RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with a new sub/slave ?

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RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/21/2009 1:59:06 PM

zero69u2

Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

usually those questions get quickly answered.. after the What is your Phone Number question hits the table ?
sometimes its covered on instant messenger or something..
I don't like email card laying as you can't hear the other person's viewpoint immediately..

sometimes getting a direct line of communication is the best way to getting the most honest answers.. :)

(in reply to BadJezebel)

Post #: 21

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/21/2009 4:00:37 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

When You meet someone who interests You
on CM, how quickly do You lay Your cards on the table
to say this is who I'm, and this is what I want?

I know friendships needs time to develop,
to grow, and it's not the first thing you say to someone
who caughts your attention, but then when...?

AM interested in Your answers.

I wish You enough.

And a Lovely Spring day from The Netherlands.

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

If I meet someone here on CM or indeed any other similar site such as FetLife, or at a Munch etc (Which I no longer attend), It is reasonable to believe that that per4son knows something about me. In any case for those who I meet on line, I redirect them first to my profile and then to my home page which should answer all the questions and saves a lot of time. If we meet for a coffee or they still have questions, I will answer them truthfully and openly as I can and with some areas of my life they will be told that that is private and has no impact or influence on my kink life.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 22

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/21/2009 8:54:44 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

In a sense I immediately lay my cards on the table in that I will be honest about what I say. If I found a man cool and he asked me a question I would do my best to honestly answer. I dont like to waste time but I am not like going to disclose myself to a complete stranger about super personal things.

I feel it out and go with what I feel is best.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 23

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/21/2009 9:22:21 PM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

Master came to me one day and said, "we need to talk" and he laid out everything he expected of me, the consequences I could expect if I misbehaved and what he was looking for in a relationship. We were friends long before we decided we wanted to see if we could have a deeper relationship. During that talk I was allowed to voice what I wanted and needed, any hardlimits and why they were hardlimits. We also took the time to explain a few things about each other, a few issues I knew would pop up and he was very straight forward about some things in his life as well. It's worked out well for us and started a "habit" if you will of open communication.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 24

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/21/2009 9:22:28 PM

boosire

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Cards are laid from the first words by attitude and other subtle cues and they continue to grow as the respect grows for you are a Dom/me the more you converse! Clear understanding is the key to good communication and mutual rewarding exchanges.

Lovely to see someone here from the Netherlands. Once day I hope to visit!

_____________________________

Master Rey
http://masterrey.com
Please click here to buy my book and rate it at Amazon.com

(in reply to BadJezebel)

Post #: 25

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/21/2009 9:37:52 PM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

I think, for me, it’s laid out specifically enough in my profile.

I have found that if I lay too much out too soon that the conversation withers toward “wanking” material. But…I’m learning and having some good results recently.

I also find the best conversations come about when someone asks me “WHY”…. It makes me look into myself to see why I feel this way, why I said that. Sometimes I honestly don’t know and need that little “kick” to reflect.

Excellent questions!

(in reply to boosire)

Post #: 26

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/21/2009 9:48:00 PM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

i always like a brief overture of what one is seeking, then talk on a friendship level . I feel getting to know someone as friends initially gives you more insight of what their characteristics and quality will be as a Dominate.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 27

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/21/2009 11:55:54 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

After the initial pleasantries, like Lashra, I cover the dealbreakers upfront. If they smoke, it's a no no. If they're allergic to pets ... also a no no! I talk a lot about My style of Domination so they are under no illusions about the way I like to do things. For eg, I don't like being the ice queen type, and I won't do it. But at the same time I like to talk about everyday things and build a friendship. I also do a lot of talking about what everyday life with Master and I would be like ... don't want to give the impression a sub/slave will be naked and chained all the time! We are regular people who laugh, and love, and do regular things, and a sub of Mine has to fit in with that too. So I guess quite a few of My cards hit the table pretty early ... at My age, don't want to muck about with someone who is clearly incompatible.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 28

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/22/2009 2:33:07 AM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline

Right from the start, clear, concise, understood.

