebitch!

GoddezzT`

Lol. Ok. It was 4 in the morning and I have a sick submissive along with a sick 3 year old and I was trying to decide whether or not to go back to bed or just stay up. That means, I was reading with one eye open and the other closed and didn't make it through all the other responses.

I probably should have opened the other eye, but I just went back and read through hers and a few others. I'll say it again, the profile alone doesn't mean anything. I know I've gotten email past the point I was looking and then gone back and read it. But, I didn't keep a "looking" profile out there either once I'd gotten that kind of email and had the reminder sitting right there that the profile existed.

These kinds of questions are always difficult to deal with in the sense that people usually know the answer before they ever ask it. And a good portion of the time, either they're not clear about the dynamics or the reader isn't. What I believe at a bottom line is that it doesn't matter what a bunch of strangers on the internet think. What matters is how it makes the person involved feel. Communication isn't overrated though and often goes a lot further towards clearing things up than anything else.

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Post #: 44

RE: To confront or not confront... - 3/22/2009 5:52:15 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

I would email him on those sites and say something seductively sweet

This is the passive aggressive, insecure person's way of confirming what they already knew.

I've got shit all over the web, old myspace, facebook, aff, alt, bdotcom, shit I don't even remember and haven't visited in years. Yet, if I get an email that say's I've received an email on one, from a person that was a friend, I will log in, read and reply. I sure as hell will not bother updating the profile. However, if I found out one of my girls did something like the above, instead of simply talking to me about it........especially if the relationship was this young, she would be out on her duplicitous little ass faster than she could finish explaining. Then again I don't promise monogamy either.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/22/2009 5:53:26 AM >

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Post #: 45

RE: To confront or not confront... - 3/22/2009 9:46:43 AM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

I would email him on those sites and say something seductively sweet

This is the passive aggressive, insecure person's way of confirming what they already knew.

I've got shit all over the web, old myspace, facebook, aff, alt, bdotcom, shit I don't even remember and haven't visited in years. Yet, if I get an email that say's I've received an email on one, from a person that was a friend, I will log in, read and reply. I sure as hell will not bother updating the profile. However, if I found out one of my girls did something like the above, instead of simply talking to me about it........especially if the relationship was this young, she would be out on her duplicitous little ass faster than she could finish explaining. Then again I don't promise monogamy either.

This is what I was thinking but I could not find a way to say it as well as you have LaT!

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Post #: 46

RE: To confront or not confront... - 3/22/2009 12:26:56 PM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

I would email him on those sites and say something seductively sweet

This is the passive aggressive, insecure person's way of confirming what they already knew.

I've got shit all over the web, old myspace, facebook, aff, alt, bdotcom, shit I don't even remember and haven't visited in years. Yet, if I get an email that say's I've received an email on one, from a person that was a friend, I will log in, read and reply. I sure as hell will not bother updating the profile. However, if I found out one of my girls did something like the above, instead of simply talking to me about it........especially if the relationship was this young, she would be out on her duplicitous little ass faster than she could finish explaining. Then again I don't promise monogamy either.

After reading your post, I agree with you. I didnt mean it in a negative way, but understand that is probably how it would have been taken. Eeeeeks! Thanks for the insight.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

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Post #: 47

RE: To confront or not confront... - 3/22/2009 12:43:39 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

Just my opinion, but I would ask about it and see what he says. I have a profile on one of the Goth sites. It's been there for a long time, and I don't even remember my login to delete or change it. If someone went snooping, it probably wouldn't be hard to find, but the truth is, until you brought it up, I didn't even remember that I was on the darned thing. Stuff happens.

On the other hand, if you have -other- evidence that he's reneging on any agreement of monogamy that you may have, and you are unable to accept that, then, were it me, I would walk away. Why waste your time with someone you don't trust?

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Post #: 48

RE: To confront or not confront... - 3/23/2009 7:20:15 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

I would email him on those sites and say something seductively sweet

This is the passive aggressive, insecure person's way of confirming what they already knew.

I've got shit all over the web, old myspace, facebook, aff, alt, bdotcom, shit I don't even remember and haven't visited in years. Yet, if I get an email that say's I've received an email on one, from a person that was a friend, I will log in, read and reply. I sure as hell will not bother updating the profile. However, if I found out one of my girls did something like the above, instead of simply talking to me about it........especially if the relationship was this young, she would be out on her duplicitous little ass faster than she could finish explaining. Then again I don't promise monogamy either.

Yes...like I said in my post on here...subangi's and several other submissives' way of facing this seems like all kinds of deceit and manipulation to me. And I notice that very few...except for nueva vida...cared to answer my simple question: how many of you submissive ladies would care to be manipulated by a dominant in this same manner?

I've got profiles on literotica, dark pleasure, alt. also...I haven't been back to most of those in two years unless I get a note that someone has sent me an email there. Like LaT, I then go and answer it but don't bother to change my profile...why would I? I don't hang at those places since discovering collarme. If you want to read my updated profile, the one on here is the one to read and I've encouraged others to come here to collarme rather than those other sites.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

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Post #: 49