_____________________________

My Members Site.
http://mistressrougeuk.c4slive.com/

http://www.clips4sale.com/store/13392

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 29

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/22/2009 3:00:12 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: boosire

Cards are laid from the first words by attitude and other subtle cues and they continue to grow as the respect grows for you are a Dom/me the more you converse! Clear understanding is the key to good communication and mutual rewarding exchanges.

Lovely to see someone here from the Netherlands. Once day I hope to visit!

Well boosire,

you most certainly should, it's beautiful spring time now
loads of flowers are blossoming.

It's well worth a trip.

Thank you for your responds.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to boosire)

Post #: 30

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/22/2009 3:02:46 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KneelforAnne

I think, for me, it’s laid out specifically enough in my profile.

I have found that if I lay too much out too soon that the conversation withers toward “wanking” material. But…I’m learning and having some good results recently.

I also find the best conversations come about when someone asks me “WHY”…. It makes me look into myself to see why I feel this way, why I said that. Sometimes I honestly don’t know and need that little “kick” to reflect.

Excellent questions!

Oh yes I try out to weed the wankers
and time wasters too, by asking allot, and if they
aren't turned on quick enough, they'll get lost
on their own, grinz

But I agree with most others, being open and honest
about what it is you seek, and disappoint them
right away if they are not what You seek, grinz

Thanks for your reply.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to KneelforAnne)

Post #: 31

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/22/2009 5:41:20 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am not into wasting time. I am a huge advocate of being clear about my interests or lack thereof, right away.

I agree, just cuz you are so fuckin' fuckable.

Anywhooo, You lay your cards on the table. But at the same time, not every single item has to be spelled out. Afterall, upon meeting you may have yet to even catch a glimpse of the Domidong. So I am probably not going to exactly spell out every nuance necessary to insure your fellating techniques will lead to success.

So if the chick seems sane and we appear to be heading into the sunset..I will let some shit be unearthed with time.

Oh my God! I probably should insist immediately on a gash shot or two...What if she is sporting some sort of a labial travesty?

I wonder..Do woman only post "good" shots of their go-go holes? What if once the panties hit the hardwood you are staring at a totally unrecognizable twat? What is the protocol in this obviously uncomfortable type of a situation?

OMG DG are you telling me they don't send the gash shots with the first "please Domigod take me to be your next subsuzislut!"?

When I typed my post I was thinking about the last serious communication I had with a woman on the other side of CM. Forty plus years old and trying to jump into my lair with a couple emails. I had to get seriously "cards on the table" in a big ass hurry. I gotta know if they have any warrants, wanted for any crimes that could be defended with mental instability, and then there is the deformed gash to be considered.

In reality, I think it all depends upon who is contacting me and how they communicate. How they've been treated in the past and what they assume I want and expect based upon that past. I've found there are an awful lot of people that want to discuss things in the very beginning, that I don't. Expectations of hot steamy phone sex on the first phone conversation, etc. Maybe in that case I am doing more laying down of the law, rather than laying down of cards.

Another thing that might make a difference is that I am open to different people in my life fulfilling different roles. Not just that "one true love" that happens to be submissive. I am not really into the whole hearts and flowers, mushy, romantic, relationship type thing right now. I think that makes a huge difference too. I may care about them, but I am not looking to fall madly in love. Been there, done that, got too many beat up suits of armour. Always the chance it may come along, but I am not holding my breath.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 32

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/22/2009 8:17:52 AM

marysdream

Posts: 126
Joined: 5/31/2008
Status: offline

well my experience is laying your cards on the table is one thing, but it typically moves into on line, Domination and self pleasuring for them, they will gain more ground..then after you as the sub is vulnerable really jerk you around. sorry if this seems negative but have no positive experiences to pull from..unfortunately...Doms lol if they truly are..will ask to see my cam usually want me to stand first then they go from there ..hmmmm the whole time they do not have a cam..and there pics are way old. They see this as their right because they have deemed themselves Dominant. just a little honesty here hope it helps someone to not get sucked in to the Bullshit!
ty
ree

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 33

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/22/2009 11:35:51 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

how quickly do You lay Your cards on the table
to say this is who I'm, and this is what I want?

Hoebedoelu? *lach*

I do that immediately - it is what I am here for. Friendship does develop over time (one would hope) but I see no reason to do smalltalk or other nonsense, straight to the point. As I said, it is why I am here, and if my purpose isn't workable for the girl there is little point in postponing that realization.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 34

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/22/2009 12:14:19 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marysdream

well my experience is laying your cards on the table is one thing, but it typically moves into on line, Domination and self pleasuring for them, they will gain more ground..then after you as the sub is vulnerable really jerk you around. sorry if this seems negative but have no positive experiences to pull from..unfortunately...Doms lol if they truly are..will ask to see my cam usually want me to stand first then they go from there ..hmmmm the whole time they do not have a cam..and there pics are way old. They see this as their right because they have deemed themselves Dominant. just a little honesty here hope it helps someone to not get sucked in to the Bullshit!
ty
ree

Hello ree,

Well when I read your story, why would you right away say you've
got a cam? And let all those perves peek? Get to know them
first before doing so !

I've met so many wankers, players, and a hand full of real subs,
Online they can be whatever they want to B.
That's the truth.

But I do hope you'll find your match hon.

I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to marysdream)

Post #: 35

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/22/2009 12:18:19 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

how quickly do You lay Your cards on the table
to say this is who I'm, and this is what I want?

Hoebedoelu? *lach*

I do that immediately - it is what I am here for. Friendship does develop over time (one would hope) but I see no reason to do smalltalk or other nonsense, straight to the point. As I said, it is why I am here, and if my purpose isn't workable for the girl there is little point in postponing that realization.

Hallo antipode,

Ik spreek toch geen Chinees wel?

I hear You loud and clear, as do I, tell who I'm and what I want.
Am just very picky, so it's not easy to find My match.
It's good to hear otheronce idea's about it !

Thank You kindly for Your responds.

I wish You enough.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 36

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/22/2009 12:37:39 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

In terms of social interactions, whether it's someone from CM or someone from another venue entirely, I am who I am and what I am. They see it up front, in my posts, and immediately during our conversations. I'm not a robot. My opinions on things have changed over time, and my understanding of life develops with every experience. That being said, the core of who and what I am are what they are, and holding off on showing that to people just isn't the way I want my social interactions to go.

The only people who get a little bit of a break, for whom I'll put on a limited "social mask" are my co-workers. They know, in general, about some of my life (like the fact that I do pastoral care for alternative-lifestyle communities, and that I am body-modified), but we don't talk about it, nor is any reference to it found anywhere in connection to my work environment. They are innocent bystanders, and I do my best to allow the "good manners" I was taught while I was young to direct my interactions with them. While they may know a good bit about my inclinations, my social self has nothing to do with my work, and so it never comes into the workplace. I don't make friends with my co-workers, and don't socialize with them outside of work, and that's the way I intend to keep it (and, interestingly, I find it uncomfortable to continue to socialize with the few friends who have been social friends and whom I've helped to get work where I work.)

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 37

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/22/2009 12:56:52 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

Right from the start, clear, concise, understood.

Yeah. It's hard to recruit to a hidden agenda.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MistressRouge)

Post #: 38

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/22/2009 1:40:50 PM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline

Subs quite like the idea of what is expected of them, in advance, this also adds to the D/s aspect at times too.

_____________________________

My Members Site.
http://mistressrougeuk.c4slive.com/

http://www.clips4sale.com/store/13392

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 39

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/23/2009 8:15:13 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tarowa

I am very much an advocate of the one word sentence, believing strongly the unspoken word speaks the loudest and we are judged not by the content of our character but by our words acts and actions.
Ultimately I tell it like it is in the least amount of words possible at the onset of any new encounter.

Aside from the misquote. How do you have any meaningful conversations with one word sentence structure? Yes, good, Not, sure. I have more wordy sentences with my pet fish than you do with ppl from the sounds of it.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Tarowa)

Post #: 40

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